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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said they're planning to break Covid rules..

304 replies

ThoroughlyForumed · 25/10/2020 11:07

I was visiting a close friend yesterday evening (all fine in my location at the moment). We got to chatting about Christmas plans and what we would do 'if' rules changed or were upped in our area.
Luckily for me my family is a neat 6 so as long as we stay in medium we can celebrate together but obviously would change the plan if anything changed. Her family is a larger 11 and she very candidly just said they were all planning to celebrate together regardless of what rules are in place then. I sort of shrugged it off at the time as I didnt want to start a hypothetical argument but AIBU for being secretly pissed off with her for being so cavalier with Covid rules?

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 13:19

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Well, as long as they have Covid, if they have cancer or other diseases or want to kill themselves through depression etc, then fuck them. Hmm

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:19

@Hercwasonaroll

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Incredibly dramatic response. Do you say the same thing about other viruses, flu, cold etc.

No one is actively killing anyone else.

By any chance, are you one of the people who doesn't know anyone who has died from Covid?

I know people who have become orphaned and/or left with significant, unknown health complications. I don't take Covid lightly.

HesterShaw1 · 25/10/2020 13:20

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Presumably you will stop driving, eating meat, using electricity, doing anything which results in greenhouse gas emissions then? Given that AGW will kill far more people than Covid.

No? Why not?

PatriciaPerch · 25/10/2020 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:22

@WaxOnFeckOff

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Well, as long as they have Covid, if they have cancer or other diseases or want to kill themselves through depression etc, then fuck them. Hmm

The people I know with cancer and depression have continued to be treated throughout the pandemic. In fact, one of them has been told she's beaten her cancer, which was frankly the best news I've ever heard.

Treatment has continued because their local health services haven't been overwhelmed by Covid.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:23

@HesterShaw1

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Presumably you will stop driving, eating meat, using electricity, doing anything which results in greenhouse gas emissions then? Given that AGW will kill far more people than Covid.

No? Why not?

This is completely irrelevant, but as you're so deeply interested, I don't drive or eat meat.

As for electricity, I don't live in a cave. There's a limit as to how much one person can do...

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 13:24

I have relatives who have died and friends with long covid. I can still recognise that on a statistical level for most people it isn't a huge risk.

It's also true that it isn't just covid people are dying of. Two close friends dead from cancer that wasn't treated. A relative desperate for an MRI at 26 due to a lifelong condition which has been postponed since Feb and she may get it in November. Her consultant is fed up because she needs the info to sort her meds.

tempnamechange98765 · 25/10/2020 13:25

YABU. I don't blame her.

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 13:26

Also a teenager I have contact with killed themselves. Another 2 require mental health hospital care due to the effects of lockdown. Numerous others needing mental health support which they are struggling to access. Not blaming the NHS but lockdown isn't without consequence.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:27

@Hercwasonaroll

I have relatives who have died and friends with long covid. I can still recognise that on a statistical level for most people it isn't a huge risk.

It's also true that it isn't just covid people are dying of. Two close friends dead from cancer that wasn't treated. A relative desperate for an MRI at 26 due to a lifelong condition which has been postponed since Feb and she may get it in November. Her consultant is fed up because she needs the info to sort her meds.

All the people I know with cancer have been terrified throughout the pandemic that their treatment will be stopped if 1) they catch Covid or 2) their hospitals are forced to shut down certain wards because of Covid. I'm not saying we focus on Covid to the exclusion of all other medical issues, more that the sooner we get a handle on dealing with it, the quicker we can resume all other medical services.

The longer the general public refuse to treat it seriously, the longer medical services will continue to be delayed. And that will also lead to people dying.

everythingisginandroses · 25/10/2020 13:28

Everything will be ok because Scott Brown and Leigh Griffiths have just come on.

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 13:31

If the government want the public to take it seriously then they should sort out schools. Its spreading like wildfire in them.

Lucky the people you know have continued with treatment. Sadly the people I know weren't lucky enough.

etopp · 25/10/2020 13:31

I have railed against the stupid, meaningless, arbitrary rules all along, OP. I just hope that everyone who breaks the rules for Christmas doesn't return to finger-pointing in January - as a popular sea-change is the only way we're going to get out of this ridiculous situation.

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 13:31

The people I know with cancer and depression have continued to be treated throughout the pandemic. In fact, one of them has been told she's beaten her cancer, which was frankly the best news I've ever heard.

Treatment has continued because their local health services haven't been overwhelmed by Covid.

Glad to hear about the person you know. That's not the case where I am and services still not up and running. BiL was discouraged by the adverts from visiting his Dr and therefore was admitted very late for his cancer diagnosis, they then didn't want to do a biopsy, delayed his chemo and now he's dead. I live near a railway level crossing and we've had 4 suicides in as many months, we normally have less than that a year. Friend who's dad had dementia and went downhill very fast, no doubt due to being taken out of his routine, was upset that he thought he'd upset people and they were angry with him since they wouldn't come in the house.

It's a national scandal.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:32

@Hercwasonaroll

Also a teenager I have contact with killed themselves. Another 2 require mental health hospital care due to the effects of lockdown. Numerous others needing mental health support which they are struggling to access. Not blaming the NHS but lockdown isn't without consequence.
Mental health provision in this country has always been inadequate, and lockdown has highlighted that.

Personally, I think sending all students back to university was a mistake when most of them (the ones without practicals) could have easily been taught remotely, and that's directly contributed to a lot of lone, vulnerable adults suffering. University is challenging for many young adults who have never lived on their own, so sending them there when it was obvious there would be Covid outbreaks and the need to self-isolate, really does seem like a short-sighted thing to do.

