am I or Dh being unreasonable about internal doors not fully closed

[DoorWars]

I'm prepared to be told I am so here goes.

We have long pile carpets so doors don't "swing" as such. I tend to just push a door and then walk away, To be honest, it doesn't bother me and its an effort to remember as the first 20 years of my life were specifically spent leaving internal doors open so the cats and dogs didn't start howling at closed doors.

"DH" has a thing about doors being made to be shut. The one that drives him nuts is the one to the laundry cupboard. I put laundry in the basket and just push it behind me - and its always slightly ajar. This for some reason gives him the rage.

He's now threatening to take the door off the hinges if I don't learn to close it because there's no point in having it. Except it is closed its just off the latch.

So,

AIBU - I should make the effort to close the door even though its not something I actually think or bother about

AINBU - its a bloody door

Get a door closer on it. Solved.

The only internal door we ensure we close is the living room door to keep the heat in (we have a hive heating so tend to only heat the downstairs when it's not really cold as it's big and wooden floors) otherwise neither of us really care.
However it sounds a bit like you're being told off by your dad as pp said. Which makes DH a bit unreasonable tbh

My husband always used to leave the door to the cupboard where the the are kept condiments open. Never had a problem shutting any other door but this one which was in the corner by the entrance so if half awake in the morning you had a good chance of walking into it. Used to drive me mad.

I’m also with your husband I can’t abide cupboard doors left open, I don’t know why I just find it irritating. We have a cupboard in the living room, it houses the booze and soft drinks, my husband leaves it ajar so I can see the fridge when I’m watching telly. It pisses me right off.

I can’t imagine taking something out a kitchen cupboard and walking away and leaving it open, I find that odd.

The only doors that bother me are the toilet and bathroom doors. Couldn’t care less about the other doors, other than when I’m cooking. I like all the bedroom doors to be shut when I’m cooking or the rooms end up smelling of curry!

For the sake of one door YABU.

He is raging because of a door that is slightly ajar? What is he three years old? Where does he get off talking to his life-partner like that?

Sorry OP YABU such a small thing to bother to do, but if you don't it will make it look so messy.

Close the cupboard door.

Or we could do some sort of exchange where I get your DH and you get mine, the not quite born in, but definitely and literally grew up in, a barn?

Anyone who has had cats will have been trained into shutting doors to cupboards. I was once woken in the middle of the night by what I thought was an earthquake - turned out to be my big black cat who'd crept into the wardrobe (door left ajar) and gone to sleep. Door was subsequently closed, and there is no wrath like that of a cat deprived of its easy exit.

I can't understand why you wouldn't keep this one door shut, even if it's purely out or consideration for your H. It's only one door and it doesn't take much to change your habit.

Imo HINBU, cupboard doors should be shut when you're not actively using them, what's the point of a cupboard if the door is left open?

But that's by the by - it's such a small thing to close the door, for the sake of your relationship just shut the door!

Of course you close cupboard doors properly. YABU!

I'm a door closer and my husband leaves every bloody thing open. Doors/drawers/cupboards and wardrobes. Literally drives me insane. If you make the effort to half close things then go the whole hog and fully close it 🤣 I'm getting an eye twitch just thinking of all those unclosed doors 🤣 also taking doors off the hinges is deffo a threat I would make!

@Zaphodsotherhead Too right! I have two black cats, live in a flat so all the internal doors are kept open so they can roam about freely. All cupboard doors - and the laundry and boiler room door - have to be closed. Partner is a pain in the arse at leaving those doors open. When he does, we all get woken at 3am by our silly male cat getting in and knocking something crashing to the ground. If I had a pound for every time I've yelled 'shut the fucking doors, the cat will get in and could hurt himself' I'd have thousands.

Imagine if everyone who lived with other people just stopped doing things that they didn't really care about regardless of other peoples feelings?

YABU. It's not about the door. It is about respect. This is something that borthers him and it would require minimal effort from you to entertain this quirk. Just close the door and show him that you care.

I think cupboards and drawers should absolutely be closed. It would drive me mad if people left them open.

As for doors, I think there's a difference between doors that contain something, and doors to a room. For example the cupboard that we keep towels in etc (the airing cupboard I suppose) should always be closed, but if it's a room that we're walking in and out of, it never bothers me to have the door open - unless it's winter and we're trying to keep the heat in a certain part of the house.

I actually don't like closing doors 100% since I got locked in a room at Brownies when I was 10. The door had closed behind me when I was getting something from the store room and the handle came off in my hands and I was stuck in there until Brown Owl's husband could come to take the door off. I was terrified, and don't close a door where there isn't another way out if I can help it. Even in the bathroom I just push it as far as it'll go without actually closing, and put the washing basket behind the door to stop people coming in rather than locking and closing it. So I am a bit funny about doors, really.

I can't stand him. I leave doors open all the time. I won't be controlled.
So many times this website reminds me why I'm so much better off without a man.
They're sooo controlling. If anyone threatened to take my doors off they'd be forced to leave and never come back.

@Allywill

Were you born in a barn?

Bloody hell, Dad, it's weird you're posting on here!!

I think it looks untidy to have doors open so I always close them. However, I think it's way over the top to "have the rage" about it. Could DH put a closer on the door rather than take it off? That would seem more sensible.

Ha, having been in an actual controlling abusive relationship - describing someone wanting a cupboard door shut as 'controlling' is laughable and a little bit offensive. Or course it could be part of pattern of control but there is nothing in the OP to suggest this is the case.

@Boatonthehorizon I agree with you. The posters saying it is about respect, should look in the other direction. Respect is not raging at your partner over such a little thing.

Doors between rooms he is ok with then? So those are ajar?
It’s just the laundry cupboard? If I have that right, then YABU. Cupboards should always be closed.
If the laundry cupboard is actually a laundry/utility room, then YANBU because it’s just a room like any other.

At least he isn't as bad as my MIL who insists that all doors are closed all the time except if you are walking through them. So if you're in the lounge and want a glass of water you get up, open door, go through it, close it. Then you take two steps, open kitchen door and close it. Take a few more steps to get glass of water then repeat the whole process. It is a cardinal sin to just leave the lounge and kitchen doors open long enough to get the water.

If he is otherwise a nice and reasonable man I'd humour him tbh as it obviously bugs him and it isn't a major inconvenience for you.

I am happy for doors to be open or closed but I cant stand doors being ajar!