Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

@MinnieMous3

please don't align your experience with the pain of being childless when you desperately want to conceive. It is offensive.

I’m not. This thread is about the positives/negatives of childfree life. It’s like talking about the pros and cons of retirement and me saying I work part time. Im not childfree but I have less children than most which allows me to live a little like both groups.

I accept you get some of the benefits of being childfree if you only have one child, but you don't get to claim you understand the pain of childlessness when you actually have a child.

Sorry, cross-post!

[quote MinnieMous3]@Veterinari

Yeah yeah you hate my guts, blah blah, I’m the worst person ever, can we move on now because You’re really boring me[/quote]
No one has personally attacked you here, I simply disagree with your view that having one child gives you any experience of being childfree. At best that view is naive, and at worst, to someone childless, it's actually quite hurtful and tactless.

It shows a complete lack of self awareness to see that, and instead of seeing that point you've told posters like Vet who have replied to you very reasonably to 'get lost' and questioned why anyone without DC is on Mumsnet.

From a young age I expected to have kids, it wasn't really a choice and now I have 3, I would still do it again. However it's been really refreshing reading this thread and hearing stories of women who chose not to have kids.

Its a very brave choice to make especially in a society where you are constantly looked on as just not being ready for kids yet, or that you will change your mind.

It has also hurt my heart though to read of women who are childless but who wanted children. I can't imagine how hard it must be to not only be able to cope with that but also to carve out a different life for yourself than the one you always imagined.

Women are amazing

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

For fucks sake lemon I NEVER said that.

I said I have a foot in both camps in terms of being a bit stigmatised as ‘selfish’, and also in terms of still being able to maintain my ‘me’ time/hobbies etc.

I didn’t mean in terms of emotion and feelings.

That is the last time I will address that point because it’s getting fucking stupid, I’ve explained myself numerous times and yet I keep getting the same old made up shit!

@folloyourarro

All this obsession with Minnie has meant a poster is getting away with having posted children gave them a sense of peace and calm, and even thrown that old goody of "what did I DO before" line, please let's turn our attention to that cracker instead

Oh I did reference it but was possibly too subtle

What I've learned from this thread:

Some posters believe that:
They are more entitled to post on MN than posters without children
That despite having the whole site to post on, they are definitely entitled to post on a thread specifically about an experience they don't have.
That having one child is a 'compromise' (lovely)
That when the flaws in their arguments are pointed out they imagine insults and attacks made against them, call names and act unpleasantly
That parenthood has made them less self-centred, self-absorbed and calmer

Yep if nothing else it seems to be a solid argument for remaining childfree

For those of you being defensive about mums posting on a thread about being childfree/childless, OP chose to post it in the AIBU section.

All bets are off in this section and it is open to everyone. From what I've seen on AIBU threads is that the first rule is there are no rules!

@Garlia vet is obsessed with me so I am pretending she doesn’t exist.

[quote MinnieMous3]@Veterinari

Yeah yeah you hate my guts, blah blah, I’m the worst person ever, can we move on now because You’re really boring me[/quote]
Well if I'm boring I guess you can carry on creating stuff I've not said.

It probably aligns nicely with your creative experience of being childfree

[quote MinnieMous3]@Garlia vet is obsessed with me so I am pretending she doesn’t exist.[/quote]
I guess that's easier than critical thinking

Or engaging with someone who doesn’t think at all.

@MaintainTheMolehill

From a young age I expected to have kids, it wasn't really a choice and now I have 3, I would still do it again. However it's been really refreshing reading this thread and hearing stories of women who chose not to have kids.

Its a very brave choice to make especially in a society where you are constantly looked on as just not being ready for kids yet, or that you will change your mind.

It has also hurt my heart though to read of women who are childless but who wanted children. I can't imagine how hard it must be to not only be able to cope with that but also to carve out a different life for yourself than the one you always imagined.

Women are amazing

What a lovely post.

@MinnieMous3

Or engaging with someone who doesn’t think at all.

Who are you talking to?

Who said that?

Op I’m a teacher and it’s very interesting to me how many many more students are saying they don’t want children -this would never have been the case when I was at school (30 years ago). I have about a quarter of my friends who don’t have children, some through choice and some not. I refuse to be one of those parents who have nothing to talk about but their children and they are generally very lovely about, and towards, my dc.

