Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

@Flowers24

It is designed to be a parenting site mainly or why would it say 'by parents, for parents' ? Just a thought!

Why the determination from a few parents on this thread to be so unwelcoming and territorial?

Why does it upset you so much that some of us are discussing lifestyle choices that are different to yours that you have to try to disrupt and control the conversation? You should ask yourself why you're so threatened by people who don't live the way you do.

It's weirdly controlling and isn't really doing anything to support your narrative of how happy you are with your own life choices when you're spending your time on the internet trying to stop people talk about being childfree, or finding people talking about being childfree offensive. Shouldn't you be busy Easter egg hunting with your offspring or something?

I don’t think your old age will necessarily be lonely! One of my grandmother’s sisters had no kids and yet we visited her as much as we did our gran. She has always been a lady of my mom’s life and moved very near us in her old age and so she became a weekly part of our lives too.

Also, these days so many people aren’t having kids or live on different continents to their kids and yet they have wonderful social lives. My elderly aunt and uncle have two kids and grandchildren if they all live on different continents and yet the definitely do not have a lonely life. They have loads of friends and hobbies. Im not saying this to reassure myself either as I have two kids and quite a few nieces and nephews.

I was saying I always thought Mumsnet was a parenting site that's all ,. I'm mistaken and that's ok , not meant badly x

@sammylady37 "by parents,for parents" is the slogan, not the name of the site. The slogan can easily be updated. Many companies do so and Mumsnet could have updated theirs if they wished to do so, but they haven't.

I'm not offended by those giving opinions on opting to remain childfree,but the fact is, this site IS for parents. Other people are free to use it, but it doesn't change the fact it's aimed at parents, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I was going to say the same, the slogan can easily be changed?

Tbh I was shocked when I found out non parents with no intention of having kids come on here!

What!!! Why would me not intending to have kids have absolutely anything to do with posting in the property section ? Or asking advice in the long haul section? Me and my non fertilised eggs are off to New Zealand, can anyone recommend a hotel 🤣

As a parent I like threads like this to remind me there is more to being a woman than just being a mother. Parenthood didn't become the all consuming purpose for me others seem to make it out to be, by the time I'm 43 my youngest will be 18, I will not be actively parenting (much) anymore, not everyone does it 30s/40s to spend most of the rest of their active lives parenting. I love my children but motherhood hasn't brought me complete fulfilment, I want to read about the other ways women have made their lives full, so can the goady "this is MUMSnet" crew kindly fuck off and seek their validation elsewhere so this thread can get back on track?

@QpopTYUIop9

As a parent I don’t think it’s offensive at all. I think we could have a healthy debate about how different our lives are and could have been with and without children. It’s a topic that is all still too taboo, and I for one would perhaps have done things differently if not having children was an option that was open to discussion and consideration. You’d want to be pretty thin skinned as a parent if you find it offensive that people are discussing the upsides of being childfree. IRL I don’t know a single parent who doesn’t sometimes (if not often) fantasise about a childfree life. This doesn’t mean we parents don’t love our children, they are real and present now so of course we love them. But surely it’s not intellectually impossible to imagine a life that went a different path, a path that didn’t lead to kids, and to think about how that other path might have been.

Great post

What folloyourarro said

*They are not both true. The site isn't exclusively for parents. Non-parents are free to use/get enjoyment out of the site too.

But it is primarily for parents. It pretty much says so on the website. The fact that there are topics that aren't directly related to parenting just means that parents can be interested in things outside of parenting too. A bit weird to suggest a mother couldn't possibly care to talk about style and beauty, for example*.

It’s neither exclusively nor primarily for parents. I don’t know how/why you can’t seem to grasp that. The name and tag line have been retained because of how well-known they are, but MNHQ have repeatedly clarified that the site has grown and evolved past its original inception.

I’m not suggesting at all that parents can’t be interested in things outside parenting, but given that you go on in your next post to say that you were surprised to see non-parents and people who never want to be parents here (I’m paraphrasing as I can’t remember your exact words) it reads like you’re the one suggesting non-parents can’t be interested in non-parenting topics. Are you suggesting that only parents can be interested in topics such as style&beauty when it’s on mumsnet? It’s such a ridiculous point that you’re trying to make.

Fwiw, I came here for AIBU, having heard about it through a friend. And I stayed for many of the other lively topics.

@Flowers24

Tbh I was shocked when I found out non parents with no intention of having kids come on here!

Did you press the back of your hanky clutching hand to your forehead and swoon?

Tbh I was shocked when I found out non parents with no intention of having kids come on here!

Shocked I tell you!

