Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

i also think poor bastards but about people with no kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my four children.

I hope you are also thanking them for paying for the services your children use? Because unless you are earning 60k plus a year, your family is being heavily subsidised by their taxes. There is no tax rebate for those that don't have children, despite them using less public resources.

This thread is helpful. Im stuck with the childfree on child debate?

I’m 39 so the window is closing. I don’t have a desire to be a mother but don’t want to regret not doing it.

I hate being a woman sometimes.

@ED81

This thread is helpful. Im stuck with the childfree on child debate?

I’m 39 so the window is closing. I don’t have a desire to be a mother but don’t want to regret not doing it.

I hate being a woman sometimes.

I remember this thread from when is was first around. I'm childfree but didn't ever feel I wanted children. So not in the same position as you (maybe?). What are the reasons you think you might regret it?

Are there any reasons you don't want children? Or fo you just not have an active desire?

Thanks @Okbussitout for replying. Realise this is slightly older post.

I don’t want children as I’m concerned it will negatively impact our lives. We like to lay in, eat out, and so what we want when we want without having to consider a small person. We also have a nice disposable income that would dwindle. I’m also incredibly worried about things being wrong with a pregnancy. Chromosomal issues or a child developing autism or adhd. I’m definitely not equipped for that life. Take my hate off to those who do though.

I do like babies and children but don’t have that desire folks speak about.

I however worry about regretting it in the sense of that it might be wonderful. I also worry about older age and what would I do if my husband dies first. That utterly consumes me. However is the risk worth it?! Who knows!!

@ED81

Thanks *@Okbussitout* for replying. Realise this is slightly older post.

I don’t want children as I’m concerned it will negatively impact our lives. We like to lay in, eat out, and so what we want when we want without having to consider a small person. We also have a nice disposable income that would dwindle. I’m also incredibly worried about things being wrong with a pregnancy. Chromosomal issues or a child developing autism or adhd. I’m definitely not equipped for that life. Take my hate off to those who do though.

I do like babies and children but don’t have that desire folks speak about.

I however worry about regretting it in the sense of that it might be wonderful. I also worry about older age and what would I do if my husband dies first. That utterly consumes me. However is the risk worth it?! Who knows!!

@ED81 I would say if you're really worried about autism, ADHD and chromosomal problems it might not be best to go ahead. Although the absolute risk of these things happening is low, as you get older it increases. In the nicest way possible, if you're not prepared or able to deal with these outcomes, it's maybe best not to take the chance, no matter how small it is. I have 2 DC with severe autism, learning difficulties, epilepsy etc and had none of the additional risk factors when pregnant. I don't regret my children at all but do find myself missing the carefree life before them. They are up all night, then they get up at 4am (on a good day), they destroy our house, they slap and kick us every day etc etc. Not trying to scare monger or anything but I also run a special needs local group and there are many, many families in the same situation. It doesn't even feel that rare at all.

I’m 50, child free by choice, I see no attraction in having a child, I listen all day to the woman at work stress over their kids & grandkids. I love my life

From a slightly different perspective I loved my childfree life - totally embraced it . Freedom from kids and marriage was what I loved , I had a great flat, a wonderful career, lots of money and travelled the world. Surprise at 38 . I was shocked but excited however mentally unprepared for it all .
I'm poor now with a rubbish job , a single parent to boot. But I wouldn't change him for the world and I have known what love is , I honesty think ds is my soul mate I've never wanted to meet a guy and settle down but ds is my life .
however of not for that surprise pregnancy I'd still be having a great life!

I however worry about regretting it in the sense of that it might be wonderful. I also worry about older age and what would I do if my husband dies first. That utterly consumes me. However is the risk worth it?! Who knows!!

I’m 47 and have never regretted not having kids.

I think that for you, couldn’t the risk of having a child now & realising you’ve made a terrible mistake be much graver than the risk of possibly regretting not having kids later?

No matter how non-paternal you think you are, the instant your child is born its like a switch has been flicked. Suddenly your whole perspective in life changes. Whether that is a biological response or not I don’t know, but I went from being very happy at not having children because of all the reasons stated here to it being the best journey.

49, single and have been child free for three years since my two 20-something adult DS left home. They live a long way from me and I feel lonely often, especially this past year, but I have lovely friends.

I am childfree by choice. I like children, and I can understand why people have them and what they bring to your life. But from where I am sitting those benefits are not outweighed by the cons.

I love my nieces and nephews and my friends' children. But I also like having peace and quiet and time to myself. I work part time which I would not be able to afford to do with children and means I have lots of time for my hobbies.

Several of my friends also don't want children so I don't feel that my social life suffers.

