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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH into swinging but I don’t want it

127 replies

Kaseykahneno1 · 31/10/2020 17:55

My husband of 9 years was into swinging before we met. Last year he asked for us to do it. I initially said no. But I gave in. We downloaded the apps and registered websites. In about 6 months we met 2 couples and 2 singles. Nothing physical ever happened. After every time of nothing happening I always went “phew” and even a couple times beforehand I got drunk hoping it would make me do it and not have feelings. I tried twice during this time to put an end to it but he kept saying he wants this for us and would talk me right back into it. I would say ok to keep the peace. Finally one day I said absolutely no. Never. I have no desire to fool around with anyone and I don’t want to see my husband fooling around with anyone. This made him highly angry and said it’s wrong that I won’t even try it. He keeps saying it’s for us but I can’t bring myself to. He said he doesn’t see how it’s such a big issue. And that it’s unfair to say no without trying. He still brings it up. He’ll text me memes about threesomes. He say “I know what we can do 😉” (examples). And would ask occasionally if it’s still a no. I said to quit asking me. I said no, I’m not gonna be made to do it. But he still brings it up once every couple days or sometimes everyday. It’s starting to get annoying that I don’t desire it and it hurts. I have issues with forced sex from being raped. And he knows about that. But I would never treat him that way if there was something I wanted and he didn’t want it. I’ve thought of either couples therapy to get past this issue or just something for myself. Any advice would be great!

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 07/10/2021 12:00

But you did "try it", OP, didn't you? Twice. And it didn't work, nothing happened. That's because you don't want this, don't feel comfortable with it, don't need it and don't find it the least bit arousing.

I think you've compromised to meet his interest way more than most monogamous partners would. Bottom line - it's just not who you are. He needs to accept that and stop being such a tiresome pest about it. That's not what someone who loves you does.

As a PP says, if he keeps harping about a threesome, male it with a divorce lawyer. You have your grounds for unreasonable behaviour right there in his relentless pursuit of turning you into something you are are not.

NewlyGranny · 07/10/2021 12:01

When has he ever bent over backwards to do something with you that you enjoy and he doesn't, I wonder?

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