To defer my Summer born daughter’s school start date?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I have a daughter who should be starting school next September but she will have only turned 4 about a week before the start date.

For the last few months I have seriously been thinking about delaying her starting until the following year when she will have just turned 5.

I have done so much reading up around the subject and it’s quite clear that statistically (because I know there will always be exceptions) starting school after just turning 4 can be very detrimental to their education and achievements through their schooling compared to Autumn, Winter and Spring borns.

My husband is a teacher and is absolutely on board with the deferral.

I mentioned it to my brother a few days ago as his child is summer born (a year behind mine) and he totally laughed me off.

He said it was a pointless thing to do and if the younger kids struggle then it’s down to the parents to do more at home with them.

It was a bit of a black and white attitude I thought.

I told him that if it was as simple as doing some work at home to get the Summer borns to the same level as their peers, then there wouldn’t be so much information out there about the disparities between Summer borns and other children.

I’m not being unreasonable to consider this though am I?

I do understand there will always be exceptions and there will be many stories abouthigh achieving Summer born children, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that overall, Summer Born children do fare worse at school if they start when they have just turned four years old.

My brother has made me doubt myself

Am I missing something here? Presumably your childminder works flexibly around your shifts. Say your DD went to pre school on Mondays and Wednesdays. On weeks when you are working these days the childminder would take her. On weeks when you are not working these days, you would take her.

As I said...

So what happens if I say to pre-school, “ok, I will send my son on Monday Tuesday and Friday” - so they are the only days I have childcare.

So what happens if my shifts come out and I’m working Wednesday and Thursday? What do you suggest I do with him on those days?

@ThornAmongstRoses

But surely you can do set days and have the childminder do collection when you are working and you do it when you are not?

So what happens if I say to pre-school, “ok, I will send my son on Monday Tuesday and Friday” - so they are the only days I have childcare.

So what happens if my shifts come out and I’m working Wednesday and Thursday? What do you suggest I do with him on those days?

Presumably what you do now - with your childminder?

A nursery attached to the school wont be anything extra.

I will be honest OP you need to stop making these decisions driven by research/data/stats.

You are making a huge decision to keep your daughter out of education until they are 5 and it is one you seem unwilling to do based on her as an individual.

Have yuo thought about sending her then next year to nursery or preschool - does the school you want to go to have one attached.

And I assume given the time frame you know what school you would like her to to go and have started the conversations with them about getting them to agree?

She goes to the childminder and she takes him to preschool.

I’m happy to go looking for some research though that says children who go to pre-school fare better in the transition to school than children who don’t. And that’s not me being goady, I would be genuinely interested to read about it.

OP this is exhausting! You are not going to find good-quality peer research for every single parenting decision that you need to make. At some point you have to employ some common sense and I think it is uncontroversial (although no doubt someone will disagree) that a good pre-school is helpful for school-readiness. Certainly this was my personal experience with my own children.

@YippieKayakOtherBuckets

She goes to the childminder and she takes him to preschool.

Sorry, I'm getting my pronouns mixed now too.

Sorry, peer-reviewed research.

OP this is exhausting! You are not going to find good-quality peer research for every single parenting decision that you need to make. At some point you have to employ some common sense and I think it is uncontroversial (although no doubt someone will disagree) that a good pre-school is helpful for school-readiness. Certainly this was my personal experience with my own children.

I only asked about the research because people are telling me I’m doing my daughter a disservice because she doesn’t go to pre-school. If people are going to accuse me of that then I would like to see their basis for that.

Like you said, your experience is that pre-school made a big difference to your children, whereas my experience is that my son, who didn’t go to pre-school had absolutely no problems going to school.

And I assume given the time frame you know what school you would like her to to go and have started the conversations with them about getting them to agree?

I have spoken to my son’s school and they are happy for my daughter to start a year later and go into reception.

So what happens if I say to pre-school, “ok, I will send my son on Monday Tuesday and Friday” - so they are the only days I have childcare.

So what happens if my shifts come out and I’m working Wednesday and Thursday? What do you suggest I do with him on those days?*

Presumably what you do now - with your childminder?

My childminder is happy to not have set days and to have her whenever I work, the pre-school is not.

If I said to the pre-school, “Well next week she needs Monday, Tuesday and Friday. The week after she needs Monday’s Wednesday and Thursday, and the week after that she needs Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and then the week after that it will be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday....” etc

I’m not sure may pre-schools would be accommodating.

I will be honest OP you need to stop making these decisions driven by research/data/stats.

What do you suggest she uses instead? A crystal ball that will tell her how her newly four year old settles in to school?

You are making a huge decision to keep your daughter out of education until they are 5 and it is one you seem unwilling to do based on her as an individual.

It’s not a huge decision. It’s another year at a childminder. She won’t even remember that.

I imagine that OP would not want to pay double, for preschool and childminder on the same day. Also the childminder may not be able to do preschool pickup and drop off for OP’s DD because that would interrupt activities for the other children she minds.

I just read this on a chat thread on this subject on another site, you may find it useful OP:

“As an ex reception teacher I found that as should be expected, all children are different and what suits one doesn’t suit another. We had children join our classes that absolutely thrived having been to our nursery (also attached to school) & others that had been to nursery that really struggled to settle plus vice versa with children who had never been & thrived etc
As a family, personally we are very much of the mind that home is the most important thing in the world if one is lucky enough to offer that and an enriching environment. I am an ex teacher, hubby is a primary teacher & deputy head (to give some context). Our daughter sounds similar to yours very social, confident, happy & able.
She’s just turned 4 and we did intend to join a local tiny Montessori nursery (5 children) this year for two 3hr afternoon sessions a week. However Covid had other plans for us (we are shielding) so we have been dealt a hand, we aren’t worried at all as we know she’ll thrive anyway, she sees her friends outdoors safely and is as confident & happy and social as ever and her learning and abilities in all things goes from strength to strength. She loves reading particularly but is progressing in every area of her choosing. With a little more structure just occasionally.
I guess what all that waffle is about is that there isn’t really a right or wrong. Make choices that feel right to you. Don’t feel pressured that you ‘should’ do one thing or another. Good luck.”

