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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Oscaree · 04/04/2021 00:37

My post never promoted having children to avoid cancer. I'm sorry that that is all you've taken from it.

Walkoflife · 04/04/2021 00:57

@rainyoutside
I think this is so true
I have 2 boys,both have additional needs.
My eldest is 12 has severe autism,ocd,non-verbal and needs constant supervision.
It’s likely he will never live independently so will be with us till we can’t physically care for him anymore
It worries me everyday what will happen to my boy when that time comes.
Also grandchildren are likely not on the cards for us.
If I could back knowing what we’ve been through I probably wouldn’t have children but I love both my boys and now can’t imagine life without them

Garlia · 04/04/2021 07:38

@Oscaree

My post never promoted having children to avoid cancer. I'm sorry that that is all you've taken from it.
It read that way to me, like you were trying to off set concern about one's body with concerns about cancer.

And no where on this thread has anyone said they won't have children only because they don't want any negative physical effects post-pregnancy; there are usually a myriad of other reasons and not having your body change is an added bonus.

sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 07:45

This is a parenting site foremost, so it will always be controversial posting a thread about the pros of not having children here

Ffs. How many times does it need to be said? This is not primarily a parenting site. A quick scan of the topics here suggests a 1:6 ratio of topics that are exclusively related to parenting versus those that are not. It may have started out as a parenting site but it has evolved and grown way beyond that, and MNHQ have clarified that it’s not exclusively for parents.

FTMF30 · 04/04/2021 07:49

@sammylady37

This is a parenting site foremost, so it will always be controversial posting a thread about the pros of not having children here

Ffs. How many times does it need to be said? This is not primarily a parenting site. A quick scan of the topics here suggests a 1:6 ratio of topics that are exclusively related to parenting versus those that are not. It may have started out as a parenting site but it has evolved and grown way beyond that, and MNHQ have clarified that it’s not exclusively for parents.

Saying its not "exclusively" a parenting site and not "primarily" for parents are two different things.
Itsalonghaul · 04/04/2021 07:52

It is called Mumsnet
For Parents by Parents

The number of topics include conception, pregnancy, children - at all ages and other parenting concerns.

Of course everyone is welcome, but you can't change what it is just because it happens to have some style and beauty!

It is a parenting website end of. I am sorry that you don't like it Sammy but it is a little like saying the dogs club is welcome to all, except anyone with anyone with an actual dog.

Itsalonghaul · 04/04/2021 07:53

It is quite disrespectful to come on a parenting website, and ask people to list why it is good to not have children!

Even offensive some might say.

QpopTYUIop9 · 04/04/2021 08:01

As a parent I don’t think it’s offensive at all. I think we could have a healthy debate about how different our lives are and could have been with and without children. It’s a topic that is all still too taboo, and I for one would perhaps have done things differently if not having children was an option that was open to discussion and consideration. You’d want to be pretty thin skinned as a parent if you find it offensive that people are discussing the upsides of being childfree. IRL I don’t know a single parent who doesn’t sometimes (if not often) fantasise about a childfree life. This doesn’t mean we parents don’t love our children, they are real and present now so of course we love them. But surely it’s not intellectually impossible to imagine a life that went a different path, a path that didn’t lead to kids, and to think about how that other path might have been.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/04/2021 08:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Garlia · 04/04/2021 08:03

@Itsalonghaul

It is quite disrespectful to come on a parenting website, and ask people to list why it is good to not have children!

Even offensive some might say.

You're clearly trying to derail the thread, because this question has been answered over and over.

OP is looking for experiences of those who are childfree, and there are some great, informative and balanced posts here (between the plethora of offended parents offering reasons why having kids suited them).

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/04/2021 08:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 04/04/2021 08:13

Longhaul sounds very annoyed.

sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 08:15

Saying its not "exclusively" a parenting site and not "primarily" for parents are two different things

Sure, but both those things are still true.

As I said I did a quick scan of topics and found a 1:6 ratio of parenting:non-parenting topics.

userxx · 04/04/2021 08:16

@Itsalonghaul

It is quite disrespectful to come on a parenting website, and ask people to list why it is good to not have children!

Even offensive some might say.

Eh? Have you seen how many topics are on the site?

sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 08:18

@Itsalonghaul

It is called Mumsnet For Parents by Parents

The number of topics include conception, pregnancy, children - at all ages and other parenting concerns.

Of course everyone is welcome, but you can't change what it is just because it happens to have some style and beauty!

