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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
MinnieMous3 · 04/04/2021 16:10

Unless someone can repeat word for word what I said before making silly emotive accusations which are all projection, I won’t be responding. You’re all piling your own insecurities on what I say.

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 16:18

@MinnieMous3

Unless someone can repeat word for word what I said before making silly emotive accusations which are all projection, I won’t be responding. You’re all piling your own insecurities on what I say.
Are you still here? On a thread that is irrelevant to your lifestyle with nothing constructive to contribute, still trying to insult people and start arguments.

Why? Is this genuinely the best use of your time right now?
Maybe you could go do stuff with your children instead of trying to pick fights with strangers on the internet 🤷‍♀️

RevolvingPivot · 04/04/2021 16:26

@pinkyredrose

My brother is 36. My sister is 34. Both are married neither wanted kids. Only now are they both considering them. During lockdown they have realised they may be lonely when older.

They're not seriously considering having kids as an insurance policy against loneliness?

No
MinnieMous3 · 04/04/2021 16:26

@Veterinari more deflection, yawn 🙄

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 16:35

Then what is their reasoning @RevolvingPivot
You've not really given us much more info to help us understand?

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 04/04/2021 16:38

Hi all

We're just popping by to ask for a bit of peace and love.

Mumsnet, although primarily for parents to find advice and support, is for everyone - many Mumsnetters don't have children and we like everyone to feel welcome on the boards.

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 16:40

Thank you @LilyMumsnet Thanks
Hopefully that will put to bed the groundhog day 'offence' and 'shock' at us daring to be here

Garlia · 04/04/2021 16:45

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all

We're just popping by to ask for a bit of peace and love.

Mumsnet, although primarily for parents to find advice and support, is for everyone - many Mumsnetters don't have children and we like everyone to feel welcome on the boards.

Thanks Lily. Flowers

Hoping the thread can stop being derailed now Easter Grin

SecretSpAD · 04/04/2021 16:49

@LilyMumsnet thank you and thanks for confirming that women without children are indeed allowed to be on here! Thanks

AlfonsoTheTerrible · 04/04/2021 16:54

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all

We're just popping by to ask for a bit of peace and love.

Mumsnet, although primarily for parents to find advice and support, is for everyone - many Mumsnetters don't have children and we like everyone to feel welcome on the boards.

Thank you!
Veterinari · 04/04/2021 17:10

Right I'm all showered and have clean sheets on the bed Smile

Gin and telly for me

Fatladyslim · 04/04/2021 17:32

@MinnieMous3 what are all these other forums you talk about madenfor child free women? I've never seen one with the range and diversity of MN. Was childless here for about 7 years before I had my ds, I spent a lot of time on forums and never come across one where someone would be slaughtered for asking about what life with children is like.

Garlia · 04/04/2021 17:39

@Veterinari

Right I'm all showered and have clean sheets on the bed Smile

Gin and telly for me

I'll join you with a gin Wine

I enjoyed a steady 15km run today and body combat, followed by a long soak in the bath - DH has offered to cook us Thai tonight, with LOD to look forward to this is a lovely Easter Sunday!

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 04/04/2021 17:45

I enjoyed a steady 15km run today and body combat, followed by a long soak in the bath - DH has offered to cook us Thai tonight, with LOD to look forward to this is a lovely Easter Sunday!

Sounds perfect!

I had a lovely long river walk, followed by an afternoon of crochet, Easter eggs & YouTube & I’m planning a long yoga session tonight.

Grapewrath · 04/04/2021 17:52

I was a young parent and now I’m in my early 40s my kids are mid to late teens. Best of both worlds really. I love being a mum but have very much enjoyed the child free days you get when they’re older
I can totally appreciate why people don’t want kids

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 18:09

@Grapewrath

I was a young parent and now I’m in my early 40s my kids are mid to late teens. Best of both worlds really. I love being a mum but have very much enjoyed the child free days you get when they’re older I can totally appreciate why people don’t want kids
Thanks @Grapewrath I can totally understand why some people do. Some of my friends/family are the best mums (they're also primary school teachers so I think there's a link) I'm in awe watching them. They're so good at it and exactly the sort of people who should have children.

I however, am not.

noodlezoodle · 04/04/2021 19:28

Late 40s, childfree by choice, very happy about it. It's exhausting in your 30s when there are tons of people desparate for you to change your mind, and it's bliss when you age out of that Grin

I do wish we could talk about this with less venom though. I don't understand why people who have children feel so defensive about those of us who choose not to.

I've never felt maternal and am glad to live in an age where it's possible to control your own fertility and being childfree is more and more common. I think raising a child is hard and stressful, and if you don't have that maternal urge it just isn't a logical choice. I'm also very relieved that I don't have to worry about what kind of world my children would inherit. The climate crisis is worsening by the year and I would be very afraid for my children's future if I had any.

@ED81 don't doubt yourself. You may have some doubts in the future but I think it's much better to not have children and wonder if you made the right decision than to have them and regret it. There's a really lovely column by Cheryl Strayed that ends with this paragraph: "I’ll never know and neither will you of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore."

@littlepieces, my friends and I are considering building a commune when we retire Grin

ED81 · 04/04/2021 19:50

@noodlezoodle. Thank you for this. I’m having an emotional day for some reason so that’s why I think I’m questioning things. And I’ve found this whole decision very difficult. But hey!

Currently watching an animal programme on tv & in tears every segment! Sad

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 19:54

[quote ED81]**@noodlezoodle. Thank you for this. I’m having an emotional day for some reason so that’s why I think I’m questioning things. And I’ve found this whole decision very difficult. But hey!

Currently watching an animal programme on tv & in tears every segment! Sad[/quote]
 @ED81 Thanks

Sometimes that's good - it's a bit of an emotional pressure-release.

Maybe try and mull things over for a few days, think through pros/cons etc
But be kind to yourself - you only have one life, don't live it full of regret

ED81 · 04/04/2021 20:04

Thanks @Veterinari. Bless you.

This has been an ongoing situation in my head so isn’t new. I like the thought of having a child but not the reality! Ha. I think the cons outweigh the possible pros.

I’m 40 very soon so need to perhaps draw a line under things.

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 20:06

@ED81

Thanks *@Veterinari*. Bless you.

This has been an ongoing situation in my head so isn’t new. I like the thought of having a child but not the reality! Ha. I think the cons outweigh the possible pros.

I’m 40 very soon so need to perhaps draw a line under things.

Don't answer if you don't want to but I'm wondering - do you struggle with anxiety/decision-making more generally? Or is it that this is a trigger issue? Would counselling help? Maybe just to talk things over out loud with an impartial professional? It can help to consolidate thoughts/feelings
ForeverAintEnough12 · 04/04/2021 20:10

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all

We're just popping by to ask for a bit of peace and love.

Mumsnet, although primarily for parents to find advice and support, is for everyone - many Mumsnetters don't have children and we like everyone to feel welcome on the boards.

@Itsalonghaul
TristantheTyrannosaurus · 04/04/2021 20:12

@Flowers24

It's just a question, curious ?
Why would they? Childfree means just that.
EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 04/04/2021 20:17

I think there’s a bit of confusion between childfree (not wanting kids) and childless (wanting kids but unable to have them).

ED81 · 04/04/2021 21:38

@Veterinari. Nail on the head! Absolutely. I struggle with many decisions in life. And experience anxiety to a mild to moderate level. That certainly does fluctuate thought and does vary.

It’s all a bit odd. I have a very responsible professional job where I can make choices, decisions, manage and listen to others etc but can’t do it for myself.