I am 40 this year and told myself that if I reach that age without having or wanting children then I am drawing a line under it, which I am happy to do.

I often think I'd be a great mum if I had kids and got divorced so only saw them some of the time. But every day? No thanks.

I just turned 60 and have become a great aunt so I've been thinking about this quite a lot recently. No regrets about being child free but it does make me sad that she's just beginning her wonderful journey through life and I won't be around for most of it. I never had much to do with my sister's children when they were growing up so am definitely going to try and be in her life a bit more (if she wants me!)

I considered a child free life for a very long time, and had pretty much decided on that for my future. In the end I changed my mind, dh really wanted a child particularly, I remained unconvinced that it was a really good choice for me until my baby was six months old. I loved her from the minute she was born, but it was shock to our lives and the adjustment that followed took some time to get used to.

However roll on sixteen years and more dc, I now realise how lonely, one dimensional and empty my life would have been if I had simply stayed with the dogs and animals as I had planned to.

Everyone I know has had children now, bar none, and I can't really imagine having much in common with someone with no experience of having children, nor what we would talk about for long periods. The experience of having babies is so profound, it is something I share with good friends, and something we talk about a lot. It is quite bonding.

Now that I have older children, lots of friends work long hours and have big families and not many of us have much free time, I am not even sure what I would do with my time. I can imagine feeling very isolated at this point, and beyond. Whilst I am now busy supporting teens, what would I be doing otherwise? They are great company, endlessly enjoyable from tots to teens and I am not reliant on an external set of friends or others for fulfilment, although I do have many friends. I like the self sufficiency of our family unit, and the security and comfort it brings all of us.
As my dc grow older and into adulthood, and grandchildren arrive it will bring me great pleasure as an older person to see them grow, and a real privilege to enjoy those moments.

Not only do children bring great company and life and colour into your life, but they also make people less selfish and less self absorbed. You learn to compromise, take a back seat and put others first sometimes.

I am a better person for being a mother, and I never expected to be a mother or a better person. I am wiser, more loving and life feels more precious with children and babies.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

No matter how non-paternal you think you are, the instant your child is born its like a switch has been flicked. Suddenly your whole perspective in life changes. Whether that is a biological response or not I don’t know, but I went from being very happy at not having children because of all the reasons stated here to it being the best journey.

If it was as easy as that we wouldn't have thousands of children in the care system.

@NewPapaGuinea

No matter how non-paternal you think you are, the instant your child is born its like a switch has been flicked. Suddenly your whole perspective in life changes. Whether that is a biological response or not I don’t know, but I went from being very happy at not having children because of all the reasons stated here to it being the best journey.

With respect, how can you say that when there are so many unwanted/neglected kids out there?

I'm sure it's true in a majority of cases, but it is absolutely not some kind of 100% odds situation, and I think you'd be mad to gamble on this being the case if you otherwise don't want children!

I don't think I ever thought being child free by choice was an option. I wasn't aware of anyone who had made this choice.

I'd like to see a lot more positive media portrayal of women who make this choice especially as there are a growing number of them.

I definitely was focussed on finding a husband and having a family in my 20s and 30s and it sounds liberating to have thought that this wasn't necessary!

Late 40s and probably somewhere between childless and childfree...I was in a very long EA relationship from my early 20s to my mid 30s, which I knew I couldn't bring children into as I'd never get away. I then met DH in my very late 30s and he didn't want DCs. So it just kind of never really happened for me, just because of the way my life panned out.

I would say I found my early to mid forties the worst for 'what ifs' as I knew there was still a chance of conceiving if I tried. I'm not at the menopause yet so I guess even now at 48 I could possibly technically get pregnant, but I know now I'm too old - I would say that kicked in at about 46 and since then I've felt pretty much at peace with it.

If I'm honest I don't really think / worry about my old age at all, I see my own mother maybe once a year, so I'm a very good example of not having children to keep you company! My main concern is planning financially as to how we will manage for care etc as we know there won't be anyone to help.

What is quite isolating is that most of my friends had their kids quite late so most still have young families, and they do a lot of children focused stuff together that I can't really join in with.

Tbh we live a fairly quiet life anyway and have animals so can't really hop on a flight to Paris at a whim or anything like that, so probably don't see some of the benefits other posters have mentioned. However it is nice to be able to make plans to retire early / downsize / travel (hopefully!) without having to take into account uni fees, young adults still needing to live at home etc. Right now I feel incredibly sorry about the world our young people ate inheriting for all sorts of reasons, and in a way that also makes me glad I've not had children.

Its not the life I thought I would have when I was younger, I assumed I'd have 2 or 3 kids, but I'm pretty happy. Not sure I would have been happier with children, on balance I suspect not - I'm impatient, I like peace and quiet, and I hate being needed, probably not mum of the year material if I'm honest!

