To think there's an argument against plastering Facebook with photos of your child

[BaylisAndHardon]

I imagine I'll get YABU for this as I seem to be in the very small minority, but here goes:

So many of the parents I know post photos of their babies/children multiple times a week/month. I remember being a child and it was embarrassing enough when the family photo album came out at gatherings, let alone 500+ of my parents' Facebook 'friends' being party to every moment of my childhood.

I've posted a couple of photos since my baby was born at the beginning of this year. One of her just after birth, and one family photo which I felt was reasonable.

I'd love to 'show off' my baby or post some of the cute or amusing things she does, but she's also her own person, and should be able to decide what parts of her life she wants on the internet, and which parts she doesn't.

I certainly send pictures to close family or friends to see, but I don't think it's fair on her to post them for people she will likely never meet to see online.

AIBU?

@Greysparkles

Excuses are only needed when people are doing something wrong.

They're not. So why say "excuses wears thin"
When it's not as excuse

I don't think I can make what I'm saying any clearer but I'll give it one more go...

Imo the people who claim they only post their kid's photos on Facebook so family can see their kids growing up, are using that as an excuse because in reality, they could use a family WhatsApp group.

As for whether it's wrong to post photos of other people on the internet without their informed consent, well you obviously think it's right and I think it's wrong.

I can't really explain any more than that as I'm losing the will to live here

I personally do not post photos of my child on Facebook. The internet is forever and I want her to choose what she puts out there.

I had a Facebook friend who documents every tiny little aspect of their children's lives on Facebook, everything from pregnancy through to birth, school photos, activities, bath shots, medical information there was not a thing you could not find out about her kids from her Facebook page. It was like a one stop shop. That to me is to much and I don't think her kids will thank her for it.

I have family overseas and Facebook is the only way I get to see their children, so it is nice from that perspective. However, I looked up my neighbour the other day so I could message her to tell her I’d taken a parcel in for her and saw she had a lot of pictures of her DC that were visible to me even though we weren’t friends. I don’t think pictures of children should be on public profiles - if they are posted, they should have the settings changed to friends only.

YABU for saying plastered...why are photos on social media always described in a disparaging way as being ',plastered' 🤔

It's something I've often thought about and I try to limit how much I post. I maybe post once in a few weeks, and it will be something like pictures of me and DH hiking and the baby in the carrier. Or the occasional photo of baby in a cute outfit. But I don't go into detail about our lives and don't share any embarrassing pics or anything that I think my daughter may be embarrassed by some day.
I feel like I'm always second guessing myself about how much sharing is too much...I've been on various forms of social media since I was 15 so it's hard to break the habit.
Also I'm not from the Uk originally, Facebook is how I keep in touch with family and friends from my home country and they like seeing out photos.

Frankly, other people’s children are boring so YABU to post anything

Posting photos of children on Facebook screams of desperation, much the same as daily duck faced selfies and hospital check ins. Lots of people trot out the old 'relatives' line as an excuse but it's perfectly easy to send photos via email or Whatsapp.

And this is coming from someone who takes approximately 3 billion photos of her children a day.

WorraLiberty Not everyone has, or wants to have, WhatsApp. For people who live in rural parts of New Zealand, like my family, where the internet is still shit, Facebook is the easiest way to get photos. Not everyone has access to everything.

@GrouchyKiwi

WorraLiberty Not everyone has, or wants to have, WhatsApp. For people who live in rural parts of New Zealand, like my family, where the internet is still shit, Facebook is the easiest way to get photos. Not everyone has access to everything.

Email? Text?

There are far more private ways of sharing images of your children with family members.

Yeah, texting photos to NZ is insane.

Like I said, their internet is rubbish. Downloading emails isn't always simple. Facebook is.

but it's perfectly easy to send photos via email or Whatsapp

It's also perfectly easy to upload to Facebook

I havent posted a picture of my kids naked, crying, covered in food, making a strange face or anything that could be considered embarrassing. I might post a picture of them (and me) at the zoo or carving a pumpkin, or a photo of the baby waving with a caption saying she's cute. Dont really see how that is embarrassing.

How does it scream of desperation? People post various snippets of their life and their children are a part of that. Surely it's no different to any of the other stuff that gets posted, like people's nights out, holidays and how many miles they did on their run. Personally I don't care about those details but if it makes the person happy to share so be it, I wouldn't call them desperate!

Not all my relatives use WhatsApp. We have one for immediate family but I also have aunts, uncles and various cousins, we're not quite close enough for regular contact over WhatsApp but still like to see each other's updates on Facebook.

If parents do not respect their own children's right to privacy, what right have they to ask for their own?

How might you feel, when you are old and infirm, if your adult children posted pictures of you on the internet because they could? Here's mum in her incontinence pants...

I mean YABU for judging what other people choose to do.

I don't disagree with you, I don't plaster mine over social media, but it's not really your business.

I have a private social media account for my toddler where only family are connected and it is strictly private. My family live miles away and my in-laws live abroad and they love seeing photos of their grandchild. The reason why I also have a SM for my toddler is, whilst on honeymoon (before dc was born) my phone got stolen and I lost all my photos from 2010- 2016 including my hen do, wedding and half the honeymoon. I was absolutely devastated. Since that day, I vowed to keep my photos online but in private albums as I can always access my social media accounts. I know you might probably say get some storage but I lose them. Emails and social media is a platform I can always have access to anytime.

