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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's an argument against plastering Facebook with photos of your child

162 replies

BaylisAndHardon · 24/10/2020 12:42

I imagine I'll get YABU for this as I seem to be in the very small minority, but here goes:

So many of the parents I know post photos of their babies/children multiple times a week/month. I remember being a child and it was embarrassing enough when the family photo album came out at gatherings, let alone 500+ of my parents' Facebook 'friends' being party to every moment of my childhood.

I've posted a couple of photos since my baby was born at the beginning of this year. One of her just after birth, and one family photo which I felt was reasonable.

I'd love to 'show off' my baby or post some of the cute or amusing things she does, but she's also her own person, and should be able to decide what parts of her life she wants on the internet, and which parts she doesn't.

I certainly send pictures to close family or friends to see, but I don't think it's fair on her to post them for people she will likely never meet to see online.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MentalLockdown · 24/10/2020 18:40

We saw a local perfect Instagram family arrive at a local beauty spot, think kicking leaves in Autumn, pile out the land rover take five minutes of photos, get back in and drive off. We had a lovely walk, took up a couple of hours probably. That evening saw the status update of Instagram family, looked amazing but it was literally only five minutes of their life, enjoyed on camera.

When I helped out on the school trip to the zoo, that kid couldn't concentrate and led the others in taking selfies with the animals. Such a pity because she is a bright little thing and eats up knowledge when you get her in a classroom (no phones expected or allowed).

So I think I'm trying to say don't let the photography dominate the actual event.

Coolieloach · 24/10/2020 18:40

Totally agree with you, there’s nothing more boring than endless pictures of other people’s children. Why can’t they just WhatsApp their immediate family who may be interested?
Also many people are really dull when it comes to social media and just how easy it is to put a picture together of someone’s life and routine making them easy prey for criminal activity

Feministicon · 24/10/2020 18:48

I just don’t get what a lot of you think social media is for and what you deem acceptable to post 😂

RealBecca · 24/10/2020 18:52

I dont agree with posting pictures. But you really ought to not do it at all if you're going to ask others not to.

YABVU TO say FEMALE doctor. Why not just doctor??

Bakingcupcake · 24/10/2020 18:53

@Bellesavage

We had a no photos online policy from birth with both kids. I'm not a fan of sharenting. It makes the sharer feel good until they don't get enough likes and then it makes them feel awful and it always makes people seeing it feel shit because it's a pretend social media life.

I have a friend who constantly shares pics of her family eating shaped pancakes that she's made with organic flour that she grew the wheat for herself, she scavenged the huge plate of berries that she has with them on a lovely autumn day with her kids (with pics of course) and then gave half to the poor. The eggs were laid by ex battery hens they adopted and presumably signed a waiver for their eggs to be used etc etc Bore off!

🤣🤣🤣 this is sooop true! There are some right twats out there
ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 24/10/2020 18:55

YANBU

I don’t post any photos of ds or myself (the odd landscape)

I know people often say I have family abroad so do I all over the world I send emails with pictures

I don’t use FB but people Co tact me through it and I don’t update my life on there

bathorshower · 24/10/2020 18:55

I assume than anything I post may be accessible to anyone, anywhere at any time - yes, my privacy settings are locked down, but if Facebook change the rules, I've got no comeback. In particular, I assume that DD's friends may one day look at what I've posted - quite possibly to try to find something to tease her about. It was very tempting to comment on various developmental stages (e.g. finally done a poo in the potty. It's only taken a year), but while 3 yo DD didn't care about that, 13 yo DD will. So I do post occasionally, but only things that might be available to her (hypothetical) teenage friends anyway.

Incrediblytired · 24/10/2020 18:57

We’re the same!

LemonPeonies · 24/10/2020 18:59

Well. Your child your choice. I only have family and proper friends on my Facebook and Instagram. Therefore due to my privacy settings being as strict as possible they're the only people able to see my posts. I post quite a lot of my 11mo because he really is beautiful and my family and friends understand how besotted I am with him, especially as it took a lot of time and pain to bring him into the world Smile

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 24/10/2020 19:01

We’ve never posted photos of our kids online. I really do cringe when people post ‘embarrassing’ photos of their children. I’d have hated it as a child/teen. My kids are very glad that I haven’t, although my son now posts some but he’s old enough to decide what he wants out there and understands they’re there forever.
I think in the future there will be more laws about what parents can put on social media and I hope that that happens sooner rather than later.

