To defer my Summer born daughter’s school start date?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I have a daughter who should be starting school next September but she will have only turned 4 about a week before the start date.

For the last few months I have seriously been thinking about delaying her starting until the following year when she will have just turned 5.

I have done so much reading up around the subject and it’s quite clear that statistically (because I know there will always be exceptions) starting school after just turning 4 can be very detrimental to their education and achievements through their schooling compared to Autumn, Winter and Spring borns.

My husband is a teacher and is absolutely on board with the deferral.

I mentioned it to my brother a few days ago as his child is summer born (a year behind mine) and he totally laughed me off.

He said it was a pointless thing to do and if the younger kids struggle then it’s down to the parents to do more at home with them.

It was a bit of a black and white attitude I thought.

I told him that if it was as simple as doing some work at home to get the Summer borns to the same level as their peers, then there wouldn’t be so much information out there about the disparities between Summer borns and other children.

I’m not being unreasonable to consider this though am I?

I do understand there will always be exceptions and there will be many stories abouthigh achieving Summer born children, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that overall, Summer Born children do fare worse at school if they start when they have just turned four years old.

My brother has made me doubt myself

@MissOrganisedMe but to counter that (just playing devils advocate here) if they need things tailored so they don’t get bored, then perhaps they are ready for school?

I would do it. A mid-September-born baby, I was squeezed by an ambitious mother into the school year for which I was just too young, a situation that continued as I progressed through my school years. It wasn't until recent research started to change people's views on the subject that I could look back on my schooldays and realise that so much of feeling lost and out of my depth in my primary years probably could have been avoided. I wonder now how things might have turned out differently.

@ThornAmongstRoses

It ultimately makes things worse for the disadvantaged children, widening the gaps even further.

Why would a child starting just after their 5th birthday make things worse for disadvantaged children?

Is that a serious question? Because if an April born child is deferred and an August born child is not, then there's 17 months difference in age between them. As it's acknowledged that generally those 12 months younger don't fare as well academically , then clearly those 17 months younger will have more of a problem. And, yes, of course tutoring and reading and all those things we do as good parents to support our children widen the gap, but my point is this is a government endorsed widening of the gap.

With regard to the poster who said there's a snide vein running through this thread that the child must be 'thick', I agree with that; (not that the child is thick but some people will think like that!) so possibly thought should be given to whether a future employer might form a negative opinion. (I'm not saying I would btw, nor do I personally think that)

In your shoes I would absolutely defer. Her birthday us really late.

Is that a serious question? Because if an April born child is deferred and an August born child is not, then there's 17 months difference in age between them.

Well maybe the parents of the April-August children who aren’t deferred is because the parents don’t want to defer them??

Why should parents who do want to defer their children nor t do so just because other parents don’t want to?

We started my Summer born daughter in Reception at Compulsory School Age when she was 5. Best decision ever for her. The difference in her confidence was incredible. Academically at preschool she was very able but physically and in terms of confidence, not so much. She's now in year 2. She's just annoyed that she's the oldest in her class but still the smallest . As you know, the DfE says that there is no requirement for her to skip a year in order to start high school. I don't know how so many head teachers and LAs don't have all the Summer born facts, when the DfE went to the trouble of putting the guidance out there in black and white! Good luck, whatever you decide OP!

my daughter is end of Aug birthday, did her no harm. In fact if you defer she will be a late joiner to already formed friendship groups and may struggle more in the beginning.

OP I am deferring my Aug born. He was born 10 weeks prem, he should have been an October baby. He is starting in the school year he should have been born into, in reception. He would not be ready to be in school this year.

It makes me mad when people say deferring gives summer borns an unfair advantage. There is NO advantage - it is giving them the chance to thrive at school rather than cope. Every child's situation is different.

Who cares how my child does compared to another in that year?? What matters to me is that he enjoys learning and school. That will be so much more likely if he is socially and emotionally ready to go. And he will next year.