@oncloudnine

How does it scream of desperation? People post various snippets of their life and their children are a part of that. Surely it's no different to any of the other stuff that gets posted, like people's nights out, holidays and how many miles they did on their run. Personally I don't care about those details but if it makes the person happy to share so be it, I wouldn't call them desperate!

Not all my relatives use WhatsApp. We have one for immediate family but I also have aunts, uncles and various cousins, we're not quite close enough for regular contact over WhatsApp but still like to see each other's updates on Facebook.

Surely it's no different to any of the other stuff that gets posted, like people's nights out, holidays and how many miles they did on their run.

You can't see the difference between people posting photos of themselves and people posting photos of others without their informed permission?

If your aunts, uncles and various cousins really want to see photos of your children, surely they'd ask you to send them privately?

God I really want to @alphabetsoup1980 but I have a few people I’m friends with who are brilliantly funny and the best value...I don’t even see them that much any more, but I realised after a short break that I’d really missed their content!

It’s a funny one isn’t it OP, honestly I don’t share that much on there any more as there’s people I don’t want to share aspects of my life with but whom I can’t delete as it would be too socially awkward.

I tend to use Stories on Instagram, I have it set to close friends (you can set this list) and they disappear after 24 hrs, although you can still have a record in your archive to look back on which is nice.

I don’t put photos of my child on the internet (and don’t allow school to do so) because a former policeman told me that paedos get a lot of photos from facebook - preteen gym classes etc. 🤢

Plus there’s this kind of thing which is only going to get worse
www.wired.co.uk/article/telegram-deepfakes-deepnude-ai

I don't post often but I do post. I have my account as private as possible and only have people I am friends with in real life including family. I only post "nice" pictures and nothing embarrassing but DS is a massive part of my life. I didn't share my pregnancy on SM because I was convinced something would go wrong but now that he's here and safe and wonderful sharing that makes me happy. I'm probably wrong and that probably makes me selfish but we all have to make our own parenting decisions as we go.

I've had facebook since 2006 and I've always posted tonnes of photos. And before Facebook I used to make scrapbooks. I love photos. Now I've had kids my kids feature in my photos. That winds down as they get older because they live their own lives more and more. For example my son is 5 now so I ask him before I take any photos of him. When he's older I'm sure he may nitwit to have his photos taken any more and that fine.. and if he wants photos taken down off Facebook thats fine too.
I dont know why people get their knickers in a twist about this tbh.
I view Facebook as a public place akin to going into the town centre. I wouldnt do anything on facebook that I wouldn't do or say in public. So I wouldnt ever post any naked or embarrassing pictures anyway. Anything you can see on Facebook you could see if you saw me and my family in town. And hundreds of strangers do see me and my family in town all the time... so i do not understand what is so terrible about these ohotos people put up?
If you don't like photos thats fair enough... but somepeople do and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
All this technophobe nonesense.. 'photos steal your soul and cheapen experience!' No. They are just images of you and your family anyone could see by simply walking past you out and about. Yet you don't cover your kids with big black cloaks outside because their images are just so sacred that no one you dont know can set eyes on them.
Like i dont think people should post photos of theu dont like to... but equally stop being so flaming judgemental and paranoid about how other people express themselves or what they value.
Photos mean different things to different people.

If you don't like photos thats fair enough...but somepeople do and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

So you'd be ok with someone you trusted, taking photos of you in your private home and posting them on social media without your consent or knowledge? Especially if that person was someone you trusted and whose job it was to look after you?

And the only reason those photos of you were put on the internet, was for their benefit and not yours?

As a PP mentioned, if/when you're old and infirm and unable to give your consent, would you be happy with your carers posting your private photos for their benefit?

Me personally? No I wouldn't give one single shit. As I said I love photos. But I do understand other people have different ideas and as I've already said as my children get older it will be up to them which photos are left online.. but when they were babies it was up to me.. just like many other decisions about their lives were up to me then but will be more in their control as they grow. Id take down the baby pictures if they asked me too one day.. but id be surprised of they did. My son loves looking through the online albums and the scrapbooks I make. He often comes and assertively tells me to take pictures of specific things he wants taken pictures of! I expect he will get more self conscious about it as he gets older but maybe not.. he's very gregarious

Oh you do what you want.

I waited many years and through many miscarriages to have my baby, and then he was born as we locked down. Nobody except us and doctors saw him or touched him for several months.

I’m fucked if I’m going to hide him away online as well.

I’ll “plaster” my Facebook with as many pictures as I like because I want people to know how perfect he is. No different to emailing or WhatsApping, ffs. It’s hard enough having a new baby in a pandemic without people telling me I can’t share pictures of him too.

@Bellesavage

I've always assumed that my child will want to be a super spy one day and I have a vision of her coming to me in disgust when she realises her attempts to be signed up to mi5/6 were thwarted because she had photos all over the internet which would blow her cover.

This is brilliant