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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's an argument against plastering Facebook with photos of your child

162 replies

BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 12:42

I imagine I'll get YABU for this as I seem to be in the very small minority, but here goes:

So many of the parents I know post photos of their babies/children multiple times a week/month. I remember being a child and it was embarrassing enough when the family photo album came out at gatherings, let alone 500+ of my parents' Facebook 'friends' being party to every moment of my childhood.

I've posted a couple of photos since my baby was born at the beginning of this year. One of her just after birth, and one family photo which I felt was reasonable.

I'd love to 'show off' my baby or post some of the cute or amusing things she does, but she's also her own person, and should be able to decide what parts of her life she wants on the internet, and which parts she doesn't.

I certainly send pictures to close family or friends to see, but I don't think it's fair on her to post them for people she will likely never meet to see online.

AIBU?

OP posts:
eggofmantumbi · 24/10/2020 12:45

Personally I agree. There are no photos of my children on Facebook at all except one of my daughter at my brother's wedding. Anyone who wants to see photos either gets sent them anyway, or has my number and could text to ask for some.
I keep thinking ahead that it'll be very difficult for me to preach about online safety of I've spent the first how ever many years of my kids lives posting them all over SM.

Original poster
BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 12:58

Interesting to hear from somebody else who feels the same-

We were talking about how damaging sites like instagram can be (perhaps especially so for young girls in terms of the unrealistic filter-culture beauty standards), and how we'd try to limit access. I think that would seem hypocritical if I'd spent her whole life posting photos of her on my own SM.

OP posts:
FlyNow · 24/10/2020 13:08

Yanbu but... OP you post photos! You've drawn a convenient line between the amount you post (fine) and any amount above that (way too many).

And not sure why you'd think it would be an unpopular opinion, if anything it's the most popular opinion at the moment. Most people I know have kids but you wouldn't have a clue from their sm. Not even those silly emoji sticker over face photos.

Original poster
BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 13:11

Sometimes I feel that people are so keen to portray their family image online, that they forget that the children can't consent to being a part of that, or decide which pictures they are okay with.

I try to imagine it as if it were my own mother posting daily updates about me: a female doctor in her 30's and a mother myself: here she is crying after a long shift. Here she is having not washed in 2 days. Here she is going to Sainsbury's/Lidl/the beach/the park in a dodgy outfit because she got covered in mashed banana just before leaving the house. Here she is with food on her face that she doesnt know about. Here she is trying to get her baby to have a nap. Here she is in bed with D&V, #sadface.

I'd hate it, but at least I'd be able to ask her not to. Why is it okay to do it to our babies/young children?

OP posts:
Original poster
BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 13:15

@FlyNow
That's a good point you make that I do have photos. I think it's because I don't see it as a black and white decision- all or nothing. For example, I wouldn't mind if my mother posted a family photo that happened to have me in it. I also wouldn't mind my mother posting a photo of a major life even of mine eg. 'My daughter graduated today' or similar.

But photos every day or every week of the mundane, the silly, the embarrassing, as I have listed in my previous post, those I wouldn't be okay with.

I think it's about a sensible balance.

OP posts:
Bellesavage · 24/10/2020 13:16

We had a no photos online policy from birth with both kids. I'm not a fan of sharenting. It makes the sharer feel good until they don't get enough likes and then it makes them feel awful and it always makes people seeing it feel shit because it's a pretend social media life.

I have a friend who constantly shares pics of her family eating shaped pancakes that she's made with organic flour that she grew the wheat for herself, she scavenged the huge plate of berries that she has with them on a lovely autumn day with her kids (with pics of course) and then gave half to the poor. The eggs were laid by ex battery hens they adopted and presumably signed a waiver for their eggs to be used etc etc Bore off!

MeepleMe · 24/10/2020 13:16

Totally agree OP. Some children's lives are plastered all over the internet and I do wonder how those children will feel when they grow up. They don't have the capacity to consent to it, and unlike parental consent applying for other decisions like healthcare, there's no way Facebook exposure is in a child's best interest.

flaviaritt · 24/10/2020 13:16

I put quite a few up when she was a baby but now she is more identifiable as ‘her’ I don’t do it very often at all. As she gets older I will do it even less.

