To think there's an argument against plastering Facebook with photos of your child

[BaylisAndHardon]

I imagine I'll get YABU for this as I seem to be in the very small minority, but here goes:

So many of the parents I know post photos of their babies/children multiple times a week/month. I remember being a child and it was embarrassing enough when the family photo album came out at gatherings, let alone 500+ of my parents' Facebook 'friends' being party to every moment of my childhood.

I've posted a couple of photos since my baby was born at the beginning of this year. One of her just after birth, and one family photo which I felt was reasonable.

I'd love to 'show off' my baby or post some of the cute or amusing things she does, but she's also her own person, and should be able to decide what parts of her life she wants on the internet, and which parts she doesn't.

I certainly send pictures to close family or friends to see, but I don't think it's fair on her to post them for people she will likely never meet to see online.

AIBU?

@LividLaughLovely

Oh you do what you want.

I waited many years and through many miscarriages to have my baby, and then he was born as we locked down. Nobody except us and doctors saw him or touched him for several months.

I’m fucked if I’m going to hide him away online as well.

I’ll “plaster” my Facebook with as many pictures as I like because I want people to know how perfect he is. No different to emailing or WhatsApping, ffs. It’s hard enough having a new baby in a pandemic without people telling me I can’t share pictures of him too.

Not publishing other people's photographs on a social media platform without their permission, is hardy 'hiding them away'

@WorraLiberty posting baby pictures of your own baby is hardly 'posting other peoples photographs without their permission' .....

[quote Hickorydickoryspock]@WorraLiberty posting baby pictures of your own baby is hardly 'posting other peoples photographs without their permission' .....[/quote]
OMG that's exactly what it is

And for what? It's certainly not for the baby's benefit, is it?

I mean we can all make these things sound more extreme than they are cant we? In reality posting pictures of your baby ti express joy because you like photos and thats how you ordinarily express yourself.. is totally valid...and not posting photos of your new baby because you don't really like photos and you don't like the thought if their being photis of your baby online... is valid
They are BOTH decisions you are making on behalf of a child based on your own values. And as that childs parent you get to do that. You don't however, get to do it for other peoples children.

@WorraLiberty thats exactly what it is in the sane way as not posting photos is 'hiding them away
You coukd say either thing.
You do what you want and stop being so judgemental about how other people express themselves. Your baby can't consent to anything at all.

@Hickorydickoryspock

I mean we can all make these things sound more extreme than they are cant we? In reality posting pictures of your baby ti express joy because you like photos and thats how you ordinarily express yourself.. is totally valid...and not posting photos of your new baby because you don't really like photos and you don't like the thought if their being photis of your baby online... is valid They are BOTH decisions you are making on behalf of a child based on your own values. And as that childs parent you get to do that. You don't however, get to do it for other peoples children.

Yes, unfortunately as parents we do get to make the decision to violate our children's private moments by publishing them on the internet for our own interests.

Obviously that decision is taken out of their hands and placed in the hands of those who they rely on (their parents/carers) to have their best interests at heart.

That is a parent's right.

Your baby can't consent to anything at all.

Exactly. I thought for a minute you didn't understand what I was saying but you've summed it up perfectly.

Violate our children's private moments!!! Lmao!!! A babies life is not private in the slightest... children's lives become private gradually over time as is natural. A baby is completely helpless it doesnt need nor care about privacy.. it comes from your body and gradually becomes less and less of you until it is a child and its own person and eventually an adult. But a baby relies on you to make every single decision for it. Its best interests are intwined with your own somewhat.
If mother gets joy out of posting pictures of her new baby.. if she enjoys buying it a pink pram even tho that baby doesn't even see colour properly yet so didnt choose it.. she enjoys taking it to the petting zoo to see the animals even tho the baby can barely see in front of itself yet... these things are all to help the mum bond with the baby and feel happy... a lot of it IS about a mother adapting to her new life as a mum and nonding with her baby, You say that isnt in the babies interest? I think you are wrong. Being a new mum can be very lonely. I can totally understand why mums get enjoyment out fo sharing pictures of their babies with other mums. And i think its beneficial to the babies too.
As I said its each to their own. No one should be forced to post photos if thats not what they want to do but don't shame mums for something natural to them that really isn't causing any harm in most cases.

Totally agree with the op.

Is it just photos on social media thats the problem or all baby photos, say modelling? Advertising, film, television.

Violate our children's private moments!!! Lmao!!! A babies life is not private in the slightest...

You're right about that. Since the growth of social media platforms, babies and children can only rely on their parents/carers to keep their lives and private images off of the public internet until they're old enough to make an informed decision, about placing their own photos on it.

It's the luck of the draw I guess.

There’s the odd picture of DD when she was small on my limited number FB account. I don’t put pics on now as she wouldn’t like it.
There’s a mum from primary I am friends with on their and all her 3 children are in secondary school. She posts hundreds of photos of them constantly. Frequently they don’t last as the children ask her to them take them down. They often inappropriate and unflattering.
I don’t see the point. I think at some point her 12 year old DD is going to have a massive fit at all the dozens of swimwear pics or in short PJs pics she insists on uploading or shoving food in her face pics.
She’s the kind of woman who adds everyone she has ever met on FB as well.
I don’t think her kids will thank her

I never saw an issue with sharing pics of kids online until I opened facebook one day to find a picture of a guy my DH used to go to school with on a news site. He had been found guilty of child sexual acts, trying to sell his own child into a sex ring, and having paedophilic images on his computer. He is now in prison. My DH was still friends with him on facebook. We had NO clue what this guy was like.

