OH thinks no kids are left hungry?!!

[ihate2020]

I've joined the cook4kids over the half term in our area.

Oh is pissed of about it and thinks the parents that collect the lunch boxes I've made up are just out to get a freebie and I should spend the money on our own kids

AIBU to say he is a delunsional idiot?

[Prettybluepigeons]

I work with a child who is hungry every day. His parents can afford food but don't prioritise it.

We don't leave him hungry ! Its not his fault!

[TheDowagerDuchessofMwwwahaha]

Wow your DH has lived a sheltered life. How lucky of him to be so naive.

[MootingMirror]

@Prettybluepigeons

I work with a child who is hungry every day. His parents can afford food but don't prioritise it.

We don't leave him hungry ! Its not his fault!

This is exactly my point! Don't leave the child hungry but feed the child, not the parent!

[TooLittleTooLate80]

But if the parents don't prioritise giving children food, giving food to the parents won't result in children being fed.

That's not necessarily true at all.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

But if the parents don't prioritise giving children food, giving food to the parents won't result in children being fed.

Giving food will result in many hungry children being fed. Not all, but many.

Giving no food will result in no hungry children being fed.

[WildWaterSwimmer]

He should work with kids for a week. I'm a teacher in a rough area, all staff are told to watch out for hungry children and give them a free meal or extra food.

I've seen children devouring their free school lunch in seconds, they are so hungry. Children scavenging in the bins for left over packed lunches. Children scraping all the plates of leftovers on their table so they can eat the scraps. Even stealing food.

Our head chef at school is amazing and would never knowingly allow a child to go hungry. He ensures they get extra portions for lunchtime and extra portions to take home.

[feministfemme]

@MootingMirror No, I agree that we should give food to children directly to protect them from irresponsible parents. But irresponsible parents wouldn't be going and picking up food from people using the cook4kids scheme?

[sapnupuas]

I think the point Mooting is trying to make (correct me if I'm wrong) is that if the child is hungry because parents don't care, making more food available isn't going to help. It's due to abuse; not lack of money etc.

Mooting isn't saying don't do it, it's just not a perfect solution that is going to help every hungry child.

And honestly, the thought of a hungry child breaks my heart.

[MootingMirror]

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

But if the parents don't prioritise giving children food, giving food to the parents won't result in children being fed.

Giving food will result in many hungry children being fed. Not all, but many.

Giving no food will result in no hungry children being fed.

Giving food directly to the children will results in ALL of them being fed.

[TickTockBaby]

@VinylDetective

Does it really matter why they’re hungry? I don’t want hungry children in a so-called civilised country, regardless of whose fault it is.

THIS

[WitchesGlove]

@MootingMirror

DFIL is the Chair of Governors at a school in central London where there is a lot of food poverty etc and DH is a teacher (and I used to be one). I'll be honest even though I'll get slammed for it.
Children are not going hungry unless their parents are either not applying for the help they're entitled to or the parents are not prioritising the children over their own needs. When lockdown kicked in, DFILs school gave out vouchers for school lunches - the vouchers weren't spent on food for the students and the vulnerable children (who still attended school) turned up without lunches. (The canteen was closed which is why the vouchers were given out instead of them getting the meals at school). The school then handed out food parcels to the families instead of the vouchers and the students STILL came in without food because it was sold/swapped for other things. It got to the point where the very vulnerable children who came to school had the canteen reopened (in a limited capacity) and the school had staff going door-to-door handing out food to students and watching them open it so it couldn't be sold or traded elsewhere.
Food is cheap in this country, benefits have been raised, schools have provisions for pupil premium students - some parents do not care. What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents.

Who would want to buy the contents of a food parcel? (Not questioning it, just surprised).

Those parents should have their children removed by SS, if they just won’t feed them.

No doubt, there will be millions of apologists along soon- saying that the families probably live in one room with no fridge/ storage, are too disabled to make a packed lunch etc, etc.

