Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

Wow. So many messages still going on this. It’s so helpful to hear so many opinions. No right or wrong. Everyone doing their own thing for various reasons.

I have dc but if i didn't by choice i could see all of the benefits, it definately isnt easy and im finding it particularly exhausting atm. I would however be worried of older age and how i may be lonely and have nobody to visit or grandchildren etc especially if my friends had family and i didn't.

'Having children isn't a guarantee that you won't be lonely in old age anyway.'

That's very true sadly in some cases...

@Handsoffstrikesagain he's a 10 year old golden retriever. He's doing really well though with both the diabetes and the blindness - we may be able to get his cataracts removed, waiting for a referral. He's awesome and will go on for a long time yet

I was happily childfree until I accidentally became pregnant at almost 40. I took a fatalistic view and felt that this child was my one chance at motherhood so why not go for it. DD is now 7 and of course I love the very bones of her but had I never become pregnant I would have led a much more free and spontaneous life. I would have been happy and in some ways happier than now as I would have a different career and be very comfortable financially.

I think unless you really want children then being child free is a no-brainer. Having children does not guarantee someone looking after you in your old age or not being lonely.

Regardless of whether you have children or not, I think we should all aim to build a strong social network so there are people to love and support us throughout life.

Well said Wishihadanalgorithm

I really do think women are being done a disservice with the expectations put upon us that we will all bear children.

One thing I can’t figure out at all is why any/most men sign up to having children - their biological clock isn’t as strong a factor and neither is societal pressure on them. They must be mad!

[quote SecretSpAD]@Handsoffstrikesagain he's a 10 year old golden retriever. He's doing really well though with both the diabetes and the blindness - we may be able to get his cataracts removed, waiting for a referral. He's awesome and will go on for a long time yet [/quote]
Fingers crossed for the cataract surgery!

@ED81

Wow. So many messages still going on this. It’s so helpful to hear so many opinions. No right or wrong. Everyone doing their own thing for various reasons.

Yes it's nice to hear a whole balance of different perspectives. This thread is a breath of sanity. I think it's important to show that in lots of cases there are plenty of 'right' ways

There seem to be an inordinate number of goady and or entrenched in rudeness/ignorance posters on MN at the moment. It's exhausting.

Regardless of whether you have children or not, I think we should all aim to build a strong social network so there are people to love and support us throughout life.

Absolutely, I think having children to prevent older age loneliness must be one of the worst reasons to have them.

My MIL worked in a nursing home for 20+ years and said she was shocked at the large number of residents with at least 2 or 3 children who never visited, or even called. Just ignored/abandoned :(

I really feel for the posters who are on the fence - logically I think having kids never makes sense (if you objectively did a pros/cons!) and if you don't have that strong maternal/hormonal urge (or an unexpected pregnancy) then choosing to potentially change your life so dramatically is a very tough decision. I've read lots of parents post here that of you're not 100% sure you want DC, then enjoy being childfree!

I found it exhausting yesterday. I really dislike any opinion being lorded over another person and that one is superior to another. This particular debate is so individual.

For some the child choice is not easy at all to made. For some it is easy. It’s not clear cut and so much thought needs to be put in to it for many. This is why a site like Mumsnet is brilliant. Suppose it’s important to be mindful that some men and women are here searching these threads to help them in having a peace of mind and some clarity in their own thinking.

ED81 definitely, having reassurance that whatever you choose, you can be fulfilled, happy and content is so helpful. There really is no inherent right or wrong, it's about how you feel, your circumstances,
lifestyle and your future hopes and plans.

@ED81

I found it exhausting yesterday. I really dislike any opinion being lorded over another person and that one is superior to another. This particular debate is so individual.

For some the child choice is not easy at all to made. For some it is easy. It’s not clear cut and so much thought needs to be put in to it for many. This is why a site like Mumsnet is brilliant. Suppose it’s important to be mindful that some men and women are here searching these threads to help them in having a peace of mind and some clarity in their own thinking.

Yes it isn't always easy. Like I've said before I did used to want children. When I was in my thirties I actually looked into adoption for a time. To me it's not important that a child is biological. However I am realistic about the work required for any child, and when you add additional trauma/neglect into that mix it becomes considerable. I spent a good couple of years mulling it over but eventually came to the conclusion that I actually really like my life as it is. I don't have a strong maternal drive or an aching void to fill. I'm happy. And that's pretty good

@Handsoffstrikesagain

A few of my friends have adopted children vet and one of my friends has a special guardianship order for 4 siblings. I do not know how they do it. It has taken pretty much everything out of them. Last year my friend that adopted a two year old (now 7) admitted to me that if she had her time over she couldn’t/wouldn’t do it again. That child was removed and placed into foster care at 10 months old and yet all the damage had already been done in the womb and those first 10 months to have a significant lasting impact. Yes my friends have great days with their adopted/fostered children but my god there are a lot of difficult ones. Really really hard work emotionally and mentally. I’m not ashamed to say I don’t think I’d have it in me. It’s heartbreaking tbh.

Yep. My work involves a fair amount of understanding mammalian neurobiology.

It thank fully gave me an insight into the realities of the impact of perinatal neglect/trauma. Hugely sad

Really interesting post, Handsoff. I think that's why I found the poster who mentioned 'do childless people consider adoption' as such a tactless question, it can be an entirely different world of parenting to adopt a child.

I did a great deal of research like you vet and was astonished at the level of trauma even an unborn child can absorb and suffer. It's a huge responsibility to take on that child's healing and wellbeing; what an incredible feat of love and dedication adopters take on.

I think do what makes you happy , children or not!

@Veterinari. Yes, that seems seems to be what everyone agrees on. Child are flipping hard work for a very long time! If you don’t want that for your life (like us) then don’t do it. It sounds exhausting and for me I don’t think the pros outweigh the cons.

Fostering and adoption must be wonderful to be able to a) want to do & b) be able to do. But again - that needs to be there as a desire - physically and mentally. Take my hat off to those who do it.

For me. My animals are where it’s at. Which I realise would be some folks nightmare. I’m cat/dog daft. Not baby!

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Oh yes, adoption - the answer to every childless persons dreams 🙄 I am due no.4 any day now and I feel like quite an experienced parent (well as you can be), but Lord I just do not think I would not have it in me. It is heartbreaking, utterly heartbreaking what so many of these children go through in their little lives. I would say my friend that long term fosters 4 ‘survives’ now. It’s very sad.

Good luck with number 4 @Handsoffstrikesagain

I have to say I think any parents that choose to outnumber themselves with children is remarkable. Aren't you ever worried they nay be plotting a takeover?

For me. My animals are where it’s at. Which I realise would be some folks nightmare. I’m cat/dog daft. Not baby!

I second that!

Your friend sounds incredible and her foster kids must be lucky to have her looking after them.

Oh wow I really hope #4's arrival goes as well as it possibly can! My friend (mum of 3) says when she gets within 2 weeks of her due date she's desperate to "pop 'em out" (her words!) and meet them

I wouldn't worry about being outnumbered, not when you have the all-powerful WiFi code ...