To defer my Summer born daughter’s school start date?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I have a daughter who should be starting school next September but she will have only turned 4 about a week before the start date.

For the last few months I have seriously been thinking about delaying her starting until the following year when she will have just turned 5.

I have done so much reading up around the subject and it’s quite clear that statistically (because I know there will always be exceptions) starting school after just turning 4 can be very detrimental to their education and achievements through their schooling compared to Autumn, Winter and Spring borns.

My husband is a teacher and is absolutely on board with the deferral.

I mentioned it to my brother a few days ago as his child is summer born (a year behind mine) and he totally laughed me off.

He said it was a pointless thing to do and if the younger kids struggle then it’s down to the parents to do more at home with them.

It was a bit of a black and white attitude I thought.

I told him that if it was as simple as doing some work at home to get the Summer borns to the same level as their peers, then there wouldn’t be so much information out there about the disparities between Summer borns and other children.

I’m not being unreasonable to consider this though am I?

I do understand there will always be exceptions and there will be many stories abouthigh achieving Summer born children, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that overall, Summer Born children do fare worse at school if they start when they have just turned four years old.

My brother has made me doubt myself

@LeopardPrintKnickers

A close friend held her youngest child back a year as she felt he wasn't ready as an August baby. He started this year, straight into Year 1, and adapting to this has been really tough on him and on them all as he gets used to it.

All of his friends from pre-school are together in Reception while he's with a different cohort that already have formed friendship groups so he is the outsider. He's missed out on all the gentle play-based learning in reception and has gone straight into a more structured type of learning and he's struggling with it. He also is nowhere near as capable as the kids in Year 1 whose learning during reception places them much further ahead.

While it's really hard on this little boy, I can imagine it's really challenging for his teachers too.

It's appalling that the school did that to him, poor boy. If I was your friend I'd be raising a legal challenge as them placing him straight into year one is clearly not in his best interests, which is what they are required to use as the basis for the decision.

Questions you wanted answering:

You haven't said anything about:

• is she shy and struggles to make friends
• does she seem uncomfortable in a group of kids
• does she get upset easily
• does she struggle with commands
• does she struggle with paying attention
• does she struggle with waiting for her turn
• does she struggle with putting her clothes on/off
• does she get tired quickly and still need a long nap during the day
• does she get intimidated easily

No concerns with how she is around other children and she doesn’t nap in the day.

She can stay focused if we are doing something fun etc, like drawing or painting, playing with her favourite toys etc but she won’t sit and watch a film. She will sit and watch a cartoon maybe but usually after about 10-15 minutes she’s up and wanting to do something else.

She does get upset easily, she cannot wait her turn, can be very impatient, not the best at sharing, and will follow commands but usually only after fighting with me if it’s something she doesn’t want to do

I would have thought these are pretty typical behavioural traits of children who have not long turned 3 though?

The research shows an impact based on a cohort of summer born children. The findings don't necessarily hold true for a single, individual child. That's why research findings aren't enough to make parenting decisions on.

For those saying summer burns can do very well. Yes - the summer borns in my family have done exceptionally well. However it's the October born and a January born who got into Oxbridge. You will still be that bit behind. Anyone who works in education knows this. I think it's harder with June/July babjes. End of August you can very easily defer op. Do it!

OP I wouldn’t second guess yourself using comments from strangers on the internet who might have all sorts of reasons for not agreeing with deferred starts. Who don’t even know you or your child. Your husband is a teacher and strongly for it. Have confidence in your decision!

You will still be that bit behind. Anyone who works in education knows this

Most articles say that although the differences are most pronounced during Primary School, those differences remain throughout education and can still be seen in secondary school and beyond.

I was talking to a mum this afternoon when I was picking up my son, who was August born, and she said she really struggled through school. She has got three children and she said she purposely started trying to conceive early on in the year to prevent having an August baby. She lucked out as two of her children are September born and the other one is November. She said she did it to ensure her children wouldn’t have to struggle (other factors aside) just because of their birthday.

As others have said, check it's true deferral rather than just skipping reception.
I have an August born child due to start next sept too, but have decided to run with it because I don't want her going straight into year one

As others have said, check it's true deferral rather than just skipping reception.

I have and the school are on board. They said they would never recommend a deferred child go into Year 1, they would always want them starting at Reception. So at least that’s one battle I don’t have to fight.

I sent my summer born son at the right time. I think it’s very precious to suggest defer the child...someone has to be the youngest. Frankly your child will be bored waiting a whole other year. Just get on with it and your brother is right.

Are kids who are 4 a few days later bored in nursery? No one ever worries about that!

@Shantotto

Are kids who are 4 a few days later bored in nursery? No one ever worries about that!

Sometimes they are, and some people do. I mentioned my August-born DD up thread who has stayed in her chronological year. Her best friend from nursery is three weeks younger and was bored rigid with another year of nursery.

@shantotto - yes, some are. My DD had much less in common with the children in her academic year group at 4 compared to the ones who moved up to school. The nursery did their best (and it was a great nursery) and she spent plenty of time talking to the staff. It was just the other children were not as mature as my DD, so weren't naturally her peer group.

Ok fair enough. I’m just amazed how much people want to rush small children into school - no judgement from me honestly at all - I just think school starting age is awful and if a kid can have more years of play they should grab it!

@Shantotto

Ok fair enough. I’m just amazed how much people want to rush small children into school - no judgement from me honestly at all - I just think school starting age is awful and if a kid can have more years of play they should grab it!

