Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

The bashing posts of motherhood on here, are really hateful in places and do not resonate at all with the real thing. It is okay to say not everyone finds toddlers hideous, or breast feeding boring as you do. It is okay to say for some people it is a miracle and a very happy experience. The closing down of the truth is quite scary on here. You don't get to control what other people feel or experience or post.

Gish! If only there was something like a 'parenting' topic where you could rhapsodise about your maternal nirvana. Oh wait. There is.

But you felt entitled to derail a thread clearly entitled 'childfree'

You sound a bit dim tbh

The bashing posts of motherhood on here, are really hateful in places and do not resonate at all with the real thing. It is okay to say not everyone finds toddlers hideous, or breast feeding boring as you do. It is okay to say for some people it is a miracle and a very happy experience. The closing down of the truth is quite scary on here. You don't get to control what other people feel or experience or post.

But it isn't "the truth". It's your opinion, you are entitled to express it but other people are entitled to disagree.

@dudsville.
Absolutely believe that too. I certainly have a romantic notion on what having a child might be like, especially when it is Christmas etc. I spoke to a counsellor about my indecision re children and he said that celebrations such as Christmas, weddings and birthdays weren’t a great reason to bring a child into this world. They are short lived holidays and a child is there for life out-with all those times.

Obviously reality is very different. As it normally is even out-with any to have a child debate.

And having a child so you aren’t alone on your deathbed - also agree that that isn’t a reason to have one.

Bliss, stress free, carefree, more disposable income, time to myself to do whatever i please. It’s fabulous. Lockdown was amazing having time at home and no home schooling. No school runs to be tied up with.

I have a Neice and nephew so I can experience the stress and chaos as and when I choose, usually at my sisters request when she needs a break 🤣

My cousin would have liked children if the opportunity had arisen, but it didn't. Later in life, he met a woman with adult children, and he is now a proud grandfather

@jessstan1 I wish more people with fertility issues had your attitude. If people are prepared to accept the status quo they have many opportunities to live a fulfilled life without children

Nothing like a useless piece of information from someone who never had issues conceiving and thinks it’s a matter of just ‘accepting’ it hahahaha

. of course you would’ve been completely fine and just embraced life without children if you had the rug pulled from under you and realise the life you had envisaged and yearned for may never happen.

I’ll add we are child free by choice. Being a parent has never been a priority or desire for me ever.

@Itsalonghaul Wow, what an awful comment on a thread that isn't even related to you. Some of us - myself included, can't have children and desperately want to. Came here to read some hopeful stories relating to who the op was asking. Not your self righteous one, thanks

@ForeverAintEnough12 hugs to you

Of my group of four best friends from school - now late 50s - only one had children. We had very effective sex education (or anti-sex education) with the most traumatic film of a woman giving birth (we were 11 or 12 at the time). I have no regrets about not having children. For every family that stays close and loving there seems to be another where the children are not in contact with the parents. I'm sure if we had both wanted them I would have loved them, but I would have preferred an eyelid arrangement in my tummy to give birth, rather than it coming out the same way it went in, so to speak.

Gosh you do seem rather angry for someone with such a perfect life....

It only takes 5 minutes these days for the ‘you seem very angry’ ‘you seem over invested in this’ ‘you seem like you’re projecting’ posts to come up 🙄

To be fair you wouldn’t go on, for example, a tennis website to say how shit tennis is and how you’re glad you don’t play it.

I have one child, so while I’m not childless, I’m in the ‘mum of one’ camp which is kind of a foot in both, as absolutely everyone has two kids these days. It’s a great balance for me - I’m lucky in that my daughter is fun and low maintenance, and my DP shared her care with me equally so I get a lot of time to myself, can go out with friends whenever I want etc. It’s the right balance for us and she brings so much to my life.

You seem to be struggling with comprehension.

I have not at any point said how shit parenting is - that's a fabrication by a previous poster to justify her derailing. Repeating that fabrication does not make it any more true.

I suggested that she was angry because she was extremely rude, calling posters names and typing in capitals. You may think that's ok. We clearly have different standards.

Odd that you wouldn't go in a tennis website and say how shit tennis is but you've come in a thread about being childfree to tell us that having one child is 'a foot in both camps'.
It isn't. You are a parent. That is not in any way the same as being childfree

Sort that was to @MinnieMous3

I have one child, so while I’m not childless, I’m in the ‘mum of one’ camp which is kind of a foot in both, as absolutely everyone has two kids these days.

Also well done on beating the previous poster's self absorption.

Did you simply not read the posts from childless posters or wilfully disregard them?

minnie Unless you are going to say you have hated every minute being a parent you will be called 'self absorbed'! Or angry or whatever.

Its an odd thing to post such a thing on a parenting website, and then say no parents can actually post!!! That is all kinds of messed up.

@Itsalonghaul

You sound very bitter brightyellow

What for saying you sound rather self-absorbed, that some women don’t love their kids and having children doesn’t mean old-age insurance. Yeah, really bitter. All us childfree people are under the surface, regardless of how much we might protest that we enjoy our lives

If you bothered to apply basic reading comprehension, my comment was in response to one mentioning a switch that flips with regards loving your child. I gave the example of other people for whom this doesn’t and didn’t happen. Is it SO hard to understand that some parents regret their kids? I guess you’re not very good at seeing a point of view other than your own, which kinda brings us back to the self-absorption.

