To defer my Summer born daughter’s school start date?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I have a daughter who should be starting school next September but she will have only turned 4 about a week before the start date.

For the last few months I have seriously been thinking about delaying her starting until the following year when she will have just turned 5.

I have done so much reading up around the subject and it’s quite clear that statistically (because I know there will always be exceptions) starting school after just turning 4 can be very detrimental to their education and achievements through their schooling compared to Autumn, Winter and Spring borns.

My husband is a teacher and is absolutely on board with the deferral.

I mentioned it to my brother a few days ago as his child is summer born (a year behind mine) and he totally laughed me off.

He said it was a pointless thing to do and if the younger kids struggle then it’s down to the parents to do more at home with them.

It was a bit of a black and white attitude I thought.

I told him that if it was as simple as doing some work at home to get the Summer borns to the same level as their peers, then there wouldn’t be so much information out there about the disparities between Summer borns and other children.

I’m not being unreasonable to consider this though am I?

I do understand there will always be exceptions and there will be many stories abouthigh achieving Summer born children, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that overall, Summer Born children do fare worse at school if they start when they have just turned four years old.

My brother has made me doubt myself

Do t know why there’s so much focus on reception here, I was bothered about what comes after that and if they’d be ready. Like the jump to much formal learning at just 5 for example/ and the whole rest of his school time.

Ugh so many typos but I’m sure you can get the gist!

YA 100% NBU in my opinion. I have just delayed my June 2016 child. I had many reasons for doing so - mostly social/emotional and also a general feeling that "just-turned-4" is too soon to start school. Covid 19 played a part in the decision too, I must admit. My child is not behind academically - I'd say average. I was also not so much concerned about Reception, but the years beyond.
As a May-born child I struggled socially and emotionally at school, so I decided why not give my child an advantage in that regard.
Our child's preschool have been very supportive and reassured me there are no downsides to an extra year of the EYFS (but likewise would have supported us to send child to school so were impartial if that makes sense).
We were lucky that 3/4 of the schools we approached agreed without hesitation. The last school is a different matter and are being rather difficult. They seem to be taking the request as an insult on their ability to differentiate the curriculum and like we are asking for something unreasonable and outlandish.
I have yet to point out to them that when the DfE updates the admissions code, parents of summerborn children will have parental rights to start their children straight into Reception at CSA and no approval will be required to do so... it just seems to petty to deny a parent what they feel is right for, and in their child's best interests. At the end of the day the school will probably have an easier time with a slightly older child. My child would certainly have been very distressed starting this year and would have been one of the "difficult" ones - crying and clinging to me at drop off, needing help on the toilet, etc. we have already seen signs that this will be less of an issue by Sept 2021.

@Shantotto - totally agree. Reception is easy. It's what comes beyond that may prove a challenge. And obviously not for every child, but I do believe that a parent knows their child best and therefore knows what is best for them.
I struggle to see how any school could reasonably justify that it is on a child's best interests to miss Reception year and to straight into Year 1 with an established cohort (and recent LGO rulings seem to back this up!). Such emphasis is placed on the importance of Reception as the foundation of a child's education and then you get some schools saying "oh it's fine just skip it, they'll cope!". The contradiction is real!

Thank you yennefer

I have sent an email today to my LEA to make enquiries into the process.

I mentioned it to my mum last night who looked absolutely horrified at the thought - she said, “But he knows all his numbers (up to 10), shapes and colours, why would you hold him back?!”

If only it was that black and white.

I really don’t know why there’s so much stigma involved in doing something that is not only completely lawful (seeing as children don’t even have to go to school until they’re five) but also in the child’s best interests.

This thread has been a real eye opener in terms of how early English children enter schools, and also how stigmatised delayed starts are whereas in other UK countries it isn’t an issue at all.

Oh and if my child had been born and lived over the border in Scotland I wouldn't even be having to give this any head space as they would automatically start school a year later and up to a certain birth date parents get an automatic choice about at what point their child starts school. Such flexibility sounds amazing!

I haven't RTFT but presume as PP has told you to find the flexible admissions for summer born children group on Facebook, if you haven't already.

For some reason Mumsnet is generally against deferral. All you get are 100s of post of people with summer born children or those who were summer born themselves tell you how they thrived.

