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Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 15:54

vet It is called MUMSNET. You are on a parenting bloody website. Make up your own forum if you just want an echo chamber. I am entitled to post the truth on any thread I wish. You simply want to hear parenting is totally shit, well it isn't for most of us, for most of us it is pretty much the best thing we have ever done. If you don't like parents posting with their experiences, I suggest YOU go elsewhere.

AlfonsoTheTerrible · 03/04/2021 15:54

I like the distinction another poster made between being childfree, ie chose not to have children and childless, ie would like to have children but don't.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 15:58

We too are going abroad, as a family so you don't need to be childfree to travel Confused or to have second homes and boats, we have both. We also happen to have great kids as well.

ReassuringlyExpensive · 03/04/2021 15:59

This reply has been deleted

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Athinginitself · 03/04/2021 16:00

@Itsalonghaul

I don't really expect people without children to understand what I mean about not everything being about me/us and my/our needs, but by definition children do need so much love and sacrifice.

In terms of finding things in common, I found I lost most of my single childfree friends when I had my first child they just did not understand I could not go out in the evenings as I was breastfeeding, or on holiday as I didn't want to leave my babies and we just drifted. I would often get the impression they resented the babies, and just wanted me to get shot of them. Motherhood is not an opt out, and I didn't want to leave them in the early years. We were having completely different lives, and those differences became wider as the years went by. I am just being honest about that. Had they adored babies and enjoyed being with us, then maybe it would have lasted but they didn't, and nor should they have to pretend. I was too tired to go out for dinners in the evening, too exhausted even to call in the baby days. There was no time.

Now most of my friends have children of their own, we all in the same boat and it is easier.

I can't run off a list of negatives, as I suspect many pp would prefer, because for me at least there were none to have dc, but I know parenting doesn't suit everyone. It is up to you, and there is no need to justify your choices. We only have one life, and we need to make the most of it.

I think you are right that its difficult to understand each others situation, but I wonder if you really tried to understand what it might be like for your childfree/childless friends? It works both ways. For what its worth with my best friend we obviously cant totally 'get it' but we try, I was her birth partner twice, I've been there for the highs and some real lows. I remember every birthday, Christmas, I hang out in parks and change nappies, and am on the end of the phone for really hard conversations about SEN, but she also tries with me to understand, she's sensitive to my feelings, she texts me on mothers day, she tries to involve me without expecting too much.
diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:01

@Itsalonghaul

We too are going abroad, as a family so you don't need to be childfree to travel Confused or to have second homes and boats, we have both. We also happen to have great kids as well.
Oh, all hail! Great kids! 😂😂

I'm not childfree. Didn't want a boat, though, so we have a campervan. And a second home.

It's pretty shitty to come on a thread and tell childfree people how much better you are for having procreated. But hey, it seems to give you the warm fuzzies.

Soon off to break the Covid rules! Need to get the wine in the fridge.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 16:03

@Itsalonghaul

vet It is called MUMSNET. You are on a parenting bloody website. Make up your own forum if you just want an echo chamber. I am entitled to post the truth on any thread I wish. You simply want to hear parenting is totally shit, well it isn't for most of us, for most of us it is pretty much the best thing we have ever done. If you don't like parents posting with their experiences, I suggest YOU go elsewhere.
Gosh you do seem rather angry for someone with such a perfect life....

Umm... where exactly have I said that I only want opinions that parenting is shit? You seem to be struggling with the point of tie thread. I appreciate it's outside of the sphere if your experience abd clearly that is tricky for you to comprehend so I'll explain it for you.

Mumsnet sis a forum for adults to chat. In the forum, users can create threads on specific topics and subjects. This is a thread about being childfree. You are not childfree. Your experiences are irrelevant.

Or do you think having children entitles you to an opinion on everything? Including experiences that you don't have?

Fleahopper · 03/04/2021 16:10

I am in the age bracket mentioned by the OP. I have adult children. My love for them is unconditional, and we have a good relationship. I am glad I had them.
However I have thought about it a lot, and if I was young now, and knowing what I know now - climate change, some pretty awful world wide politics - I would not have children.
Also, I believe that I am responsible for my own life/happiness/old age, and I would never want or expect my children to put their lives on hold to look after me. I hope that we will maintain good relationships going forward though, but I have no expectations of them. I do feel responsible for them, still, to a certain extent, because they are here through my choices, not theirs.