You know your child best. All children are different. Some will be ready - I was, I was summer born, but I know my son was not. Legally you can defer. Do not feel bad for doing so, if you feel it is the right decision for your child. It is your right to do so and you should not be made to feel guilty!

Whatever decision you make, I hope your child thrives at school

Who cares how my child does compared to another in that year?? What matters to me is that he enjoys learning and school. That will be so much more likely if he is socially and emotionally ready to go. And he will next year.

That’s what I think. I want my child to thrive at school, not just cope. Why would I put her in a situation where she may struggle for a few years, always playing catch up and feeling behind, when I don’t have to?

so possibly thought should be given to whether a future employer might form a negative opinion.

Why on earth would they? How would they even know they’d deferred? How would they know their age? What difference would it make to those who took gap years or whatever?

@ThornAmongstRoses

Who cares how my child does compared to another in that year?? What matters to me is that he enjoys learning and school. That will be so much more likely if he is socially and emotionally ready to go. And he will next year.

That’s what I think. I want my child to thrive at school, not just cope. Why would I put her in a situation where she may struggle for a few years, always playing catch up and feeling behind, when I don’t have to?

Exactly, and actually, a lot of time that ‘gap’ doesn’t show up until they hit mid-primary (p4 here, don’t know the English system, but around 9/10). So skipping into P1 easily enough doesn’t necessarily mean that’ll continue throughout primary. Deferring is a way to make that less likely.

@ThornAmongstRoses you will see from some of the responses on this thread and likely from the stories in the Facebook group of parents trying to negotiate with schools - which is fab, gave me a lot of support - that people do not understand this issue because it's relatively new.

By the time our children are at secondary school there will be so many more deferred children in the system and it will be more common. Make decisions based on today on your child, not potential things that may or may not be an issue in 6 years time or how they compare to others in their 'cohort'

I'm just glad I have a choice for my son, and I know he will benefit long term from that.

@ThornAmongstRoses

Who cares how my child does compared to another in that year?? What matters to me is that he enjoys learning and school. That will be so much more likely if he is socially and emotionally ready to go. And he will next year.

That’s what I think. I want my child to thrive at school, not just cope. Why would I put her in a situation where she may struggle for a few years, always playing catch up and feeling behind, when I don’t have to?

I think that is fair enough if you can guarantee that she won’t have to skip a year later. However I think that the memory of having to skip, move to a new class where all the friendships are already formed, have to catch up having missed a whole year etc when she is 8 or 9 years old would be much more lasting than her being the youngest in the class at reception when she doesn’t really have much concept of what is going in and the class is set up to support younger ones anyway.

In fact if you defer she will be a late joiner to already formed friendship groups and may struggle more in the beginning.

She will start in Reception, not Year 1, so thankfully this won’t be an issue.

We deferred our August born daughter and it was the best decision for her. I wouldn’t hesitate to defer my August born son if I need to. I think it depends on your child but my daughter gained a lot of confidence in the extra year and she’s physically stronger but funnily still one of the smallest in her class. I also feel children start school so young here so I was happy to have another year with no school terms. We applied for a reception start and it was accepted.

I am summer born child and I was probably a little immature both socially and physically compared to my peers. The education system (not UK) I was in allowed for me to do an extra year at primary resulting in secondary School being much better and I thrived, both academically and in confidence.

And no future employer questioned my age that is just ridiculous 😂 Instead they were more focused on my experience and education like they should be 🙄

@CheetasOnFajitas once a child is placed into a cohort they will stay in that cohort though-out their time at that school. I have no experience of 'gifted' children, but it seems like it would be a very big decision to move a child up a year group??

When it comes to moving schools, the best interest of the child must be taken into account. It would be very hard to argue that it is in the child's best interest to miss Y2 and go into Y3 just because their birthday is 30 August...? Why is that in their best interest?
Likewise going to secondary school. They remain with their cohort. The difference is the admission process, it doesn't happen automatically - but that doesn't mean they are put in their 'correct' group

For those who are interested, read the government guidelines:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/921254/GuidanceeforadmissionssauthoritiesSeptemberr_2020.pdf

Op, is there an element of this which is about you wanting to keep her at home? Ie is this about you and not her?

