Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

Sounds bloody bliss!!

@littlepieces

Pottering around in a little apartment with assorted animals sounds great to me!

Sounds bloody bliss!

[quote SecretSpAD]@Veterinari I have to know....are you that rare person with the self control to just watch one episode of LOD at a time

Series 2 is the best. Like a pp said I wish I could erase my memory of it and binge watch it all again right now....[/quote]
No. I definitely don't have that level of self-control!
I should add that to my list of deficiencies

I’ve just got up, had a full English & now I’m lazing around in my pyjamas, Mumsnetting & pondering a long walk on the local moor followed by an afternoon of crochet while watching Dorothy Sayers videos on YouTube. Tomorrow I’m meeting up with other childfree friends.

Perfectly calm and happy

Thanks @fioreun
Your lifestyle sounds similar to what I'm aiming for. I do think the focus on sleep/exercise/nutrition is important as we get older. I'm probably stronger now than I've ever been

This is such a useful thread. I wish there was a "classics" version of thought provoking and challenging topics that get well explored, even though that includes some bruises along the way as people get to grips with the variety of experiences, perspectives, the meaning of language, etc.

I've been reading it and thinking about the bravery some posters mentioned about choosing not to have children (and whether it is bravery has also been explored, that's not the point I'm leading up to).

There was another thread on her a few days back of a woman who wanted her own little home off in isolation somewhere,
there's an independent and bravery to such a decision. I don't have children, my family should die before me, if my friends and I reach a ripe old age our capacity to spend time together will reduce. I'm watching elderly family and neighbours live ends of life that I wouldn't want for myself. I feel that not having children affords me the ability to plan for quite a hoped for dream (none of knows what's in store of course), my isolated, quite life. Writing as a sensory sensitive introvert, I can greatly look forward to this dream. At first I found the prospect daunting, then I found the freedom to plan to end my time in a way that suits me better is something I can look forward to much the same way that young people look forward to weddings and babies - none of us knows what we'll actually get but I like the dream I'm planning on, and it feels brave to be making such plans.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

I do all of those things as well vet empress etc mine just has a smattering of marker pen and bum wiping along the way

Nobody wipes their bum on my crochet

Thank you @EmpressWitchDoesntBurn. I can’t believe I’ve been so upset. But suppose regardless of my choice it is a loss either way.

This was not my plan for today! It was to do some exercise, eat chocolate and watch some telly.

My decision certainly hasn’t been made 100%. Just more than likely to be childfree. This is without doubt been a very difficult decision and not one I have made lightly. But If I’ve had this level of indecision (and lack of desire which is key) then I believe that speaks volumes.

We have a 7 month old and whilst I love her and she does bring a lot of joy into our lives, the downsides are worse than I expected (primarily sleep related issues) and it’s put a huge strain on our relationship. We’ve both rowed back on our original plan to have two and if I had my time again I might have made different choices. I’m not sure either of us are really parent material.

@Veterinari I only know one person who managed it.

He is odd.

@ED81

Thank you *@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn*. I can’t believe I’ve been so upset. But suppose regardless of my choice it is a loss either way.

This was not my plan for today! It was to do some exercise, eat chocolate and watch some telly.

My decision certainly hasn’t been made 100%. Just more than likely to be childfree. This is without doubt been a very difficult decision and not one I have made lightly. But If I’ve had this level of indecision (and lack of desire which is key) then I believe that speaks volumes.

I believe it speaks volumes too. And whatever you decide, at least you’ll know you’ve done your research & really thought it through.

Just read back a few pages and wanted to comment on the being alone in old age fears. I work with the over 65s and let me tell you having a family by no means guarantees you will be cared for. Most of our clients have children and they hardly visit, not even over this Easter weekend. Some children are also very controlling of their parents and don't respect their wishes, and treat them like idiots frankly. The ones without expectations of family support/have no children make efforts to forge a good life and friendships for themselves and are happier in my experience, and don't suffer as badly from the disappointment when family let's them down. Its a real eye opener!!

