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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you moved out?

243 replies

jennie0412 · 24/10/2020 23:11

I'm in college right now, but before I go to university I want to have moved out. Nothing against my parents, I love them and I enjoy their company, but I want my own place, my own kitchen and my own bedroom. I want to be able to just walk out to the kitchen in my underwear and make my own breakfast with my own food. Honestly, I'd be over the moon to just live in a studio flat in a cheap area.

When did you move out of your family home and what was the experience like?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 25/10/2020 08:39

I was 16 and moved out to slum it a bit with boyfriend. Ended up flunking college etc. It was quite a while before i was able to have entirely my own space though

Branleuse · 25/10/2020 08:40

Plus in hindsight was too young

JaceLancs · 25/10/2020 08:40

17 moved in with boyfriend
At 18 moved 300 miles away for university
Never went back

Lozza70 · 25/10/2020 08:43

18 left home to work in London.

shinynewapple2020 · 25/10/2020 08:44

I had a BF at 20 who had his own place and I spent half the week there . When we split up I struggled with living under my parents roof at the weekend when I was used to being up all hours drinking and smoking so I moved out age 21 into a shared house . Bought my own flat age 24 and moved in with DH when we married at 30.

My DS has recently moved out age 19 when lockdown rules in March/April meant he wasn't allowed to spend time with his GF . We were able to support this having empty property following death of elderly relative . I doubt he would have moved so early had these two events not happened around the same time .

ShopTattsyrup · 25/10/2020 08:46

18 - for uni, but came home for holidays and still had a bedroom at home.
21 - renting a flat by myself, gutted my bedroom at "home" and moved it all to my new flat

dewisant2020 · 25/10/2020 08:52

I moved out from the family home as soon as I turned 16, my father was a nasty abusive alcoholic and I couldn't bear to live under the same roof as him for a second more than I needed. My Mum was devastated but understood why.
There were some really tough times, I often wondered how I was going to afford everything each month but somehow I always scraped by.
Defiantly one of the best decisions I made but I'd hate for my children to move out so young and struggle like I did

Redlocks28 · 25/10/2020 08:52

If you’re going to be a student doing a degree through open university, will you be able to earn enough from a part time job to live in a flat alone in London? What sort of job are you planning to get? The bills alone (not being able to split with a flat mate) will be very high.

Or are you taking about when you’ve finished your degree and are working full time in a graduate job?

Goatinthegarden · 25/10/2020 09:14

17 for uni, so lived in halls for the academic year (supported by parents) then by the summer got a shared flat with friends with some financial help from parents, but also worked to support myself.

Straight after uni, my parents stopped supporting me and I moved into a less studenty rental flat with different friends.

Rented a flat on my own from 23-25, then moved into a rental with my then boyfriend (now husband).

We got a mortgage on a house together when I was 28. Still there at 33.

PhilCornwall1 · 25/10/2020 09:19

17 for uni, so lived in halls for the academic year

17 for University?

PumpkinsPatch · 25/10/2020 09:21

About 23.

Moved back to my parents for a bit after Uni

Then my boyfriend (now husband) moved in with us. Then not long after that we moved out and got our own place.

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 25/10/2020 09:25

I was 16. At first I moved in with a mate and shared rent then a year later a friend of the family was relocating with work and rented me their 2 bed house for just £45 a week (cheap for even 25 years ago). I lived there for years and whilst I did struggle a lot sometimes, I loved it. I taught myself to cook and live independently. And the loneliness. It can be quite a thing to get used to, living all alone, seeing no one for weeks on end but even now married with children, DH going off on night shifts doesn't bother me at all. If things were ever to go bad, I have all the skills and experience of going it alone whereas DH moved from mum to wife, never being fully independent.

I didn't get on with either parent and their partners. Mum always went for abusive men and would snarl and get angry at DSis and I for not being submissive, apologetic and obedient to her men like her. We weren't rude, we were polite and well behaved but if they dropped something, we wouldn't cower and rush to clean it up whilst apologising profusely like she did still does.