SerafinaPekkala · 03/04/2021 16:11

49, childfree by choice
Have just exited a long relationship so facing 50 as a single woman (with compulsory cats, obv.).
I love it and have no regrets, I have never wanted children or marriage. I've lived and worked out of the UK for the past 6 years and am currently researching where I'll go next. I love being able to make all the decisions and do exactly what I want without having to consider others.

folloyourarro · 03/04/2021 16:11

@Itsalonghaul I have children and am still finding your posts pathetic, ignorant and frankly embarrassing for you.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 16:15

Athinginitself You sound like an amazing friend, and one that most of us would move heaven and earth for to keep.
My experience was different, and it was hurtful. Having spent decades travelling the world together, partying, working and having a ball when I got married and had my first baby, she was pretty hacked off to say the least. She did not want to be 'part of' anything, quite the reverse she would say quite negative and thoughtless things at times, and would continually badger me to leave my newborn to spend a night away with her. I understand the adjustment was hard for her - so I tried to meet her in the afternoons instead whilst the baby slept, but nothing I did was ever good enough. She always wanted more. Two hour phone calls, because I couldn't meet up were not unusual. I would try and explain how tired I was feeling, but she was selfish and didn't want to hear it. Only wanting as much time as she could possibly stretch me to, for herself.
She really just wanted us to have our old lives back, and I couldn't do it obviously, and didn't want to by then.
She did get angry, and she started to behave in a way I felt was quite negative towards my children. Sighing when I had to pick up a child and small clues that she found the whole thing annoying. Some of my other friends were fine, they just drifted off with new friends and carried on pretty much, but she was always difficult, difficult about everything.

Had she been like you, and so supportive and kind we would have stayed the closest of friends, but really she gave me no choice but to let her go.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 16:17

@Itsalonghaul

Athinginitself You sound like an amazing friend, and one that most of us would move heaven and earth for to keep. My experience was different, and it was hurtful. Having spent decades travelling the world together, partying, working and having a ball when I got married and had my first baby, she was pretty hacked off to say the least. She did not want to be 'part of' anything, quite the reverse she would say quite negative and thoughtless things at times, and would continually badger me to leave my newborn to spend a night away with her. I understand the adjustment was hard for her - so I tried to meet her in the afternoons instead whilst the baby slept, but nothing I did was ever good enough. She always wanted more. Two hour phone calls, because I couldn't meet up were not unusual. I would try and explain how tired I was feeling, but she was selfish and didn't want to hear it. Only wanting as much time as she could possibly stretch me to, for herself. She really just wanted us to have our old lives back, and I couldn't do it obviously, and didn't want to by then. She did get angry, and she started to behave in a way I felt was quite negative towards my children. Sighing when I had to pick up a child and small clues that she found the whole thing annoying. Some of my other friends were fine, they just drifted off with new friends and carried on pretty much, but she was always difficult, difficult about everything.

Had she been like you, and so supportive and kind we would have stayed the closest of friends, but really she gave me no choice but to let her go.

Are you confusing this thread with a journal for your life experiences ? Confused
Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 16:20

My life is not perfect, as there is no such thing - but it is pretty close. I am more surprised by this than anyone else, because I thought I would be travelling the world, alone or with friends my whole life, as I hate being pinned down to anything. So yes, it worked for us, not for everyone.
My post was really to say to those that are still deciding, and are not remotely maternal like me - it sometimes happens in pregnancy, and you might make a better parent than you imagine, and despite it all love motherhood - or you may not. It is a valuable contribution, as much as anyone else's I think you will find.

diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:20

The baby and small child stages bored me to tears. Any chance I could get to fuck off I took Grin. Talking about kids bores me to fuck, ditto talk about breastfeeding, pregnancy and childbirth.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 16:22

@Itsalonghaul

My life is not perfect, as there is no such thing - but it is pretty close. I am more surprised by this than anyone else, because I thought I would be travelling the world, alone or with friends my whole life, as I hate being pinned down to anything. So yes, it worked for us, not for everyone. My post was really to say to those that are still deciding, and are not remotely maternal like me - it sometimes happens in pregnancy, and you might make a better parent than you imagine, and despite it all love motherhood - or you may not. It is a valuable contribution, as much as anyone else's I think you will find.
Totally tone deaf to the posters on this thread who are not childfree by choice.

