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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 03/04/2021 18:07

@Itsalonghaul

I actually can't be bothered, thinking about it, if you feel such bad feelings towards others you deal with it.
Translation:

I can't find any posts that fit my skewed narrative that this thread is 'hateful' to children. Grin

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:08

foll and you have you hit the nail on the head, precisely.

I nearly didn't have children at all because there is so much negativity about it! I thought it would be too hard, too demanding and too stressful. That pregnancy would ruin my body and I would never have a day of happiness again! It is that very thing that stopped me from even considering it until much later in life.

The truth for many is that it is nowhere near as hard, tiring or stressful as we are led to believe, that the sex education in our schools was so barbaric it scared so many of us to think it would never be for us. In fact I actively enjoyed my second labour, and can't think of anything I don't like about being a parent.

It has gone too far the other way, and this thread is testament to a lot of the misinformation out there. The truth is different for everyone, and some children are sadly not cared for properly, but that is overlooking the fact that the vast majority are much loved and much wanted.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:11

'The baby and small child stages bored me to tears. Any chance I could get to fuck off I took grin. Talking about kids bores me to fuck, ditto talk about breastfeeding, pregnancy and childbirth'

not nice at all.

'I must admit, I don't like children very much'

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 18:13

@Itsalonghaul

Even choosing words like 'rhapsodise' what are you on? I am not rhapsodising about anything!

Just because I happened to enjoy motherhood despite my previous wish to remain childfree is hardly rhapsodising. You have a problem, jeez. It is just a post about kids, like every other on the Mumsnet board.

Just out of interest why don't you have a childfree forum? Surely this would be better for all, and you won't be interrupted with pesky parents on a parenting website, designed to offer support and help to parents.

We could ask for one I suppose. I guess we just assumed that the very clear thread title would make the subject matter clear and that posters would be mindful of that. I suppose we hadn't realised that you felt entitled to post on every thread regardless of subject matter on account of you procreating.

I guess I'm wondering why you wouldn't derail a board about being childfree in the same way you have derailed a thread about being childfree? Essentially the topics/threads rely on posters being considerate of the topic. If you are choosing not to be considerate on this thread, why would a topic be any different?

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:19

I can post whatever I feel like vet you are not the thread police.

I prefer the term having a baby rather than procreating, which makes it sound like horses or breeding animals. You are not very nice.

Garlia · 03/04/2021 18:19

@MinnieMous3

Gosh you do seem rather angry for someone with such a perfect life....

It only takes 5 minutes these days for the ‘you seem very angry’ ‘you seem over invested in this’ ‘you seem like you’re projecting’ posts to come up 🙄

To be fair you wouldn’t go on, for example, a tennis website to say how shit tennis is and how you’re glad you don’t play it.

I have one child, so while I’m not childless, I’m in the ‘mum of one’ camp which is kind of a foot in both, as absolutely everyone has two kids these days. It’s a great balance for me - I’m lucky in that my daughter is fun and low maintenance, and my DP shared her care with me equally so I get a lot of time to myself, can go out with friends whenever I want etc. It’s the right balance for us and she brings so much to my life.

'A foot in both' Hmm you're a parent that's very firmly in the parental camp.

Are you being insanely naive or deliberately offensive?

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:21

And whilst you may not value my experience of being childless, a few pages back op requested an open discussion about all aspects and pros and cons.

What you are strangely asking for is to come on a parenting website, and ban all parents!
It is ridiculous and disturbing.

sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 18:21

It is just a post about kids, like every other on the Mumsnet board

You mustn’t read much on mumsnet if you think all posts on it are about kids. Do you ever venture onto style and beauty? Relationships? Telly addicts? Chat? AMA? The vast, vast majority of mumsnet posts, threads and topics have absolutely nothing to do with children and MNHQ have made it clear that it’s not a forum exclusively for parents.

sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 18:22

@Itsalonghaul

And whilst you may not value my experience of being childless, a few pages back op requested an open discussion about all aspects and pros and cons.

What you are strangely asking for is to come on a parenting website, and ban all parents!
It is ridiculous and disturbing.

Could you quote the post where someone wants to ban all parents from this website please?
Veterinari · 03/04/2021 18:23

I can post whatever I feel like vet you are not the thread police.

Yes we've established that. Though you seem to insist on trying to control what others post about...
Still doesn't answer the question though does it?

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 03/04/2021 18:25

not nice at all

Why is that not nice? Why is someone stating that they found those aspects of parenthood fucking boring not nice? No one has suggested that you shouldn’t enjoy them if you want to.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:26

You can pick any of vets posts Sammy. Take your pick! And a few others beside.I have since read through the whole thread, and it is really quite strange the way a happy parent posts, and then is 'seen off' by a volley of abuse.

I will say again, my experience was valid and will be useful for those currently still considering their options. You can choose to ignore it vet

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 18:27

Could you quote the post where someone wants to ban all parents from this website please?

