To think there's an argument against plastering Facebook with photos of your child

[BaylisAndHardon]

I imagine I'll get YABU for this as I seem to be in the very small minority, but here goes:

So many of the parents I know post photos of their babies/children multiple times a week/month. I remember being a child and it was embarrassing enough when the family photo album came out at gatherings, let alone 500+ of my parents' Facebook 'friends' being party to every moment of my childhood.

I've posted a couple of photos since my baby was born at the beginning of this year. One of her just after birth, and one family photo which I felt was reasonable.

I'd love to 'show off' my baby or post some of the cute or amusing things she does, but she's also her own person, and should be able to decide what parts of her life she wants on the internet, and which parts she doesn't.

I certainly send pictures to close family or friends to see, but I don't think it's fair on her to post them for people she will likely never meet to see online.

AIBU?

most people are only doing it to show off their perfect family moments, there’s never snaps of the tantrums or cleaning up wee. So contributes to other parents feeling inadequate
Anyone who thinks their friends' kids never have tantrums or cry due to them not uploading photos of their child in a state of distress needs to give their head a wobble.

What next? People think they're inadequate and the only ones to deal with poo explosions or baby vomit or sleep deprivation because their friends haven't posted a photo of their child covered in bodily fluids at 3am?

That aside, surely people who are actually friends will talk about their lives and the ups and downs separate to what someone posts on their timeline?

I used to have a no more than 1 a month posting rule for anything at all - especially baby photos. But also being aware of whether I’d care about this from a friend - is it interesting or amusing. I added groups so that I’d publish some things to ‘family’ only or ‘close friends’. People I’ve marked as ‘acquaintances’ must think I don’t use fb.

Now that the kid is a bit older he gets sign off on whether things go on my fb and who for.

Yanbu op. People post pics of their kids in school uniform with a caption of 'doesn't Theo look cute' stood outside their own front door so you know the school, childs name and door number. When they do the whole 'happy 6th bday to Theo' I'd have the childs DOB. It's scary how much people share.

I am very anti childrens pictures of SM. But unlike you OP I do think its black and white. Either you are ok with it or not. You cant post a few but demand others dont post anymore than the arbitrary amount you have decided is ok

For those who say they use it to keep family/friends up to date, I am always amused by this. Who doesnt have whatsapp these days?! Just as easy and free to share privately to keep peopleup to date. It is about showing off, or getting likes or whatever.

‘SAFEGUARDING’ 😂😂 when people post random capitalised words it seems so unhinged to me, you wouldn’t say a sentence and shout out one of the words!

I completely agree. There are kids I dont even know pop up on my timeline because one of my friend like the picture. Theres a thing going round atm where parents put a picture of their kid up, what school they go to, their teachers name, how old they are, what they want to be when they grow up etc like fuck me, thanks for making all the info I need to kidnap your kid so easily accessible!

I agree with you 100%.

I always remember being taught in school how even once a photo is deleted online from say your Facebook profile, it's never really deleted from the internet.

It just has never sat well with me.

And sorry to be the one to say it but how do you know somebody on your friends list or a spouse of a friend is not a peado looking at the 'cute pics of bath time'.

Also people who post pics on the internet of their kids in school uniform with their school logo on are idiots.

@FilthyforFirth

I am very anti childrens pictures of SM. But unlike you OP I do think its black and white. Either you are ok with it or not. You cant post a few but demand others dont post anymore than the arbitrary amount you have decided is ok

For those who say they use it to keep family/friends up to date, I am always amused by this. Who doesnt have whatsapp these days?! Just as easy and free to share privately to keep peopleup to date. It is about showing off, or getting likes or whatever.

I actually thing it's far more intrusive to send via WhatsApp. My Instagram is private, the only people that can see it are the family and friends that have chosen to follow me, and that I have approved. I post, they are then under no obligation to interact with that post. I have friends that send me daily pictures of WhatsApp that demand a response, it gets boring very quickly.

And sorry to be the one to say it but how do you know somebody on your friends list or a spouse of a friend is not a peado looking at the 'cute pics of bath time'.

I don’t. But I don’t know people at the splash park aren’t paedos either, or the swimming pool. I don’t worry who looks at perfectly harmless pictures of my kids or sees them in a costume. They’re safe with me.

@Nottherealslimshady

I completely agree. There are kids I dont even know pop up on my timeline because one of my friend like the picture. Theres a thing going round atm where parents put a picture of their kid up, what school they go to, their teachers name, how old they are, what they want to be when they grow up etc like fuck me, thanks for making all the info I need to kidnap your kid so easily accessible!

Your friends friends have shit settings then. And honestly if it's that easy to kidnap a child, the school is doing a shit job. Random paedos kidnapping a child is the very least of the issues anyone needs to worry about when posting a picture of their child on SM.

