To be intrigued by my neighbours (nosy neighbour alert!)

[Conkergame]

I’ve lived in my house for 7 years, on a narrow street of terraced houses, so it’s quite easy to see what people in the houses opposite you are up to, especially if they have their lights on and curtains open during the evening.

When I moved in, a family of two parents and two late primary school children lived opposite. I don’t know for a fact that the man is the kid’s father but they look like him enough for it to be a fair assumption. We only know each other to say hello to, or say “how are you?” “Fine thanks” - we’ve never gone further than that so I’ve never asked them any questions about themselves.

After about 6 months of living here, the man one day just disappeared. As in, I realised I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that his car was gone...and then he just never reappeared. I assumed the parents had split up and he’d moved out, although I did think it was odd I hadn’t seen any arguing or shouting or him storming out or anything, given I can see into their living room and bedroom most evenings (and I’d seen the mum yell at the kids a couple of times so I know she does yell if she wants to!). It also seemed odd that he never returned to visit or pick up the kids but I thought maybe the mum always drove them to him, or maybe he wasn’t their dad after all, or maybe he was a dick who’d abandoned them.

About 18 months later, he suddenly reappeared again, with as little drama as when he’d left! No dramatic hellos or welcome home party or anything, he just came back as though he hadn’t been away. I then started to think maybe he’d had to go away for a specific work project or something, although that seemed unlikely as he’s a local electrician (his car is a van with the company logo).

Anyway, another couple of years later...and he disappears again! Exactly the same as before, no rowing or tearful goodbyes, just one day he’s not there anymore. And then a while later...he’s back! I then started to think maybe he has a double life and has another family somewhere else that doesn’t know about this family and that’s why he can’t visit when he’s staying with them?! He finally left again around this time last year, so he’s been away for the whole of COVID and a few months before that too.

DH thinks I’m mad and need to mind my own business, and clearly I do, but it’s lockdown and I’m bored and he’s just returned again!!

AIBU to want to know where he goes for so long and why he comes back?!

Maybe he’s visiting his mother/father/family abroad?

Or he’s bought a rundown house & is doing it up to rent out. Comes back when renovation complete - moves on to next one??

Wow you must keep yourselves to yourselves.

@fluffybutter touche!

I know loads of sparkies/chippies/gasmen/builders etc who work away (home and abroad) to earn more money. I'm from up north so may be a northern thing.

agree that he wouldn't take his car to prison.
Second family? (but he tells his wife his on a spying mission)
Parents that need looking after from time to time?
Undercover police?

As a contractor I've worked in lots of different places both here and abroad. The same goes for my brother. I never work very close to the office as my job is quite niche. I remember once my old neighbours had her father up ladders doing the windows. He was singing strangers in the night. I worked night shifts at the time (not in the shagging industry but IT!). Funny what neighbours imagine!

He might be a sadist and for his pains have two wives!

My first thought was also prison!!! I’d love to know OP! I’m so intrigued now!!

Maybe he's a lodger, not the DH.

I think prison. Is it a family business, could it belong to a family member and he claims it back each time he gets out. Is it definitely the same vehicle?

I doubt prison. He would almost certainly be transported straight from court, not driving himself from home. SO...take that off of the list. Yes, individual contractors can and do get posts overseas, generally with all basic living expenses paid and excelllent salaries. That's a definite positive. I also think that he may be....um. I think you call it "Army Reserve." That would explain why he isn't seen leaving in uniform.

I know a sparky that works away from home a lot , he goes all over the world ( he is in moscow I think atm ) he is a specalist in his feild and in high demand ,
He takes his car to his Dbs as his DW does not drive.
He is a cracking guy but by god he gets itchy feet if he is at home for more than a month or so

Yes I can relate! Man opposite vanished, I assumed they'd split up but he reappeared at Christmas then went again. He's now back again but no company car and doesn't seem to drive. Used to be really friendly and chatty but now tries to avoid eye contact. I'm most curious!

My dad was navel. 6 months at sea, 6 weeks at home. Could be a sparky on a navel vessel/similar.

Next time he goes away, cut your cables and go knock on her door and tell her you need her partner to come over urgently. If she says he won’t be able to, ask her where he is and do not give up until you get us an answer 🧐 Or if you don’t want the expense of cutting your cables, you could just pretend you want a quote for some light fittings.

I’m not sure but I need to know! Can you just befriend the mum? Try and casually find out?

So OP, what we need here is someone to go undercover. Our agent can conduct some survey/raid/bin scavenge and then feed back.

I hate nosey neighbours with a passion. Butt out.

OP just knock on for a bag of sugar and get talking

My first thought was prison too!

Tomorrow is your chance. Plenty of kids aren't going trick or treating this year so quite a lot of people I know are doing 'reverse ToT' where they take sweets to their neighbours' children instead. Make up a pack of sweets, knock on the door, 'Reverse trick or treat! These are for the kids, such a shame trick or treating isn't happening this year with everything going on. Lovely to see you too. I haven't seen you/your husband for a while and was worried... Oh! He's an astronaut! How exciting. Well, I must be on my way. Enjoy the sweets!'

Update this thread. Job done.

Seasonally
Bit off topic but what is the point if reverse trick or treat?
The whole reason people aren’t doing it this year is so that 1) There aren’t children/adults out 2) There is no knocking on doors 3) Food/sweets aren’t passed family to family.

Seems odd to go out knocking on doors and give sweets!

Just to add, I know it’s only neighbours but don’t people just trick or treat neighbours anyway?

I'd be nosey and wonder what was going on too, I like a bit of detective work. It sounds intriguing but I guess you've gone over all the scenarios and it does seem odd. Keep us posted.