OudRose · 24/10/2020 19:02

I have family members who have made/ make a huge song and dance about not having photos of their children on social media and being critical of parents that do, for all the reasons on this thread.

But then...post photos of their children Confused

If you post photos, then you can't be judgemental about others doing the same. It's cringe worthy and people will talk about you behind your back Halloween Wink

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 24/10/2020 19:10

Also don't post any photos of my children. For multiple reasons- their privacy, safeguarding, I have an anxious personality and don't want to open myself up to stressing how I'm portraying myself as a parent to people I barely know on social media. I take photos of my kids every day, but if you looked at my Instagram account you wouldn't even know I have kids (to be fair I hardly ever post anything as 90% of what I do is with them!)

Feministicon · 24/10/2020 19:11

And here comes the competition as to who posts the least 😂😂 just don’t use it?

Greysparkles · 24/10/2020 19:51

I just don't understand why people get so riled up about what others do on their SM.
If you don't like it, unfriend them!

The 'friends and family' excuse wears thing though, especially when you can make family WhatsApp groups

Excuse? People don't need to excuse themselves for posting pictures of their own children if they want to.
Just because you don't like it, doesn't make it wrong Confused

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2020 20:02

@Greysparkles

I just don't understand why people get so riled up about what others do on their SM. If you don't like it, unfriend them!

The 'friends and family' excuse wears thing though, especially when you can make family WhatsApp groups

Excuse? People don't need to excuse themselves for posting pictures of their own children if they want to.
Just because you don't like it, doesn't make it wrong Confused

Well I think it is wrong to post photos of other people on social media, without their informed consent.

Just because those people happen to be your children, doesn't suddenly make it right Confused

Especially as most people would hit the roof if they found other people were doing the same thing to them.

Bellesavage · 24/10/2020 20:09

I've always assumed that my child will want to be a super spy one day and I have a vision of her coming to me in disgust when she realises her attempts to be signed up to mi5/6 were thwarted because she had photos all over the internet which would blow her cover.

Greysparkles · 24/10/2020 20:29

Well I think it is wrong to post photos of other people on social media, without their informed consent

That is your opinion, which you are entitled to. But people don't need to 'excuse' themselves to you. Your opinion is no more valid than theirs

Conair · 24/10/2020 20:34

I don't feel I need to excuse anything it's a decision I make and I genuinely can't see the harm in it even reading some of the posts on here...

TinyTornado · 24/10/2020 21:15

I very rarely post any. My son has the right to a private life and isn’t able to give his consent. Where a picture has been posted it is either a professional one, or one which would be hard to identify him - eg a group or from a distance.

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2020 21:19

That is your opinion, which you are entitled to. But people don't need to 'excuse' themselves to you. Your opinion is no more valid than theirs

Can you point out where I said people have to excuse themselves to me?

I'm pretty sure what I said was, "The 'friends and family' excuse wears thin though, especially when you can make family WhatsApp groups"

Feministicon · 24/10/2020 21:20

Why does a professional picture make it any different??

Silversun83 · 24/10/2020 21:24

I don't really post much on Facebook for similar reasons but I do post much more on Instagram.. Though it is a private account which I only have shared with a small number of family and close friends.

Greysparkles · 24/10/2020 21:36

Excuses are only needed when people are doing something wrong.

They're not. So why say "excuses wears thin"
When it's not as excuse Confused

Mulderitssme · 24/10/2020 21:40

For me, it's about consent. Until a child can understand the issues with posting pictures online and also decide whether or not to give consent. If a child can't give consent then they shouldn't have their pictures posted. These pictures will be around forever. I certainly wouldn't like people to post my picture online without permission so why would it be different for a child?
I'm expecting our first child and I'm not announcing it on Facebook either. Firstly, because I'm a private person. Secondly, because I don't know who is struggling with miscarriage/infertility and I know how much it hurt when others would announce their pregnancies.

Feministicon · 24/10/2020 21:45

I’m sorry but that’s life