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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be intrigued by my neighbours (nosy neighbour alert!)

181 replies

Conkergame · 27/10/2020 20:06

I’ve lived in my house for 7 years, on a narrow street of terraced houses, so it’s quite easy to see what people in the houses opposite you are up to, especially if they have their lights on and curtains open during the evening.

When I moved in, a family of two parents and two late primary school children lived opposite. I don’t know for a fact that the man is the kid’s father but they look like him enough for it to be a fair assumption. We only know each other to say hello to, or say “how are you?” “Fine thanks” - we’ve never gone further than that so I’ve never asked them any questions about themselves.

After about 6 months of living here, the man one day just disappeared. As in, I realised I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that his car was gone...and then he just never reappeared. I assumed the parents had split up and he’d moved out, although I did think it was odd I hadn’t seen any arguing or shouting or him storming out or anything, given I can see into their living room and bedroom most evenings (and I’d seen the mum yell at the kids a couple of times so I know she does yell if she wants to!). It also seemed odd that he never returned to visit or pick up the kids but I thought maybe the mum always drove them to him, or maybe he wasn’t their dad after all, or maybe he was a dick who’d abandoned them.

About 18 months later, he suddenly reappeared again, with as little drama as when he’d left! No dramatic hellos or welcome home party or anything, he just came back as though he hadn’t been away. I then started to think maybe he’d had to go away for a specific work project or something, although that seemed unlikely as he’s a local electrician (his car is a van with the company logo).

Anyway, another couple of years later...and he disappears again! Exactly the same as before, no rowing or tearful goodbyes, just one day he’s not there anymore. And then a while later...he’s back! I then started to think maybe he has a double life and has another family somewhere else that doesn’t know about this family and that’s why he can’t visit when he’s staying with them?! He finally left again around this time last year, so he’s been away for the whole of COVID and a few months before that too.

DH thinks I’m mad and need to mind my own business, and clearly I do, but it’s lockdown and I’m bored and he’s just returned again!!

AIBU to want to know where he goes for so long and why he comes back?!

OP posts:
frogface69 · 28/10/2020 00:08

Merchant Navy ? Lots of men in our family regularly go away for up to 2 years at a time.

Toothsil · 28/10/2020 00:08

I think prison. If his car is a van with the company logo, wouldn't it belong to the company and they'd want it back if he went into prison? Maybe someone came and collected it! Does the van reappear when he does though?

Longdistance · 28/10/2020 00:17

Usually if someone goes to prison lots of details can be found on Google through the courts.

BluePeterVag · 28/10/2020 00:19

Maybe he is a ghost and only you can see him? The reason he disappears from view is that he is standing behind you.

wombat1a · 28/10/2020 00:27

Electrician at an Arctic base?

Goosefoot · 28/10/2020 00:38

Maybe he is an undercover police officer.

MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee · 28/10/2020 00:46

Another vote for prison. It's what I thought as soon as I read the OP.

Paulolina · 28/10/2020 00:50

He probably as a hobby

Audreyseyebrows · 28/10/2020 01:00

Another vote for ghost.

1forAll74 · 28/10/2020 01:18

If you live that close to them,and can see into their rooms, maybe learn to lip read and see what he talks about when home. or just ask where he goes to, or ask some neighbours if they know, as there is usually somebody in a neighbourhood who knows about everything that goes on.

BeanieB2020 · 28/10/2020 01:21

Are they religious? Could be mission trips.

LaBellina · 28/10/2020 01:29

If he went to prison all the time, would the local company keep taking him back as an employee? I highly doubt any company would keep putting up with that.

Thismustbelove · 28/10/2020 02:07

I'd assume work.

I'd never have thought prison tbh. It wouldn't even have entered my head.

One of our neighbours, a woman, lived with her partner and two children, a baby and a girl of about ten. One day I saw the man packing up his car, his friends called around, the whole family spent hours outside packing the car, friends clapping him on his back and wishing him farewell and a safe journey. He proceeded to get into his car and drive off leaving the woman and two children in the house!

The woman spent the next couple of months sat outside their chatting on the phone. I presumed the baby was sleeping so she went outside or her phone signal worked better outside.

About six months later, it looked like he had returned. He drove the older child to school, carried groceries in and out and did the normal everyday tasks. It took me a while to reaiise it was a different man who seemed to just slot into the first man's place. I still find it very odd.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 28/10/2020 02:07

No way is it prison. OP would almost certainly have seen police at their door at least once if he's that bad a criminal that he's been in prison three times in 7 years. Plus, the sentence would likely be longer each time and probation would do visits once released. Three stints in prison is tough to achieve! There will be plenty of crimes in between that he 'fit away with' if he's that prolific which means lot of police activity.

I say contractor on big projects where he is away for several months. COVID could be explained as he couldn't come home while he was working due to excess travel.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 28/10/2020 02:07

*got away with

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 28/10/2020 02:19

I reckon they've noticed you spying on them, so every few months he parks the van somewhere else and sneaks in and out the back door to confuse you.

MonsterKidz · 28/10/2020 02:35

Do you have electrical work needing doing?

Blueberries0112 · 28/10/2020 02:44

Jobs that require you to be away for awhile like fishing . The family are probably used to this

Or he could be an uncle. I have an uncle who comes and goes like that and he lived with my single parent aunt

GlamGiraffe · 28/10/2020 02:46

Myfirst though was he was a foriegn conteactor but then hed be unlikely to not return home gor the whole time.
You wouldnt take your car to prison!! Im quite sure they dont have a ling stay car park!
Bit of a rubbish spy if you drive tye same carcwrherever you go, hardly un noticable.
I think think he must garage the car and work away on conteacts. You really should try speaking to your neighnours!

IncandescentSilver · 28/10/2020 02:56

Very unusual for a rig worker or foreign contractor to get no leave to visit home for 18 months, and its even a bit long for the Navy/commercial shipping.

So my guess is either prison or second family/moving out.

Easiest way is to engage her in friendly conversation before slipping the question in.

Idunnoyou · 28/10/2020 02:56

My dp disappeared when he went to Ireland to visit family

Orkneys · 28/10/2020 03:02

I was going to say prison also

Smallsteps88 · 28/10/2020 03:11

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Have you thought about getting a telly? I know there's the license fee but you can change channels and watch different things other than 'EastEnders in real-time'. Grin
😂😂😂
PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2020 04:36

If he's in and out of prison that much and each time he rocks back up the "company van" is there, if he's not self employed, do you think he's going to walk back into his job as the company is going to keep him on?

joystir59 · 28/10/2020 05:00

Alien abduction?