to not understand why parents allow their children to go trick or treating?

[teaandtoast49]

Even disregarding the current coronavirus situation, I have always found myself disagreeing with the concept of allowing children to go trick or treating, as well as Halloween in general. My dp is slightly more relaxed about this, so am I just being ridiculous? I was never allowed to go trick or treating as a child, go to sleepovers, etc. and while I understand now that my parents probably were in the right, I would love to gauge the opinions on MN about it.

It never takes long for the fallacy of it being an American thing to come out on these threads

I’m not comfortable with Halloween as a concept as I worry that it’s a slippery slope to the occult but I know most disagree with me. But even if that wasn’t the case I would only be comfortable with trick and treating at the houses of people we knew and had decorations up. We don’t celebrate it so no decorations and yet we used to get people at the door until I started putting up a no trick or treaters sign. I do think it can also cause worry eg for the vulnerable - they may feel obliged to put out pumpkin and offer sweets as worried that otherwise they will have a trick done to them. Certainly DH worries that will happen so takes down my sign if he is home (which he usually isn’t) and he’s not at all vulnerable just worried about his car on the drive!

I see the "theres a risk so they cant do it" mentality, and part of me agrees with it, but I also think its important for children to have a small amount if risk in their lives, kids who grow up without it tend to be naive and vulnerable when their parents stop protecting them from everything. Its important to teach your kids why they cant do things aswell, "no you cant sleep over at uncle Jim's because I've noticed he does such and such which makes me feel like he's not a safe adult for you to be alone with".

But Halloween is fun and kids need fun in their life, theres not really any risk if you're with them.

I like trick or treating, wasn't allowed to do it myself as a kid. But I take my kids out (except this year). They enjoy it, and as we only go to decorated houses it brings joy to the people inviting trick or treaters.

I know that my family enjoys seeing all the kids enjoying themselves when they come to our door.

So I don't understand why you'd disapprove of something where all the people involved are having fun? Obviously if people are knocking at doors of people who aren't interested in joining in then that's a bit annoying, but if people stick to only visiting decorated houses then no harm done surely and doesn't affect you?

Not the real I agree in arming dc with information. They sense things too and adults keep secrets from them.. They are stuck in the middle..

I really can't understand why Halloween is even a thing. It's such a non-event in my opinion. I find it odd to encourage children to knock on strangers' doors to ask for sweets. I get it if you know your neighbours and they are all up for it; we buy sweets for the neighbours' kids that knock but don't decorate the house as I don't want to be answering the door every two minutes to people I don't know. When I was younger there was definitely more menace in Halloween than there appears to be now - large groups of older kids throwing eggs at elderly people's homes, chucking eggs and flour over people's cars, etc. so I'm glad that seems to be changing. I would prefer a neighbourhood party or something, if anything at all.

The most common reason I’ve heard in RL is about it being a ‘form of begging’ which I suppose is technically true.

Most families have the rule about only going to homes with pumpkins and decorations though, so it’s all inclusive of the people who actively want to participate and have the effort to show this.

I don't get it either OP. If people arrange it with friends/neighbours, that's fine, but nobody should be knocking on strangers' doors, especially at the moment.

Because it's a fun night for the kids to get dressed up with their friends and go get some sweets.
Now it's more dont knock if you dont see a pumpkin/Halloween decorations but I always used to say knock once and if no answer walk away.
You definitely want to do sleepovers. May I suggest the day before xmas eve. Guarantees they are asleep early xmas eve

Why are children told to stay away from strangers

They don't teach stranger danger anymore, teachers are strangers, police officers are strangers, security staff in shopping centres are strangers. It stopped children asking for help.

Re Halloween, most children here are accompanied by a few of the parents. Teenagers are not with parents but are in a group, there are other people out in the streets, it isn't like they are approaching a house, alone, at 2am.

We won't be participating this year due to covid but its lovely to see the community spirit on Halloween right here and those that participate love it and some can be disappointed if they don't get many. I wasn't allowed to go trick and treating as a kid either I wasn't allowed sleepover until I was about 16.

I guess where you live does really colour your opinion of Halloween. Where I am it's lovely but appreciate we're really lucky. Most of the houses in our cul de sac decorate their houses and welcome trick or treaters. Even before DC we loved having the children come and knock, although this year we are just decorating for a pumpkin trail organised by the community instead.

It's generally very young children with adults. But, it's a scary concept in a way that people are encouraged to dress up and knock at doors and I can see that some individuals may take advantage of that or ignore the fact that only decorated houses should be knocked at.

I was never allowed to go trick or treating as a child, go to sleepovers, etc. and while I understand now that my parents probably were in the right

But what makes you think they were in the right? Have they offered good solid reasons why you had to miss out on fun experiences that other children enjoyed? Have they explained why these things couldn't be done in a safe and appropriate way?

