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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Libraryghost · 03/04/2021 19:50

@Veterinari

Better a cats anus than a kids snot and shitty arse everywhere. At least a cat cleans their bum..

With their tongue Grin
Lick lick lick Grin
(Disclaimer I have cats)

🤣😂 at least is their tongue!! I just wish they wouldn’t do it when you have got company... !
Teatreat · 03/04/2021 19:51

Oh for goodness sake. It's a chat forum. A few other people have posted about how they have had children and coped/not coped/would have done things differently.

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 19:51

Nope, I am a raging ball of pure white hot rage, courtesy of my post-child hormones. I kick everything I walk past and swear constantly.

Garlia · 03/04/2021 19:51

@Fleahopper

I hear you Minnie. OP was wondering out loud about being child free. You came up with a compromise. Seems reasonable to me. Thread's gone mad.
So if you're on the fence about having children, that's fine, compromise and just have one?! You'll be a parent - but only just.

I've heard it all!

Athinginitself · 03/04/2021 19:52

[quote MinnieMous3]**@Veterinari* Trying to claim the lived experiences of a group of people as your own when you don't have that same experience, is frankly weird.*

Oh get lost.[/quote]
It's a bit like saying" I know what its like to be disabled as I've had a cold" can't you see it's not a very self aware thing to say?

sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 19:53

@AndromedaGal

I could have been childfree but I fell pregnant unexpectedly. It was a massive shock, in fact the pregnancy was ok but certainly took some getting used to. Then I had another one 4 yrs later & I look back now & wonder what the hell I did with my time/money/purpose. I am 38 & I don’t want any more but I’m so happy that I did. I can only speak for myself but I think as you get older it gives lively meaning to your life to have children/family/grandchildren. I think I was very selfish and me-centric beforehand, it’s definitely grown me up; I’m wiser, more focussed on who & what I give my energy to, & I have a deep sense of calm/peace that I didn’t possess before.
I,I,I, me... I don’t want... I’m so happy I did... It’s definitely grown me up... I’m wiser... ...who and what I give my energy to I have a deep sense of calm...

And this is all after you became less selfish and me-centric??

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 19:54

@Libraryghost
I don't mind that.
It's the very loud litter tray digging during conference calls I could live without!

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 19:56

@Garlia well yeah, if you have one you get to be a parent to a cool tiny human while retaining some of your own time and money (if you have a supportive partner that is). Definitely easier than if you had say 3 kids, I imagine that’s a lot more full on.

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 19:58

[quote MinnieMous3]@Garlia well yeah, if you have one you get to be a parent to a cool tiny human while retaining some of your own time and money (if you have a supportive partner that is). Definitely easier than if you had say 3 kids, I imagine that’s a lot more full on.[/quote]
And that would be a really relevant experience on a thread discussing whether to have more children

This isn't that thread

Fleahopper · 03/04/2021 19:58

Ok so 'compromise' was a poor choice of words. But it's not surprising that minnie is defensive the way some posters have piled on. This isn't (or wasn't) an infertility thread. If it were, of course she'd be being very tactless. Too many posters never wanting children could be deemed equally tactless.

Garlia · 03/04/2021 19:59

@MinnieMous3

Nope, I am a raging ball of pure white hot rage, courtesy of my post-child hormones. I kick everything I walk past and swear constantly.
You mean you can't switch over to the other foot that's in the childfree camp to get rid of the post-child hormones?
sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 20:01

@MinnieMous3

Gawd some of the childfree women on here are really looking to pick apart anything mums say aren’t they? Y’know, on MUMS net...
What a tired, jaded and utterly redundant argument. Do you realise that the vast majority of this website has absolutely nothing to do with having children? And that MNHQ have clarified that it’s not exclusively a website for parents?
MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 20:02

@Fleahopper I never used the word compromise! That was Vet I think.

