OH thinks no kids are left hungry?!!

[ihate2020]

I've joined the cook4kids over the half term in our area.

Oh is pissed of about it and thinks the parents that collect the lunch boxes I've made up are just out to get a freebie and I should spend the money on our own kids

AIBU to say he is a delunsional idiot?

I will be brutally honest. I think the ship with cooking and other basic stuff has sailed a generation ago in the UK and that's it. Schools can go and spend the little budget they have on cooking lessons, but I really doubt that it will override what they learn from family.
I mean, you have people arguing on these threads that people don't know how to make porridge🤷🏻
If that is truth, I fear that there is not much left to do for them tbh. Simply because that suggest not lack of knowledge, but a lack of want. Or a lack of capacity, in which case I don't think children should be left with that adult without a carer.

For every family where the parents are to blame there are so many more where they are doing their best but just cannot make ends meet
I’ve seen it myself my very best friend and it’s heartbreaking. They don’t waste money or buy frivolous stuff. For each child I see the same hand me down clothes and she doesn’t ever say anything that she’s struggling but it’s clear. They work so , so hard as well and are self employed so lockdown hit them hard. I have babysat on many occasions and I have seen the lack of food in the house.
They pay their rent and bills and there’s not much left over. There are so many other families on the same situation it’s not just families on benefits (not that that should matter) it’s other families too who before the pandemic were only just scraping by and are now in poverty

One good step would be to understsnd the reason why families who claim some sort of benefit working or not struggle so badly when others with the same number of children same age and adults manage ok.

It could be for any reason - higher rent or higher food costs (for example I know someone with coeliacs and their gp no longer gives Prescription for food so they have to buy it and it’s much more expensive)
There could literally be any reason as to why some struggle more than others I’m not sure dissecting every possible reason helps immediately but what does help immediate is to accept that food bank usage is high and has been for a while and rant families are struggling and need help now rather than investigating the reasons why
That has its place but I think that’s not for right now what needs to be done is to support these families first and foremost then look at circumstance

@MootingMirror

DFIL is the Chair of Governors at a school in central London where there is a lot of food poverty etc and DH is a teacher (and I used to be one). I'll be honest even though I'll get slammed for it.
Children are not going hungry unless their parents are either not applying for the help they're entitled to or the parents are not prioritising the children over their own needs. When lockdown kicked in, DFILs school gave out vouchers for school lunches - the vouchers weren't spent on food for the students and the vulnerable children (who still attended school) turned up without lunches. (The canteen was closed which is why the vouchers were given out instead of them getting the meals at school). The school then handed out food parcels to the families instead of the vouchers and the students STILL came in without food because it was sold/swapped for other things. It got to the point where the very vulnerable children who came to school had the canteen reopened (in a limited capacity) and the school had staff going door-to-door handing out food to students and watching them open it so it couldn't be sold or traded elsewhere.
Food is cheap in this country, benefits have been raised, schools have provisions for pupil premium students - some parents do not care. What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents.

I agree with this, although I don't want the children to go hungry...a better system has to be put in place for these instances

@MootingMirror

DFIL is the Chair of Governors at a school in central London where there is a lot of food poverty etc and DH is a teacher (and I used to be one). I'll be honest even though I'll get slammed for it. Children are not going hungry unless their parents are either not applying for the help they're entitled to or the parents are not prioritising the children over their own needs. When lockdown kicked in, DFILs school gave out vouchers for school lunches - the vouchers weren't spent on food for the students and the vulnerable children (who still attended school) turned up without lunches. (The canteen was closed which is why the vouchers were given out instead of them getting the meals at school). The school then handed out food parcels to the families instead of the vouchers and the students STILL came in without food because it was sold/swapped for other things. It got to the point where the very vulnerable children who came to school had the canteen reopened (in a limited capacity) and the school had staff going door-to-door handing out food to students and watching them open it so it couldn't be sold or traded elsewhere. Food is cheap in this country, benefits have been raised, schools have provisions for pupil premium students - some parents do not care. What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents.

This. Your OH is right. Footballers might better encourage parents not to abandon their children, nor have too many, and to have forethought.

You could give a gambling or junkie mother a thousand pounds a week, and her children could still starve.

For the last decade a lot of community networks and health organisations have lost support from the government including the most important, mental health. There are a lot people with mental health problems and if any of you have had it, you would know the daily struggles. A parent may not be educated to cook but if they have mental health problems which now it seems every other person seems to be on anti-depressants, it is normal for them not to be motivated to be productive. Of course this isn't the child's fault and my heart breaks for them that they have to burden such domestic issues from a young age that it really upsets me.

