AIBU to wish I were religious?

[religiouslychallenged]

Name changed as I never thought I'd be anything other than a stoney atheist (and it's a hell of a lot of fun to come up with new names, pardon the pun).

Can't help but feel on some level desperate for religion. I poked fun at people who were heavily emotionally attached to the concept of God, mostly to do with premarital shagging. Now I wish I had something I could dedicate myself to as much as folk dedicate themselves to God and religion. Anyone else?

For me personally it was being drawn in by identity politics and the general divisiveness of society. That is the moral structure that was surrounding me.

I was a good parent, but I wasn’t a good daughter, friend, co-worker, sibling or stranger in the street.

I had lost the ability to really see other people in a loving way. Now if I listen to a podcast I have someone reminding me to see someone as God sees them - as a child he loves, of how to love people in small ways, to do things for other people.

And I can’t remember the last time in a secular context people actually gave practical or psychological tips on how to actually love other people, or claim love is what we are supposed to be doing with our lives.

doodies i'm glad you're on the same wavelength. am hopefully not too close to death but have always been a bit preoccupied by the fact that we walk around caring so much about everything and one day we'll be in the ground and the people we've helped will be there too. would be nice to believe in the afterlife or that someone watches and knows, at least

I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. I have always wanted that faith, to the point that I went to church for quite a few years when I was younger and even got myself baptised. I desperately wanted to believe, but deep down, I just didn't. And couldn't. I still don't. And I doubt I ever will.

I do miss the community, the ritual, the singing, even the sermons. I loved the idea of a God, and of having a faith that you could turn to for guidance or comfort. However, I didn't like the belief that other faiths were somehow wrong, I never really accepted that. Ultimately, I stopped going because I just couldn't lie to myself any more. For all that I loved about going to church, I just didn't believe in its central tenet.

I think a lot of organised religion causes harm, but it also motivates people to do great good. I know some Christians and also some Sikhs and Buddhists who give incredible service that is motivated by their faith. I admire them as much as I despise those who prioritise their beliefs over basic human compassion. I wish I had that kind of guiding light in my life, but so far, it has eluded me.

I don't think I will ever be able to buy into Christianity, or any of the other faiths that believe that they're right and everyone else is wrong.I just don't buy it. I'm mildly interested in Buddhism and quite like what I've read about it, but sadly, I don't think I'll ever find a religion that really accords with my personal world view, so I shall forever remain a seeker.

Well the insight is simply that humanity is flawed and we must always try and make it up to the man upstairs. It’s kind of emotionally abusive I felt, because it’s like trying to please a parent who says they love you and at the same time keeps telling you how bad you are and how your efforts are never quite enough.

But yet there is that pull for me through the songs and the ritual. That’s how they get you

Totally agree with FOJN above. You don't need to adhere to any of the big religions to have a simple and effective faith that there is more to life than what we see around us.

As a recovering alcoholic I found a loose fitting and comfortable spirituality that has totally transformed the lives of myself and many others over the years. All we do is ask a God or something that we may not necessarily even believe in for guidance and the strength to stay sober, and by doing this life changes completely. Difficult to prove I know, but I see proof in the happy faces of people that were previously destitute, without hope and often at death's door.

It's up to anyone what they believe in, but I am baffled by the certainty of many atheists - how do they know that there is nothing there? Really? Human intellect is too limited to grasp such questions.

stripes without being rude (tho I might be, sorry in advance) do u think it might be you causing the change not that youre a product of environment? does god provide something to you other than a sense of community - though of course not knocking that on its own

alexa i hear you about the buddhism thing, it does seem like a slightly less divisive religion but i'm keen on my material possessions and i like to have emotional attachments. keeps me grounded. maybe im searching for a reason to be a good person, tho that sounds pretty shit as a standalone statement

it’s like trying to please a parent who says they love you and at the same time keeps telling you how bad you are and how your efforts are never quite enough. picklerick yeah i get you. by the time you get the release and the redemption e.g. heaven you're already dead and have no way of spreading the word that it's real!

@religiouslychallenged

lougle it's good to hear your perspective. what would be your advice to people who want to become religious? does it matter which one you join if you can kind of cherry pick the bits you agree with, and are all the religions celebrating the same god in different ways in your book?

That's tricky. So, to give context, I believe that the Bible is the word of God. 2 Timothy 3: 16-17 says: 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a](D) may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.(E)

So I don't think I can cherry pick scriptures that suit me. So John 14:6 says "Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I believe that Jesus is the only way to eternal life. So I can't say "yeah, any religion will do."

But, within that, you'll find all sorts of churches. Some are very formal, some are very informal.

My church is evangelistic/charismatic. So we believe that we should tell other people about God, serve the community and practice what we preach. We have zoom church services and zoom home group meetings at the moment. They've become very popular, as people who live far away can still join us. We're in a small village, but we've had people from Australia log in to join us on a Sunday, which is really cool.

I would start really small. Get a good Bible. NIV is pretty accurate, and The Message is a really down to earth paraphrasing of the Bible. You can Google both, no need to buy. Read the Gospels, or Acts, or Romans. The Psalms are really awesome.

You don't have to decide to commit yourself to a faith straight away. It's good to explore and find people to talk to. If they are genuinely wanting the best for you, they'll be happy to chat about your thoughts and doubts. Nobody should pressure you to join their church, it should be an open, no-strings invitation.

I’m not getting a sense of community because I am not participating in any online groups and can’t attend worship due to Covid. It is a very passive listening experience at the moment.

I don’t think the secular world is bad. It has lots to offer many people, but it wasn’t offering me what I needed and religion currently is. So it is the environment but I chose my environment. I had avoided religion previously because I never felt a sense of God. Following instruction on how to pray I now have felt the presence of God.

