Asked a friend to repay loan and now she is giving me the cold shoulder

[mumtoallboys]

8 years ago I lent a friend 1k, just so she could make some bills when she was made redundant.

4 years later I quit my job to move abroad. given that I had no job I asked if she could pay me back as she was stable. She was really cranky about it and said the most she could make was £20 per month... I said ok... she has kind of given me the cold shoulder since...made a massive deal of paying interest on it. She told loads of people about paying the interest (like I had asked for it and I actually hadn't told any of our mutual friends about the loan, so it was odd she made a huge point of it).

I feel like it has really affected our friendship and I regret bothering to help her.

AIBU to expect the money back with grace? It was always very clear she knew it wasn't a gift.

@TheYellowOfTheEgg

You make a valid point. If the money is significant (which I would see as more than 1k) or over a long time. I think you could reasonably expect interest.

Have twice lent money to friends ( should have learned after the first time!)
Both friendships ended when I asked for repayment.

Donate the interest as suggested above and make sure you tell everyone.

Donate the interest as suggested above and make sure you tell everyone.

Why did you lend her money with no clear repayment structure? Has Judge Rinder taught us nothing?! She's a bad friend, get your money back and cut her off.

In fairness this was 8 years ago that op lent the money, before judge rinder appeared on TV.

But yeah ditch her, she's not much of a friend.

I borrowed my brother money to help start up his business. But agreed he would pay it back in instalments starting immediately. That was going great until he started distancing himself, not speaking and being sheepish at family gatherings. Then the instalments stopped and he didn't turn up to my wedding and that's the last I've heard of him. Fantastic

D'you think it's possible that your friend was embarrassed rather than cranky and that the tone of her voice at the time, wittering on, etc, was a way to manage that feeling emotionally, for her?

Paying interest and telling friends might have been a way of justifying herself and wanting the friends to know that she was trying to do something worthy by you.

She is probably hopeless with money, but some people are. It doesn't make them a bad person. She doesn't understand the emotions around friendship and obligation, and it would help if somebody took the trouble to explain to her a better way of going about things.

Having no food in the fridge is desperate and I'm glad you helped her. So much better if church groups/community groups can help people who are down, so it doesn't fall to one person as that is tough and was tough for you OP.

If she'd taken out a loan at 3% interest (which is a pretty amazing rate) she'd have paid £266.77 in interest. You could point that out to her if she's being a martyr. She also wouldn't have been able to pay it back at her convenience.

I have just had to ask my friend for my money back which i loaned to her in February, I felt bad at first but seriously, fuck that. Her father who is a very old friend is next, he has owed me money since last Christmas!! I'm usually quite easy about deadlines - but they are buying holidays and sofas and enough is enough now.

Pay back your friends before treating yourself .

I never loan money to friends. I will co-sign a loan for them or I will give them money if I can afford it, but loaning directly always damages relationships

She paid you £50 interest and complained having held onto your money - or part thereof as she reimbursed you slowly - for almost a decade! Stupid woman. Anyone with any morals would agree.

You need to politely but firmly let your friends know the truth - that you have never asked for interest, all you have asked for is the money back and she is digging her heels in about giving it. You've accepted an offer of £20 a month however she's even dragging her heels at that.

I think this money is a write off to be honest. I'd be tempted to say to her to forget it, since she clearly has o intention of doing the decent thing, and to forget the friendship along with it.

Sorry I only read your original post; I see that she's paid it back now. I'm surprised tbh. Anyway I would end this friendship, it doesn't sound like much of a friendship to me.

My (late) DM told me, "never a lender or a borrower be". It is absolutely true, not just with friends, but with relatives to. Have been in your situation, not just with lending money, but people buying stuff from a catalogue I had and then not paying. It is horrible,embarassing, and miserable.Then someone, these people manage to make you out to the be bad guy, and that you should be greatful to get the money back.

Regardless of whether it's right or wrong to lend the money, this woman isn't your friend. Her attitude towards you is very telling. I wouldn't bother with her anymore.

I don’t understand, she’s already paid it off. Is she still paying you?

I don't entirely understand to be honest. How much interest are you supposed to be receiving and how much have you had? I wouldn't charge a friend interest but then again I also wouldn't lend money.

Surely you can write it off as paid if you've had the original loan back?

She didn’t charge her friend interest. Her friend gave her £50 extra off her own back.....

I think that's what the op is trying to do, but the friend womt let the matter drop.
Op didn't ask for interest but friend paid it anyway.

I don't lend money either.
That's what banks are for. If they determine that someone is a bad risk for as little as £1000 then I'm certainly not going to lend.

She’s a piss taker. Taking four years to pay it back and then doing a grand gesture of I’ve paid you interest to try and make herself look good when she’s messed you about.

1.24%apr interest is it. Pathetic!

Many years ago I learnt never to lend money. We were all a bit hard up but on two or three occasions I lent friends a few quid so we could have nights out in the pub and learnt very quickly that if you ask for money back suddenly you are the bad guy...

'hi friend! How are you? Yeah, I am okay, can I just get that £20 you owe me so I can go to the bar?'

'is that all you can say to me? You' be only just walked in and you have already started about that £20 - I was going to pay you back but I don't feel like it now.... '

And actually, this was the same tactic that several different people used. Make you feel guilty for asking for your money back so you don't dare ask again.....

Never expect to get it back, and if you are cheeky enough to ask then you are the bad one
Wow , really?
I’ve seen it all now. Are you the ops friend? Or just another cf who expects free money

I loaned a good mate 7k once on my cc. I had a windfall and paid it to the CC to avoid him paying the interest. Even then he dragged his heels about paying. When he went a year without paying a penny I sold something of his on Ebay that he had stored at my house. It was something easily replaceable and non sentimental. OMG he went ballistic! Didn't matter that I needed the money!

In recent years I loaned my DstepS money to start a business. He immediately went on a foreign holiday and bought a BMW. He borrowed it for two years and when I asked for it five years later he cut us off and lied to the rest of the family about the whole set up. We are NC with all of DH's side now as a result.

I used to borrow money off friends and my parents and uncle all the time but I would switch off the lecky at the mains and eat beans on toast until I paid it back. I took it deadly seriously. People just want hand outs and turn you into the villain of the piece when you want it back. The trouble is if they were ever in dire straights again they can't ask a second time if they fuck you over can they?

I can’t work out if you have the £1k back

Is she still paying? Small bits of interest!

I’d just let it go and say don’t bother