My daughter is summer born she had no issues and in fact was ahead of her cohort throughout her schooling, ending up with all A’s and a’stars and a first class law degree, I didn’t witness any kids behind because they were also summer born. Those struggling had birthdays across the year.

Personally I’d not consider this because skipping a year later on is much more detrimental in my view, they will miss an important year.

However I’m not you and this is your child not mine, but I’d think carefully if this is because you genuinely believe your child will struggle or if it’s because you are struggling with thr idea of her going to school and want to keep her back as long as possible.

@yellowgecko I was referring g to what OP herself said she was told by the school her daughter will go to- see the post at 16:04 yesterday. It’s all very well saying what the rules are supposed to be but the school clearly does things differently and she may not have the time or resilience to fight that.

@ThornAmongstRoses

In fact if you defer she will be a late joiner to already formed friendship groups and may struggle more in the beginning.

She will start in Reception, not Year 1, so thankfully this won’t be an issue.

It will if groups of kids are coming from the same preschools. That’s very common where there is a preschool attached to the school.

However I agree it’s not as pronounced because every reception class will also have kids who went to different preschools or did not go to one at all.

Op, is there an element of this which is about you wanting to keep her at home? Ie is this about you and not her?

Not at all - she goes to childcare 30 hours a week whilst I work, it’s not as though we are home together every day and I can’t bear the thought of that ending.

I had no problem waving my first child off to school

I simply just don’t want her disadvantaged because she was born two weeks before the start of September.

YANBU. You know your own child which matters more than birthday. A child born in April can be developmentally behind an August born baby.

My nephew is last August and currently in year 2. He's done excellently so far.

If you feel your child isn't ready then YANBU to consider deferral.

It will if groups of kids are coming from the same preschools. That’s very common where there is a preschool attached to the school.

However I agree it’s not as pronounced because every reception class will also have kids who went to different preschools or did not go to one at all.

Me and my husband had considered starting our daughter in the pre-school next September that is attached to the school, but it can’t meet our childcare needs.

My son went into Reception not knowing anybody and it didn’t have any negative effect on him - I think a lot of children in Reception year are in similar boats of terms of how many children they already know, and I think young children make friends really easily anyway. They’re all just so accepting of each other.

@ThornAmongstRoses

It will if groups of kids are coming from the same preschools. That’s very common where there is a preschool attached to the school.

However I agree it’s not as pronounced because every reception class will also have kids who went to different preschools or did not go to one at all.

Me and my husband had considered starting our daughter in the pre-school next September that is attached to the school, but it can’t meet our childcare needs.

My son went into Reception not knowing anybody and it didn’t have any negative effect on him - I think a lot of children in Reception year are in similar boats of terms of how many children they already know, and I think young children make friends really easily anyway. They’re all just so accepting of each other.

I know, I agreed with you. I was just saying that there most likely will be some ore-formed friendship groups in Reception.

We are most probably sending our son to a school that none of his preschool friends are going to. Doesn’t concern me in the slightest.

That’s what I think. I want my child to thrive at school, not just cope. Why would I put her in a situation where she may struggle for a few years, always playing catch up and feeling behind, when I don’t have to
They will always e kids who will have to okay catch up. You are only moving the goal post so it's not your DD.

That despite saying that there are no clear evidence that she would struggle.

The way it is coming about is that you want your DD to be at the top and you don't want the risk that she might not be. By the time they reach 18yo, the difference is hardly there any longer.

I want my child to thrive at school, not just cope.

That's why I did it. No regrets at al. The only difference for me is I have to make a paper-based (not online) application to the LA for junior and secondary. The LA wrote to me stating he will stay in his cohort throughout his schooling.