If preschool require set days then you take her on the days you're off work, and if you were at work the childminder would take her. Then on the days she's not at preschool but you require care, she goes to the childminder as usual?

Like you said, your experience is that pre-school made a big difference to your children, whereas my experience is that my son, who didn’t go to pre-school had absolutely no problems going to school.

But you didn’t have any concerns about his school-readiness, whereas this whole thread is because you do for your daughter!

If I said to the pre-school, “Well next week she needs Monday, Tuesday and Friday. The week after she needs Monday’s Wednesday and Thursday, and the week after that she needs Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and then the week after that it will be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday....” etc

I’m not sure may pre-schools would be accommodating.

Of course they wouldn’t. That’s not what people are saying though. They are saying that she would have fixed preschool days and you would use the childminder to take her there and pick her up if you were working on those days. In other words, you’d engage and pay the childminder as normal, but your daughter would spend time in preschool. Conversely, there would be some days when you were not working and she would go to preschool anyway- and you’d get a day to yourself!

I can see why that might not be financially or practically feasible though.

I haven’t read the whole thread OP, but unless she’s really bright for her age I’d definitely hold her back a year. We did and I’ve never regretted it, DC is 11 now.

@ThornAmongstRoses

So what happens if I say to pre-school, “ok, I will send my son on Monday Tuesday and Friday” - so they are the only days I have childcare.

So what happens if my shifts come out and I’m working Wednesday and Thursday? What do you suggest I do with him on those days?*

Presumably what you do now - with your childminder?

My childminder is happy to not have set days and to have her whenever I work, the pre-school is not.

If I said to the pre-school, “Well next week she needs Monday, Tuesday and Friday. The week after she needs Monday’s Wednesday and Thursday, and the week after that she needs Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and then the week after that it will be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday....” etc

I’m not sure may pre-schools would be accommodating.

No you have set preschool days. You do drop off and pick up if not working if not surely your childminder would do it?

@Pumperthepumper no I am saying that she looks at her daughter as a person as a character and takes it from there.

From my personal experience for some holding back a year would be the completely the right decision, for some it wont have an impact either way and for others it would be the wrong decision.

I dont think anyone is saying that it may not be the right decision at all. But now she has the data and the research it is time to look at it from an individual standpoint about what is right for her child.

we have been thinking about deferring ds because he has severe language delay and communication difficulties, he's in the process of going through assessments to find out why, He can't talk and has very little understanding. I still can't decide what's for the best.
it's a difficult decision to make.

If preschool require set days then you take her on the days you're off work, and if you were at work the childminder would take her.

Imagine her set pre-school days are Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, 6 hours a session, so taking up 18 hours of my entitled childcare.

This would mean I have 12 hours of childcare left.

However, my shifts mean I have to work on the Thursday and Friday which means that of the 20 hours I need, I will have to pay for 8 of them because some of my entitled hours will have already been used up on days I didn’t even need childcare.

If that happens most weeks then it’s at a cost £150+ a month.

@Quartz2208 how can it be the wrong decision? It’s a year of her very little life, she’ll be in exactly the same position a year later. That’s all. She’ll just be older.

Of course she’s looking at her daughter as a person.

Thanks PumperthePumper.

My husband is a teacher and he’s really pushing for a delayed start. He knows I’m having moments of doubt, especially when I read people’s opinions and experiences on this thread, but he’s really eager to delay.

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Quartz2208 how can it be the wrong decision? It’s a year of her very little life, she’ll be in exactly the same position a year later. That’s all. She’ll just be older.

Of course she’s looking at her daughter as a person.[/quote]
The problem with the arbitrary nature of how we do school cut off is that you start with some children not ready for school and you end with some children over ready for Primary school.

A year is a long time to be waiting to start school if you are ready for it. It can also be a difficult year in reception if you are not.

I would have hated be held back as an August born just because of my birthday I was in the right year. I know it would have been the wrong decision for me. Academically and socially losing that year would have been detrimental

Academically and socially losing that year would have been detrimental

In what way? You wouldn’t have lost a year, your life just wouldn’t have changed for another year. You’d still have got the exact same socialisation and learning opportunities, just when you were a year older.

How can you be ‘over ready’ for primary school?

I would have hated be held back as an August born just because of my birthday I was in the right year. I know it would have been the wrong decision for me. Academically and socially losing that year would have been detrimental

But such is the benefit of hindsight.

For every deferred child there will be one where it was the right decision and one where it wasn’t (depending on how a person defines what is right and wrong).

It’s a judgement call and there’s no way of knowing if it will or won’t be the “right” decision.

I would love a crystal ball to tell me what I should do, but unfortunately I don’t

I can only comment on personal experience but for my mum, myself & my DD who were all August babies there have been very few problems with being the youngest child in the school year.

DD is Year 5 now & on the “top table” academically speaking.

I would just say base the decision on your actual child, not their birthday.

I would just say base the decision on your actual child, not their birthday.

This is why I’m so glad we don’t have to make our final decision until Easter as by then we’ll hopefully have a much better idea of what will be the best decision for her.