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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
ForeverAintEnough12 · 03/04/2021 20:45

@MinnieMous3 I’ve never felt less of a sense of calm in my life!! Food thrown on the floor, my daughter climbing furniture like Spider-Man, being woken up to screams of ‘BIRDS’ in the night! It is a laugh though

Gosh it’s amazing how much your life is like mine! An empty house with no child. It’s uncanny. You definitely get it!

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 03/04/2021 20:46

@Veterinari

It’s a win-win for everyone, personally I think they should get a payoff when they’re 60 in lieu of maternity leave they never took, and resources they never used.

Now that I could get behind! Smile

Me too!
Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 21:11

I am 37, childfree, and I don't want to have, and will never have children. I want to live my life for myself. I think it is very important to think about it carefully. Not just for me, but for my future possible children. Too many women have children without thinking it through properly, and then find it much too difficult. We have a responsibility to our future children to think:
Am i mentally well enough to have children
Do i have support / finances.
Will I be able to look after a child 24/7.

My mother had children because "that is just what you do". She didnt think it through. She hated being a mother, and me and my brother had a terrible childhood. We were hated by her at the time because she couldnt cope. As an adult I now get along with her. I see that she wasnt able at the time. I have seen that happen in many different families.

Women really need to think it through very carefully

Handsoffstrikesagain · 03/04/2021 21:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 03/04/2021 21:16

How can anyone possibly think that having one child is like not having any?

When you have your first or only child you are handed a passport into that world. You're allowed to go to baby groups, buy baby food and clothes, push them around and have others take an interest, meet other parents, get the 'red book', experience your child's firsts, take part in parenting forums.....I could go on. You can do all these if you have one child or more, but not if you don't.
For people desperate to be a part of that world it is heartbreak that that gate remains shut, the aforementioned 'passport' to parenting never arrives. Is that so hard to understand?

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 21:20

Childfree here, 37. I was just going to say as well, that no one has ever pressured me into having kids. I have had a very few comments about it. I am 37, and I think that I have had three total comments of "Do you not want to have kids".

But I am not a person that would let anyone else pressure me into having a human come out of my body. I never really understood people saying they felt "pressured" to have kids. How can you let anyone else make you feel any pressure to bring a human life into the world? I brushed off the three comments that I received.

They certainly didnt make me think "I must make such a huge decision as giving birth to a human, that I must raise for 18 years, because some one that I dont know that well, told me that I should".

If you dont want kids, don't have them.
If you do, do.

It is your choice. Never let anyone pressure you

Traveller3367 · 03/04/2021 21:22

Someone earlier mentioned that "you don't know love until motherhood"
This statement couldn't be truer for me. I thought my heart was full when I married DH. We had a wonderful life. Since DS the magnitude of love I feel has astounded me. It grows everyday. I often wonder where it's all coming from as I honestly thought my heart was at maximal love output. No amount of hard days can override that surge of love when DS looks at me. So glad I didn't remain childless. Desperate for more now

Handsoffstrikesagain · 03/04/2021 21:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 21:23

@Sarahtrue

Childfree here, 37. I was just going to say as well, that no one has ever pressured me into having kids. I have had a very few comments about it. I am 37, and I think that I have had three total comments of "Do you not want to have kids".

But I am not a person that would let anyone else pressure me into having a human come out of my body. I never really understood people saying they felt "pressured" to have kids. How can you let anyone else make you feel any pressure to bring a human life into the world? I brushed off the three comments that I received.

They certainly didnt make me think "I must make such a huge decision as giving birth to a human, that I must raise for 18 years, because some one that I dont know that well, told me that I should".

If you dont want kids, don't have them.
If you do, do.

It is your choice. Never let anyone pressure you

Totally agree
Handsoffstrikesagain · 03/04/2021 21:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 21:26

@Handsoffstrikesagain

traveller that is lovely and I understand those feelings completely but it must be very painful for childless women on this thread to have to read.
And yet apparently motherhood makes you 'wiser' and 'less selfish' according to sone parents on this thread God knows what they were like before!
Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 21:27

I think personally, I am not really against having children. The idea doesn't disgust me. Or horrify me.

