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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to get dd from uni?

377 replies

Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 17:12

She's been isolating at her bfs house for 14 days. He and all his flatmates tested positive for covid. She developed symptoms, fever, cough, sore throat. Didn't get tested just assumed she had it. That was 10 days ago.

She wants to go back to her own house in a couple of days when she's done 14 days. But a flatmate in that house has just tested positive, if she goes there she will have to isolate again for 14 days.

She's really struggling. She's had a row with her boyf and can't bear to stay there for much longer. Her proper house mates didn't want her there as one is vulnerable.

Anyway she wants to come home. I don't want her home as I can't risk my other dcs getting it before they are due to go back to school in 10 days (they are having a 2 week half term). She says she'll self isolate in her bedroom, but i will have to collect her in the car and drive her home for 2 hours so if she still has it I will catch it?

I'm very confused and don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somethingkindaoooo · 22/10/2020 20:20

@speakout

I know it probably sounds stupid

It sounds heartless.

Go get your child!

RonaLisa · 22/10/2020 20:21

@Noideawottodo

I don't think shes fudged it. I am going to get her on Saturday morning and she can isolate at home. Thank you for the advice about windows open and masks in car. Not thinking straight.

I don't think I am strictly allowed to get her (Wales) but I'll say it's compassionate grounds. We live in a tier 1 area so wales shouldn't mind me coming in.

OP, I doubt Wales will notice. Glad you have made a decision that you are happy with.

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 20:24

My son and lots of my acquaintances and friends often come to me to listen to their problems, actually, and I do have people I can vent to, but most of them don't really want to listen or help or feel too worried by what they have heard, so then I have had to downplay stuff, as I have ended up worrying they're too worried. For me, the real test is when someone messages you back after a few days or a week when you have approached them with a problem, just to check in. I don't get that back from people.

Many people on here seem to think there is a lot of support and help out there, either from family/friends/neighbours or professional help, but really there isn't. I have to stand by what I said that you can only really rely on yourself.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 22/10/2020 20:25

I would 100% be collecting my DD tomorrow.

Covid is a worry and I am not trivialising it but students mental health are also taking a knock and she sounds in a tough place at the moment.
I would not leave her to struggle.

And the housemate's mum who messaged DD-outrageous and completely out of line. I am lost for words re a grown woman and Mother pressuring your DD like she did-all very Lord of the Flies

Ignoringequally · 22/10/2020 20:28

@CremeEggThief

That’s your experience, and I’m genuinely sorry that that’s your experience of life and people. It isn’t mine and I’m very grateful for that.

Downton57 · 22/10/2020 20:28

Glad you're going to get her. I'd go and fetch mine in a heartbeat if she was unhappy and needed her mum, young adult or not. @AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken your post is lovely and so true.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/10/2020 20:28

Could you pay for a couple of nights in a hotel and then she goes back to her flat.

irregularegular · 22/10/2020 20:30

Once she's done the isolation period, then it sounds like she really needs to come home. You said she's struggling, she's had a row with her boyfriend, and if she goes back to her flat she has to isolate again! Why wouldn't you have her home? I don't understand! She can come home on public transport if need be...

And if she is really, really struggling then I'd have her home even before the isolation period is done tbh. Keeping distance from the rest of the family as much as possible. But if things are that bad then then risk to her mental health is greater than the risk to anyone else's mental health.

But it sounds like things are not quite that bad and she can hang on a few days so she is not infectious any more. Or unlikely to be. I don't understand why you wouldn't have her back!

user1487194234 · 22/10/2020 20:31

I would definitely go and get her
Against our rules but I would not give a fuck

Lockdownfatigue · 22/10/2020 20:32

OP, I doubt Wales will notice.

I bet they will and will have police at the border. They may not let you in. Go tomorrow. The First Minister has said uni students are to stay put and not go home. The police won’t accept this as compassionate grounds.

You need to go and get your dd and tomorrow, being out of Wales by 6pm.

CremeEggThief you are actually abusive.

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 20:33

Thanks for your concern, @AlltheUserNamesAreAlreadyTaken, It's not even really about "a family like yours", as the way I was raised was normal for the time and circumstances and I certain don't think my parents were monsters. They were two people trying to bring up three children with hardly any money, and my dad went through unemployment and had issues with gambling and alcohol and my mum was probably seriously depressed, as she used to spend most of her days in bed once we got past primary school age. People do the best they can, given their circumstances. We were told we were loved, sent to school, always fed and had proper shoes and coats for the weather, etc. It was just made clear to us that we were expected to entertain ourselves and for the most part, take care of ourselves. Maybe it wasn't as "nice" a childhood as some of you on here had or think children should have, but it certainly wasn't awful.