And I couldn't live with dad because he was a typical mum's ex. A cruel and nasty man and his wife liked DSis and I less despite us being polite and well behaved (had to be growing up with a nasty dad)

Best thing I ever did was move out ASAP. I actually get on far more with my parents at a distance.

Plussizejumpsuit · 25/10/2020 09:25

You'll get loads of people on here saying they were 16 with a job and in school when they moved out op! But it's worth remembering the world has changed a lot for young people who are late teens now compared to a few decades ago and massively compared to when my parents in their 60s now where your age.

We'll paid employment is massive harder to obtain, temporary contacts are the norm, housing as a percentage of income is way more. So don't feel too bad about people who comment saying they were independent at 17.

Coffeeandaride · 25/10/2020 09:26

18.5

Plussizejumpsuit · 25/10/2020 09:26

*Well

Just feels like this thread is full of people bragging. Tbh

Plussizejumpsuit · 25/10/2020 09:30

@katy1213

Never went back after university. Nobody did, it was unthinkable in those days.
How old are you out of interest?

I find these type of comments really irritating. As if people can't understand how the world has changed and the issue is young people juat not being hardy enough. It was unthinkable because jobs were easier to get and housing more affordable?

Snackasaurus · 25/10/2020 09:30
  1. We saved up for a deposit for a mortgage on a house :-)
Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 25/10/2020 09:33

@PhilCornwall1

17 for uni, so lived in halls for the academic year

17 for University?

Everyone always forgets Scotland....

PhilCornwall1 · 25/10/2020 09:37

Everyone always forgets Scotland....

True

namechangetheworld · 25/10/2020 09:38

I came back home after Uni and lived with my parents and brother. We don't have a particularly close relationship but I was very keen to save for a deposit instead of renting. Bought my first house with now DH when I was 25.

Laughingcrow · 25/10/2020 09:39

18 in a studio flat

Laughingcrow · 25/10/2020 09:42

This was 10 years ago exactly. I had just finished a levels and got a full time job. It was a shitty studio flat but In a good town but a bad part of it. Rent was 500 a month was quite run down and I had the very basics. I had drug addicts pretty much as every other neighbour. Isn't always great but was better than my home life with my mum and step family

CherryPavlova · 25/10/2020 09:42

Ours have done/are doing it gradually.
They went off to university/forces at 18 but this remained their home, with the bulk of their possessions etc. They could always wander around in their underwear if they wanted and make their own food. They felt little inclination to buy their own food though.

We encouraged saving and house purchases as early as possible but also kept things here and they have their rooms still, despite having their own houses. They gradually took on more responsibility and we supported less both financially and in practical ‘sorting out’ things. We still sort out things like dripping showers and broken boilers if they ask and are either deployed or very busy at work.
They still come here for the odd night or two with their partners and raid the fridge and freezer to make meals or pack up and take home.

I think expecting a 17/18 year old to thrive in the adult world is usually unrealistic. I think not thinking of the family home as the young person’s home when they are university is not very nice. I hope they will always feel they could return to this, their family home, if they ever needed whilst hoping it is never necessary.

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 25/10/2020 09:43

As for my own three children, DH and I will be encouraging them to live at home as long as possible and save half their income to buy a house as soon as they can.
We never managed to get on the property ladder ourselves thanks to my own mum taking £20K in business loans in my name and my credit was shot to shit in my early 20's. I didn't go to the police as I had stupidly signed financial paperwork when I worked for their business as they had been shafted by 2 companies hiring them for tens of thousands of pound of work then going into liquidation and opening up the next day with a different name. That's how my mother justified what they did. Hmm

I hope for so much better for our children and as their mum I will do whatever I can to help them be independent, secure and happy.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 25/10/2020 09:44

I walked from my parents house into my new husbands House (i didnt walk...we drove but you know what i mean)

So im a dreadful example