DDs birthday is late August and age was born prematurely. I deferred her starting school she's just moved into year 2 and it's been the best decision I ever made. I don't think one person family, friend or teacher agreed with me but all went along with it and I'm happy to say now that they all (teachers included) agree that it was so beneficial to her.

The main problem is people dislike and are ignorant to anything that goes against the norm

Also DD could read fluently in nursery, knew letters, shapes, simple addition even spellings. I knew deep down that she wasn't emotionally or socially prepared for it. That extra year at nursery gave her so much more confidence, she bounded into reception full of excitement that first day and has never not wanted to go since, a year previously would of been a whole different story.

OP you seem to have made up your mind anyway so I’m not really sure what the point is in this thread. Is it validation you need, everyone to agree you’re making the right decision?

We didn’t defer and so far I think it was the right decision for us. August born and has done brilliantly- teachers have been impressed with phonics and maths, youngest in the year whose best friend is the oldest. I feel if we had deferred all achievements would be dismissed as ‘because they had an extra year’ (even though Bday is mid August)
I feel like if we had deferred, school would have put pressure to move up to normal cohort since child is doing well and level with the autumn borns

OP you seem to have made up your mind anyway so I’m not really sure what the point is in this thread. Is it validation you need, everyone to agree you’re making the right decision?

Prior to this thread I was sort of on the fence, leaning more towards doing it but then feeling unsure after my brother’s reaction. I wasn’t looking for anyone’s validation on this thread but I did want to hear people thoughts and experiences to see if it bought clarity. The posts have all been very useful, they have caused me to change my mind and back again on many occasions but they’ve still been very helpful.

I have made steps into looking into how the process works but I wouldn’t say I’m still 100% convinced I should do it.

It’s a huge decision to make and so making that final step is quite nerving.

It's fine to want to hear a range of opinions OP and irs not like the opinions on here have been unanimous anyway.

So here's one more thing to think about:

If you delay your dd you will have a year of not knowing if you've done the right thing. If you dont delay her, that's 13 years of wondering.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Apologies if someone has already said this, but be careful: if you want your child to go to a grammar or independent school, I believe they HAVE to be born within the age group of the given year. The exams are age weighted at grammars to take relative age into account.

Wow...England really does have some ridiculously shit theories/policies
Here in Ireland you just start school at any age before 6 and work away... age is really of no importance.

If you dont delay her, that's 13 years of wondering.

13 years of guilt as I watch my son struggle doesn’t sound fun

My husband is such a laid back man, his approach to life is generally “go with the flow, just get on with it” and doesn’t really kick up a fuss about anything - so the fact he feels so strongly about delaying the start is a big sign.

daughter

(I’ve just got off the phone to my son)

OP why don’t you just admit that you said DD instead of DS in the OP in order to disguise your identity in case you were outed, but you keep forgetting that you did it?

It's hard, OP. I wasn't able to defer when my son was 3/4. He is July born and now in Year 6 is doing really well. But I must admit he seemed so small and out of his depth in reception. He was so much smaller than the september-borns, he hadn't known any of them from pre-school (they all knew each other) and he was very shy in personality. He liked school but hated breaktimes for about six months. It wasn't until Year 1 that he 'got' reading, and then he started to do much better generally. Now he's in the top half of his class for everything but I can't help wonder where he'd be if he'd started later.

BUT the other side of that is I also have an October born. I assumed school would be much easier for her (and she was bored of the extra year of nursery), but she was too shy to speak to the teachers for months! Reading was really slow. She only really got it over lockdown and now in Year 1 is doing really well.

So it seems to be that I just produce very shy children and they will always find reception a bit difficult. Now my daughter is in Yr1 I can see the advantages she has over the much young children (she is physically bigger for a start) but in reception it didn't make too much difference.

Not sure if I'd delay my son if I had to do it all over again. Genuinely no idea. Don't think that helps you somehow :D

OP why don’t you just admit that you said DD instead of DS in the OP in order to disguise your identity in case you were outed, but you keep forgetting that you did it?

Honestly - it is my daughter, haha. I said ‘him’ earlier because I had just come off the phone to my husband (and son) and we’d been chatting about delaying starts and my son’s experience of reception etc and so he was in my mind.

