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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bin the old-fashioned racist doll? *title tweaked by MNHQ*

292 replies

MrsBonnie · 28/10/2020 11:57

Please excuse the offensive term.

My daughter was gifted a very old doll from my husband’s great aunt. Said aunt is in her 80s now and said that the doll held special memories and she wanted DD to have it.

I don’t want to have the doll in the house, but don’t want to offend the aunt by saying we don’t want it. She does come round from time to time, so there’s a risk she’d enquire after it if she was round. WWYD?

OP posts:
Mytimetokillandmaim · 28/10/2020 11:57

Bin itConfused

Mytimetokillandmaim · 28/10/2020 11:58

If she does come round just say you can't find it at that time. Daughter must have put it somewhere.

Knottedstomach11 · 28/10/2020 11:59

Keep it in the attic and say it’s so old that you don’t want DD to damage it.

Queenoftheashes · 28/10/2020 11:59

I know they’re not ok but I can’t help feeling sorry for the golliwogs. It’s not their fault they’re racist caricatures and I loved mine in the 80s too. I can’t quite reconcile myself with stuffed toys not being alive though.

Queenoftheashes · 28/10/2020 12:00

Anyway in your situation i would hide it and get it out when she visits.

GirlCalledJames · 28/10/2020 12:02

I think it would be better to offend her than destroy something she thinks you’re keeping. Definitely don’t keep it either way, though.

Tissueboxcover · 28/10/2020 12:03

Maybe MN could edit the title to just "Old fashioned racist doll"?

I would hide it and only bring it out only if asked if aunt visits.
Destroy it when you are able.

I don't think you will be able to convince an 80 year old lady without causing upset. Others may disagree.

Does your daughter know about it? How old is she?
I did have a sharp intake of breath when I saw your title.

QuestionableMouse · 28/10/2020 12:04

I think binning it sends the wrong message. I'd just put it away somewhere. Yes they're not very nice things but it's probably your Aunt's childhood doll and I just couldn't bring me self to throw away someone's sentimental item.

Depending on your daughter's age, it's probably also a good way to bring up how some things were acceptable in the past but aren't not but we need to view them as items from their time rather than judging them by today's standards.

If you really want rid, I'd at least look for a collector/museum because like it or not, it is a bit of social history.

Newbie8365 · 28/10/2020 12:04

Bin it!

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 28/10/2020 12:05

This is a tricky one. I really dislike them but I also don't think I would bin a vintage (or antique depending on age) item so easily. It's a bit like old fur coats or antique ivory cutlery. Things which should never ever EVER be created again, but also their are 'what's done is done' and do have a value (sentimental or an interest in the past) that means they shouldn't be destroyed.

I'd say a nice box to preserve it but away in the attic if it really is a proper old doll.

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 28/10/2020 12:07

**they're. Thanks autocorrect

chickenyhead · 28/10/2020 12:07

I really would refuse to have it in my house.

GreyBow · 28/10/2020 12:10

Urggh. And shops still sell them too, or they did a few years ago. I put my basket down and walked out of an independent gift shop in York a couple of years ago when I saw they were selling them. The owner just shrugged.

I'd keep it in the loft for now. I don't think I could destroy it.

SqidgeBum · 28/10/2020 12:11

I would shove it in the attic in a box. Like a PP said, its similar to a mink coat or something ivory. We never want to make them again or use them every day, but that doesn't mean we should destroy them like they never existed. For example, I know someone who has a signed copy of Mein Kampf which her grandfather had stored away. She found it after he died. She doesnt like Hitler, but she kept the book. It's a part of history. Maybe it's the historian in me, but I think things, even bad things, should be kept for future reference rather than destroyed.

madcatladyforever · 28/10/2020 12:13

I would pit it on a box in a cupboard somewhere until your aunt is no longer with it then gift it to a museum.
Mt grandpa left me a whole series of books.....I can hardly bear to say it.....called Little Black Sambo. The books were very sweet stories but there is no way on earth I am having that title on my bookshelves in the house. Even my sister who is black/mixed race has never seen them. They are antiques so I'm currently ringing round museums to see if they want them. I think we need to learn lessons from history. Not erase it. Mind you having said that let's hope I dont die because my sister is an executor of my will and I can only imagine the WTF moment on her face if she found them.

Original poster
MrsBonnie · 28/10/2020 12:13

Sorry @Tissueboxcover Blush I do know it’s an offensive doll and hope that that’s clear in my post.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBonnie · 28/10/2020 12:15

I like the idea of keeping it hidden in the loft. But also don’t want to be racist just by having it in the house... how sad that it’s even a thing.

OP posts:
MuttsNutts · 28/10/2020 12:17

I don't think you will be able to convince an 80 year old lady without causing upset.

Well that very much depends on the individual, regardless of age. My 90yo father would hate to think he had caused offence to anyone by gifting something that has no place in an enlightened society so I would have a conversation that explained why we didn’t want to keep it. Elderly people aren’t incapable of understanding compassion or the difference between right and wrong.

I wouldn’t have a golliwog in my house but instead of destroying it I would speak to the giver and offer it back to them. In my father’s case, I don’t doubt that he would throw it on the fire himself once he realised its implications.

Love51 · 28/10/2020 12:17

If it is worth a lot, sell it and donate the proceeds to an anti racism charity? Or your daughter's savings, if she needs the money.

amusedtodeath1 · 28/10/2020 12:19

It's weird because I used to love gollys and never saw them as anything other than a rag doll with dark "skin", so I find it really hard to see them in a negative light. I now know how unacceptable they are, but there will always be a part of me that wishes they weren't so controversial.

Personally I'd put it somewhere out of sight unless aunt is visiting.

Tissueboxcover · 28/10/2020 12:19

MrsBonnie, I know you were trying to be as careful as possible.

Fluffybutter · 28/10/2020 12:19

I’d keep it in the loft .
I think it’s a shame to bin it .
Yes they’re offensive now but I remember my mum having some that she had collected from Robinsons Jam innocently enough .
It’s history and throwing it away won’t change anything.

NailsNeedDoing · 28/10/2020 12:22

You can’t bin it, that would be incredibly rude. It was a gift given to your daughter (Not you) with good intentions and from a place of love. If you can’t accept it on this basis and just hide it away and keep it safe somewhere, then offer it back to the aunt or to another family member. Personally I’d keep it out of regular sight, and use it as a way to talk to your dd about the issues it raises.

LizzieMacQueen · 28/10/2020 12:22

Is it definitely a golliwog rather than a doll who happens to be black?

One of my favourite dolls was one which I realise now was based on a red Indian little girl, complete with plaits in her hair and appropriate clothing. Should I get rid of her?

slipperywhensparticus · 28/10/2020 12:25

Keep it safe and when she has died rehome it to a museum or somewhere that might be interested

Personally I couldn't throw away someones cherished memories while they were still living it clearly means a lot to her