Please stop navel gazing.

diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:23

@Itsalonghaul

My life is not perfect, as there is no such thing - but it is pretty close. I am more surprised by this than anyone else, because I thought I would be travelling the world, alone or with friends my whole life, as I hate being pinned down to anything. So yes, it worked for us, not for everyone. My post was really to say to those that are still deciding, and are not remotely maternal like me - it sometimes happens in pregnancy, and you might make a better parent than you imagine, and despite it all love motherhood - or you may not. It is a valuable contribution, as much as anyone else's I think you will find.
But what if it doesn't? I mean, that's a human being you're gambling with. 'Oh, I think I'll take a punt on producing a human being I'm responsible for, for the rest of my life, in case I become Earth Mother'. How stupid, irresponsible, selfish and immature can you get?
diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:25

Totally tone deaf to the posters on this thread who are not childfree by choice.

Please stop navel gazing.

Or probably better for us just ignore it.

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 16:26

vet and there are plenty of posters still deciding, they count too - so not tone deaf. If you are feeling sensitive why come on a parenting website and start a thread about it ?! Confused

I did not want children, so of course my contribution is valuable to some.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 16:30

@Itsalonghaul

vet and there are plenty of posters still deciding, they count too - so not tone deaf. If you are feeling sensitive why come on a parenting website and start a thread about it ?! Confused

I did not want children, so of course my contribution is valuable to some.

Why would you assume that applies to the OP? If you actually read the thread you'll see that there are several posters in this thread who are childfree and not by choice. Nice if you to dismiss them and suggest they shouldn't be on a thread about being childfree just because you feel entitled to detail the thread with your irrelevant parenting experiences.

Let's hope you're raising your children to be less rude, self absorbed and entitled than you are

Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 16:33

My children are great thanks, and of course it is very upsetting that some people are childfree not by choice, of course it is. However, there are people that are still considering parenting too. You seem super prickly.

Seriously my view is one view, it is fine to talk about experiences of all kinds. That doesn't make it anything, it makes it one view. So calm down and chill out.

diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:33

@Itsalonghaul

vet and there are plenty of posters still deciding, they count too - so not tone deaf. If you are feeling sensitive why come on a parenting website and start a thread about it ?! Confused

I did not want children, so of course my contribution is valuable to some.

Don't really see anything of value in your posts. Quite the opposite.
diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:34

@Itsalonghaul

My children are great thanks, and of course it is very upsetting that some people are childfree not by choice, of course it is. However, there are people that are still considering parenting too. You seem super prickly.

Seriously my view is one view, it is fine to talk about experiences of all kinds. That doesn't make it anything, it makes it one view. So calm down and chill out.

How passive aggressive and sneering.

Just ignore it, Vet. It's not worth it.

Veterinari · 03/04/2021 16:35

@Itsalonghaul

vet It is called MUMSNET. You are on a parenting bloody website. Make up your own forum if you just want an echo chamber. I am entitled to post the truth on any thread I wish. You simply want to hear parenting is totally shit, well it isn't for most of us, for most of us it is pretty much the best thing we have ever done. If you don't like parents posting with their experiences, I suggest YOU go elsewhere.
Oh yeah. I'm super prickly! Grin
Itsalonghaul · 03/04/2021 16:38

I actually don't care what you think thanks diwrnahco

The bashing posts of motherhood on here, are really hateful in places and do not resonate at all with the real thing. It is okay to say not everyone finds toddlers hideous, or breast feeding boring as you do. It is okay to say for some people it is a miracle and a very happy experience. The closing down of the truth is quite scary on here. You don't get to control what other people feel or experience or post.

On that note, I am going out! I wish those that want to have children all the luck in the world, for those without I wish you a wonderful carefree life and everyone in between. Our lives are precious and short. Happy Easter!

diwrnachoflleyn · 03/04/2021 16:40

I actually don't care what you think thanks diwrnahco

That's why you bothered to respond to me personally. 😂😂😂

Off you go, then! Bye!