to not understand why parents allow their children to go trick or treating?

[teaandtoast49]

Even disregarding the current coronavirus situation, I have always found myself disagreeing with the concept of allowing children to go trick or treating, as well as Halloween in general. My dp is slightly more relaxed about this, so am I just being ridiculous? I was never allowed to go trick or treating as a child, go to sleepovers, etc. and while I understand now that my parents probably were in the right, I would love to gauge the opinions on MN about it.

Quite mad.

In my village in England we go all out for Halloween. Don’t like Halloween? Don’t move here because Halloween rules the village.
There is even a Halloween committee, voted for and paid for by the inhabitants to cover prizes/prize giving and award nights.
YABU, since we moved here my kids have always always had a fantastic Halloween, everyone obeys the “no pumpkin, no knock” rule and it’s generally lovely.

@YouKidsIsCrazy

It's not fun for everyone. Some people (including children) find it frightening and disturbing

Adults frightened and disturbed by this should seek professional help.

I am sure some of them have. But many, especially elderly, people find it quite intimidating and worrying to have people ringing their doorbell in the dark, hearing loud voices outside , having eggs and flour thrown at their house etc.

@TeddyIsaHe

Because kids are allowed to have fun, even if there’s people in the world that find fault with everything?

This.

Its fun & I'm sorry your parents never let you have fun Op. You missed out.

I agree with you, I think it’s a bizarre concept, but other people like it.

Halloween was an amazing time when we were kids, piles of kids all dressed up ( usually in black binbags ) all trick treating together , carving turnips, bobbing for apples and fighting to be the one to find the ring in the brack, it was a time of great fun and excitement.

I live in a small village now with a large elderly population and halloween is still as popular as it was before and no one is frightened or intimidated. All the kids meet up (parents too!) and go from house to house , they end up with large bags full to the brim of sweets and have great fun with their friends. They also have a play in the village playground in the dark which they think is a great novelty. Usually a few fireworks and a bonfire too. Also teenagers go trick treating here and are always very respectful when knocking on doors.

It's very traditional here in Ireland certainly not seen as begging and it's most definitely not an american tradition

@YouKidsIsCrazy I wonder about how thick the kids are too. I've never known a child expect to trick or treat any other day than Halloween. Fortunately, I'm not around the physically anymore so I get to just eye roll at the ridiculous posts on Facebook.

We weren't allowed to do trick or treating either. We didn't miss it because my siblings and I weren't really into anything childish and couldn't wait to become teenagers when we could pretend we're adults!
We didn't have sleepovers either but we were all at boarding school so saw enoig( if our friends during term time.
My brother and sister didn't do Halloween with their children either - they all grew up not feeling they've missed out. My adopted teenagers just want to do stuff with us and my dad.

Think some children just aren't very childlike? I know we weren't. Beside the point maybe, but my utter boredom as a child with anything childish was a major reason in my decision to not have kids.

*People will then roll up and insist trick or treating is "Scottish" or something, but it was cobbled together from regional Scots traditions and the Dutch, then imported back from the US.

Do you dismiss all Scottish traditions in such a rude way or is it saved for Halloween?

It's amazing when people are so adamant that certain things are "American" whilst completely disregarding how the traditions got to America in the first place.

@YouKidsIsCrazy, it’s really offensive to say that anyone who finds it disturbing or frightening should seek professional help. My DD usually walked home (3 mins walk) from a club at end of our road on her own but on Halloween she was too scared to do it at age of 14 and I found it quite intimidating too going to get her. Our road is quiet and except at school pickup time you only see the occasional person walking along but that night there’s lots of loud groups, many wearing masks, some of them large groups of teenagers. It’s intimidating and that’s before they start knocking on your door. I’m not saying two preschoolers and their mum are going to be intimidating but there’s enough groups that are for it to be a problem.

[quote Porcupineinwaiting]@AliceMcK because life is a balance of risks? By your logic then playdates should be out too - plenty of scope for sa there. Actually the safest thing for children would be to keep them away from all male relatives, what with most sexual abuse happening in the home.[/quote]
Hence why my children’s play dates only happen when I’m there. and why my children are always supervised and I know exactly where they are even at family functions and they are never alone with anyone except myself and my husband.

Unless you are hugely religious you are being nascent unreasonable and a miserable ticket. Really? Grow up. As long as your kids are knocking locally, dressed up and polite and only knocking on decorated houses yabu.

My parents were very anti Halloween but to be fair it wasn’t such a big thing then. I finally let mine go a couple of years ago and we walked around the village as a little group (not the older DD she went off).
I was amazed at the effort lots of people had gone to with decorations and treats etc and lots of older people too really pleased to see the dressed up visitors.
I think when I was young it was very much youths scaring older people and egging cars that was the view of Halloween. Everyone had a lovely time and I was a bit sad I had been a kill joy previously. We did do pumpkins and dressing up but I had carried this “no trick or treating” mantra.