@ThePriceIsNotRight

Itsalonghaul, you seem to be pushing your particular narrative very hard, to the extent that it’s actually ringing a bit false tbh.

So what if people, parents and childfree alike, talk negatively about having children? Just as you’re allowed to share your apparent joy, they’re allowed to share their own experience too.

I agree, @itsalonghaul posts do indeed ring a bit false

@Haggisfish

Op I’m a teacher and it’s very interesting to me how many many more students are saying they don’t want children -this would never have been the case when I was at school (30 years ago). I have about a quarter of my friends who don’t have children, some through choice and some not. I refuse to be one of those parents who have nothing to talk about but their children and they are generally very lovely about, and towards, my dc.

That's good to hear. I think the judgements alluded to by some posters in this thread are fading. I know I've never experienced societal judgement for being childfree.

My parent friends are similar to yours - we talk about lots of things. Of course when you have children there has to be some flex in the friendships, but I find it weird when people lose longterm friendships once they have children and that's all they want to talk about

I think its easy enough to say you have a lovely childfree life when you are happy in your own company, have the money to travel and enjoy yourself, perhaps a close extended family with nieces/nephews/godchildren etc.

But I have a friend who hasn't had children (did want them). Lives alone. No siblings or cousins they are close to. Manages ok financially day to day & is careful with money, but doesnt earn a great deal, so masses of travel and expensive socialising or hobbies are not going to happen.

I know people will say "well they couldnt have afforded them anyway" but they have a job which would have meant minimal childcare costs and tax credits etc would have got them there.

It's just a huge hole in their life. All their friends have children and they are basically quite lonely and at times left out. Lockdown was brutal on people in this position.

The problem is being a mum isn’t a part of a woman’s life any more, it’s become an identity with all the wholesome insta posts, the wanky ‘attachment parenting’ stuff, the extended breastfeeding pushers and the ‘raising awareness by talking about myself’ stuff.

So when people list why they don’t want children, which they are perfectly entitled to do, it isn’t just a different choice to those women, it’s an assault on their entire life.

Other people not wanting children (don’t confuse that for not being able to have children) is great from my perspective, better for the environment, more resources for my daughter and other kids, less kids being born that aren’t wanted etc. It’s a win-win for everyone, personally I think they should get a payoff when they’re 60 in lieu of maternity leave they never took, and resources they never used.

@Itsalonghaul

You can pick any of vets posts Sammy. Take your pick! And a few others beside.I have since read through the whole thread, and it is really quite strange the way a happy parent posts, and then is 'seen off' by a volley of abuse.

I will say again, my experience was valid and will be useful for those currently still considering their options. You can choose to ignore it vet

Your posts don’t come across as ‘happy parent’ posts though, they come across as smug, as someone who is v bored and trying to cause upset on a thread that has little (nothing) to do with you and your situation, because you have little else better to do

Childfree by choice. Never wanted children and quite happy to be childfree. I have always done what I wanted with my life, within the limits of the law. I'm in my 70s and have put over 50+ years into working and paying taxes so more than done my share for the community.

I think @Itsalonghaul sounds like a happy mum, good for her, if you don’t want kids and think they smell then her ‘smugness’ won’t annoy you anyway.

I find it weird when people lose longterm friendships once they have children and that's all they want to talk about

Same here, I have friends with DC and the chat content about their kids is minimal really - they want to talk about lots of other things and have a break from thinking about the kids!

The main difference with my friendships is they are understandably less flexible in meeting up so we work it around childcare/bedtimes etc. Lunch out with wine is replaced into coffee at theirs for a while!

The problem is being a mum isn’t a part of a woman’s life any more, it’s become an identity

Gosh I was going to say the opposite! Most of the friends I have have really made as little accomodation in their lives for children as possible. Continued working in high powered jobs, short maternity leaves, use nurseries/nannies/au pairs and continue to live much as they did before, complete with social life and hobbies.

It’s a win-win for everyone, personally I think they should get a payoff when they’re 60 in lieu of maternity leave they never took, and resources they never used.

Now that I could get behind!