Conair · 24/10/2020 13:18

I post multiple pics of my children on facebook... some funny, some cute and one or two probably embarrassing.
It's not something I'm bothered about or them at this stage if they are in the future then I will act accordingly.
My 13 year old is at the age where I ask him if I can post certain pictures of him and if he doesn't want them posted I respect his decision.
I live hundreds of miles away from family and old friends so it's lovely that they get to see my children grow up.
It's the way of the world now, our children have grown up with this technology.

WhatNameToChooseNow · 24/10/2020 13:19

Yanbu it's called SAFEGUARDING. I'm regularly disgusted by someone I know posting bare bum cheeks of their poor son in random places in public...poor kid!

LolaSmiles · 24/10/2020 13:20

I think some people share far too much (especially 'cute' photos that will br embarrassing later), but equally I think others think they're holier than thou for sharing nothing.

Conair · 24/10/2020 13:20

Can I just state I would never post naked or provocative pics of my children. Even as babies.

Original poster
BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 13:22

@Conair interesting to hear from the other side of things, and it's good that your children are okay with the photos.

I suppose my thinking is that by 13, if they decided they weren't okay with it, while you can delete or increase the privacy of the photos, you can't take away the fact that they were up for 13 years before they knew if they were okay with it or not.

OP posts:
Conair · 24/10/2020 13:24

I just don't see the harm genuinely... I highly doubt it's going to massively affect his life having childhood pics put up on social media for my friends to see. 🤷‍♀️

flaviaritt · 24/10/2020 13:27

And no, I would never make a photo of her public if she wasn’t fully dressed.

Dugee · 24/10/2020 13:29

I agree. I think it relates to privacy. They can choose whether or not they want an online presence when they are older.

Sirzy · 24/10/2020 13:29

I post photos of DS, now he is older I always check with him first and wouldn’t post something he isn’t happy with.

It’s an each to their own thing, unless they are photos showing abuse or something then I couldn’t care what other parents decide to share or not. Everyone has their reasoning for making their decisions

Conair · 24/10/2020 13:29

As an added thing my kids love looking back on the Facebook memories that pop up.

Lovelydovey · 24/10/2020 13:29

I post the annual back to school photos but nothing else - distant family like seeing the odd photo. But agree with not over sharing as children have to live with it.

FlyNow · 24/10/2020 13:29

Fair enough OP but I think it's weird you feel like you have a strong opinion on this, when many people would say you've posted too much. They would say why put any info about your dc online when you don't know where it could end up.

Personally I don't post pics, but I also don't judge people who do, especially when the kid in question is a small baby. Is anyone actually "embarrassed" by the fact that they did some funny cute thing as a baby. A baby isn't really you. And your teen dc won't be spending their time trawling your fb account going back 15 years, in fact you won't even have a fb account by then as sm platforms move on. So I can't get worried about it really.

mrscatmad31 · 24/10/2020 13:29

Personally, I have no photos of me from my childhood and my mother died when I was a teenager. I plaster photos on Facebook (I'm careful who can see them) because I'm scared something will happen to me and my children will forget me. My eldest loves seeing the photos from when she was a baby. I think it's up to the individual family tbh

fuckfuckingcovid19 · 24/10/2020 13:32

What is the correct number of pictures to post then in your mind? Is 2 the right number?

alphabetsoup1980 · 24/10/2020 13:38

I think it's really weird when parents post multiple photos every day of their children. I got rid of Facebook when my eldest daughter was born. (Seven years ago) When I bump into friends etc, we actually have stuff to talk about because I haven't spoon fed my children's every waking moment on social media.

They actually noticed a change in her growth and developments because I hadn't informed them every single time she reached a mini milestone.

I absolutely love not having social media - it's extremely refreshing not to part of conversations that start with 'did you see soandso's photo on Facebook! ?' Blah blah

Get rid of it ladies - it's amazing

Thismustbelove · 24/10/2020 13:40

OP you post photos! You've drawn a convenient line between the amount you post (fine) and any amount above that (way too many).

This.

The points in your debate/argument are moot.

Cdstjooyv · 24/10/2020 13:42

I try to balance it by only putting up pictures of the back of them - I want to share things about our lives and proud moments but I don’t want their faces plastered all over the internet so this is my compromise. Tbh I only post a couple times a month but still