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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said they're planning to break Covid rules..

304 replies

ThoroughlyForumed · 25/10/2020 11:07

I was visiting a close friend yesterday evening (all fine in my location at the moment). We got to chatting about Christmas plans and what we would do 'if' rules changed or were upped in our area.
Luckily for me my family is a neat 6 so as long as we stay in medium we can celebrate together but obviously would change the plan if anything changed. Her family is a larger 11 and she very candidly just said they were all planning to celebrate together regardless of what rules are in place then. I sort of shrugged it off at the time as I didnt want to start a hypothetical argument but AIBU for being secretly pissed off with her for being so cavalier with Covid rules?

OP posts:
MegaBloxRoxx · 25/10/2020 12:43

My sibling lives with my parents. I regularly go there with my 2 children (tier 1) within the rules. If my husband joins us that makes 7. As it will at Christmas. In what way does that increase any risk of anything? Is it ok if we make my sibling stand outside in the garden for the duration? Hmm

Chloemol · 25/10/2020 12:44

YANBU however I would leave her to it, and make sure I didn’t see her until end January at the earliest

Flaxmeadow · 25/10/2020 12:45

So as it stands at the moment, 78% of voters think its OK for people to gather in a household at almost twice the amount of numbers of people in the rules

God help the NHS in January

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 12:49

@Flaxmeadow There's 30+ in every classroom I'm in from 30 different households. I refuse to feel guilty for having 8 people from 2 households over for Christmas.

Yohoheaveho · 25/10/2020 12:49

@Flaxmeadow

So as it stands at the moment, 78% of voters think its OK for people to gather in a household at almost twice the amount of numbers of people in the rules

God help the NHS in January

Meanwhile people who still retain the ability to think should do everything they can to stay healthy because if you need a hospital there will be no space for you
TheKeatingFive · 25/10/2020 12:51

God help the NHS in January

Those handling this situation at a government level, with access to behavioural economists and psychologists, should know that there’s only so long humans will comply with rules that go against all human instincts, once the initial terror has abated. And they should be factoring this into their planning.

I’m spending Christmas with my parents. They’re old, plenty of things could get them aside from Covid, this could be our last Christmas together, I’m not passing that up.

loulouljh · 25/10/2020 12:55

I don't think I know anyone who will follow the rules!!! So so over it now.

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 12:55

I really couldn't give a fuck about the rules. I'm probably 90% compliant simply because that's what works when I live my life as normal anyway.

I couldn't give a fuck what other folk do either.

If I or one of my immediate family were vulnerable then I would use my own brains and work out what the best strategy would be.

I fully intend to have my whole family for Christmas. All 4 of us, including student son home from Uni - and his girlfriend who he lives with will be welcome to pop in. I couldn't care if my neighbour or friend or a random stranger has 10 or 20 folk round.

pipnchops · 25/10/2020 12:56

I think it would depend on my friend's attitude when telling me this as to whether it would annoy me. If they were being cavalier about it and saying "stuff the rules I want 11 people round the Christmas table so I'm going to" then it would grate. If they explained that they had to have 11 otherwise so and so would be left out and there's no way the extra 5 people could make alternative plans then I'd be more understanding. I'd keep my nose out of other people's business regardless of how I felt about it though.

MrsHerculePoirot · 25/10/2020 12:59

[quote Hercwasonaroll]@Flaxmeadow There's 30+ in every classroom I'm in from 30 different households. I refuse to feel guilty for having 8 people from 2 households over for Christmas.[/quote]
But @Hercwasonaroll that is exactly the reason I WILL stick the rules at Christmas. Me being exposed to 30 students every hour, for an hour six times a day puts me at higher risk.

Ultimately we all need to minimise our contacts - please, please read the NHS frontline workers threads to see why. We need to protect the NHS because fuck knows the government haven’t over many successive years. Even if like @formerbabe you are of the opinion we should get on with it as only old people die reading that thread makes it crystal clear that it isn’t necessarily the people dying who are swamping the NHS but those who need hospital care to recover. That number is rapidly increasing on a daily basis. As the hospitals yet again fill with covid patients other services stop.