CottonSock · 22/10/2020 20:36

You probably already know that Wales enters national lockdown on Friday. And this is the advice given 're students below. If she is in Cardiff, one of the highest rates of infection in the UK, then is mostly from the university.. (From what I understand locally)

Are university students who live away from home expected to return home?
We are asking all students living in Wales, and all our Welsh students living outside Wales, to help us keep Wales safe by not travelling between university and home.

You should only move between your term time address and your home address if absolutely necessary, for example for work, to provide or receive care or because of concerns about your wellbeing. You should not return home for a ‘visit’ during this period. You should not travel home if you have been asked to self-isolate or have Covid-19 symptoms.

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 20:37

No, I'm really not, Lockdownfatigue. I haven't personally spitefully insulted any posters on this thread, unless you think helicopter parent is in the same category as calling someone a bad parent or abusive without knowing anything about their circumstances, and if you read any other threads I have posted on, you will see that I don't attack and call people names.

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 20:40

Good for you, IgnoringEqually Just pointing out we don't all have the same experiences and obviously that shapes our view of the world and what our priorities are.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 22/10/2020 20:45

@CremeEggThief

Thanks for your concern, *@AlltheUserNamesAreAlreadyTaken*, It's not even really about "a family like yours", as the way I was raised was normal for the time and circumstances and I certain don't think my parents were monsters. They were two people trying to bring up three children with hardly any money, and my dad went through unemployment and had issues with gambling and alcohol and my mum was probably seriously depressed, as she used to spend most of her days in bed once we got past primary school age. People do the best they can, given their circumstances. We were told we were loved, sent to school, always fed and had proper shoes and coats for the weather, etc. It was just made clear to us that we were expected to entertain ourselves and for the most part, take care of ourselves. Maybe it wasn't as "nice" a childhood as some of you on here had or think children should have, but it certainly wasn't awful.

I clearly stated I had was raised with a similar ethos as you were. It made me angry and bitter too. I learnt there's another way and that making other people's lives easier is a better way to be, not only for them but for my own self esteem and mental health.

saraclara · 22/10/2020 20:45

...not a fucking hope I'd be doing a 4 hour round trip for DS, for nearly any reason.

I do a five-six hour return trip to visit my MIL in her nursing home, and she doesn't even know who I am any more. I'm there for an hour at most, and she often falls asleep after half an hour.

If you love someone, you put yourself out for them, as they would, or will do for you one day. I will never understand people like the poster quoted above.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 22/10/2020 20:48

@CremeEggThief having read through your comments it leaves me feeling quite sad. I can honestly say my parents have been mr rock throughout my life without making me feel spoilt or mollycoddled. They left me to make my own decisions (including stupidly getting married at 19) but were always there to help me pick up the pieces. I honestly have never felt completely alone because even when nobody else gives a shit, I know they do. That feeling of being only able to rely on yourself is really rough I expect and that's the difference my parents made for me. When the whole world has turned against you, I can still pick up the phone to 'home'. I'm nearly 40 and I dread losing my parents but I know when I finally do I will be ok. Because they gave me the unconditional love only parents can bring. I'm so sorry you didn't have such an experience and also that you have found very few people really care. I don't think that is far from the truth for anyone. The main difference being those that have supportive families don't really notice the absence of true caring from others so much because they have a kind of protective bubble around them. I hope you will always be that for your son too. Sorry you've had a tougher ride. But you'll never be alone while you have your son.

Original poster

Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 20:49

You should only move between your term time address and your home address if absolutely necessary, for example for work, to provide or receive care or because of concerns about your wellbeing

Well I do have concerns about her wellbeing.

OP posts:

ListeningQuietly · 22/10/2020 20:53

I bet they will and will have police at the border.
WTF
How many roads cross from Wales into England
get a life
Look after your child

Ignoringequally · 22/10/2020 20:58

I bet they will and will have police at the border.

Oh yeah. That one road that goes between England and Wales 🙄

Comefromaway · 22/10/2020 21:03

My daughter’s flat mate was turned away at the Welsh border last week, before their lockdown.

Ignoringequally · 22/10/2020 21:04

@Comefromaway

My daughter’s flat mate was turned away at the Welsh border last week, before their lockdown.

Which welsh border? There are loads of roads going in and out of Wales.

Comefromaway · 22/10/2020 21:06

She was hoping to go home from Chester Uni for the weekend so somewhere near there.

ListeningQuietly · 22/10/2020 21:08

My daughter’s flat mate was turned away at the Welsh border last week, before their lockdown.
Which road?
THat would have made the news if it was true

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