Completely agree OP. We sound v similar, first baby born earlier this year, same profession and only posted pics straight after birth and one other occasion. This to my v limited friends list. I send wee videos, pics to family often privately.
I even went as far as asking my MIL to remove photos of my DD from her completely PUBLIC Facebook page which she put up without asking.
Facebook own every image you upload, you can't ever really delete them forever.

Surely you can just unfollow the poster

I think you have a good balance OP, I will probably feel comfortable doing similar when DC1 arrives- after a good cull on social media and triple checking privacy settings.

I have "friends" (known from a night out or a job 10 years ago or we happened to be in GCSE geography together etc) who I could tell you minute details of their kids lives. From how long they napped yesterday to their poo explosions (with pics) to their surgery for their undescended testicle. That is way too much for me.

My mother doesnt have WhatsApp @FilthyforFirth
She barely knows how to work her phone, certainly can't dial my number BUT can look at FB as my nephew saved the page for her

It's not the 'kidnap' issue I'm worried about with so much sharing about children, it's identity theft - as pp said you can work out dates of birth, addresses and common security questions like 'first pet' quite easily from the information people share online. Even those who think they don't share much. Also makes it easy for stalkers - it doesn't have to be you sharing the information, your friend/relative could (as a friend of mine found out to her cost). As soon as you put the content out you have lost control of it.

I guess those saying YABU are just going to use the fact you have posted even a minor amount online rather than come up with a defence of why it’s ok. We are expecting our first child and the urge to post is already so strong but when I’m honest with myself, it’s just for validation. I would like to think we won’t post, that’s our aim. I would be very concerned about safeguarding them online and would disagree with anyone who thinks that they have full control of the photos they share on social media.

I agree OP

Most adults would go ape shit if someone plastered their photos of private moments over Facebook, yet they see no problem in doing it to their children.

Then they'll no doubt try teaching them that looks aren't everything, without a hint of irony.

To each their own. Personally I think it depends how you use SM in general - is your FB account public with 1500 random people viewing your pictures? That’s very different from a private account locked down so family and close friends who maybe don’t live near you can see your children growing up. I like the points PP have made about asking children themselves once old enough and respecting them by not posting photos etc if they ask you not to.

I only have a really tiny friends list, i.e. relatives and friends I actually see. It's about 50 people. I regularly upload photos on Facebook of my kids - nice ones, like when we've had a family day out and they've done something cute. My friends and family like to see pics of my kids without having to ask for them. I don't worry about who is seeing them as I only have trustworthy people on my Facebook and my privacy settings are incredibly strict. I don't see anything wrong with it - they're only the sort of photos I'd print out and put in a frame or an album.

The 'friends and family' excuse wears thing though, especially when you can make family WhatsApp groups.

People just like showing off their kids looks and receiving the 'likes' and 'love hearts'.

Fair enough but I think it's best to own it and think of a way to explain why you did it, when you're trying to teach them looks are superficial.

It's a bit like telling them not to smoke but with a fag hanging out of your mouth.

Our PFB is due later this year and We've spoken about this issue at length, and agreed that we aren't going to share photos online. Neither of us use FB and only update our instagram when we're on our travels.

I know this is going to be a major sticking point for MIL as she is a prolific FB sharer - to the point we knew we couldn't tell her we where even pregnant until we knew we where Ok with the world knowing. True to form she updated her status before giving DH a hug of congratulations.

I don't judge others that do and really enjoy seeing how my friends kids are growing up when I see them on my instagram feed.

I'm currently looking for a good way to record photos each month, like a scrap book- that could be printed off at the end of the year in a book for the GPs.

I post occasional pics of dd (now 11) for about the last 2 years I have always checked its ok, and I won't post pics of her with her mates just incase.

I have never been one of these 300 pics a day, living my perfect life through staged photos of the kids being still and quiet for 2 mins #blessed #perfectkids #perfectlife #mybabies #ilovemybabydaddy When we all know there's tomato soup marched through the living room carpet, peppa bloody pig has been on for 8 hours, you've cried 3 times cos the kids won't listen and they've had pure sugar for lunch.

@WorraLiberty

The 'friends and family' excuse wears thing though, especially when you can make family WhatsApp groups.

People just like showing off their kids looks and receiving the 'likes' and 'love hearts'.

Fair enough but I think it's best to own it and think of a way to explain why you did it, when you're trying to teach them looks are superficial.

It's a bit like telling them not to smoke but with a fag hanging out of your mouth.

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen pictures of ugly kids too so you needn’t worry on that score.

Wtf did you really suggest people post pics of their kids for the 'likes'?? I couldn't give a single fuck if no one 'liked' my pics but tbh, my MIL mentions to me when she's seen pics of the kids and thanks me for sharing them but she's never actually pressed the like button!

We're not all superficial and shallow.

While I don’t think you’re unreasonable, I do think there is a remnant of the idea that photography is somehow going to take a child’s soul, like some premodern fear.