OP: ‘what are the pros/cons to being childfree?’
Me: ‘well I’m not childfree but I have one child which is sort of frowned upon in its own way, anyway I guess it’s the best of both worlds for me as I get to be a mum and keep elements of my pre-child life’
Other posters: MINNIE IS EVIL

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 20:04

@MinnieMous3

Gawd some of the childfree women on here are really looking to pick apart anything mums say aren’t they? Y’know, on MUMS net...
If you're so offended by the opinions of childfree women, why did you specifically post on a thread about childfree women rather than anywhere else in this enormous site that accommodates parents?

Why is having one thread not dominated by parenthood such a problem for you that you have to try and claim that experience as the same as yours? Confused

Fleahopper · 03/04/2021 20:04

Yeah @minniemous3 it was me that used the word. I get what you were saying, and was supporting you.
It's got ridiculous. Is a zombie thread anyway so just going to hide it now.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 03/04/2021 20:05

[quote MinnieMous3]@Garlia well yeah, if you have one you get to be a parent to a cool tiny human while retaining some of your own time and money (if you have a supportive partner that is). Definitely easier than if you had say 3 kids, I imagine that’s a lot more full on.[/quote]
One cool tiny human would still be one too many IMO. And once they’re there, you can’t send them back if you realise you’ve made a mistake. But I’m glad it works for you - honestly.

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 20:05

@Fleahopper

Yeah *@minniemous3* it was me that used the word. I get what you were saying, and was supporting you. It's got ridiculous. Is a zombie thread anyway so just going to hide it now.
Thanks Flea, much appreciated, me too as this thread has gone bonkers.
Veterinari · 03/04/2021 20:05

[quote MinnieMous3]**@Fleahopper I never used the word compromise! That was Vet I think.

OP: ‘what are the pros/cons to being childfree?’
Me: ‘well I’m not childfree but I have one child which is sort of frowned upon in its own way, anyway I guess it’s the best of both worlds for me as I get to be a mum and keep elements of my pre-child life’
Other posters: MINNIE IS EVIL[/quote]
No it was @Fleahopper

And no one said you were evil.
Weird how the parents on this thread have to keep making things up to justify their absurdity

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 20:07

@Veterinari

Yeah yeah you hate my guts, blah blah, I’m the worst person ever, can we move on now because You’re really boring me

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 20:07

All this obsession with Minnie has meant a poster is getting away with having posted children gave them a sense of peace and calm, and even thrown that old goody of "what did I DO before" line, please let's turn our attention to that cracker instead Grin

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 20:09

@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn

Well if it’s too much for you, that’s kool. I’m suggesting it for women who do want to be a parent but worry about losing their ‘me’ time, hobbies etc. Because they feel they would ‘have to have two’ because the first one would ‘need a sibling’. One is a valid choice.

Athinginitself · 03/04/2021 20:09

[quote MinnieMous3]@Fleahopper I never used the word compromise! That was Vet I think.

OP: ‘what are the pros/cons to being childfree?’
Me: ‘well I’m not childfree but I have one child which is sort of frowned upon in its own way, anyway I guess it’s the best of both worlds for me as I get to be a mum and keep elements of my pre-child life’
Other posters: MINNIE IS EVIL[/quote]
What you actually said was that you had a 'foot in both camps' which was the part that was offensive to people like me who have posted on this thread who are really struggling with the heartbreaking experience of being childfree not by choice.

MinnieMous3 · 03/04/2021 20:10

@folloyourarro

All this obsession with Minnie has meant a poster is getting away with having posted children gave them a sense of peace and calm, and even thrown that old goody of "what did I DO before" line, please let's turn our attention to that cracker instead Grin
I’ve never felt less of a sense of calm in my life!! Food thrown on the floor, my daughter climbing furniture like Spider-Man, being woken up to screams of ‘BIRDS’ in the night! It is a laugh though
EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 03/04/2021 20:11

Definitely too much. Although I may get a cat at some point.

Do you have a ‘deep sense of peace and calm’ from being a parent, Minnie?