It is a parenting website end of. I am sorry that you don't like it Sammy but it is a little like saying the dogs club is welcome to all, except anyone with anyone with an actual dog.

Topics also include style & beauty, weight loss, money matters, tv addicts, books, cooking, home & garden, celebrity, blogging etc etc etc. There are more topics not related to parenting than there are related to it. The site originally started off as a parenting website but has evolved way beyond that. You don’t have to provide birth certs for your children upon sign up, do you? Saying ‘end of’ at the end of a sentence doesn’t make it true, btw, and actually makes you sound like a stroppy teenager.
Veterinari · 04/04/2021 08:21

@Oscaree

I'm simply replying to the comments that quite a few women have made on here that they're scared to be mums because they think it will destroy their bodies - something that actually might never happen, just like cancer may not. There are risks in whatever decisions we make in life - by me accepting one - possible incontinence from childbirth, but denying another - breast cancer because I haven't had a child isn't exactly balanced, is it? Quite frankly, I think it's important that a woman chooses the life that is right for her, but to deny a possibility because it doesn't fit, is crazy.
No one has denied that some cancers are a risk Confused We're just pointing out that it's not as simplistic as you suggest and a bit weird to suggest having children as a way of mitigating your cancer risk. I honestly think the responsibilities of parenthood are more complex than that.
Veterinari · 04/04/2021 08:22

@Itsalonghaul

It is quite disrespectful to come on a parenting website, and ask people to list why it is good to not have children!

Even offensive some might say.

Only if the idea of someone choosing a different lifestyle to you is offensive. Depends how judgemental, small minded and insecure in your own life choices you are I guess.
sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 08:25

@Itsalonghaul

It is called Mumsnet For Parents by Parents

The number of topics include conception, pregnancy, children - at all ages and other parenting concerns.

Of course everyone is welcome, but you can't change what it is just because it happens to have some style and beauty!

It is a parenting website end of. I am sorry that you don't like it Sammy but it is a little like saying the dogs club is welcome to all, except anyone with anyone with an actual dog.

And actually, your last sentence- it’s just ridiculous, and trying to suggest something that’s just not true. Nobody has asked parents not to post on this website. You made that claim yesterday, I asked you to quote the post banking up your claim and you couldn’t- because there simply isn’t one. However, posters have asked why someone who is a parent would post on a thread (not the entire site, just one of the thousands of threads therein) called “childfree life”. I gave the analogy that it would be like me, who hates tattoos and finds them repulsive, would post on a thread called “tattoo design ideas wanted”. I wouldn’t. I’d scroll on by until I found a thread relevant to me. I have the awareness to know that people who are discussing tattoo design ideas would not be interested in hearing that I think tattoos are manky looking and I hate them. I’d have nothing to offer that thread or its posters. I also wouldn’t jump into it and say “this is MUMSnet!!!! How many of you tattoo lovers are MUMS???!!!”
Veterinari · 04/04/2021 08:29

Agree @sammylady37
It's like Groundhog Day here.
Ridiculous narrow minded judgement because someone has the temerity to live differently.

Odd isn't it how someone so 'happy' with their own life choices is spending their leisure time bitterly criticising the choices of strangers

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 08:42

It is designed to be a parenting site mainly or why would it say 'by parents, for parents' ? Just a thought!

sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 08:43

The ‘it’s called MUMSnet’ is usually the argument of last resort when everything else has been roundly debunked, I find. It’s like they view it as a “so THERE!!!” moment.

sammylady37 · 04/04/2021 08:44

@Flowers24

It is designed to be a parenting site mainly or why would it say 'by parents, for parents' ? Just a thought!
Because it started off as a parenting site and they’ve kept the original name because it’s so well-known? Just a thought!
Meowchickameowmeow · 04/04/2021 08:45

@MinnieMous3 you made a stupid comment about feet in both camps, just own it.

FTMF30 · 04/04/2021 08:47

@sammylady37

Saying its not "exclusively" a parenting site and not "primarily" for parents are two different things

Sure, but both those things are still true.

As I said I did a quick scan of topics and found a 1:6 ratio of parenting:non-parenting topics.

They are not both true. The site isn't exclusively for parents. Non-parents are free to use/get enjoyment out of the site too.

But it is primarily for parents. It pretty much says so on the website. The fact that there are topics that aren't directly related to parenting just means that parents can be interested in things outside of parenting too. A bit weird to suggest a mother couldn't possibly care to talk about style and beauty, for example.

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 08:50

Tbh I was shocked when I found out non parents with no intention of having kids come on here!