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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 03/04/2021 22:21

[quote Traveller3367]@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn
Thanks for the link. I should have posted my comments on that thread instead. Apologies agaon[/quote]
No bother Traveller
Yes it was a bit thoughtless, but thank you for taking the feedback on the chin and being so gracious, instead of trying to 'educate' those of us without children about how we should think/feel as several other parents on this thread have

Garlia · 03/04/2021 22:23

@Flowers24

Never said ' you can just adopt' asked if people had considered it....
And like a PP said, hopefully you realise what a tactless question it is now.
Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 22:23

I apologise for the adoption comment, was not.meant badly but perhaps looks that way 🙁

QpopTYUIop9 · 03/04/2021 22:25

I hope that being childfree by choice becomes more normalised for women. I love my kids to bits but god it’s also an exhausting unrelenting and thankless hard slog and my life is not my own now. I miss my life and myself pre kids. I often feel like I am on a treadmill that will only end when I die. Work and kids leaves no time for anything else - it’s even worse now with covid. If being childfree was seen as more of a real option when I was young I think I would have considered it and I would definitely have been happy and content if there wasn’t the constant implication that there was only one route to happiness. Here’s to more choice for people to live their lives however they wish. I certainly am raising my daughter to not expect to have kids and to not link her happiness to kids - to be honest she can see how permanently knackered I am so I don’t need to do much to persuade her I reckon.

Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 22:27

Yep, it's a hard slog and does not end after 18.years worth, it's relentless

Athinginitself · 03/04/2021 22:28

@Flowers24

Those childfree not by choice, did you consider adopting?
No because I still wouldn't be able to look after them due to my health. There are lots of ways that women can be childfree not by choice other than infertility, and even for women that are infertile adoption is a very different prospect than having your own biological children, with very arduous assessment processes and specific challenges. Its brilliant that people adopt, I would have loved to, but it's not an answer for many women.
Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 22:29

I understand that , its not an easy option x

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 22:30

@QpopTYUIop9

I hope that being childfree by choice becomes more normalised for women. I love my kids to bits but god it’s also an exhausting unrelenting and thankless hard slog and my life is not my own now. I miss my life and myself pre kids. I often feel like I am on a treadmill that will only end when I die. Work and kids leaves no time for anything else - it’s even worse now with covid. If being childfree was seen as more of a real option when I was young I think I would have considered it and I would definitely have been happy and content if there wasn’t the constant implication that there was only one route to happiness. Here’s to more choice for people to live their lives however they wish. I certainly am raising my daughter to not expect to have kids and to not link her happiness to kids - to be honest she can see how permanently knackered I am so I don’t need to do much to persuade her I reckon.
I actually had this conversation with some friends the other day. I genuinely don't see how women fit in careers/relationships/parenting/hobbies. I feel like I have a very full life and I only do half of that Grin
Athinginitself · 03/04/2021 22:31

Sorry @flowers24, I posted in response to you before I had realised someone else had, not a pile on Flowers

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/04/2021 22:32

Long thread, but just to say I didn't have children so I would have company in later life. I had children because I wanted them and now aged 11 and 15 they are a total delight.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 22:34

@Flowers24

I apologise for the adoption comment, was not.meant badly but perhaps looks that way 🙁
Thank you
Veterinari · 03/04/2021 22:35

@FunnysInLaJardin

Long thread, but just to say I didn't have children so I would have company in later life. I had children because I wanted them and now aged 11 and 15 they are a total delight.
Thanks, that's super helpful Confused
Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 22:36

And not very relevant!!

Garlia · 03/04/2021 22:37

@FunnysInLaJardin

Long thread, but just to say I didn't have children so I would have company in later life. I had children because I wanted them and now aged 11 and 15 they are a total delight.
That's really helpful to have your childfree experience noted here.

Oh, wait...

Garlia · 03/04/2021 22:39

@Flowers24

Yes tbh I know of no.one who left home atn18.
A friend's 20 year old DD has told her she's never moving out! Friend firmly disagrees Grin
Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 22:41

My cousins are 26 and 29 and no plans to move out yet !

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 22:45

@Flowers24 surely you know someone who went to college between 18-21, then got a job and moved into shared accommodation with friends straight after? I know loads of people who did that. I know that my cousins in England did that too.

sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 22:45

[quote Sarahtrue]@Flowers24 you said that parents don't stop raising children at 18.

I moved out of home at 18. And I lived totally independently, as did many people that I know. My mother certainly didn't look after me after I turned 18.

I think parenting does stop for many kids at 18[/quote]
Financial support may stop at 18. But, presumably, caring about your children doesn’t, worrying about them, hoping life treats them well and they make good choices, supporting them emotionally, perhaps supporting in ways such as childcare, or allowing them move back in the event of relationship breakdown, etc. It’s not like once you put in 18 years of hard slog you can wash your hands and ride off into the sunset for a carefree life.
I posted earlier in this thread about watching my grandmother utterly distraught and destroyed with worry in her mid-80s because her son in his mid-50s was having major problems and his life went pear-shaped. I recall being so angry that even in her last years she didn’t have a life free from worrying about her children.

oopsydaisyyy · 03/04/2021 22:47

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Some people seem terribly threatened and upset by those who choose, freely and happily, not to have kids.

It's the threads like this where posters pity those with children and imply their lives are tedious/boring/unrecognisable.

I don't pity those childfree by choice.
You can have a fun fulfilling life either way.

exactly this x
Coyoacan · 03/04/2021 22:53

@BritWifeinUSA

I don't think there is any reason for your old age to be lonely. I live in Mexico and some towns here have a lot of older American residents. You can't tell who have children or who haven't as their children live elsewhere, but nobody seems to be at all lonely

Garlia · 03/04/2021 22:54

I recall being so angry that even in her last years she didn’t have a life free from worrying about her children

Your poor Grandama. :(

My cousin told me this is a part of having kids that shocked her, the constant low grade worry she has. She even avoids travelling by herself now because she's concerned if anything happened to her, the kids would be without their mum.

She says she can't be happy unless her kids are happy. That does sound like a heavy burden and huge sacrifice of your own autonomous peace of mind.

19lottie82 · 03/04/2021 22:58

I’m 39 and child free, well met my DH 11 years ago and he had 2 daughters who are now 17 and 21 that we have 50/50.

I always thought I should want children of my own but eventually a few years ago I realised that I definitely didn’t. I enjoy being able to do my own thing, go out with friends at the drop of a hat, have a lie in, go on holiday.

TBH I enjoy spending a little bit of time with friends small children and being a fun auntie, but an hour or two is enough for me. I honestly don’t know how people cope with toddlers 24/7!

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/04/2021 22:58

My sincere apologies, I hadn't realised that this thread was exclusively for the child free/ childless. I thought it was for anyone to comment on.

I retract my former statement about my really very lovely children, in the context of this discussion,, and do hope you all enjoy continuing to discuss your childfree/ childless statuses.

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/04/2021 23:00

Oh hang on, there are people here who are step parents, surely that is not allowed?

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 23:00

@FunnysInLaJardin

My sincere apologies, I hadn't realised that this thread was exclusively for the child free/ childless. I thought it was for anyone to comment on.

I retract my former statement about my really very lovely children, in the context of this discussion,, and do hope you all enjoy continuing to discuss your childfree/ childless statuses.

No problem - We can see how the title and OP left room for confusion... Grin