Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

@roastednut. I feel exactly the same as you, more childfree than childless. We both had issues - with the IVF I struggled to produce many eggs even on maximum drug dose and at 39 was told that donated eggs were the only option. Neither of us wanted that. I’m nearly 60, we have a nice life now, I was able to take early retirement and we are financially comfortable. I have a nephew I adore.

Absolutely agree on the carers when you’re old issue. Aside from it being spectacularly selfish to place that burden on someone (though parents claim to be oh so selfless) it is naive in the extreme to think your children will be near enough, able and willing to care for you in your old age.

My parents raised a large family, in which I’m the only childfree one. The others hid behind “the kids” when it came to caring for my parents. They had to do xyz with the kids and seemingly their other parent couldn’t possibly do it, so my siblings couldn’t step up and do much for our parents. It was pathetic and shameful.

And the lonely older age thing has come up a lot in this thread. It terrifies me. But still can’t be a reason to bring a child into this world.

@ED81 It worries me a bit too if I’m honest. But having kids isn’t a guarantee that you won’t be lonely in old age. I’ve often thought it would be worse to be old and have kids who don’t bother with you than have none at all. to you.

@CounsellorTroi

And the lonely older age thing has come up a lot in this thread. It terrifies me. But still can’t be a reason to bring a child into this world.

@ED81 It worries me a bit too if I’m honest. But having kids isn’t a guarantee that you won’t be lonely in old age. I’ve often thought it would be worse to be old and have kids who don’t bother with you than have none at all. to you.

It is definitely worse to have children who for whatever reason can't/won't care for you than to have none. Save the money you would have spent on kids to pay for good care/assisted living IMHO.

My brother is 36. My sister is 34. Both are married neither wanted kids. Only now are they both considering them. During lockdown they have realised they may be lonely when older.

They're not seriously considering having kids as an insurance policy against loneliness?

@Handsoffstrikesagain

minnie I’m having a 4th because I love children and a tiny tiny part of being a mum is crappy sometimes. Just like with anything. I love being a mum, but I wasn’t trying to sugarcoat it like some and claim there are never any tough days, because as with anything there are x

Ok it’s just you wrote a very long list of negatives there!

Of course non parents are able to use the site as well, but as there are plenty of chat sites for childfree/childless people, I think it’s very counter intuitive to start this particular thread on MUMSnet. Imagine if a mum had started a thread on such a website asking for ‘all the amazing things about having kids’. She’d be slaughtered, even if half the site wasn’t chat specific to being childfree. Saying ‘Oh but a lot of the threads on here are about other stuff’ wouldn’t cut it.

I think there are a few posters on here (garlia and vet spring to mind) who are absolutely determined to take offence at everything mums say, and get some kind of perverse kick out of desperately searching for signs that deep down all mums are unhappy with their lives.

For those comparing the love you have for your kids as the love you can have for a motorbike ride 😂 er, no. The love you have for your kids is NOTHING like the love you have for your spouse, mother or cocker spaniel. That’s not because only mumsy types are capable of being overwhelmed with emotion, it’s because nature needed it to be that way. It’s a purely chemical/biological thing, not an indicator of emotional depth and intelligence, so stop taking it as an insult.

To me, there is nothing I do not have or cannot do now I have my daughter, bar a spontaneous trip across the world, and I didn’t do that before anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ However I am very lucky to have a DP that adores being a dad and supportive grandparents which I am aware not everyone has. This is the best of both worlds for me, although I do feel sad sometimes that I probably won’t feel the magic of pregnancy/baby days again.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

I’ve just checked back minnie and I wrote 3 hypothetical situations about crying in the bathroom, being a bit cross because there is pen on the furniture and some days feeling like I could drive off (and let’s be honest, that’s an exaggeration on my part as I’m sure the majority gathered). So please don’t twist things and say that I posted ‘a very long list’. I feel I am balanced enough to say that I love love bloody love being a mum, but now and again it’s hard. I don’t personally think there is anything wrong with saying that 🤷🏽‍♀️

It was a longgg paragraph of negatives and no positives, ending with you saying you’re having number 4. I just asked, chill out.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

And you mentioned garlia and vet but they don’t seem to have been offended at what I’ve said. They’ve agreed with some things I’ve said in fact. They’ve just seen its a big daft when people like longhaul have attempted to paint parenting as a 24/7 perfect picture. I’ve also thought this was daft, and I’m a mum.

Yes they’ve agreed because you’ve just said how shit it all is, and that’s what they want to hear.

Longhaul did sound a bit 😷 in how she described the good bits, but was also being honest. But got torn to shreds because her post wasn’t about how awful her life is.

And I clarified my position several times on this subject, but you chose not to accept that. This conversation has become tedious. I write a heartfelt post and rather than see the good in what I have written, you choose to find the one tiny factual thing in it that you could to try and feel offended. I note you have done similar with other posters. Cba anymore. Have a lovely Easter.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Omg are you ever going to stop tagging me 😱

Hit a nerve there Handsoff didn’t I 😂 enjoy the egg hunt.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

I’m also being careful and respectful minnie that there are childless women reading this thread. They do not need to read about all the amazing bits of being a mum that I love. It’s insensitive and unnecessary imo.

I think some posters here have an agenda, Handsoff. Enjoy your day

Minnie if you stopped your deliberate hyperbole and engaged properly you may stop struggling to comprehend the very reasonable and valid points that have been made. You're embarrassing yourself.

@Sarahtrue

I think a lot of things in old society were there to tie women down and keep them subserviant.

Marriage is another thing that is totally un natural. It was an idea that was thought of by governments, I think in ancient Rome. And it was used to control women. "You can only be with this one person for life". I have heard men talk about marriage, and they always say that it is beacuse they want a woman to look after them, and do chores for them. Marriage basically makes a woman a servant to a man, in a lot of cases.

We don't have to get married.
We don't have to have children. Think Why were we told that was the norm? Who does it benefit? Who invented marriage? A very old fashioned, male controlled, society did.

I won't be getting married or have children. I am 37 , and I am currently working remotely and traveling the world by myself. It is great

Yay, someone else who feels the same (virtual high five ).

Never saw the point in marriage either...I feel like I'd have to become a different person to be someone's wife. I've had long term relationships, and hopefully will again. However, I seemed to compromise myself too much and never got that back from my partners.

The thing about mumsnet is that it is a site that is female centred, but also has such a diverse range of topics, which seems incredibly rare on the internet.

Yes, there are other sites dedicated to specific hobbies/ interests that may be more female populated, but as far as I can see, the range of topics here are vast and I get sick of men dominating other discussion forums - it's a really cool thing to have female voices be the majority on a website, whether they are actually parents or not.

I have no children (yet) but I think whatever I do I'll end up regretting it. I know having a child would be very hard - financially, mentally, physically etc. I am an anxious person so I often think it wouldn't be a good idea. But then I think I would regret it if I didn't too. Overall it's definitely worse to regret having a child than to regret not, so that's what I tell myself.

@LifeIsTheLongestThingWeDo.

I agree with your post. But regret is a man made construct.

Either way with being ‘childfree’ or deciding to have a baby there is a loss.
It is so darn difficult isn’t it.