I never did it as a child and find the whole thing quite tedious but my children enjoy it so we take them. We live in a village and everyone is very good about only stopping at decorated houses. The children are polite and always accompanied by adults.

We're not doing it this year but it's been suggested on the local FB page that we do the thing where you take a walk round and give your own children a sweet when you see a decoration, which seems like a good compromise.

I think Trick or Treating these days is fine.
The etiquette is very clear - you can call at lit decorated houses, but not at unlit or undecorated ones.

That means everyone is participating willingly, so no issue.

I love Halloween but my DC don't go on sleepovers. Luckily they don't want to go on them either. I don't really do playdates either, preferring to meet up somewhere and do an activity then bugger off to my clean house. Why on earth would I let my DC stay in a house where I don't know them very well and what goes on there? It is utter madness and TBH I think a lot of people use it as free babysitting. Someone once invited my DS over for a sleepover and then got their diary out to see when I was returning the favour, coincidently when she wanted a night away.

Please, enough of your sleepover parties. I am not reciprocating. I do not want your DC sleeping in my house with their annoying behaviour and food dramas plus I do not want anything that goes on in my house being taken out of context by someones kid.

Well I think your DP were a little over cautious TBH! Trick or Treat people in our area, will only go to homes of people they know and are normally accompanied by at least one adult! You could say the same about anything really ,going to the park /getting an ice cream from Mr Whippy van and so on!

I don't know why I'm so shocked anymore by all the parents who basically keep their children on supervised house arrest until they are 16-at which point, according to mumsnet, it seems that you suddenly have to allow them complete and unfettered freedom even if that involves coming in at 6 am on weeknights. Unless of course you suspect they are smoking weed in which case you should call the police.

Well first of all it's not American. In Scotland it's a very long established tradition, and the main modern innovation is that we have pumpkins now instead of scraping away at a turnip.

Secondly it's pretty clear that you only knock at houses with a pumpkin out. I've lived in many places in England and Scotland and this has always been the case. And we keep an eye out to make sure no one bothers our elderly neighbours (not that this has ever happened.)

Thirdly every parent who has ever parented obviously makes it clear that you only take wrapped sweets and don't go beyond the doorstep, and the kids too young to understand that are obviously accompanied. Humans live in communities; it is not inherently dangerous for a child to speak briefly to an adult neighbour they don't know in such a carefully scripted and supervised annual ritual.

Thirdly you are being VVVU, this is a shit time of year and one of the few highlights for me is getting to put on my witch hat and hand out mini packets of Malteasers to tiny adorable witches and ghosts. I am absolutely gutted that it can't happen this year.

(Fourthly why on earth do you think it's right that your parents didn't let you go to sleepovers?)

My kids used to go trick treating and now my grandkids do. I usually make their outfits.
On the night itself they usually pop over and knock on the door.
My husband ( their grandad ) answers the door to them and gives the theatrical ' Aaaaargh it's a witch, vampire ' whatever they're dressed as followed by ' quick, give a treat before they turn me into a frog' etc.
It's a bit of fun. The kids love it.
We do the same with the little ones who knock on Halloween.
Try it op, you might actually like it.

Because kids buzz of it. Why would you want to stop your child from having fun on one night of the year where they get to dress up and get treated?

It’s like not wanting your child to experience present opening at Christmas.

I always hated Halloween as a kid but once I experienced it with mine and see the joy on their faces I couldn’t ever deprive them of that.

Its fun and a lot of people make a big effort round here decorating their gardens etc.A 6 ft T Rex appeared one year!

We used to go guising as children. And my kids went trick or treating.

It’s very traditional where I’m from.

I feel sorry for kids this year.

I think it’s become Americanised and has turned Hallowe’en into a kind of comic pantomime-y type thing.

What's wrong with comics and pantomimes?

Yes I let my dc go trick-or-treating and do sleepovers. If you never let your children do anything that involves the smallest bit of risk, then they are having a stunted and restrictive childhood. Every time they go on a bike or in a car, or use a trampoline or play football there is a risk. You cannot shut your child off from the world or remove all dangers. Stopping them from socialising because you think everyone is a paedophile is ridiculous and damaging to their view of the world and their ability to interact with people.

Those who don't understand 'why Halloween is a thing', it's quite simple. It's a festival which involves things that kids like. They enjoy it and have fun. What's not to understand? I don't really see why people make such a fuss about where it originates from either tbh. People adopt things that appeal to them from other cultures. That has literally always happened throughout the course of history.

We weren’t allowed to celebrate Halloween at all growing up. I don’t think my parents were right to stop that. It’s a bit of fun and I love the community all getting involved.

I don’t know why you would think parents shouldn’t allow it? Children go out with an adult and the general rule is only knock on decorated doors. People not wanting to take part don’t have to.