But I think I could also easily go my whole life without ever having children.

I am 70% leaning towards not having children. If it happened, I wouldnt be horrified. But I am not actively trying to make it happen, and really - how bad both my parents were, puts me off being a parent, and it is easier to let my life go on as it is now. So i dont think that i will have children.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 03/04/2021 21:29

@Handsoffstrikesagain

traveller that is lovely and I understand those feelings completely but it must be very painful for childless women on this thread to have to read.
Exactly. I can look at that & think ‘that’s nice for you but still not interested’ but it’s pretty shit for the women posting on this thread who’d love to have kids and can’t.
Mary46 · 03/04/2021 21:34

They are hard work. But agree its not for everybody. My friend had none but was a great aunt to the kids. I have 2 teens. I am getting a bit more freedom now due to their ages.

speakout · 03/04/2021 21:35

Sarahtrue
Too many women have children without thinking it through properly, and then find it much too difficult. We have a responsibility to our future children .

Glad you have such a good head for heights.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 03/04/2021 21:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

eaglejulesk · 03/04/2021 21:38

It’s a win-win for everyone, personally I think they should get a payoff when they’re 60 in lieu of maternity leave they never took, and resources they never used.

Oh, yes please Smile

Garlia · 03/04/2021 21:41

@Traveller3367

Someone earlier mentioned that "you don't know love until motherhood" This statement couldn't be truer for me. I thought my heart was full when I married DH. We had a wonderful life. Since DS the magnitude of love I feel has astounded me. It grows everyday. I often wonder where it's all coming from as I honestly thought my heart was at maximal love output. No amount of hard days can override that surge of love when DS looks at me. So glad I didn't remain childless. Desperate for more now
I could say you don't know true happiness if you haven't ridden a motorbike at 70mph along Route 66 in America.

That might be my happiness but it is someone else's idea of hell.

It's wonderful having a child made you feel love, but for a lot of people that wouldn't be (or hasn't been) the case at all. You wanted a child, had one, and felt what you feel.

Everyone is different.

Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 21:53

Those childfree not by choice, did you consider adopting?

Traveller3367 · 03/04/2021 21:56

Apologies if I did offend anyone! Wasn't my intention at all.

Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 21:56

Annoys me when people say raising for 18 years , doesn't just suddenly stop as they hit their 18th birthday you know !!

Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 21:57

@Traveller3367

Someone earlier mentioned that "you don't know love until motherhood" This statement couldn't be truer for me. I thought my heart was full when I married DH. We had a wonderful life. Since DS the magnitude of love I feel has astounded me. It grows everyday. I often wonder where it's all coming from as I honestly thought my heart was at maximal love output. No amount of hard days can override that surge of love when DS looks at me. So glad I didn't remain childless. Desperate for more now
Omg hate posts like this , how to upset every woman TTC
Flowers24 · 03/04/2021 21:57

Or should I say those who can't , sickening post btw

RaiseTheBeastie · 03/04/2021 22:00

I'm chuckling at the poster who said only having one child gives her a little experience of living child free 😁

It's totally, utterly different. Having a child changes your life...if you do it to a decent standard anyway.

From considering where you live (schools/garden/size, whatever) to taking extra care with relationships to things as simple as being unable to nip to the shop at 9pm at night. You always have to consider the small person in Every. SINGLE. Thing. You. Do. Every move you make, every life change, every activity, financial decision, every meal you cook or programme you put on the TV.

Those are just some examples amongst hundreds and they apply whether you have one child or five.

If you have a child, you have no concept of what it's like to be child free at all, which is pretty obvious!

Time2b33 · 03/04/2021 22:01

@Flowers24

Those childfree not by choice, did you consider adopting?
🙄
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