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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
PumpkinsPatch · 26/10/2020 10:58

I managed 18 years of no downstairs toilet.

As did many others.

I'd be super pissed if I was your friend and your kids had pooed in my en suite.

YABVU

ouchmyfeet · 26/10/2020 10:58

@Tashface

Going against the grain here, but if there's a door from the hall leading into the bathroom - coupled with the fact that there are no other toilets which aren't attached to bedrooms, then that would tell me the bathroom can and should be used by anybody.
Absolutely this.
Mydogmylife · 26/10/2020 10:59

@inappropriateraspberry

Those saying the op has her own private bathroom, has she said she doesn't want anyone else to use it? She may be just as happy to have the others use it if they're upstairs.
Why would they be upstairs though! To traipse through some else's bedroom perhaps?
napody · 26/10/2020 10:59

@ShowOfHands

We've never owned a house with more than one loo. Currently, we have an upstairs bathroom only. Amazingly, we manage to scale the stairs several times a day and trek back down again afterwards.

It was not up to your friend to clarify from the beginning that she didn't want you using her bathroom. Most people would have realised themselves that people use their own bathrooms.

You didn't realise, no real harm done. Just move on and enjoy your holiday.

This. An apology would be nice too. It sounds as if you chose the sleeping arrangements, she accommodated that and then you take your daughter through her room for a dump?

We only have an upstairs loo too. It's a nice treat to have en suite on holiday though.

EmpressSuiko · 26/10/2020 10:59

YABVU

You should have asked her first, it was rude to assume you could just use it and going into her bedroom when the door was locked was an invasion of privacy, you should have taken them upstairs when you noticed the door was locked.

IseeIsee · 26/10/2020 10:59

You should have both of your children in therapy. The night terrors, holding it in, fear of toilets, can't do playdates, can't go in school. You don't seem to have even basic cop on. God knows what else is going on. Please get help for your family.

VinylDetective · 26/10/2020 10:59

I can’t believe the responses here - or your friend’s behaviour. In my world you just use the closest loo to you when the urge takes you.

BrumBoo · 26/10/2020 10:59

@burritofan

I stand with the 8% saying YANBU; it’s just a bloody loo and if you’re close enough to go on holiday with people of course you can share a bathroom. I’d expect her and her DC to use either of the upstairs ones if they were upstairs playing. But MN is extremely weird about bathrooms generally.
MN is weird about bathrooms. This isn't one of them though. If it was a whole family sharing, if it was the only bathroom, if the op only used it occasionally (and always asked first), all those would make her friend more unreasonable.

The fact the op guilted the friend into the downstairs room then still feels entitled to the toilet (despite having two upstairs), then took a locked door as a right to go through her bedroom (again without asking, even ruder) suggests the OP has a history of just barging into things rather than thinking about manners first.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 26/10/2020 11:00

It's pretty conclusive OP; you are being extremely unreasonable. I would have thought it would occur to most people to use their own toilet. That's her roo.a and her en suite, not a communal toilet for all. You have your own toilet, use it.

I assume you're paying the same price each, so is there any reason why that same amount of money that you are each paying entitles you to a private en suite but not her?

JinglingHellsBells · 26/10/2020 11:00

I just hope that the Covid rules in your area allow you to be on holiday with another family- more than half the UK can't do that now.

You are being unreasonable.

She locked the door so you would not use her loo.

In that layout, some families might be okay about the option of using an ensuite which doubles as a loo for everyone but she doesn't.

Respect that and teach your kids to ask for the loo sooner not when they can't wait for 30 seconds.

ouchmyfeet · 26/10/2020 11:00

@mrsbyers

Your friend may also be wanting to keep the families toilet activities separate linked to Covid and that should be reason enough to respect her wishes
I doubt she'd be on holiday with another family if she was worried about this.
emmathedilemma · 26/10/2020 11:00

I'm with your friend, if they're all ensuites you use your own bathroom.

LittleTiger007 · 26/10/2020 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/10/2020 11:02

In my world you just use the closest loo to you when the urge takes you.

Really?

When it's clearly the ensuite of someone else and you have sole use of two loos in the house?

and when that person has locked the door from the bedroom side so you take the hint?

notacooldad · 26/10/2020 11:02

I stand with the 8% saying YANBU; it’s just a bloody loo and if you’re close enough to go on holiday with people of course you can share a bathroom
Its not aboutit being a loo. Its about going through her bedroom. The downstairs loo is a double entry set up so of course the hall way entry will be locked to make it private. The friend it appears, like most of us have, assumed that they have a bathroom each and their own personal space

WombatChocolate · 26/10/2020 11:02

Your friend already has the slightly raw deal of being ok the downstairs bedroom when the rest of you are upstairs. The least you can do is use your own bathroom.

We have sometimes gone to cottages which have a downstairs bedroom and a downstairs loo (not en-suite) plus n ulsatiars bathroom or two. In this scenario, we try to avoid using the downstairs loo nd leave it for the people with that bedroom, as they already have to go upstairs for a shower, but it’s nice to have some own space for them.

All that needs doing really is telling the children that this is their bathroom for use and the other ones are for other people. Your game children are quite able to understand.

Being in holiday homes requires some sensitivity to each fathers privacy. You’re lucky to have a bathroom each, so just stick to it.

MaxNormal · 26/10/2020 11:03

So unreasonable! Poor friend not even allowed a tiny bit of private space on holiday to the point where people waltz through her bedroom to shit in her en-suite.

JeanneFrench · 26/10/2020 11:03

I would not have dreamed of using your friend's ensuite. Use your own bathroom. I imagine your 4 year old has to wait to go to the toilet at school or pre-school or ask permission.

Even before/without COVID I am quite shocked that you would think it's OK to use your friend's bathroom, OP.

Is this a reverse?

diamond4u · 26/10/2020 11:04

I think you should use your own bathroom! Seen as you all have your own it makes sense to, and just like if you were living in a house without a downstairs loo, you would have to take them upstairs no matter how desperate they are. Toilets can be very personal, you might think your leaving it clean but it's prob not to her standard, little things like water splattered on the floor could be extremely annoying for her, I know it would be for me. I don't see why it's such a trip to go upstairs, it really isn't.

VinylDetective · 26/10/2020 11:04

@JinglingHellsBells

In my world you just use the closest loo to you when the urge takes you.

Really?

When it's clearly the ensuite of someone else and you have sole use of two loos in the house?

and when that person has locked the door from the bedroom side so you take the hint?

Yes really. Because it’s not an en-suite, it’s a bathroom with two doors.
JinglingHellsBells · 26/10/2020 11:05

FWIW one of my DCs had a house share like this.
There was a downstairs loo, which was not en suite as such , ( it was a cloakroom/ shower room) but was for the sole use of another sharer in the house.

NO WAY would we have used it and instead had to go upstairs and use DCs en suite bathroom.

JuliaJohnston · 26/10/2020 11:07

It's past belief that you thought you could stroll through your friend's bedroom at will, and that you have not one but two school aged children afraid of the toilet.
What help have you sought for this?

keeprocking · 26/10/2020 11:07

You do realise don't you that many houses don't have a downstairs loo and everyone has to go upstairs, it's not exactly the Eiger.

4stripes · 26/10/2020 11:07

Lots of people only have upstairs toilets... it's not really w hardship to go up there to use it. I agree with your friend personally.

MustardMitt · 26/10/2020 11:07

You seem to have forgotten that many many people in this country live in a house with a) only one toilet b) located upstairs c) have more than two kids!

YABU