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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL has given us a massive picture I really don’t like

204 replies

BillyButterfly · 27/10/2020 19:19

More of a what would you do? Moved into our new home. MIL has bought a massive (truly massive- think full wall) picture which is really not my taste as a gift. Not sure tbh if she has deliberately given it knowing I would hate it but feel compelled to display it. Using the excuse that we are decorating at the moment but she keeps asking where we will be putting it. She is the type to be really difficult if I told the truth. Would I be unreasonable to accidentally break it?

OP posts:
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Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/10/2020 18:27

YABU to break it - you should have said straight away -so sorry but not my taste, and let her return it.
But since you didn’t, yes, drop the paint on it.

hernameis · 28/10/2020 18:34

I like big abstract art pictures that go with my furnishings, so if it were me I'd have an accident while repainting and so be forced to paint primer over the picture and repaint it in something that suited my house better. I've actually done this with canvases I've picked up in charity shops, far cheaper than buying canvas from the art store. That way mil will be mollified that you still actually have her gift.

stackemhigh · 28/10/2020 18:35

YABU for feeling compelled to display it. Don’t be so passive !

Ddot · 28/10/2020 18:42

It's a control issue dear she is stamping her mark on her son's new home. Dont care if you like or not, tell hubby to return, or you will be sorry.

myblackboots · 28/10/2020 18:57

I’d ask your DH to take it back round to her house. Say thank you so much but it doesn’t go with our new decor and we thought it would look far better in yours. But tell her you’re sorted - or you may get an equally loathsome replacement!

sjonlegs · 28/10/2020 19:52

Can I just say if she hasn't painted it herself ... consider yourself lucky!!!!!

callistography · 28/10/2020 20:47

If DH doesn't have the balls then I'd put it in a spare room (if you have one) for a while the one day it can befall an awful accident where you took it down to do some decorating and, oh dear - whoops, a ladder or paint tin fell into it and it ripped.

(Been in your position. I fell into it and put my foot through it. I was just so upset....)

callistography · 28/10/2020 20:48

@Anele22

Thank you so much for the lovely gift. It’s so generous of you and I know you must have gone to lots of trouble to find it. Unfortunately though we just won’t have anywhere to put it. Do you want to keep it yourself. Or return it if you can and maybe we can choose something small when we’re more sorted in the house.
This is a much more grown-up way to do it!!!
SuperRose15 · 28/10/2020 20:53

I think your comment about her 'knowing' you would not like it says it all. If she was genuinely concerned whether you liked it that would be fine, or if she offered the receipt to return it that would also be fine. If she didn't do either then you don't owe her anything. Ask your husband to deal with her and find a picture you both love to put on that wall. My MIL bought a special personalised picture of four 'things' (won't say what) with each of our names under each one...all the others were slim and lovely... My name was under the fat broken one. I know where i stand with my MIL... She makes sure I know every single day. It is a miserable way to be... Good luck.

GoodEnough1 · 28/10/2020 21:33

I hate getting house presents, unless it’s something that runs out (like soap for instance) for that reason.

rhib2 · 28/10/2020 22:09

“Sorry ma , not to our taste , I’ll drop it back so you can enjoy it .”
She sounds like a controller , assert yourself or you will get this behaviour forever .

GenevaL · 28/10/2020 22:48

Someone gave me a hideous massive tapestry for a wedding gift that doesn’t go with anything in any room of our house. I think you need to be honest and thank her for her thought but explain that art is such a personal thing that you’d rather choose things yourself which are for 24/7 display and that you’ve already ordered a lovely picture to go on the wall. Or shove the horrible thing in a spare room.

Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 29/10/2020 00:14

@SuperRose15 that's just horrible. I'm sorry she makes you feel that way ❤ 💐

Ozgirl75 · 29/10/2020 04:47

At our wedding we had done a wedding list, a very normal affordable one from a well known retailer. Some of DH’s relatives deliberately went “off list” for no reason other than to make a point. So there were a number of plain silver photo frames and they instead bought me a really similar one but in gold. And there was a nice platter with a design on it and they bought a different platter with an old fashioned design.
I didn’t think much of it at the time as my family are all normal and I just thought maybe they didn’t see the list and then it only occurred to me after reading Mumsnet that they were probably trying to make a point!
All it meant was I said thanks and shoved them in a drawer and then gave them away when we moved, so a total waste of money for them.
People can be so odd.

Nikori · 29/10/2020 05:21

How about donating it to a hospital or retirement home or something? Ask around or post on a local Facebook group. Someone will give it a good home! Tell your MIL that it was lovely but just didn’t match the decor. Hopefully she will never buy you anything like that again.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 29/10/2020 06:18

Do you have a sunny outside Eating space with A wall. You could hang it there and tell her you couldn’t find anywhere big enough inside. Hopefully It will fade in time...

Holeinthehouse · 29/10/2020 07:13

You don’t even have to say you don’t like it. Can’t you just say that it is too big and will dominate the room can we exchange for something else

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 29/10/2020 07:16

Mine did this. I gave it back 👍🏼

amispeakingenglish · 29/10/2020 07:33

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remaininshroud · 29/10/2020 07:35

Give her something like this in return.

MIL has given us a massive picture I really don’t like
TheNoodlesIncident · 29/10/2020 11:05

I've got a ceramic plaque with cats on it, being a "cat-astrophe" (boom-tish) that FIL's partner gave us. Yes, we like cats. No, we don't really want stuff with cats all over it. I get it out of the Useful Drawer when I know they're coming over, and put it up where I already have something hanging. Once they've gone, I take it down and put it away again.

I do think it's a mistake to give other people artworks, but if you do - in fact, give anybody anything - then don't, no matter what, ask them where it is or indeed anything about it. My mum does this, she made bedspreads for her GC and wants to know a) what did the child think of it b) how often does he use it c) how much another child loves hers, etc etc. I squirm as ds isn't bothered about it really, it features things he was into as a toddler but doesn't want over his room now he's older. I did thank her for her efforts but I wish it wasn't loaded with so much expectation!

At the end of the school year, I gave ds's TA a hibiscus plant I grew from a cutting (she'd said that she enjoyed gardening, who knows if it was true or not) but once it was in her keeping, I never once asked her how it was doing or referred to it in any way. To do otherwise is an imposition, just as much as giving somebody something they might not have been yearning for...

OP, your DH needs to step up and say "Thank you mum, but it's not in keeping with our style, I hope you can return it". If it was a small thing you could just put it away, but something that large is really impractical!

Coffeecat15 · 29/10/2020 15:06

Wow! Staged accident all the way! Just no!!!!!! I'd have to break it, rip it or spill something on it. Oh silly me! If she offers a replacement you could say well if you give us the money we will pick something for the house. That's so forward and big headed that you would love something she's picked out that massive!!! It's her own fault!

AGoatAteIt · 29/10/2020 15:16

Life is too short to display something you dislike in your own home (especially something fucking massive) just appease someone else.

You and your partner need to tell his mother neither of you don’t like the picture and you won’t be displaying it. But thank you for thinking of us etc. Even if your partner Doesn’t care either way a united front is best when dealing with either of your parents.

Cloggyandall · 29/10/2020 16:30

Love this Grin

Cloggyandall · 29/10/2020 16:33

That was for the cushions with your own face on it reply. God im useless at this. I’ll continue just to read.

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