After that, I swore I would be so careful about what I put online when it comes to my kids, so I have a few pictures of my DDs hands and feet when she was born, but thats it. Family are told not to put pics of her online. Relatives have access to them through whatsapp or a private message (I live in a different country to my family) and our immediate family have access to our google photos album. Its sad in ways because my extended family dont really see her, but IMO its not worth it. Any images I put up or family put up are out there for anyone to do whatever they want, no matter my privacy settings. When I see my friends put pics up at the beach, or in the bath, or in nothing but a nappy, my insides turn.

My kids have no online presence whatsoever. No photos, their date of birth is not referenced, their names are not given.

I do sometimes post pictures of my son on FB. But I always choose carefully, picking only nice images of him with a neutral/happy expression (and fully clothed of course).

I also basically ask myself: if this was a photo of me, would I be comfortable with having it seen by the general public? If I can't say yes, I won't post it. And no, my privacy settings are not public, but I never post anything which I would be uncomfortable with being made public - because once you put something on the internet, you can't guarantee what will happen to it.

Obviously this doesn't ensure that my son will be 100% happy with everything I have ever posted once he is old enough to care, but I think (hope) I have been sufficiently restrained and selective in what I have shared that he won't someday feel uncomfortable.

One of my relatives however posts cringe-inducing pictures of her sons on a nigh daily basis - there have been bare butts, curled up with a puke-bowl, plastered in food, crying hysterically, injured in hospital, covered in poo etc. If the boys are someday humiliated and unhappy about being splashed over social media in this manner then I won't be surprised. Some people really do need to think a bit more (or at all) before they post.

That's a lot! And second pp who "only posts pictures fully clothed"? I mean, that's pretty obvious and the bare minimum standard isn't it?

You'd think but we have had to ring family members and tell them to delete bath photos we have sent them privately (where things are covered up by toys or something, but still). They seem to think a cute photo we send them privately to make them smile because they haven't seen DC for weeks because of covid means that they can go on sm. Unfortunately these people now don't receive photos much if at all.

I only post photos on things where they disappear after 24 hours e.g. stories (unless you were to screenshot them but I am quite strict on who I accept as a friend so the people that are the photos aren't people I'd be worried about doing this). I have a profile photo with us as a family but that is it.

Each to their own with what people choose to share and they have their own reasons for doing it.

I have never posted any and never will.

I hate the way the Beckhams have posted every minute of that poor girl's life for the whole world to see. She is 9 - she can't consent to what they are doing.

It's not just my family who like seeing pictures of my kids. Some people on here are seriously suggesting that I send unsolicited pictures of my kids to everyone who might want to see them on WhatsApp.

What the fuck.

Alternatively, I could upload them to Facebook, where people can browse them at their leisure (and then don't have every single photo automatically downloaded to their phone's camera roll...) and if they don't like it they can unfollow me - simple!!

I actually do put picture of my kids on Facebook. Not too much but they are def there. Thing is I don't get the big deal, I only have friends and family on there and my settings are closed to anyone else so to me it's the same as sending on whatssap but easier as everyone can see together and don't have to send to lots of people. I've never understood the problem unless it's open for strangers to see.

I'm not on Facebook or Instagram etc so the only photos of my children are those I send privately to family and friends on WhatsApp. Even then it's very rare - maybe a birthday photo or Christmas morning.
I'm extremely cautious with anything like that.

I had my first child nearly ten years ago, and I shared loads on Facebook. Mainly because I was very lonely, and it helped to keep in touch with family living all around the world.
Also, the thought that DC wouldn’t like it never crossed my mind tbh.....back in those days Facebook was just adults.

But now I agree with you OP. I post very very few child photos now and will probably go through and delete them all as they all grow up.

YANBU

Once you post something on the internet you have no control over who sees it or what they do with it- how it is distributed and to who.

SIL doesn’t get it and I don’t text her pictures of DD anymore. She posts them on Instagram for likes and praise. Which has nothing to do with DD- she will never meet any of those people.

When DD is old enough she can decide what she put about herself online. But I’ll remind her that those images endure and will be around for the rest of forever, even after we are all gone. My dead cousin’s FB page is still up and FB occasionally suggests him as a friend. All his pictures are still there. It’s weird.

I don’t put pictures of the dc up 1. Because of many reasons posted above and 2. Because it’s BORING! Why do people think it’s interesting to post 20+ photos of their toddler at the same park every few days. At one point it was ridiculous I felt like my Facebook friends were actually 80% toddlers/kids with their own accounts. Grandkids of people I will never meet etc it’s just boring. (I’ve unfollowed all these people but can’t delete as they are people from work and it’s awkward).

Look at me all judgy 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 if I’m that bothered I should come off it I know I know

Fb is good for saving pictures. As long as I've got acsess to my fb I've got 15 years + of photos. So that's partly why I post pictures there. But also because we don't live near most family. I don't know dh family well enough and there's too many of them to dm all the kids photos too.

However I don't post embarrassing pictures. More posed look how cute stuff. I would never put on Bath pictures, crying pictures, covered in food, just in nappy, looking ill or anything like that. The running around the garden naked photos my mum was so fond of taking of me are not somthing I take or post.

I get where your coming from I know this one mum who's got loads of Instagram follows and it's all based on her kids one profile she has is of her eldest just doing the splits and to have a page dedicated to a young girl in not much clothing doing that is just a bit I don't know but she's desperate for the likes and I just feel bit sad for her.

She saw my child and was like aw you look like a model and said to hers sorry you don't. Felt really uncomfortable but guess her kids are what she's selling online. :/