To be intrigued by my neighbours (nosy neighbour alert!)

[Conkergame]

I’ve lived in my house for 7 years, on a narrow street of terraced houses, so it’s quite easy to see what people in the houses opposite you are up to, especially if they have their lights on and curtains open during the evening.

When I moved in, a family of two parents and two late primary school children lived opposite. I don’t know for a fact that the man is the kid’s father but they look like him enough for it to be a fair assumption. We only know each other to say hello to, or say “how are you?” “Fine thanks” - we’ve never gone further than that so I’ve never asked them any questions about themselves.

After about 6 months of living here, the man one day just disappeared. As in, I realised I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that his car was gone...and then he just never reappeared. I assumed the parents had split up and he’d moved out, although I did think it was odd I hadn’t seen any arguing or shouting or him storming out or anything, given I can see into their living room and bedroom most evenings (and I’d seen the mum yell at the kids a couple of times so I know she does yell if she wants to!). It also seemed odd that he never returned to visit or pick up the kids but I thought maybe the mum always drove them to him, or maybe he wasn’t their dad after all, or maybe he was a dick who’d abandoned them.

About 18 months later, he suddenly reappeared again, with as little drama as when he’d left! No dramatic hellos or welcome home party or anything, he just came back as though he hadn’t been away. I then started to think maybe he’d had to go away for a specific work project or something, although that seemed unlikely as he’s a local electrician (his car is a van with the company logo).

Anyway, another couple of years later...and he disappears again! Exactly the same as before, no rowing or tearful goodbyes, just one day he’s not there anymore. And then a while later...he’s back! I then started to think maybe he has a double life and has another family somewhere else that doesn’t know about this family and that’s why he can’t visit when he’s staying with them?! He finally left again around this time last year, so he’s been away for the whole of COVID and a few months before that too.

DH thinks I’m mad and need to mind my own business, and clearly I do, but it’s lockdown and I’m bored and he’s just returned again!!

AIBU to want to know where he goes for so long and why he comes back?!

[BlueJava]

Rig worker or works in UAE/similar. He could park his car in a garage when he goes he does not necessarily take it with him.

[Excitedforxmas]

Defo prison

[LaurieFairyCake]

I think it's more likely he's back in between and you haven't noticed

I mean his kids are grown up now and half their life there dad hasn't been there

[Stillfunny]

My neighbours' husband was in the Merchant Navy. He did this too.

[cardswapping]

Postings abroad, for private corporation or government (military, Dfid, FCO, etc).

[ClaireP20]

@shouldhavethoughtthisthrough

I feel like you need to google the company and then do some social media investigations 😂

Yes, exactly....and then let us know!

[Respectabitch]

There are plenty of boring explanations. Working away, elsewhere in the UK or abroad is one obvious one. Offshore. Military reservist or private contractor to military (the fact that he's skinny and you haven't seen him in uniform(!) doesn't mean anything. I've never seen my friend's DH in uniform, but he's still a naval reservist who has taken active tours.). Or maybe they have an unconventional marriage and simply like to live apart for spells. Who gives a shit?

[Spongeface]

I reckon astronaut. Fits with the mission times (probably!) This is based on listening to one interview with Tim peak.

[SlopesOff]

I worked for a company and they did electrical and mechanical engineering.

Once in a while a strange bloke would turn up and introduce himself. I would recognise the name from printing plans or sending mail. They worked overseas. I never met them all.

Some people work away on long contracts.

[MeepleMe]

I'm very keen to know now! OP can you engineer a conversation with him and ask in some casual way? You may have to wait by your front door until he comes out to do the bins or similar and then ask him which bins is it this week, go over the road and ask if he's pleased to be back, and hopefully he'll spill the beans!

[indemMUND]

Honestly what business is it of yours? You're not friends so why does this bother you enough to be keeping such a watch over a period of so many years? If the kids or mother were at risk, fair enough. But this is silly. I have a nosy neighbour who watches all the comings and goings. We've lived here for 5 years. She's elderly and asks pointed questions about my DM, DD and if DD's father has been in touch if she manages to catch me outside. She has no idea of the actual dynamics. If she did, I'm sure she'd have a field day. She does the same with others in the street. She's just lonely and nosy. If anything, I actively avoid her now. I'm not her friend, my business is none of hers. I'm not a total bitch, one day about a year ago coming home from the school run she had had a fall in the street and I was the one mopping up the blood, calling the ambulance and her son. She was fine and I wouldn't hesitate to help her again in the same circumstances but seriously, other people's lives are none of your business.

[HunkyPunk]

Maybe hes a specialist shearer and traveled from farm to farm shearing llama's and sheep?

???
I think this wins 'least likely suggestion of the thread so far'!

[jambeforeclottedcream]

Prison

Works as an electrician on a job further a field. But even so, surely he'd be home a it more frequently. For the holidays and stuff.

Spy

Rocky relationship with dp. On again off again ...

[Gettinggrumpier]

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Have you thought about getting a telly? I know there's the license fee but you can change channels and watch different things other than 'EastEnders in real-time'.

[HotToCold]

Prison

Almost certain

[TonytheDog]

Maybe they're under witness protection and he was once assigned to be their 'protector' but they fell in love. He took on an 'ordinary' job as cover but he has to go and hunt down spies or rescue people every now and then?
Or, he's got a poorly relative in Australia?
Or, he's an international fruit picker?

I think you're just going to have to befriend them and ask.

[Gettinggrumpier]

See everyone! There are benefits to having net curtains. Stops you being on display and the neighbours watching everything (or nearly everything) you do in your own own home.

Extra benefit is it stops burglars casing the joint.

Of course the main benefit is being able to watch your neighbours' goings on without being seen yourself.

[IKEA888]

ask ask ask

[combatbarbie]

Haha not military because he's skinny. Love it.

You don't need to live near a barracks, and if he is that would explain why you've never seen him in uniform. Army deployments are generally 6 months but the navy are away for up to 9 months at a time. Raf.... 2 weeks 😂

I know a few who work on the rigs etc but they are generally 3 months away 3 weeks at home kinda sketch.


You need to befriend her and just ask.

[LadyCatStark]

Well you’re going to have to ask now 😂

I suspect the sensible answer is overseas contracting. I think you’d have seen some sort of police action by now if he was a serial prison goer!

[Whammyyammy]

Maybe he works on the international space station?

[changed4good]

what does the wife do while he is away.?

does she have any visitors.

[AnnaSW1]

My first thought was prison too

[Shuddawuddacudda]

Well what does he get up to when he is there? Does he go to work daily? Jog/cycle/golf? I need to know more about this man.

[NameChange215]

Ooh I want to know!
Are they likely to own or rent their house? For £3 you can look up the deeds to a property online and find out his/her name and Google it?