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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wish I were religious?

286 replies

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 21:10

Name changed as I never thought I'd be anything other than a stoney atheist (and it's a hell of a lot of fun to come up with new names, pardon the pun).

Can't help but feel on some level desperate for religion. I poked fun at people who were heavily emotionally attached to the concept of God, mostly to do with premarital shagging. Now I wish I had something I could dedicate myself to as much as folk dedicate themselves to God and religion. Anyone else?

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religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:05

stripesnomore i want to chase god because if all of this is true it would be a much more pleasant existence. but if its not true then id feel like a bit of an idiot honestly, just spending my life deluding myself tho no disrespect to religious people. can see its probably coming across that way but its not meant to be attack on anyone, just like to argue with some principles

sarah i know jessica kellgren-fozard on youtube (she's got a lot of cool videos) and she's a quaker so i'll have a look. anything with good moral values in actual practicality holds up highly for me tbh

picklerick i'll definitely have a look at humanism too. is there any ritual or practices that go into humanism?

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Lougle · 01/11/2020 23:05

"lougle It's our love for God and gratitude to Him that motivates us to do good. but i'm motivated to do good because i care about other people not because i want god to give me a pat on the back. sorry if thats trivialising but surely its not really a good deed if you want something out of it"

I think you've read me backwards. I'm motivated to do good because I know how good God has been, and is, to me. It's not because I want something from Him. It's because He has shown me by example how to be.

Ojj37 · 01/11/2020 23:06

Very much atheist here.

I think it’s a shame we don’t have something to replace church in society. A kind of all generational community thing.

I lost my son late in pregnancy and I really wish I was religious in that sense. The rest of the time, when someone dies, you focus on their life, but my son didn’t have one, and I thoroughly wish I could believe he had gone somewhere else, but I just don’t. I imagine it’s really comforting if you do.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:06

laurie what is god? you say he's not a human so i'm wondering what you see him as (i don't want to use the word imagine but like what you see him / them as in your minds eye)

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cravingthelook · 01/11/2020 23:07

I have faith, but I don't currently attend a church (even if they were open) because I struggle with organised Religion. It puts so many people off having a faith.

I read and listen to podcasts, I pray and always ask myself what would Jesus do.

Rather than finding religion why don't you explore faith. Try reading something controversial like Love Wins by Rob Bell

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:09

lougle but what if you can mostly see the bad stuff god has done? the war, the famine, the death, the torture. if he's real he's given me some really cool stuff, but he's also given the world a lot of pain and suffering. i'm not sure i see that as an example of how to be

oj i'm sorry about your baby, i can't offer you condolences on the afterlife but im genuinely sorry that he didnt get to experience this mortal plane. i really do hope god exists, just to spare people going through that level of pain

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Wearywithteens · 01/11/2020 23:09

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:10

craving do you identify with a specific religion then if youre not keen on organised religion or do you just follow the teachings of Jesus. so like would you call yourself catholic / protestant etc or would you just identify as a religious person who believes in god and Jesus

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IamPickleRick · 01/11/2020 23:10

Humanism is simply the belief that humanity is inherently good natured and about having faith in other people.

It’s the same thing without the negative spin. The faithful aren’t always trying to catch up and make up for things that are just human nature. Instead of starting out on the basis of being a sinner, humans are just trying to do their best. It also believes in science and humanity’s capacity to enable and progress that.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:11

Good people do this instinctively - they have empathy, integrity and naturally treat other people well. does this suggest that you can't ever become a good person tho, weary?

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BeautifulWar · 01/11/2020 23:12

I think faith can see you through some really hard times and I think having faith can keep you focused and positive. One thing that strikes me is the number of people who are practicing gratitude in a bid to live happier lives these days - prayer fulfils much of the same purpose. People express gratitude to God on a daily basis for the things they have in their life.

I was brought up with religion but I don't really believe in God. I do believe in the Christian values I was brought up with and I think I'm a more considerate person for it,although there are plenty of religious people who are not. I suppose it's nice to know it's there if I need it.

IamPickleRick · 01/11/2020 23:12

No, good actions are merely that. Good thoughts, good intentions, love and grace are not measurable by actions.

Stripesnomore · 01/11/2020 23:12

‘stripesnomore i want to chase god because if all of this is true it would be a much more pleasant existence. but if its not true then id feel like a bit of an idiot honestly, just spending my life deluding myself tho no disrespect to religious people. can see its probably coming across that way but its not meant to be attack on anyone, just like to argue with some principles’

You are not being at all disrespectful. You are certainly looking for something in life that will bring you meaning, and it only really matters that it is ‘true’ to you. Maybe it is religion or maybe it is something else, but it would be idiotic not to try some ways of finding a fulfilling life, even if you make mistakes and go down wrong roads in the process.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:12

picklerick im keen on the idea that we start out on a kind of level playing field. shames never done me any favours. is there any god aspect or is it just about believing in fellow man?