I’m one of those mother’s who gets their children’s names mixed up when talking/shouting at them, even though they’re different sexes

And your own mother also calls your DD “him”, if your post at 06:59 is anything to go by?

@CheetasOnFajitas but maybe it's a cunning double bluff?

On the other hand, if the OP has chosen a commonplace and really rather trivial way of trying to protect her family privacy, so what? It is rather unkind of you to draw so much attention to it, especially in such a "gicha" kind of way. Are you channeling Miss Marple or something?

[quote Porcupineinwaiting]@CheetasOnFajitas but maybe it's a cunning double bluff?

On the other hand, if the OP has chosen a commonplace and really rather trivial way of trying to protect her family privacy, so what? It is rather unkind of you to draw so much attention to it, especially in such a "gicha" kind of way. Are you channeling Miss Marple or something?[/quote]
No, I was just lightheartedly trying to point out that she may as well stop tying herself up in knots as it’s all slightly fallen apart .

I noticed you’ve referred to him/he quite a few times which is confusing, but anyway..

The things that I found helped our August born settle into school (and therefore helped with confidence, therefore enthusiasm and eagerness to learn) were:
Being in a school-like routine, so preschool/nursery
Starting school with a friend from preschool and they knew a couple of others from local toddler groups etc

I think birth month is a factor but the feedback I’ve had from several teachers is that you’d never guess my child is summer born (the youngest!) based on confidence and ability. You come across as thinking summer born = gonna fail at school, all based on studies you’ve read.

I’m not against CSA start and we considered it for a bit but it’s still a relatively new thing, i think it’s something like 1% of childten have a CSA start and we still haven’t seen experiences in secondary school.

It’s such a personal decision based on your individual child, so good luck.

On the other hand, if the OP has chosen a commonplace and really rather trivial way of trying to protect her family privacy, so what? It is rather unkind of you to draw so much attention to it, especially in such a "gicha" kind of way.

Quite.

Yes my child is a boy and I had changed his sex to try and get some privacy, so thank you for making such an issue of it so as to out me.

Anyhow, OatbarOatbat

I don’t assume he will struggle but statistics say it is likely and of the three teachers I know they have all said they can see differences between summer borns and winter/spring babies in their educational settings.

I just find it fascinating that another poster said, in Scotland up to 50% of Summer born children are delayed to CSA and it’s not an issue at all, whereas here you quote it’s about 1% and it has lots of negativity associated with it.

That’s a huge disparity between attitudes and actions.

I just wonder why that is?!

My db was a spring child so started younger than myself and my other sister (September birth). He found it difficult to keep up in the first few years of primary, not because he wasn't clever but by afternoon he was tired. He also couldn't express himself as clearly as other kids and wasn't as 'quick'. We all worked with him to improve his school work and by year 4 he was doing well. He is a junior Dr now.

My parents couldn't really help him in terms of homework but as I was 5 years older I would help him get lots of practise writing, counting and listen to him read. If I had not been able to they would have scrimped money together for tuition.

You know your own child better than your brother. My dd will start primary when she is 5 and a half and that will benefit her a great deal whereas my son will be just turned 5 but I think he will be more than ready for it. Do what you think is best for your own dd.

You know your own child better than your brother. My dd will start primary when she is 5 and a half and that will benefit her a great deal

Are you based in England? How did you find the whole process of delaying her start? And did she go straight into Year 1 or was she allowed to start in Reception?

I remember seeing the 1% on one of the summerborns groups I’m on on Facebook, and it really surprised me.
In answer to your question, I have no idea- i guess my point is just, don’t let your child’s birthday define them. I get very anxious in August I think because it really highlights how young they are in the year. BUT school wise, so far I’m happy with our decision to send usual cohort.
There are other factors that can affect school/learning/confidence/happiness. My friend who’s a school teacher told me you can really tell which kids are read to everyday and who have parents who are actively involved in their learning, making memories etc. Things like not speaking English as a first language can make school more challenging too, not being in any childcare setting before school etc.

I’m not trying to convince you, as I’ve been in your shoes and I know how hard it is to make the decision- just trying to make the point that it’s not always summerborn = struggle