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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be intrigued by my neighbours (nosy neighbour alert!)

181 replies

Conkergame · 27/10/2020 20:06

I’ve lived in my house for 7 years, on a narrow street of terraced houses, so it’s quite easy to see what people in the houses opposite you are up to, especially if they have their lights on and curtains open during the evening.

When I moved in, a family of two parents and two late primary school children lived opposite. I don’t know for a fact that the man is the kid’s father but they look like him enough for it to be a fair assumption. We only know each other to say hello to, or say “how are you?” “Fine thanks” - we’ve never gone further than that so I’ve never asked them any questions about themselves.

After about 6 months of living here, the man one day just disappeared. As in, I realised I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that his car was gone...and then he just never reappeared. I assumed the parents had split up and he’d moved out, although I did think it was odd I hadn’t seen any arguing or shouting or him storming out or anything, given I can see into their living room and bedroom most evenings (and I’d seen the mum yell at the kids a couple of times so I know she does yell if she wants to!). It also seemed odd that he never returned to visit or pick up the kids but I thought maybe the mum always drove them to him, or maybe he wasn’t their dad after all, or maybe he was a dick who’d abandoned them.

About 18 months later, he suddenly reappeared again, with as little drama as when he’d left! No dramatic hellos or welcome home party or anything, he just came back as though he hadn’t been away. I then started to think maybe he’d had to go away for a specific work project or something, although that seemed unlikely as he’s a local electrician (his car is a van with the company logo).

Anyway, another couple of years later...and he disappears again! Exactly the same as before, no rowing or tearful goodbyes, just one day he’s not there anymore. And then a while later...he’s back! I then started to think maybe he has a double life and has another family somewhere else that doesn’t know about this family and that’s why he can’t visit when he’s staying with them?! He finally left again around this time last year, so he’s been away for the whole of COVID and a few months before that too.

DH thinks I’m mad and need to mind my own business, and clearly I do, but it’s lockdown and I’m bored and he’s just returned again!!

AIBU to want to know where he goes for so long and why he comes back?!

OP posts:
AhoyMeFarties · 28/10/2020 07:23

@sammylady37

Jesus Christ. All these suggestions. Get a copy of the house deeds. Get his car’s MOT history. How about just mind your own bloody business and let this family live their lives in peace without your intrusion?
Where's the fun in that? Lighten up I think SAS
ApolloandDaphne · 28/10/2020 07:26

I don't think it is prison. I reckon he works abroad on long contracts.

Henrietty · 28/10/2020 07:26

He could be military and being sent out those time. I also know of people working in UAE who stay out there for months, if not years, at a time.

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2020 07:27

Visits to Narnia/Neverland/Fraggle Rock

I've been to Fraggle Rock, it's not far from where I live. There isn't much there! Grin

movingonup20 · 28/10/2020 07:33

My friends husband is an electrician and took a contract to work in Dubai, big money! He saw it advertised through an agency and it allowed their family to buy a house on his return (he only did 9 months because he wanted to be near his kids)

Reedwarbler · 28/10/2020 07:42

Merchant navy?

RhymesWithOrange · 28/10/2020 07:46

@PhilCornwall1

Visits to Narnia/Neverland/Fraggle Rock

I've been to Fraggle Rock, it's not far from where I live. There isn't much there! Grin

Ditto - but I was thinking of under Fraggle Rock with the Fraggles, doozers and gorg Wink
JamminDoughnuts · 28/10/2020 07:47

you must ask her/him?
or another neighbour

oil rig/dubai/territorial army/prison

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2020 07:51

Ditto - but I was thinking of under Fraggle Rock with the Fraggles, doozers and gorg

Ah! Nobody goes here Grin

StringyPotatoes · 28/10/2020 07:51

Visits to Narnia/Neverland/Fraggle Rock

Can't be this. Time in this world stands still when you're in Narnia so no-one even knows you've been.

