To be intrigued by my neighbours (nosy neighbour alert!)

[Conkergame]

I’ve lived in my house for 7 years, on a narrow street of terraced houses, so it’s quite easy to see what people in the houses opposite you are up to, especially if they have their lights on and curtains open during the evening.

When I moved in, a family of two parents and two late primary school children lived opposite. I don’t know for a fact that the man is the kid’s father but they look like him enough for it to be a fair assumption. We only know each other to say hello to, or say “how are you?” “Fine thanks” - we’ve never gone further than that so I’ve never asked them any questions about themselves.

After about 6 months of living here, the man one day just disappeared. As in, I realised I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that his car was gone...and then he just never reappeared. I assumed the parents had split up and he’d moved out, although I did think it was odd I hadn’t seen any arguing or shouting or him storming out or anything, given I can see into their living room and bedroom most evenings (and I’d seen the mum yell at the kids a couple of times so I know she does yell if she wants to!). It also seemed odd that he never returned to visit or pick up the kids but I thought maybe the mum always drove them to him, or maybe he wasn’t their dad after all, or maybe he was a dick who’d abandoned them.

About 18 months later, he suddenly reappeared again, with as little drama as when he’d left! No dramatic hellos or welcome home party or anything, he just came back as though he hadn’t been away. I then started to think maybe he’d had to go away for a specific work project or something, although that seemed unlikely as he’s a local electrician (his car is a van with the company logo).

Anyway, another couple of years later...and he disappears again! Exactly the same as before, no rowing or tearful goodbyes, just one day he’s not there anymore. And then a while later...he’s back! I then started to think maybe he has a double life and has another family somewhere else that doesn’t know about this family and that’s why he can’t visit when he’s staying with them?! He finally left again around this time last year, so he’s been away for the whole of COVID and a few months before that too.

DH thinks I’m mad and need to mind my own business, and clearly I do, but it’s lockdown and I’m bored and he’s just returned again!!

AIBU to want to know where he goes for so long and why he comes back?!

[seayork2020]

Spy

which I actually think is more likely then a lot of these suggestions

[vodkaredbullgirl]

Could you go and ask lol

[TatianaBis]

If he’s been to ‘prison’ 3 x in 7 years you would have seen the police around at some point. He’d be the local petty criminal. You can’t take your car to prison.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Rig worker sounds unlikely because they usually do X weeks on X weeks off, although he could have got contracts far away and stayed for the duration.

Maybe prison, they have many repeat inmates. Electricians could get work on cruise ships or in the military so that could also be the answer.

Another suggestion is that no-one's yet mentioned is that he could work on touring concerts - big artists do world tours that last for months or even over a year and have a road crew that go with them.
DP is in the industry and knows lots of people who do that, he hasn't thankfully.

Our neighbour has also disappeared but he really could be in prison - lots of other indicators he's a drug dealer such as frequent visitors in the middle of the night. He's also very loud so can't be missed, but hasn't been seen since early 2019, which means we've had 2 peaceful summers without him sitting in his front garden drinking all day with his mates. He still has the house because his DM comes and does the garden, but he's been AWOL for about 18 months. Bit strange really because it's a 2 bed council house sitting empty and a family could live there, he's a single man (he grew up there with his DM so could have taken over the tenancy, she appears to have moved out to live with a partner).

[Caeruleanblue]

Most of the workers on this estate when it was built 5 years ago came from 'away' . Easter Europe other parts of the U.K. when it was built I presume they all went home til the next job.

[BarbaraofSeville]

If its prison the company could take the van back when he's away, although you would think he'd be sacked by now unless he's working for family.

Three stints in prison is tough to achieve

It's really not. Once someone has been to prison once, it's very likely they will end up there again, often multiple times if they're not the 'scared straight' type.

Serious violent offenders aside that get put away for decades, many people are in there for drugs related or assault type offences get sentences of a year or two and all prison does is introduce them to more people in 'the industry' so gives them more opportunity to deal again until they get caught again.

[bonjonbovi]

Can you get his car registration? If so, have a look at the MOT history of the car. Was it being MOTd during his 18 month stint?

[AlternativePerspective]

Well, COVID is the perfect time to get to know them.. My parents have had outdoor coffee mornings with their neighbours who they have only known to speak to in passing before..., and lots of other streets have done similar.

Could be he has a double life, maybe though the wife and kids are his double wife and it’s the existing wife and kids who think he’s in the military/away for work for extended periods while he’s here with his other wife.