Hence why my children’s play dates only happen when I’m there. and why my children are always supervised and I know exactly where they are even at family functions and they are never alone with anyone except myself and my husband

How does that work in reality? Do you go on playdates with your children to other people's houses? Or do you only have playdates at your house on the basis that other parents should trust you when you don't trust them? How do you have that conversation?

At what point do you think your children will be allowed to separate from you and your dh? Will they/do they go to school? What about activities?

Given the number of children abused by their father's how have you ensured that your dh isn't a risk? Could you not apply that same approach to vetting other adults? Just thinking about it, is he not a greater risk (statistically speaking) than a woman (even if she's just the parent of another child)?

• father not father's

I grew up in Scotland, and my parents never allowed me to go Guising - my mum called it begging. We did celebrate Hallowe’en at Brownies and primary school - usually a re-enactment of Tam O’Shanter, then apple bobbing, treacle scones, etc. The costumes were witches, ghosts, etc.

Guising was really muddled up with Bonfire Night. It was common to make a Guy and then take it round the houses to get money for it. It also involved performing a turn.

Trick or Treat in the States is completely different to here. In my neighbourhood there, it was highly regulated by the police. It would run from 6.00 - 7.30 pm on the 31st - no exceptions. Costumes were not necessarily gory, so easily Disney costumes. Adults would socialise too (I gave out mulled wine).

I can’t stand it here - taking place at all hours over several days, with ‘youths’ in bin bags having no interest in the treats.

[quote Blondieg]@AliceMcK - strange answer.
car accidents happen do you take that risk with your kids.
Bullying at school, do you take that risk and send them to school?
Abuse often happens in the home, do you ever leave them alone with an uncle or their father?
So many risks in the world[/quote]
Why is is strange?

To answer your question the only male relatives my children have ever been left alone with are my Dad when he was alive, as my Dad who never allowed sleepovers or allowed me to left alone with other men I trusted him completely, he was the one who taught me to never trust anyone and to make sure I told him or my mum if anyone ever made me feel uncomfortable. And of course my husband who I would never have had children with if I didn’t trust him.

My mother worked in social services, she worked with abused kids for many many years and then for god knows what reason with abusers, which is why I don’t walk round with my head buried in the sand and would rather be called paranoid than risk my children’s safety.

To me I find it strange that other people don’t think about the risks to their children when leaving them with anyone regardless of who it is.

You say you don't understand why other parents would allow it but then I can't understand why you wouldn't. Same with sleepovers. I find people like you deeply odd but each to their own.

To me I find it strange that other people don’t think about the risks to their children when leaving them with anyone regardless of who it is.

It's not like we're just dumping them without a thought! Jeez

I love how the thread already hasAmerica mentioned 44x😂

Ah well, you see, in Scotland it isn’t begging for sweets! You get dressed up, go round you’re neighbours, and you have to actually do something to get your treat! When I was young no-one decorated their houses, but you were welcome anyway! You were invited in and they asked what you were going to do! So you told a joke, said a wee poem or sang something.....then you were given your treat, usually monkey nuts and some small sweets. You went with your friends (no parents came with us!) but we were just allowed to go to maybe 5-6 houses, near neighbours, then you had to come home! Loved it!

@PattyPan @BiBabbles yes, the concept of the devil is from the Old Testament though interpretations/discarding of the books within it vary according to different religions as they take their own routes.

I compared Wiccans to Hindus primarily because of the metaphysical concept of Brahman and it's associated avatars which is what I believe you're referring to @PattyPan.

I'm agnostic myself which is also a misunderstood belief system with the perception that we are open to all religions; we're not, we simply believe that the answer is beyond human comprehension (it's unknowable).

No one in my area knocks on a door unless there is a lit pumpkin outside. Blow out the pumpkin light and the knocks stop. I love especially seeing the tiny children in their cute outfits. Obviously won't be happening this year.

Supervised trick or treating I think is fine. Once kids are past the age where they need supervision, I think they're too old for it really and they run the risk of being a bit intimidating. I wouldn't particularly like to have groups of teenagers knocking at my door late at night and it's not in the spirit of the night for me. This will all depend on the kind of neighborhood you live in and what age you allow your kids to roam around after dark without an adult.

I don't allow sleepovers except to my mum's house because I was sexually assaulted by a friend's brother at a sleepover as a child. They were a family that was well known to my family and we lived in a "nice" area (I know lots of people think their kids are immune because this only happens to children who are particularly vulnerable or from underprivileged backgrounds etc).

@SchrodingersImmigrant. Few Mner’s seem to like Americans or the country itself. I’m biased as I’m married to a lovely one!