@folloyourarro

As a parent I like threads like this to remind me there is more to being a woman than just being a mother. Parenthood didn't become the all consuming purpose for me others seem to make it out to be, by the time I'm 43 my youngest will be 18, I will not be actively parenting (much) anymore, not everyone does it 30s/40s to spend most of the rest of their active lives parenting. I love my children but motherhood hasn't brought me complete fulfilment, I want to read about the other ways women have made their lives full, so can the goady "this is MUMSnet" crew kindly fuck off and seek their validation elsewhere so this thread can get back on track?

Thank you @folloyourarro

If it helps I'm spending my Easter Sunday mumsnetting in bed with coffee and chocolate hot cross buns

Then I'm meeting friends for two different outdoor fitness classes (terrible scheduling!) with coffee in the sun after, then coming home to work on a writing project, plant some bulbs, read my book, and watch line of duty with half a bottle of very naice wine (I'm late to the party and only on season 2).

It's a pretty lazy day with the exception of the classes but will be nice to see friends and just generally potter after a hectic week.

@Flowers24

I was going to say the same, the slogan can easily be changed?

Exactly. I'm leaving the thread as I don't want to add to the derailment. I was following with interest. But, as usual, this particular topic turns quite nasty.

It's a very emotive topic for obvious reasons. I can be a bit of a pedant so got caught up in someone's phrasing rather than the topic at hand.

In any case, I do believe mumsnet is aimedat parents but I enjoy that it is not EXCLUSIVELY used by parents. It's nice to get varying views and input on many of the threads. This particular thread being in AIBU was bound to end badly. It's the most vicious part of the chatboard.

@Flowers24

Tbh I was shocked when I found out non parents with no intention of having kids come on here!

Oh dear, did you clutch your pearls?

*Why the determination from a few parents on this thread to be so unwelcoming and territorial?

Why does it upset you so much that some of us are discussing lifestyle choices that are different to yours that you have to try to disrupt and control the conversation? You should ask yourself why you're so threatened by people who don't live the way you do.

It's weirdly controlling and isn't really doing anything to support your narrative of how happy you are with your own life choices when you're spending your time on the internet trying to stop people talk about being childfree, or finding people talking about being childfree offensive. Shouldn't you be busy Easter egg hunting with your offspring or something?*

@Veterinari well said! Surely there are memories to be made or time to be spent feeling blessed or something, instead of trying to grab a corner of the internet in two hands, shouting “it’s mine! MINE!!!” and stamping feet?

And these are the people who think they’re less selfish and better, more well-rounded people since having children? Hmmm!

It's a very emotive topic for obvious reasons. I can be a bit of a pedant so got caught up in someone's phrasing rather than the topic at hand.

In any case, I do believe mumsnet is aimedat parents but I enjoy that it is not EXCLUSIVELY used by parents. It's nice to get varying views and input on many of the threads. This particular thread being in AIBU was bound to end badly. It's the most vicious part of the chatboard.

Yeah definitely nothing to do with you pedantry...

@Veterinari that sounds lovely, I think you'll have earned more hot cross buns after the classes

I'm not sure if I can describe myself as childless or childfree - throughout my 20s and 30s i definitely didn't see having kids as being my thing at all. In mid 30s met and married dh who definitely did want kids. I decided it probably was the right thing to do (not overnight decision of course!) so we went for it. Didn't happen and we went for 2 rounds of IVF. Still didn't happen.

Honestly I'm glad with the outcome now. We're both nearly 50 and accept how life is. I have kids in my life through other means (volunteering, my nieces and nephews etc) and looking back I feel that how it's turned out is probably right - for me.

I do sometimes feel sad for DH as he wanted it more than me but he's genuinely fine with the outcome (it was issues with his sperm that meant we couldn't conceive naturally we discovered - not that it matters I suppose). Perhaps we're lucky in that we do have some friends (more than 1 couple) without kids. Also many friends have grown up kids now too.

I think I'm childfree rather than childless despite the fact that we did try at one point? I say this as childless makes it seem that there's a gaping hole in my life and that's not how I feel at all.

Anyway I only came on to say I love Mumsnet despite not being a mum! There is so much here for all women!

It's nice to get varying views and input on many of the threads

So if there was a thread where the OP asked for POV about specifically being a parent, my experience of not being a parent would be welcome/informative? Of course not. I'd have nothing to add to the discussion, but I could always point out all the benefits of not being a parent and see how well that went down.

Exactly as Sammy says, if a thread doesn't relate to you then there's no need to input or get offended by it.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Oh my gosh vet I have just seen you are only on season 2 LOD. I am extremely jealous and wish I could erase my memory to watch it all again tbh.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I was just about to shout NO LOD SPOILERS! But I see you've seen my post

Yes it's weird - despite my empty and unfulfilling childfree life I rarely have time to sit down with tv/box sets. But LOD is becoming a bit of a treat