And then one day he really will go to prison for bigamy.

[ScissorsBike]

Maybe he's not the woman's husband, but rather her brother (and therefore the kids' uncle). In this case, he might move in with them periodically when he's away working or even moved in with girlfriends/boyfriends.

[user1486915549]

An electrician in our village does long stints on contracts in Saudi.

[sammylady37]

Jesus Christ. All these suggestions. Get a copy of the house deeds. Get his car’s MOT history. How about just mind your own bloody business and let this family live their lives in peace without your intrusion?

[CaptainMyCaptain]

Rig worker sounds unlikely because they usually do X weeks on X weeks off, although he could have got contracts far away and stayed for the duration.
Not necessarily, my son in law does irregular shifts depending on the need. He's never away for 18 months though, maximum 8 weeks on land. The limit off shore without a break is 3 weeks although he doesn't always get flown home for that break, maybe just a few days on land nearby

[HelloDulling]

Didn’t you say you wanted someone to come round and install a new outside light, OP?

[SpeckledyHen]

Ask a few more nosey neighbours in the street? :)

[NinaNannoo]

Maybe they just keep splitting up and getting back together?
Definitely don't ask them! That's rude and weird

[SunnyAgain]

Is it his own electrical business? If so you could phone his work number while he’s away and see whether he answers, and whether you can get him to provide a quote for some work.

[bevelino]

@sammylady37

Jesus Christ. All these suggestions. Get a copy of the house deeds. Get his car’s MOT history. How about just mind your own bloody business and let this family live their lives in peace without your intrusion?

This.

OP, must win the award for the nosiest neighbour ever. @Conkergame buy a television, subscribe to Netflix, focus on your own family and relationships. Stop spying on your neighbours.

[Callingallbutterflies]

Sub-mariner?

[PhilCornwall1]

@sammylady37

Jesus Christ. All these suggestions. Get a copy of the house deeds. Get his car’s MOT history. How about just mind your own bloody business and let this family live their lives in peace without your intrusion?

Definitely this. We've got a neighbour across from us who is a really nosy sod. Asked me the other day what we had delivered in a big van. Nope, she still doesn't know.

[Daisydoesnt]

Our friend works in the building trade and works abroad for long stints at a time (think minimum six months to several year contracts). It pays well. I'd personally put my money on something like that, especially if he's a tradesman.

Also don't you think if he was being repeatedly put in prison you would have seen the police round at some at least once nicking him??

[LolalovesLondon]

My first thought oil rigs, second thought military.

[RhymesWithOrange]

Time traveler

Spells in a mental hospital

Serial philanderer

Part time cross dresser (does a skinny "woman" live there in his absence?)

Visits to Narnia/Neverland/Fraggle Rock

But most likely working abroad.

[Malin52]

I had a couple of uncles who worked in the Middle East and were away for 6/9 months at a time. One was IT related, the other a tradesman although I can't be sure as they were just "in Saudi". Both had families with 2 smallish kids.

One of them got a company pool car to use on their return the the UK. Essentially his 'replacement' in Saudi left it at the airport for him to collect when he arrived home.

Makes sense? Either that or or he works on the ISS.

[Ellmau]

@BarbaraofSeville

Rig worker sounds unlikely because they usually do X weeks on X weeks off, although he could have got contracts far away and stayed for the duration.

Maybe prison, they have many repeat inmates. Electricians could get work on cruise ships or in the military so that could also be the answer.

Another suggestion is that no-one's yet mentioned is that he could work on touring concerts - big artists do world tours that last for months or even over a year and have a road crew that go with them.
DP is in the industry and knows lots of people who do that, he hasn't thankfully.

Our neighbour has also disappeared but he really could be in prison - lots of other indicators he's a drug dealer such as frequent visitors in the middle of the night. He's also very loud so can't be missed, but hasn't been seen since early 2019, which means we've had 2 peaceful summers without him sitting in his front garden drinking all day with his mates. He still has the house because his DM comes and does the garden, but he's been AWOL for about 18 months. Bit strange really because it's a 2 bed council house sitting empty and a family could live there, he's a single man (he grew up there with his DM so could have taken over the tenancy, she appears to have moved out to live with a partner).

In your shoes I would report to the council/landlord that he's not resident any more (and nor is his DM who might still be the tenant on record), which might get rid of him for good.

[Malin52]

Visits to Narnia/Neverland/Fraggle Rock

This is definitely the most plausible. And he goes in his blue Ford Fiesta.