A lot of people complaining about the rule of 6 do seem to be people who are not on their own, e.g. couples with children complaining about not being to invite sets of parents. If you're not on your own, you have some support. Not everyone is that lucky.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:34

@Hercwasonaroll

If the government want the public to take it seriously then they should sort out schools. Its spreading like wildfire in them.

Lucky the people you know have continued with treatment. Sadly the people I know weren't lucky enough.

I agree schools have been handled poorly and that's all on the government.

It's hard to compare without knowing specific details, but it's always been a scandal how much of a postcode lottery there is in this country. All I can tell you is that the people I know would not have been so lucky had there been an outbreak of Covid in their hospitals.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 25/10/2020 13:35

So as it stands at the moment, 78% of voters think its OK for people to gather in a household at almost twice the amount of numbers of people in the rules

I think some people are voting that the OP (who seemed to flounce on the first page) is being unreasonable for having a pop at her friend

Not that they think 11 people is fine to have round at Christmas

I havent voted...i think the OP is being unreasonable to be angry at her friend but i do think 11 people is a lot

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 13:37

The longer the general public refuse to treat it seriously, the longer medical services will continue to be delayed. And that will also lead to people dying.

Why has the narrative changed from the NHS not being properly funded and supported by the govt to it being the general public's fault?

Well over 50% of NHS staff were twiddling their thumbs during the actual epidemic as they had nothing to do. That's not to take away from the ones that were working their socks off, it's just the reality. Then in my area over the summer there were no cases at all for months. The covid wards were closed, but still services didn't resume, it's just atrocious mismanagement by all involved but they get away with now blaming the public for not washing our hands enough, or not distancing enough or whatever else is now our fault.

Doingitaloneandproud · 25/10/2020 13:37

It's not your business, you know you're lucky with 6 in your family and say you'd do it another way if there were more of you, but you may feel differently in those circumstances. As you're not in them, you cannot say for sure.

We'll be breaking it for Christmas, tier 2 here atm, we'll have 1 more as they're a baby. And I don't feel bad about that whatsoever

Flaxmeadow · 25/10/2020 13:38

Like PPs have said, there comes a point where non compliance will be widespread. Mainly because the rules are illogical and for most people, catching the virus doesn't lead to dire consequences.

There will be noncompliance yes and a consequence of that will be large numbers of people for Xmas dinner. This will make the chances of spreading the virus much higher. Their elderly or vulnerble relative, over the bread sauce and brussel sprouts, will be more likely to be infected, with each extra person at that dinner table, and some of those relatives will die of covid in January

Hows that for "logic"?

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 25/10/2020 13:38

We’re usually five for Christmas, from three households. Currently we are not allowed any indoor visitors (Scotland) at home, and couldn’t meet in a restaurant because of the three households. Hopefully things will relax a bit by Christmas.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:39

@WaxOnFeckOff

The people I know with cancer and depression have continued to be treated throughout the pandemic. In fact, one of them has been told she's beaten her cancer, which was frankly the best news I've ever heard.

Treatment has continued because their local health services haven't been overwhelmed by Covid.

Glad to hear about the person you know. That's not the case where I am and services still not up and running. BiL was discouraged by the adverts from visiting his Dr and therefore was admitted very late for his cancer diagnosis, they then didn't want to do a biopsy, delayed his chemo and now he's dead. I live near a railway level crossing and we've had 4 suicides in as many months, we normally have less than that a year. Friend who's dad had dementia and went downhill very fast, no doubt due to being taken out of his routine, was upset that he thought he'd upset people and they were angry with him since they wouldn't come in the house.

It's a national scandal.

I'm sorry to hear about your BIL, I really am.

7 months on, services should be up and running. If they're not, the NHS is struggling where you are - the best thing we can do to help the NHS is to try to stop the spread of Covid. Some parts of the country have crappy healthcare provision anyway, so sorting out Covid won't be enough to bring them up to what they should be, but that's another problem to be fixed.

We need to stop Covid. We need to end the postcode lottery. Ultimately, what we need is more funding for the NHS.

Everyone should be entitled to the basic care required to keep them alive, whether that's physical or mental care.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:42

@RufustheSniggeringReindeer

So as it stands at the moment, 78% of voters think its OK for people to gather in a household at almost twice the amount of numbers of people in the rules

I think some people are voting that the OP (who seemed to flounce on the first page) is being unreasonable for having a pop at her friend

Not that they think 11 people is fine to have round at Christmas

I havent voted...i think the OP is being unreasonable to be angry at her friend but i do think 11 people is a lot

I personally think if you have a family of 11, you can split into more than one household for Christmas and leave no one on their own. You may end up with some people sleeping on floors in a flat that isn't designed for visitors, and it may not be the family gathering you wanted, but if there are 11 of you, you have options. Not everyone has options.
UntamedWisteria · 25/10/2020 13:44

YABU. Christmas is still a fair way off, and the government has said they may think of relaxing the rule of 6 for this time anyway.

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 13:44

If they're not, the NHS is struggling where you are - the best thing we can do to help the NHS is to try to stop the spread of Covid.

It's nothing to do with Covid. It's mismanagement and using Covid as an excuse or distraction.

The whole Covid thing is now just fucking nonsense. 7 months down and still no effective management strategy , the initial lock down was to prevent the NHS being overrun. It wasn't but fair enough. What we are doing now is all about face saving, control and who knows what else.