Giving birth was different 30 years ago where you had more support, I was lucky to be able to establish breastfeeding by the time I left the hospital. Bf also helped me save £££. I had only one midwife visit my home who never asked me any questions about my home life and just asked about how the baby was feeding and just weighed the baby and left. Not once in 19 months (apart from the voluntarily baby clinics and 9-12 month assessment) has anyone asked how the baby was and is. My child is lucky to be living in a safe and loving home but what if my child didn't? Not one single soul would know what's going on in people's homes unless a visit to the A&E for an injury where an investigation could take place or an overworked teacher might spot something concerning in school or neighbours hearing/seeing concerning things.

We have lost all the community support but when it came to COVID-19, we are told to spy, have COVID Marshall's, extra police force to patrol peoples shopping bags if they have non essential items but not a system to protect the most vulnerable in our lives, babies and children who can't speak and understand. We have failed in so many ways that it's a mess. There's some who abuse the system, there's some who genuinely need more help than others and there's some who are surviving and managing ok. There's some rich families who neglect their children but no one would bat an eye lid because they don't have tattoos and common names but the children are secretly starving and are psychologically abused by their parents and when cases like this is detected (which is extreme cases) the parents would use connections to seal this shut. Whether your parents are rich or poor, addicts or mentally unstable, no child should be neglected from basic needs such as food, warm bed and clean clothes. Of course love, security and safety is also a priority but we can't even agree to tackle the basic essentials for human survival- food.

Would he like to come and spend time with me at a school in one of the most affluent areas of the country and I keep a stockpile of ready meals, soups, cuppa pasta etc to immediately feed those kids who haven't eaten for a couple of days?
All sorts of reasons, parents both on zero hours contracts, sudden hospital care, long term illness, younger siblings in the house so the elder child sacrifices their food to make sure the little ones can eat.
There is part of me that resents some people who do have stupid priorities rather than feeding their children, but I would rather be the better person and just try to help those in need while I can.
The example we set now continues with these children through the years and the kindness shown by us they (in the most part) will reflect in their own lives when they are older.

@balloonsintrees

Would he like to come and spend time with me at a school in one of the most affluent areas of the country and I keep a stockpile of ready meals, soups, cuppa pasta etc to immediately feed those kids who haven't eaten for a couple of days? All sorts of reasons, parents both on zero hours contracts, sudden hospital care, long term illness, younger siblings in the house so the elder child sacrifices their food to make sure the little ones can eat. There is part of me that resents some people who do have stupid priorities rather than feeding their children, but I would rather be the better person and just try to help those in need while I can. The example we set now continues with these children through the years and the kindness shown by us they (in the most part) will reflect in their own lives when they are older.

I think what I'm not understanding is why the kids can't be helped to be more self sufficient? Could you teach them to make a pot of porridge? It just seems like a very cheap solution to having no breakfast? They could literally be sent home with 1kg of oats, which is not expensive or some eggs. Even a packet of cornflakes once a week? I would prefer these food vouchers were given to the schools and food packs sent home and healthy food provided at school.

Why are the older ones are not able to prepare simple meals, with some instruction? I was cooking basic stuff very early, with the aid of a kids cookbook. If basic groceries were provided, what would be the obstacle? I guess when I was a child, parents were pretty hands off generally so, we did make our own breakfast etc.

@MootingMirror thank you for your original reply, i was getting disheartened reading the other comments but your experience certainly mirrors my own. I've found this is a very difficult conversation to have with my privileged friends many of whom persist in their belief that the benefits system is so low you cannot afford food on it or that there is no help available for those whose situations change. I've worked for years in childcare and alternative education and I've also, when off with children and partner lost work, relied on the benefits system to get us back on our feet. In our area the system is more than sufficient to run a home and feed children. That said I also completely agree with what you are saying which many seem to be missing when they read - children should be fed even when it is the parents fault they are hungry. In reply to OP, what you are doing is really nice, I don't believe anyone would go to the effort of collecting these lunches (which presumably don't really have a resale value) unless it was going to be helpful for their family circumstances - I also think the parents collecting these are showing levels of planning and follow through that mean their children are not the ones going hungry as they are likely to also be accessing everything available to them...but that doesn't mean you aren't helping. If they are struggling enough to be fine with the travel to collect then I think they are 100% a group that deserves them. Good for you for doing such a nice thing x

There is a higher childhood obesity level here than in other countries, so it may be hard for people to look at the distended bodies of the small folk waddling down the street and think "poor thing, as a school age child, it is bound to be starving" Typically, though, people of over 80 will be stick thin. Still everyone 'knows', or chooses to believe, that all old people are rich.