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Wearywithteens · 01/11/2020 23:13

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:14

stripes that's definitely true. if only athiests had routine and beliefs in the same way those folk with religion do maybe i could subscribe to that as my method of happiness

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DelilahfromDevon · 01/11/2020 23:15

I’m not religious on a day to day level. But I believe that I will see loved ones in heaven which is a huge comfort when loved ones die. My grandfather passed away almost 30 years ago and I still miss him very much. I really am looking forward to seeing him again.
I don’t think too much into whether it’s pure fantasy as it gives me huge comfort.

Wearywithteens · 01/11/2020 23:15

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religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:16

God doesn’t ‘do’ these things. He expects people to reconcile and live peaceably, He expects us feed our neighbours, He expects us not to torture others. Death and suffering is unfortunately part of the condition of having human life.

weary
but why would he expect us to do these things if he's got a fuckton of experience that we can't? sorry i know im treating a lot of posters like my personal RE teacher but gods meant to know us and love us as children so how can he not step in and do something? like you would with your actual real life kids

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Mymycherrypie · 01/11/2020 23:16

How good you are considered in Christianly seems completely governed by how good a Christian you appear to be. You could be rotten to the core but who would ever know. I feel the same about all most organised religions. It’s all about appearances, lots of people have empathy without being religious, how silly!

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:17

weary you've kind of said that being good is something you do naturally so im wondering if you can decide to be a good person even without the instinct. is being non-religious also an example of being a bad person in any way?

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Stripesnomore · 01/11/2020 23:19

Well, you could follow moral philosophy as an atheist, and there are plenty of secular communities with traditions. So all of that is available if you want it, and it did bring me meaning. It certainly works for many people.

But there is some kind of element in that that didn’t all tie together for me. I needed that seamlessly fitted psychology, philosophy and tradition together with the finding of a kind of grace.

Fittata · 01/11/2020 23:20

There are so many examples I could give as it happens all the time but I will give you a couple that have come to mind.

An example of a miracle is that a single mum in her 20s in my local community, who was not a Christian, suddenly had a stroke at the school gate. She was taken to hospital where she also had a heart attack and went into organ failure. They did a brain scan and said there was very little hope she would ever recover and if she did she would have brain damage. The next day the local church organised a prayer meeting and hundreds of people came, Christians and non-Christians, and prayed for her recovery. The next day she woke up, no brain damage and other than some damage to her heart was otherwise healthy and discharged a few days later with some kind of electronic heart monitor. Even the doctors called her a miracle, did a repeat brain scan and there was no damage, which is medically impossible.

Hearing from God can be in words or pictures. Sometimes I have prayed for someone and had a picture in my mind (like in my imagination but it feels different, like it hasnt come from my brain at all) that really speaks to that person without me knowing anything about them. I once prayed for someone I didnt know, never met her before and knew nothing about her, and had a picture of an old-fashioned school desk with an ink-well. It meant nothing to me but when i tentatively shared it with her she burst into tears as she was about to move to India with her husband for a year, was a school teacher and was really upset that she wouldn't be able to continue with her teaching as she had recently qualified. Long story short, they ended up living in India permanently and setting up a school for poor children, and were donated loads of old-fashioned desks like i had seen in my mind's eye.

Another example that springs to mind is that my DH has a really bad knee, had surgery on it and was in chronic pain. We went on a long car journey and he took over driving for a while. We stopped at a National Trust place to use the toilet/stretch our legs. We had just got put of the car and a lady rushed over to us and said that she thought God was asking her to pray for my DH's knee. It was so random and shocking even for us as Christians! She prayed and the pain went away for the rest of the journey and he was able to drive (giving me a break as I had been driving for 5 hours straight!).

You can choose to explain away a few things like that as placebo/co-incidence but they happen so often that it has now become practically impossible for me to do that!

RaininSummer · 01/11/2020 23:20

I understand what you mean but I just can't believe in God. Before Covid struck, I was going to Sunday assemblies which did provide a great sense of community. Google them if you don't know about Sunday assembly as its totally secular. The humanists are also a great group and I have been to some of their things too. Hopefully one day they can restart in person as zooms aren't the same.

religiouslychallenged · 01/11/2020 23:23

stripes guess i wish there was an equivalent bible and ritual where i agreed with all the ethics and thought it sounded plausible. seems like a happier existence to just be able to believe in something and relate to folk about it

fittata if thats your view on things then i wont argue with it. how do you see god tho? like what do you mentally visualise him as, or is he just a collection of miracles or the receiving end of a prayer

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