[MootingMirror]

[quote feministfemme]@MootingMirror No, I agree that we should give food to children directly to protect them from irresponsible parents. But irresponsible parents wouldn't be going and picking up food from people using the cook4kids scheme?[/quote]
Honestly, I haven't heard of this particular scheme but it depends what's in the lunches. Can they sell any of it to anyone? Can they eat it themselves? It's hard to believe as a normal, genuine person but I've seen countless occasions where children go hungry while their parents don't. I was eligible for free school meals growing up but my mum would never allow us to have them because of the "shame". I never ate breakfast or lunch and would get dinner most, but not all, days. Mum had breakfast and lunch and dinner everyday - sometimes eating out with friends. I don't think anyone ever suspected anything because we weren't on benefits and the money was there - my mum just didn't prioritise feeding us.

[feministfemme]

@sapnupuas It doesn't have to be a perfect system. One child getting fed is better than none. I agree that we should put in place extra measures for children with abusive parents, but that's not a reason to strike off help like cook4kids.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Well there have been two posters working in food banks themselves who've said the same as your OH, so maybe he does have a point?

[MootingMirror]

@WitchesGlove People will buy anything if the price is low enough. The parents got it for free so anything is a profit to them. Certain supermarkets had to actually ban the vouchers being spent on alcohol and cigarettes. I agree, to an extent, that SS should remove children but it's more common than people think and hard to spot/prove. SS are stretched as it is and they need to balance a child who is hungry over a child who is stripped away from the people they love and the home that they know.

[FredaFrogspawn]

I’ve given food to hungry children at school. And talked to desperate parents who aren’t choosing to deny their children food but have to make choices around preserving the roof over their heads. The person whose father in law is a school governor can’t possibly know every child’s story. Perpetuating stereotypes like that is dangerous.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@MootingMirror I agree, but I think that would be very difficult to organise in practice.

[sapnupuas]

@feministfemme

No one has said to "strike off help". No one has said not to do it.

Are we reading the same thread??

[MootingMirror]

@sapnupuas

I think the point Mooting is trying to make (correct me if I'm wrong) is that if the child is hungry because parents don't care, making more food available isn't going to help. It's due to abuse; not lack of money etc.

Mooting isn't saying don't do it, it's just not a perfect solution that is going to help every hungry child.

And honestly, the thought of a hungry child breaks my heart.

Yes, this is what I'm saying.

[LakieLady]

YANBU.

He's being a dick and a woefully naive one at that.

[CraftyGin]

@VinylDetective

Does it really matter why they’re hungry? I don’t want hungry children in a so-called civilised country, regardless of whose fault it is.

If you are looking for a long-term fix, then of course it matters.

[MootingMirror]

[quote JesusInTheCabbageVan]@MootingMirror I agree, but I think that would be very difficult to organise in practice.[/quote]
You're right - almost impossible to organise in practice. But just because we can't fix it properly doesn't mean we shouldn't try or should pretend the situation is different. I think a better system would be to keep school canteens open in school holidays (maybe even staffed by volunteers) and the children can come and eat one hot meal at lunch time. You know they're being fed at least one good hot meal and can spot other problems that arise in holidays (like bruises or being withdrawn, gang activity, drug use etc etc)

[WitchesGlove]

Wouldn’t a child that regularly misses meals be obviously underweight?

[feministfemme]

@sapnupuas "What you're doing will help hungry children but those children are hungry because of their parents." This is what @MootingMirror said but I'll reference it as you're backing up her points.

I guess my point is that we are in a pandemic involving massive job loss and so the ratio of cheeky beggars to people who are actually in need is probably quite contrasting. I think any help is good (and we can add more like directly giving food to children) but I don't think the idea that everyone who accepts the food is looking for "freebies" in a derogatory sense is either correct or empathetic.

[dontdisturbmenow]

I've seen children devouring their free school lunch in seconds, they are so hungry
This doesn't mean anything at all. My eldest was never keen on eating school dinners and I often had notes to let me know how much she's eaten. My second though would so just that, eat everything in 20s and then ask his friends for more. Both ate exactly the same. Eldest was very slim, the second just a healthy weight but borderline overweight.