PS. I'm here for The Doghouse before anyone asks

itsalonghaul "I can't really imagine having much in common with someone with no experience of having children, nor what we would talk about for long periods"

What a weird way of thinking about it - surely there's way more stuff to have long conversations about with people who don't mirror your life/choices?

And to your point about having children making people less selfish and self-absorbed - oh right, that will be why you never find a single thread on crappy parenting on here on any given day and no children are in care. Suggest you pop over to the Stately Homes threads and broaden your horizons!

@EnterFunnyNameHere completely concur, that post shocked me for a few reasons. How limiting to only be able to talk to someone who's life choices mirror your own. Anyone that dependent on the label of mother is likely to struggle in the post child days I think, I can't imagine my identity being so wrapped up by my choice to have children.

itsalonghaul "I can't really imagine having much in common with someone with no experience of having children, nor what we would talk about for long periods"

What a weird way of thinking about it - surely there's way more stuff to have long conversations about with people who don't mirror your life/choices?

This is a very good point. Parenthood is my personal idea of a nightmare but that doesn’t stop me having plenty of friends who have kids, or even being interested in talking about their kids. Or about mutual non-kid-related interests or simply life in general.

@Itsalonghaul

I considered a child free life for a very long time, and had pretty much decided on that for my future. In the end I changed my mind, dh really wanted a child particularly, I remained unconvinced that it was a really good choice for me until my baby was six months old. I loved her from the minute she was born, but it was shock to our lives and the adjustment that followed took some time to get used to.

However roll on sixteen years and more dc, I now realise how lonely, one dimensional and empty my life would have been if I had simply stayed with the dogs and animals as I had planned to.

Everyone I know has had children now, bar none, and I can't really imagine having much in common with someone with no experience of having children, nor what we would talk about for long periods. The experience of having babies is so profound, it is something I share with good friends, and something we talk about a lot. It is quite bonding.

Now that I have older children, lots of friends work long hours and have big families and not many of us have much free time, I am not even sure what I would do with my time. I can imagine feeling very isolated at this point, and beyond. Whilst I am now busy supporting teens, what would I be doing otherwise? They are great company, endlessly enjoyable from tots to teens and I am not reliant on an external set of friends or others for fulfilment, although I do have many friends. I like the self sufficiency of our family unit, and the security and comfort it brings all of us.
As my dc grow older and into adulthood, and grandchildren arrive it will bring me great pleasure as an older person to see them grow, and a real privilege to enjoy those moments.

Not only do children bring great company and life and colour into your life, but they also make people less selfish and less self absorbed. You learn to compromise, take a back seat and put others first sometimes.

I am a better person for being a mother, and I never expected to be a mother or a better person. I am wiser, more loving and life feels more precious with children and babies.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

The irony of this post is remarkable - it is a wholly selfish and self absorbed POV yet the poster seems to think becoming a parent has made them less self absorbed!

Not to mention the fact that you seem to imply that the only thing you have had to talk about for the past 16 years is your children! No wonder you don't have any childless friends, you seem to have chosen to make your life very small and limited.

I am 45 and child free for a number of reasons. I have many nieces and nephews and now great nieces and great nephews.
Oh and I am a primary school teacher so spend all day with 30 young children. I don't feel maternal at all but funnily enough have never struggled to communicate with my friends who are all parents!

I've never known what feeling 'broody' is like. Same with wanting/needing a long term relationship, I've never wanted to share my space or even my bed with anyone for too long. I had some nice boyfriends in my 20s but I knew none were ever for keeps, just having fun. I love great sex though, and for the last 10 years have able to carve out FWBs or flings to meet those needs. I'm an academic, passionate about my research and career which has allowed me lots of travel, and have lots of good friends and a close extended family too. Apparently I'm doing my bit for the environment, and have a shit hot body for an almost 40 year old . But different horses for different courses, the world would be very boring if we all wanted and needed the same things.

I can't really imagine having much in common with someone with no experience of having children, nor what we would talk about for long periods.

I have an all-consuming small child, but this view to me is bizarre. I have friends (some with children, some without) who I have long conversations with about all sorts of things which don’t involve children. Where it’s affected friendships is in the practicalities, the fact that we might not be able to meet up so often or do the same things or the same times. I’ve neglected some friendships but it’s not because I no longer value them because they have or don’t have children.

There is more to my life than being a mother. I love being a mother and it’s currently the most important role I’m undertaking, but it’s not all there is, giving birth didn’t stop me being a person with rounded interests and views and opinions and knowledge. The idea of only ever being friends with people because of my or their children is...bleak.