I sometimes imagine MN during the blitz - “this has been going on for months now, I’m not doing it anymore, if I want to have my lights on I will.” 🙄

Frazzled13 · 25/10/2020 13:01

@ThoroughlyForumed

I do acknowledge that I'm very lucky with the 6 but if there were more of us we would visit different family members in tandem and stick with whatever the rules are at the time. I agree no-one should feel alone at Christmas but chunks of time each is better than nothing
Is the 6 from different households? Will everyone you have Christmas with be remaining 2m from everyone not in their household at all times? I’m assuming not because just for Christmas dinner that doesn’t really work unless you have a very large dining table and no one will sit in the middle. So you are also breaking rules to suit your situation.Maybe you think it’s a less important rule, but still. I’ll be in a group of 6 at Christmas, we won’t stay 2m away from those not in our household.
babybythesea · 25/10/2020 13:02

It’s because the rules don’t make sense.
I have two kids, so my parents can come and see us. They can’t see my sister because her youngest had the temerity to be twins. One extra four year old means they would be breaking the rules. Well, they could see her, if one parent went, and then the other. Still the same number of people from the same households but split into two visits. But as they would have to stay with her because of the distance, that’s not viable.
I’m fine though, because my uterus decided not to host two at once. Mum and Dad can come here.

My sister can’t walk her kids to school with their friends from two doors down, again because the youngest is twins. When the kids get to school, they will spend all day in the same classrooms, as the oldest friend is in the same class as my eldest nephew, and the youngest friend is in the class with my twin nieces. Mums can walk home together, and add in another four parents just for fun. But walking to school, to be there at the same time, and to then spend all day together - that’s against the rules. Because my sister and her three make four, and the mum plus two down the road puts them one over. Unless my nephew walks with his friend, and their youngest joins my sister and they avoid walking in a group of seven, despite mixing both households anyway. Then they are in two small groups and now it’s fine.
What it also is is completely logic defying...
No wonder people feel like disobeying.

Heyahun · 25/10/2020 13:04

I wouldn’t particularly care what anyone else is doing

But I’m not breaking the rules/taking a risk of exposing my whole family to a virus for the sake of sharing a fucking Turkey together 😆 it’s absolutely ridiculous tbh

Flaxmeadow · 25/10/2020 13:04

Those handling this situation at a government level, with access to behavioural economists and psychologists, should know that there’s only so long humans will comply with rules that go against all human instincts, once the initial terror has abated. And they should be factoring this into their planning.

They do factor it into their planning. They employ social/behavioral scientists. Not sure why you think they wouldn't.

But that is not a reason to break the rules. By that logic, if everyone thought "oh well, the government factor in rule breakers anyway, so I'm ok to break them", we're fucked

Yohoheaveho · 25/10/2020 13:04

the rules don't make sense
They don't make sense because our instinct is to think they are about protecting individuals
However, the rules are not designed to protect you or me, rather they are designed to keep the level of infection in the population below a threshold

loulouljh · 25/10/2020 13:05

Risk getting a virus most people don't even know they have!! No, would never do that!

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:07

@MrsHerculePoirot I often think that if WWII took place now, we'd be wiped out. I despair at how divided, selfish and entitled this country has become.

I am obeying the rule of six this Christmas, and it means I'll be spending Christmas entirely on my own. The most contact I've had in the last 7 months has been from the doctor. I'm just going to have to suck it up.

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Yohoheaveho · 25/10/2020 13:08

The virus that most people 'don't even know they have' also leads to very serious consequences for some people

DoctorYang · 25/10/2020 13:08

Im planning on breaking them for the same reason, I will not let my daughter or FIL spend Christmas alone.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 25/10/2020 13:09

@loulouljh

Risk getting a virus most people don't even know they have!! No, would never do that!
@loulouljh Ah, the emphasis on most. Who gives a shit about the minority in that instance? Let them all die, especially if they're old, BAME and/or vulnerable.
Snackasaurus · 25/10/2020 13:10

It wouldn't be so bad if the rules made sense throughout but none of them do:

  • You can't have more than 6 people in your house but you can all go to a pub. I trust that my family will tell me if they have symptoms - I don't trust a pub full of strangers.
  • Children are missing out on seeing extended family but can be in a classroom of how many other children who struggle with social distancing!

Ridiculous!

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 13:13

I don't go mad and have loads of people over. But having my parents over and my siblings who live with them is exactly the same as having just my parents. Two more from the same household isn't really any extra risk to anyone.

I could expose more households by having two single friends over who live in house shares.

Like PPs have said, there comes a point where non compliance will be widespread. Mainly because the rules are illogical and for most people, catching the virus doesn't lead to dire consequences.

Whereas in ww2 leaving your lights on could have meant your house getting bombed. People did start breaking the rules and going to collect their evacuated children during the war.

Namechange313 · 25/10/2020 13:14

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HesterShaw1 · 25/10/2020 13:14

This is an interesting read which explores the psychology of how the British public has been brought to comply.

Hercwasonaroll · 25/10/2020 13:15

I think we all have a basic civic duty to not go round killing each other. Apparently, that's controversial these days.

Incredibly dramatic response. Do you say the same thing about other viruses, flu, cold etc.

No one is actively killing anyone else.