Alternatively maybe God was actually calling me. That is hard for me to write as I was an atheist for twenty years, but maybe God has called me.

Because when I look back at the thing that have happened in my life - I realise that some things were meant to be. Things I thought I desperately wanted at the time were wrong in hindsight and I’m glad they didn’t come to fruition. see i get this too Weary, but I kind of see it as personal development from not getting what you wanted e.g. everything will work out in the end but its cos you keep bashing through and opening doors for yourself.

I was crippled with stress and worry. Two Christians prayed for me and just put hands on my shoulders. I instantly felt soothed and just knew it would all be ok. My stomach cramps and anxiety just went. It was very odd but also comforting. could this not just be release / maybe the old placebo effect? if i thought something might make me feel better then i'd probably feel better (though not to trivialise your experience an i'm sorry about your child)

I’m also against being good for heavenly rewards. You should try and be a good person simply because you are, not because of a punishment in the afterlife or goodies in heaven.

Again it’s flogging you for ancient sins of someone else... I accept I’m mixed up about this because I can’t see how a kind God would put me and my sibling through the experiences we had. And then when I saw a loving God actually wouldn’t, a vengeful jealous God would (more like the Early Testament) or (more likely) a non existent one I closed off mentally. I believe we are on our own and a lot of time which could be productively given to improving your life, is wasted praying and waiting.

@FOJN

It's possible to have strong spiritual beliefs without being religious or joining a church. You can practice as much or as little of any religion which appeals to you. I understand that many with strong religious beliefs will disagree but TBH I think if there is a God she doesn't give a single shiny shit about how often you go to church. I think Buddhists, humanists and Quakers all have something interesting to offer. I don't go to church or believe in a God of religion but I actually pray everyday and find it very helpful.

That's exactly how I feel!!

stripes im happy for your experience and im glad youve managed to find something that offers you what you need. i guess its mostly just the fact that i love my family and don't need to put any effort into doing that i just do. its a core part of who i am and id love them no matter what so the fact that i need to kind of chase god (as i perceive it) makes me feel like id just be chasing how to convince myself

pickle rick i fully get that. i think it kind of damages the notion of being a good person as a lot of good behaviour is for the benefit of praise or heaven, though lots of religions do good behaviour as well so maybe it balances out. dont like the idea of me being a shitty person for the actions of a very old woman though, but thats probably self absorbtion

I came to faith in a different way - very reluctantly! I was a pretty committed atheist and am ashamed to say I made fun of my friends who were Christian. Then one day they challenged me to come to a church service and when the person giving the sermon spoke it felt like they were talking directly to me. Its hard to explain but I ended up doing my own research into the more intellectual/academic reasons for faith, in particular I found a book The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel really helpful. He is a US journalist who set out to disprove Christianity and actually ended up becoming a Christian because of what he discovered. I would recommend it, its an easy read.

In terms of faith, it is a real comfort to know that there is a "being" who is completely honest, pure, just, good and loving who I can trust, no matter what is going on in life. However, being a Christian isn't an easy road, and there are times when I doubt, and I've gone through a lot of hardships in life. But I've also experienced God in a really personal way, such as hearing his voice and also seeing miracles happen that I just cannot explain and put down to coincidence. I don't generally talk about them to people who aren't Christian, mainly because I am a wimp and fear being ridiculed, but there are things I have seen and experienced that cannot be explained away.

So for me, it started with academic research into whether this guy Jesus even existed at all, and from there it took me about 3 years to get to the point where I could say I had a real faith.

Keep questioning. Why don't you start praying and see if God reveals himself to you? If its all a load of nonsense you won't have lost anything and if it is true (as I believe) then you could discover the most valuable thing in life.

@IamPickleRick we get the greatest gift of all, just by accepting Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. It's our love for God and gratitude to Him that motivates us to do good.

Ultimately, we have the freedom to believe or not believe, then to act on that belief or not, then to live a life that God would want us to or not. There are plenty of people who believe that God exists, but aren't willing to commit their lives to Him. They have that choice.

I love my family more than anything but that doesn’t mean I was being very good at treating them in the ideal way, and I certainly wasn’t attempting to love the rest of humanity!

But all that is besides the point. Why do you feel the need to chase God?

Seriously, look at the Quakers. I'm not a Quaker, but I used to teach them a lot in RS and I'm a little bit in love with them. Bonus, you don't even need to believe in God to be a Quaker!!

But they constantly come up on the right side of history... they fought against slavery (helped on the Underground Railroad), helped rescued Jews in WW2, have taught equality between the sexes for centuries, fought for better rights for the poor, been bloody good employers, the list really is endless!

fittata i'm not sure if its too personal to ask but what did u hear when he spoke / what did u witness? feel like god's got me blocked on the prayer phone

sorry i know im very flippant but i guess its just such a strange position to be in to question all this very high level stuff that we may not have the answer to. would much prefer being a dog

lougle It's our love for God and gratitude to Him that motivates us to do good. but i'm motivated to do good because i care about other people not because i want god to give me a pat on the back. sorry if thats trivialising but surely its not really a good deed if you want something out of it

Now I wish I had something I could dedicate myself to as much as folk dedicate themselves to God and religion. Anyone else?

I think this part of your OP is the most telling. Dedicate yourself to being the best person you can be. Without doctrine or the consequences of heaven vs hell. Just spend the time working on yourself, maybe with quiet contemplation, guidance or meditation.

There is a world of difference between being a good person and being a good Christian.

The dedication is admirable and that is what I take faith from - the human element. That other people can be so sure in their belief is encouraging and good. I think Humanism is calling you tbh.

I also agree with Lougle. Doing good is a gift from God.

Male and female because humans are male and female - spirit though, not thinking of God as a person

Doing good is not being good.