Me too - also how many people think deferring a just-turned four year old means the OP is pushy, focussing too much on statistics, wrong to use a childminder, precious, not thinking about future employers AND how many kids get bored at nursery (whatever that means) AND just how many August-borns go on to Oxbridge and/or become insanely rich and successful and popular.

Are kids who are 4 a few days later bored in nursery? No one ever worries about that!

That’s what I think sometimes. My daughter wouldn’t have been in childcare much longer than the children who turn five in the September and October were.

It is interesting to me as a teacher working with much older students that 'struggle' is viewed overwhelmingly negatively on this thread. School should be safe and secure for students but it shouldn't be easy. The most effective learning at all ages takes place in settings which represent a high level of challenge alongside a low level of stress, and there is lots of lovely research on this from Vygotsky to Dweck. Students who never learn how to struggle and fail in a safe, controlled environment don't develop resilience and this can have significant implications in their later school careers.

I have no opinion on whether OP should defer her child's place but I do suggest that reframing the concept of struggle would serve most parents well.

I said it upthread already but, again, DH and I do have serious concerns that our 1 September son will get bored in preschool this year. His teachers have said that they will look to include some reception curriculum stuff this year but then we worry he’ll get bored in reception. He was friendly with more of the older than the younger kids at preschool. If he had been born 2 hours earlier he’d have been at school with them right now and I think he’d have been more than ready for it. That’s just anecdotal evidence about one particular child, but am simply saying it to point out that the “nobody ever worries” statement is not true.

Bored in what way though? Academically?

@Shantotto

Are kids who are 4 a few days later bored in nursery? No one ever worries about that!

Of course they do, but it's rarely discussed because raising concerns makes you sound like That Parent who is bragging about their child's gifted status.

Can you imagine the roasting that an OP would get on here if they posted asking if anyone knew a way to get their child moved up a year because they were so bored in pre-school? They'd be labelled 'entitled' and quite possibly 'deluded' in the first ten posts.

@ThornAmongstRoses

As others have said, check it's true deferral rather than just skipping reception.

I have and the school are on board. They said they would never recommend a deferred child go into Year 1, they would always want them starting at Reception. So at least that’s one battle I don’t have to fight.

I think it would be possible to make it work if that were the option. Reception doesn't exist everywhere and it hasn't always existed, may children have entered school in their first year. You'd just want to make sure your child had the skills that they might expect from reception - writing a name, whatever.

The problem would be it wouldn't solve the issue that 5 is still quite young still for the expectations of year 1, it really ought to be 6. But it might help if the child was just needing the extra year for social reasons. A four year old may well still nap afternoons and that could be a sign she'd be better at home, but be more able to stay awake and alert at five.

Can you imagine the roasting that an OP would get on here if they posted asking if anyone knew a way to get their child moved up a year because they were so bored in pre-school? They'd be labelled 'entitled' and quite possibly 'deluded' in the first ten posts.

But it’s also irrelevant. I’d say very few parents decide to defer because of academic concerns. It’s for reasons like maturity, digital dexterity, confidence - all factors that improve with age. So the genius summer-born kids on this thread may still not have been ready for school, regardless of how good a reader they were.

@ZoyaTheDestroyer

It is interesting to me as a teacher working with much older students that 'struggle' is viewed overwhelmingly negatively on this thread. School should be safe and secure for students but it shouldn't be easy. The most effective learning at all ages takes place in settings which represent a high level of challenge alongside a low level of stress, and there is lots of lovely research on this from Vygotsky to Dweck. Students who never learn how to struggle and fail in a safe, controlled environment don't develop resilience and this can have significant implications in their later school careers.

I have no opinion on whether OP should defer her child's place but I do suggest that reframing the concept of struggle would serve most parents well.

I think there is difference between developmental readiness though, and stretching yourself into proximal skills.

The issue with children under about six or seven is there are really significant basic developmental differences between the kids, and their development in different areas is uneven. You can have children at 5 who have something like a three year gap between them in reading readiness, and the ones at the bottom are simply not going to be able to do it, it would be like teaching another child to read at two or three.

I think the only other time where there is a similar gap is adolescence, and it isn't as marked. But you do sometimes get late developing children there who can't manage higher level abstract thinking or math quite yet, you just need to wait a bit until they get that growth in the brain.

I'm also doing everything in my power to not have a summer born, as I dont want this stress!

Agree with a pp though. Why doubt yourself? Dont see many cons with holding him back.

You are quite right, @Goosefoot, but I don’t think that anything you have said relates to my general point: OP has repeatedly said that she does not want her child to struggle in school. I’m trying to show that a negative view of struggle, and well-meaning attempts to remove it from a child’s path, are in the long term actively harmful to a child’s emotional well-being. This doesn’t mean that OP shouldn’t defer her DD’s school place, of course.

@ZoyaTheDestroyer

You are quite right, *@Goosefoot*, but I don’t think that anything you have said relates to my general point: OP has repeatedly said that she does not want her child to struggle in school. I’m trying to show that a negative view of struggle, and well-meaning attempts to remove it from a child’s path, are in the long term actively harmful to a child’s emotional well-being. This doesn’t mean that OP shouldn’t defer her DD’s school place, of course.

I think the difference is in what you mean by "struggle". Challenge is good and is part of the learning process, struggle (as I understand the concept) can be highly damaging. I got excellent academic results but struggled throughout school with the environment and the people and it was awful for my emotional wellbeing. I never found school challenging academically though and you are right, that was very detrimental.