Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Childfree life

951 replies

uka888 · 22/10/2020 18:32

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

OP posts:
Chamberlai · 24/10/2020 16:58

@uka888
For those of you slightly older who decided not to have children did you have times in your 30s questioning yourself when it seemed like the ‘norm’ to have children?the

No. But I've never felt that because a course of action is popular, it is right for me. I've always had faith in my own judgement.

AgeLikeWine · 24/10/2020 17:02

@uka888

For those of you slightly older who decided not to have children did you have times in your 30s questioning yourself when it seemed like the ‘norm’ to have children?
No.

Conforming to social ‘norms’ doesn’t interest me, particularly when those norms involve children.

StrangeCoat · 24/10/2020 17:04

@uka888

For those of you slightly older who decided not to have children did you have times in your 30s questioning yourself when it seemed like the ‘norm’ to have children?
I'm in my 30s now and I wrestle with it a lot, as I could go through fertility treatment and concieve. But I'd rather not go through it, as the thought of having my own isn't a strong enough yearning/urge.

I'm envious of those who know one way or the other for certain, as I've been on the fence for years!

But overall I'm happy with my life how it is. I do like the idea of fostering more than I like the idea of my own children, so that's an avenue I'm looking into.

Splodgetastic · 24/10/2020 17:09

I find that whatever life choices you have made, people tend to see any deviation from theirs as a non-validation of their own lives, as several posters have already identified. I don’t have DC not through choice. People tend to find it puzzling if I don’t go to an adults-only resort on holiday. While I have been to one or rather one floor of the hotel was and it was fab (happy hour to help yourself to drinks included!) I quite like a family atmosphere too. It can be quite jolly and entertaining.

JamSarnie · 24/10/2020 17:55

Late to the thread but very happy with my childfree life.

As for being lonely in my old age I have often observed that it isn't family that visit and keep an eye out for the elderly but friends and communities. I will be involving myself in that more when I get older plus I am independently financially ok because I didn't give up my career for children and thus have more money than I would have to outsource care and help.

sociallydistained · 24/10/2020 18:05

33 childfree and very happy about it. I am a full time nanny and will hopefully be changing career in the next 5 years. Love my little people and have no doubt I'd love my own children like no other but I just do not want that lifestyle. I was disposable income and freedom. Multiple child free holidays a year etc.
I think being a Nanny definitely put things into perspective. They make me smile everyday and constantly amaze me but it's exhausting and I love my own time.

Tappering · 24/10/2020 18:08

@uka888 - a few times. The best way I can describe it, is that it's like seeing an exclusive club that you think you've decided not to join. You wonder whether joining the club might be a good idea and whether you're missing out on the membership benefits of the club.

All I can say is that there are more times where I'm thinking that happy and content that I don't have children, than times where I wonder if I should have gone for IVF.

Christmasfairy2020 · 24/10/2020 18:14

To be honest most people aged 50 are child free anyways. I'm 30 an rgn and have a 10 year old whose 11 soon and a 6 year old. I had my 1st young whilst still at uni. It has never stopped me doing what I wanna do. When I turn 40 I'll have a 20 and 15 year old aged 50 my kids will be 30 and 25 so not exactly babies?

I agree with posters whom say it isnt family who make elderly peoples life more enjoyable it is their friends and neighbours generally.

ZoominMoomin · 24/10/2020 18:22

30 and child-free! I have a Niece who I loved to bits (she is only 1!) but I have never wanted children. I cannot imagine putting myself through pregnancy on the off chance I might like the one I produce. I would rather put all of my time and effort into being an amazing Auntie and building a good life with my boyfriend and our pets. There is also the whole instability of life at the moment, and the prospect of the future being grim for the future generations. I know things can change, but right now things don't look good, and I would feel inherently guilty if I had a child and their life with nothing but a struggle because of how things are. I have thought this way since I was about 5 years old, and my Mum always says she knew I would stick to it. They just aren't for me, and I think anyone who chooses to have them is brave.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 24/10/2020 18:52

I never had a maternal thought and then at 39 I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. I decided to continue with the pregnancy and I love DD more than anything. I haven’t found being a parent difficult but missing my freedom, independence and spontaneity has been crippling at times,

I am happy I have had DD but I know had I remained child free my life would have been just s happy - fulfilment would have come from different sources.

I cannot imagine the pain people experience when they face infertility and desperately want a child, it does seem to be a very cruel situation to be in.