And I don’t know from where you’ve drawn the conclusion that I see motherhood as a curse. I didn’t want it, but I see friends and relatives for whom it has been the most fabulous thing of their life.

It’s almost like we’re al different, isn’t it?

@MinnieMous3

Gosh you do seem rather angry for someone with such a perfect life....

It only takes 5 minutes these days for the ‘you seem very angry’ ‘you seem over invested in this’ ‘you seem like you’re projecting’ posts to come up 🙄

To be fair you wouldn’t go on, for example, a tennis website to say how shit tennis is and how you’re glad you don’t play it.

I have one child, so while I’m not childless, I’m in the ‘mum of one’ camp which is kind of a foot in both, as absolutely everyone has two kids these days. It’s a great balance for me - I’m lucky in that my daughter is fun and low maintenance, and my DP shared her care with me equally so I get a lot of time to myself, can go out with friends whenever I want etc. It’s the right balance for us and she brings so much to my life.

Please don't ever say that to someone who is childfree not by choice, you dont have a foot in both camps, you are 100% a parent.

Its an odd thing to post such a thing on a parenting website, and then say no parents can actually post!!! That is all kinds of messed up.

I'm surprised at the number of posters that seem to think MN exists only for parents.

Do you genuinely believe that the doghouse, style and beauty boards etc. are parenting-specific?

Or are you simply trying to use the fact that the site is called mumsnet to justify your determination to make this one thread about you and your choices?

Honestly - there's an entire board on parenting where you could share your parenting experiences. Instead you've specifically chosen a thread where posters have discussed their own difficulties with not being able to conceive, or where posters are happy with their childfree lives, to criticise and post about your parenting experience. Why do you feel the need to do that? Why does the thought of someone making a different choice to you or being forced to live a lifestyle that you've been fortunate enough not to have lived threaten you so much that you have to stamp all over it?

It's weird.

I think you have a problem with hearing different views vet people can post whatever they like.

Plenty of childfree posters post about issues with children, they are not told to not bother. Their view is respected a long with everyone else. You are this controlling in RL?! Because seriously telling people what to post or not post on here is a losing battle, and it is not the point of the forum at all!

If you want to lead a childfree life that is a matter for you, not me. I don't know what you are expecting, a round of a applause, a pat on the back. You can do whatever you want vet but some of the posts on here are very hostile towards children and babies and I don't like it. It is a horrible thing to do, to post on a parenting forum how hateful it is to have dc!! It is not ethical or right. I will post some examples and perhaps you will be able to see my point of view a little bit more.
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I am a great grandmother (I had my children young as you did in those days). I went into it without thinking, it was just the next thing after marriage. I love my two girls very much but, honestly, would have been happier without children and, maybe just a dog.

I think there is a certain amount of hidden envy about the lifestyle childfree couples have. I certainly felt it when I was young, hard up, with no nice clothes and felt old at 22.

I am fond of my grandchildren but, in truth, I wouldn't be heartbroken if I never saw them again.

In this day and age I would have been happier to have been childfree.

@Itsalonghaul

I think you have a problem with hearing different views vet people can post whatever they like.

Plenty of childfree posters post about issues with children, they are not told to not bother. Their view is respected a long with everyone else. You are this controlling in RL?! Because seriously telling people what to post or not post on here is a losing battle, and it is not the point of the forum at all!

If you want to lead a childfree life that is a matter for you, not me. I don't know what you are expecting, a round of a applause, a pat on the back. You can do whatever you want vet but some of the posts on here are very hostile towards children and babies and I don't like it. It is a horrible thing to do, to post on a parenting forum how hateful it is to have dc!! It is not ethical or right. I will post some examples and perhaps you will be able to see my point of view a little bit more.
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I haven't told you not to post.

I've said that I find it weird that with the whole of MN at your fingertips you've decided to choose one thread entitled 'being childfree' to rhapsodise about your experiences as a mother

It's weird, selfish and entitled.

I actually can't be bothered, thinking about it, if you feel such bad feelings towards others you deal with it.

@Itsalonghaul if more people were honest about their experiences of parenthood then maybe that would give the people who have doubts the validation that they shouldn't do something just because everyone else does. Too many people become parents for the wrong reasons, as stated how many millions of children are born into neglectful or abusive homes or just unhappy ones, crap like what a pp stated that a "a switch just flips" is frankly dangerous. Parenthood is not all baking and cuddles, it is hard work that isn't for everybody, isn't always rewarding and as it has a monumental impact on the child's life the decision should not be taken lightly. So I disagree, the negative experiences are vitally important too, even if to just manage expectations.

[quote folloyourarro]@Itsalonghaul if more people were honest about their experiences of parenthood then maybe that would give the people who have doubts the validation that they shouldn't do something just because everyone else does. Too many people become parents for the wrong reasons, as stated how many millions of children are born into neglectful or abusive homes or just unhappy ones, crap like what a pp stated that a "a switch just flips" is frankly dangerous. Parenthood is not all baking and cuddles, it is hard work that isn't for everybody, isn't always rewarding and as it has a monumental impact on the child's life the decision should not be taken lightly. So I disagree, the negative experiences are vitally important too, even if to just manage expectations.[/quote]
I think honesty about parenthood helps those who can't have them too, more so than rhapsodizing about it. I say that as someone who couldn't have children.