Is it ok to still speak to ex work colleagues of the opposite sex? Where is the line?

[unsuremumof2]

Would be interested to know everyone's thoughts on staying in touch with ex work colleagues of the opposite sex. Is it reasonable?

For example if your partner left a job but was still talking to female colleagues he no longer works with and insists it's just a friendship (eg added them to their work teams even though they work at different companies now). Is this crossing a line or perfectly acceptable? I found out by chance and wasn't told about it either.. but is it innocent? I don't think there is talk beyond there but it's hard to tell.. I know they haven't met up as he's hardly left the house without me or people I trust he was actually with since lockdown.

Is it ok for my partner to be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Yes. Of course it is.

This boils down to "is it ok to be friends with someone of the opposite sex".
How would you feel if he said you couldn't talk to any other men in any circumstances- or you needed to talk to him about it first. People would say it was abusive, controlling behaviour.

Why would this be a problem?

Wouldn’t bother me and I’ve done it myself.

If you trust him then it's fine
Sounds like you don't

I would find that totally reasonable. Presumably it's a professional contact that he also gets along with?

My DH is still close with various people (of both sexes) who have left his company. I think that's pretty normal. If my DH tried to police my friendships or work relationships I'd be unimpressed to say the least.

It's impossible to tell without further context tbh but no, just the act of remaining friendly or in contact with someone work-related is not suspicious

How did you find out by chance if its his work account? Did you go on his computer? he's hardly left the house without me or people I trust he was actually with since lockdown. this to me sounds a wee bit controlly, unless I've read it wrong? Do you mean you choose who he can be with and it's only people you trust, or you are sure he's only been with certain people? What would be the difference if it was social media? Does he only have blokes on that, no female friends? I have guys I worked with 15 years ago on mine, and school and uni friends.

I meet an ex (male) colleague for lunch and sometimes drinks regularly just the two of us - well in pre Covid times

Nobody cares as it is seen as it is, two friends catching up and that’s it

My view is, no one gets to decide who I am friends with except me. The same goes for DP; it's up to him and not for me to dictate, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

Of course it's ok! I meet up with an ex male colleague of mine for a coffee and catch-up sometimes. My DH used to go to concerts with a couple of ex female colleagues if it wasn't someone that I wanted to see. Unless you have reason to believe there is more to the relationship then I can't see what the problem is.

Why would it be a problem?

I left my last job in January and all my colleagues bar two were male. We're all still in touch.

Yes it’s fine, unless it’s kept secret

Of course it's okay. Half my friends are ex male colleagues I've met over the years. I wouldn't give them up to appease a jealous partner.

If it was a new relationship and I was asked to stop talking to male friends I'd dump the new
Boyfriend!

Why is it bothering you?

Of course it is. I made most of my friends through work and I'm still in touch with despite leaving that work place ages ago. They do happen to be female but they might have well have been male. Oh just remember one of them is male. I'd be very confused if my OH was implying it was inappropriate.

In fact my husband is going for breakfast with his old female colleague today!

This is ridiculous!
Of course it's OK.
You found out by accident? Did he need to explicitly tell you he was keeping in touch?
I'm in touch with plenty of male colleagues. Can't remember if I've specifically said to my husband oh I'm keeping in touch with John and Fred from my old workplace. Because it's just not an issue!
Imagine if this was the other way round and the post said something like my husband thinks it's odd that I want to keep in touch with a man I used to work with..... There'd be steam coming off the keyboards telling you how controlling he was!

I find this a strange question. If you become friends with someone at work, then surely it's normal to keep in touch after one of you changes jobs, regardless of their sex? Would be strange to ditch a friendship because of that, wouldn't it?

Granted, I'm a miserable bastard who makes no effort to make work friendships (I'm nice while I'm there, just not the type to care about going out together), but I'm still in close contact with my uni friends, both male and female.

As long as you don’t have any suspicions that something else is going on. Then yes it’s fine to be friends with ex work colleagues of the opposite sex.

If it wasn’t for this lockdown I’d have been meeting an ex male work colleague for a drink this week.

I guess the context is important here.. it was hidden from me and he has been unfaithful in the past.

She's a fair bit younger than both of us and I feel they are closer than the average work colleague friendship though I haven't been able to read the conversations. They didn't work in the same department or anything.

I'm not a controlling person at all, but also don't have any ex male colleagues I speak to in secret, only some very casually on Facebook etc that I've always been very open about.

I'm suspicious if a man and an attractive woman can ever be just friends.. but happy to be told I'm wrong here, just wondered how others would feel if they discovered this and were lied to? ie when I questioned it I was told a lie that it wasn't this person.

I really miss my ex colleague. He was utterly amazing and such a fun friend!

Colleagues become friends and friends can be the opposite sex

Also I am not jealous at all.. but I have a funny feeling about this one. Happy to be proved wrong here, would put my mind at rest at least!

I'm not a controlling partner and he is allowed female friends and I Male, but the secrecy/lying when I innocently asked has got my back up here.

Sorry OP but this question is bonkers. Of course its OK. If my dp told me I needed to explicitly declare all my male friendships for his approval he would be my ex very very fast. Lots of controlling overtones coming off your post.

I am friends with male ex colleagues.

I’m not sure if I do it in ‘secret’, I don’t tell DH about every conversation I have during the day.

In what way was it hidden?

Can men and women be just friends you are asking? Of course, I have many male friends and meet for lunch etc