Spidey66 · 24/10/2020 19:04

Childfree, not by choice. I've accepted it. It was actually easier to accept after. Having a hysterectomy as that meant there was no chance.

We've got a dog (baby substitute) and more disposable income. I also think it's tough these days to have kids....expectations of uni that wasn't there when we were young, with all that expense. Little chance of owning your own home without parents contributions. Plus I think covid has screwed the young up good and proper.

lynsey91 · 24/10/2020 21:11

@Christmasfairy2020

To be honest most people aged 50 are child free anyways. I'm 30 an rgn and have a 10 year old whose 11 soon and a 6 year old. I had my 1st young whilst still at uni. It has never stopped me doing what I wanna do. When I turn 40 I'll have a 20 and 15 year old aged 50 my kids will be 30 and 25 so not exactly babies?

I agree with posters whom say it isnt family who make elderly peoples life more enjoyable it is their friends and neighbours generally.

That's not really true about people over 50 being child free is it? Yes on the whole their children will be older and may well have left home but they can never be called child free.

Also children are not leaving home now until a lot older than in the past. Even when they leave to go to uni, they often return once finished.

Quite a few of my friends with grown up children still seem to have lots of dramas with them and quite a few have at least one still at home even though they are late 20's or even early 30's.

Some with grandchildren seem to be involved in even more dramas - drugs, prison, teenage pregnancies and so so often bailing them out with money, Maybe my friends are just unfortunate

Piglet89 · 24/10/2020 21:14

@Spidey66 I do have a little boy but I actually think that’s a very fair analysis.

CounsellorTroi · 24/10/2020 23:19

It was actually easier to accept after. Having a hysterectomy as that meant there was no chance.

I think I would have found it easier to accept too, if a doctor had told me categorically early on that I had no hope of having a baby. Then I could have cracked on with the rest of my life sooner instead of wasting years on fertility treatments and living in hope!

jessstan1 · 24/10/2020 23:29

I can understand that, Counsellor.
I know my parents were told there was no reason why they didn't have a child and that was hard for them. My mother never gave up hope.

movingonup20 · 24/10/2020 23:33

Late 40's and my kids have left home as have dp's. The advantages of having them younger!

I think I had the best of both worlds

AlmaBaldwin · 25/10/2020 01:27

@movingonup20

Late 40's and my kids have left home as have dp's. The advantages of having them younger!

I think I had the best of both worlds

I think it's the best of both worlds if you want kids but the worst of both worlds if you don't.
GlummyMcGlummerson · 25/10/2020 01:33

I have 2 kids but I could have happily lead a child free life. Very easily. Sometimes I think given half the chance I'd have my time again and not get married or have kids.

eaglejulesk · 25/10/2020 04:05

The future is something that worries me slightly, because so many people have said who will look after you and you'll be old and lonely!

Rest homes are full of people who have no visits from their families. Having children so they can look after you when you are old is just selfish. They didn't ask to be born, and have their own lives to live - and that may be on the other side of the world. I have no children and no siblings, so will make plans before I get to an age where I might need care.

Greeneyes78 · 25/10/2020 05:17

@ivftake1 i also think poor bastards but about people with no kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my four children.

AlmaBaldwin · 25/10/2020 05:31

[quote Greeneyes78]@ivftake1 i also think poor bastards but about people with no kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my four children.[/quote]
That'll be lovely for all the childless people who have said they're struggling with it to read.

JorisBonson · 25/10/2020 07:12

@ivftake1 @Greeneyes78

And I think that every time I see a parent having to deal with a screaming kid in the supermarket.

I'm certainly not a poor bastard and don't need your sympathy.

GoldfishParade · 25/10/2020 07:19

@Greeneyes78
Nah. Nobody reads up to page 10 on a thread titled "Childfree life" when they're 100% happy with their kids.
Sorry things didnt work out x

TwilightSkies · 25/10/2020 07:21

i also think poor bastards but about people with no kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without my four children.

Why did you feel the need to write this comment? Do you deep down feel unhappy with your life choices and are defensive when you see happily child-free people enjoying their lives?

Mummadeeze · 25/10/2020 07:37

My observation is that all my friends who are in couples who don’t have children are much much happier than those who do. I think romantic relationships can really suffer when you have children. I am also in the situation where I am stuck with my partner who I would rather not be with because we have a child together. If it wasn’t for our daughter, I would definitely split with him and try to find someone I was more suited to. And even when we do eventually separate, I will still probably have to communicate with him for the rest of my life. That is the downside of having a child for me personally.