@DamsonTrousers. That sounds really difficult. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

That’ is the thing with becoming parents. Don’t always know if it’s for you until a baby is here. You now have that experience and have re-evaluated going forward.

It is also all still so brand new to you all at 7 months too. A steep learn curve I bet.x

@ED81 it's normal to second guess yourself and your choices. The future, for everyone, is a great unknown. I don't think I made an actual decision to nit have children. I just knew I didn't want them and when I pictured my future life, children weren't part of that picture.

I hated being a child and found childhood frustrating and boring. I wanted to be a grown up almost as soon as I knew the difference. To me childhood wasn't magical -it was the holding bay to my real life as an adult.

Because I hated being a child, I can't relate to young children. I don't know what to say to them, how to play. I find their chatter tedious and nonsense and I am always counting down the minutes until I can part company with them. So, feeling how I do about children, I thought, why have them? It would be a miserable childhood for them and a miserable life for me.

We did inherit two teenagers when their mother died - but due to their difficult life they too have no interest in childish things, are more mature than most adults and are great company.

If their mother had died ten years earlier than she did, we would not have taken them in because we didn't want young children in our life and they would have been better with people who did.

@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn. I’m an overthinker! My downfall is life.

*in life

@fizzybootlace. That is really helpful.

I’ve seen it for myself too. Doesn’t guarantee anything if you decide to have children that they they will visit, look after you, or even give a damn!

I suppose it’s a slight romantic notion that everyone is playing happy families.

[quote ED81]@fizzybootlace. That is really helpful.

I’ve seen it for myself too. Doesn’t guarantee anything if you decide to have children that they they will visit, look after you, or even give a damn!

I suppose it’s a slight romantic notion that everyone is playing happy families.[/quote]
Yes. I blame the Waltons.

@Veterinari

Haha!

@fizzybootlace

Just read back a few pages and wanted to comment on the being alone in old age fears. I work with the over 65s and let me tell you having a family by no means guarantees you will be cared for. Most of our clients have children and they hardly visit, not even over this Easter weekend. Some children are also very controlling of their parents and don't respect their wishes, and treat them like idiots frankly. The ones without expectations of family support/have no children make efforts to forge a good life and friendships for themselves and are happier in my experience, and don't suffer as badly from the disappointment when family let's them down. Its a real eye opener!!

This exactly.

I've had first hand experience of this in my family. Some elderly relatives were quite open that they had kids because it was the thing to do, and so that they had carers when they were elderly. When in their 80s and 90s they had totally unrealistic expectations of their middle aged children who had their own kids and own struggles in life. Caused a lot of family heartache. Also my DM was intensely controlling over my grandparents when their health deteriorated, yet at the same time deeply resentful that she felt she had a duty to spend time doing things for them. They spent most of their time arguing in their later years.

Imagine the disappointment when you spend years of sweat and tears raising a family to find they move to Australia and you're left behind with nobody.

It is quite disrespectful to come on a parenting website, and ask people to list why it is good to not have children!

@littlepieces. It’s a mind field isn’t it. And cause so many problems & heartache.

I know people in this exact position. Adult child moved to Australia. Now older parents struggling. 1 in a care home. 1 lonely at home. No other family members around.

My brother is 36. My sister is 34. Both are married neither wanted kids. Only now are they both considering them. During lockdown they have realised they may be lonely when older.
I've said that's fair enough but they will have to look after that kid for 16/18 years just to have company in later years. I think if they could have a 20 year old now and skip the other years they would.

I think a lot of things in old society were there to tie women down and keep them subserviant.

Marriage is another thing that is totally un natural. It was an idea that was thought of by governments, I think in ancient Rome. And it was used to control women. "You can only be with this one person for life". I have heard men talk about marriage, and they always say that it is beacuse they want a woman to look after them, and do chores for them. Marriage basically makes a woman a servant to a man, in a lot of cases.

We don't have to get married.
We don't have to have children. Think Why were we told that was the norm? Who does it benefit? Who invented marriage? A very old fashioned, male controlled, society did.

I won't be getting married or have children. I am 37 , and I am currently working remotely and traveling the world by myself. It is great