I suspect it's in the same place as all the posts that are 'hateful towards children'....
Grin

I think life must be very limited if you feel the need to spend your time on the internet imagining evidence to justify your own rudeness.

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 18:27

@Itsalonghaul I think you were perhaps selective about what you what you heard about parenting, I was the opposite in that I knew I wanted kids, that was probably biology, did it, heard all the lovely things about falling in love yadde yadde and have found it to be quite a relentless slog not matching my expectations at all. I suffered terribly with PND from the the shock of capture, I wasn't on forums, it was before the days of "scummy mummies" and the honesty of social media and it was a hugely traumatic transition tbh.

Much better to put off those that don't know the difference than it is to convince those who are unsure to have kids, the ramifications are much greater in the latter.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 18:28

@Itsalonghaul

You can pick any of vets posts Sammy. Take your pick! And a few others beside.I have since read through the whole thread, and it is really quite strange the way a happy parent posts, and then is 'seen off' by a volley of abuse.

I will say again, my experience was valid and will be useful for those currently still considering their options. You can choose to ignore it vet

Is it reading you struggle with? Or just comprehension?

We both know that I've not said anything if the sort. You sound deluded

pinkyredrose · 03/04/2021 18:29

I'm poor now with a rubbish job , a single parent to boot. But I wouldn't change him for the world and I have known what love is , I honesty think ds is my soul mate I've never wanted to meet a guy and settle down but ds is my life

Feeling rather sorry for your son's future partners.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:31

Yes but then that would deprive people of the potential joy that is motherhood/parenthood. I am not sure 'putting people off' is a good idea - better to be honest about the challenges and the wonder, and let them choose no?

Too many people seem to have an agenda on this. Started with trying to deter teenage pregnancies I guess, but went too far in my experience.

I understand you didn't have a great time, it sounds really hard, and you sounded unprepared for much of it. I was over prepared for hardship and found the negativity too much, and really misleading. Just different ends of the spectrum of expectations I guess?!

It bothers me some people are put off by a really horrible narrative. It is a shame.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:32

Message for foll

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 18:37

@Itsalonghaul how is it depriving someone if they don't know any better? How can you honestly think that is worse than overselling parenthood (which is a deeply personal experience anyway) to someone who then has a child potentially resulting in an unhappy adult and child? People should just be allowed to talk about their own experience without being told they shouldn't, and be mindful of the context of where they are speaking.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:38

For anyone out there that is finding it hard ttc, or has to remain childfree without a choice, there are many fulfilling ways to enjoy life, and I hope you will put the love and energy into creating your own legacy - many children in need of love, helping domestic violence refuges, fostering or any one of the number of areas that are much needed by people like you. My mother tried for seven years to have me, and told me much of her anguish when I was old enough, so I do understand as much as I am able to. I appreciate you can't fully understand unless you have experienced it.

I don't believe you need to be a parent to have a complete and full life, and indeed some people will succeed and thrive far better without them.

I just wanted to make that clear.

ForeverAintEnough12 · 03/04/2021 18:39

Ignore @Itsalonghaul I had the enjoyment of reading her posts on a covid thread recently. Apparently Ireland is ‘a little backwater’ Ursula VDL ‘reminds her of a dictator as she is German’ and Italy are ‘the EU mafia’ and now people without children are ‘bitter’ and ‘one dimensional’

Somehow I don’t find it hard to believe she can’t have a conversation with anyone who doesn’t politely listen to her drone on about children did to her own lack of personality and backward views.

I really hope your children haven’t inherited your sparkling personally @itsalonghaul 😂😂😂😂

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:41

folloy It lacks balance thats why. It is not anyone's job to 'sell' parenthood. It is either something people want to do, or they don't.

It shouldn't be information that is coerced or controlled. If people ask me I will always tell the truth, the good, the bad and the ugly. Honesty is probably the way forward, and let people decide for themselves.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 18:41

I am known for my sparkling personality actually in RL Grin and my honest views.

ForeverAintEnough12 · 03/04/2021 18:42

@Itsalonghaul

I am known for my sparkling personality actually in RL Grin and my honest views.
Of course you are... of course you are Biscuit
sammylady37 · 03/04/2021 18:42

@Itsalonghaul

You can pick any of vets posts Sammy. Take your pick! And a few others beside.I have since read through the whole thread, and it is really quite strange the way a happy parent posts, and then is 'seen off' by a volley of abuse.

I will say again, my experience was valid and will be useful for those currently still considering their options. You can choose to ignore it vet

So in other words, you can’t quite them. Because they don’t exist. I’ve read all of vet’s posts, and all the others, and nowhere has she said she wants to ban all parents from this website. She has reasonably questioned why someone who is not childfree would choose to post on a thread called ‘childfree life’, and I think that’s a very valid question. I don’t have tattoos, I never will, and if I saw a thread called ‘tattoo design ideas’ I’d scroll on by, not chime in with my opinion.