HelpMeh · 28/10/2020 07:51

Is this what my new neighbours are going to be talking about too? I work overseas. My husband is in the UK. I've not seen him since May. I'll (hopefully) be back at Christmas, so will arrive in December with no fanfare, doss about the house for 3 weeks then disappear just as stealthily as I arrived. I've never been to prison. I will do this at least twice more next year. I don't have a car though.

Els1e · 28/10/2020 08:00

I’m hoping it is something more interesting but think it might just be overseas work contracts. My ex was in merchant navy and would go for around 4 months at a time. Ex brother dismantles oil rigs and is away for about 9 - 12 months on a project. Friends husband is seismologist for an oil company and goes abroad for spells anywhere between 3 to 18 months.

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/10/2020 08:18

@Ellmau why would she want to get rid of him?

Time travellerdefinitely this Grin

gingerwhinger0 · 28/10/2020 08:19

Maybe it’s a relative a brother, that stays with her between gfs. If the kids look like him ?
Can’t believe I’m responding to this 😬

MeridianB · 28/10/2020 08:20

It’s his second, secret family 😮

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2020 08:31

I think he's an uncle rather than a dad and he comes to stay when he splits up with a partner.

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2020 08:33

You need to catch the mum on the street and say " haven't seen your DH around for a while" and see what she says.

NetflixWatcher · 28/10/2020 08:47

My friend is still close to her ex husband and he lives in his home country but comes here for nearly half the year and stays with my friend and the kids, then goes home again. It works for them. She saves up all of the DIY for him for when he comes to stay.

PutThemInTheIronMaiden · 28/10/2020 08:57

When my child's Dad and I split there were no acrimonious screaming matches. The split was conducted quietly and with dignity.

the80sweregreat · 28/10/2020 08:58

My dh worked for a large car manufacturer and a few of his colleagues would work away for about 9 months or more. One of his bosses lived in the Far East for nearly a year and his wife and children stayed at home as she didn't want to relocate the children and live there too.
He may have a contract that takes him abroad for ages also many oil rig workers work away for months. Or the forces?
Prison is also a possibility I guess? Or maybe they split up a lot and he goes back to his mum and dads!
Do you know their immediate neighbours opposite ? They might know!

theemmadilemma · 28/10/2020 09:15

Is he English? Could it be Visa restrictions? Has to leave for a year to be able to re-enter or something?

sammylady37 · 28/10/2020 09:17

I doubt there’s much fun for the neighbour being scrutinised, with a nosy neighbour speculating on the paternity of her children and noticing when she shouts at her kids.

sammylady37 · 28/10/2020 09:18

^my Post was supposed to include a quote of someone telling me to lighten up and asking where’s the fun in minding your own business, not sure why quote wasn’t included

Conkergame · 28/10/2020 09:41

Ha lots of amazing suggestions, I actually jumped at the ghost one and looked behind me! Grin

So I’m not sure about prison. He does look like a bit of a scallywag tbh but the police have never visited the house and I feel like someone on the street would have said something at some point.

He’s definitely not the woman’s brother as they are different races and the kids are mixed race so I’m fairly sure he’s their father. Just have never been told that IYSWIM.

I’m no way going to ask them! They’re not necessarily openly aggressive but they do give off “don’t fuck with me” vibes so I’d be way too scared! They do have quite a friendly, chatty next door neighbour so I could maybe bring it up with her at some point. But I’d have to build our relationship up first as we’re not at all close so I think she’d know I was just being very nosy if I outright asked her if she knew where he went!

I think working away on long projects is probably the most likely after hearing from you lot how common it is. How boring, I was hoping for a secret double life! I really hope he’s a specialist sheep shearer! 😆

Also to those of you who say it’s none of my business - you are absolutely right! But I can’t help but see their comings and goings and into their living room every time I do the washing up or leave my house, which is multiple times a day! Plus it’s lockdown and I have nothing else to do! Wink

OP posts:
Conkergame · 28/10/2020 09:42

Oh and forgot to say that this time he’s come back with a normal car! Not the company one! Don’t know if that makes a difference. Could well have been made redundant due to COVID though I guess?

OP posts:
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