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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to get dd from uni?

377 replies

Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 17:12

She's been isolating at her bfs house for 14 days. He and all his flatmates tested positive for covid. She developed symptoms, fever, cough, sore throat. Didn't get tested just assumed she had it. That was 10 days ago.

She wants to go back to her own house in a couple of days when she's done 14 days. But a flatmate in that house has just tested positive, if she goes there she will have to isolate again for 14 days.

She's really struggling. She's had a row with her boyf and can't bear to stay there for much longer. Her proper house mates didn't want her there as one is vulnerable.

Anyway she wants to come home. I don't want her home as I can't risk my other dcs getting it before they are due to go back to school in 10 days (they are having a 2 week half term). She says she'll self isolate in her bedroom, but i will have to collect her in the car and drive her home for 2 hours so if she still has it I will catch it?

I'm very confused and don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:28

She’s your child she’s in a bad place and you don’t want to get her? Tell you what if my mother did that to me I would never speak to her again, abandoning her at her time of need

She could have coronavirus and be infectious. Would you let someone come and live in your house who could be infectious without a second thought particularly if you had a vulnerable child?

And also I said a few times I was going to get her - the "see all OPs posts" really needs highlighting.

OP posts:
PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:32

@PatriciaPerch

she'll be fine, just let her get on with her night out I'm unsure about all the weird posts. I think they were the Mums I used to avoid at the school gates
Grin
OP posts:
bitheby · 22/10/2020 19:37

I think YABU to get her after Wales goes into a national lockdown. Why not get her tomorrow?

CatteStreet · 22/10/2020 19:40

'Would you let someone come and live in your house who could be infectious without a second thought particularly if you had a vulnerable child?'

OP, I understand your worry about your other daughter, but that has left me a bit speechless, tbh. Read it back yourself. You speak of having a vulnerable child versus 'let[ting] someone come and live in your house' as if that someone was a random stranger - but she is your child too.
I'm afraid I think this wording is pretty telling about how you see your daughters and where your priorities lie.

Your two daughters can be careful around each other (I'm afraid your younger one's anxiety can't be a major consideration here. The asthma, yes, but I believe that's not one of the most serious vulnerabilities in this context. I say that as someone with asthma who had lung problems for years after getting swine flu in 2009).

If you don't let your daughter come home, your choice, I suppose, but I wouldn't be expecting to have much of a relationship with her going forward IIWY.

Buddytheelf85 · 22/10/2020 19:41

Sorry... Can someone explain why she'd have to isolate in her room if OP went to collect her on Saturday?! Boyfriend tested positive on 8th October, DD had symptoms on the 12th. Whichever timeline you go by, DD no longer needs to isolate. Why is she being locked in her room?

@NameChange215 I don’t understand this either. Her isolation period is up today isn’t it?

Aridane · 22/10/2020 19:42

Come on people, please. Don't lose sight of the important things in life. These are your CHILDREN

OP - please protect your younger vulnerable child with asthma

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aragog · 22/10/2020 19:44

Can someone explain why she'd have to isolate in her room if OP went to collect her on Saturday?

because this is Mumsnet and apparently the Government rules have to be taken and at least doubled before they can be deemed even half safe. Unless its about schools and GP surgeries and they can go back totally as normal regardless of vulnerability or risk.

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ListeningQuietly · 22/10/2020 19:48

If she had glandular fever, would you go and get her?

She is your child.

Switch the news off and turn back into a caring parent.

Cadent · 22/10/2020 19:48

She could catch it the day after!

You really thought she could catch it so quickly after having recovered from Covid, OP?

hammeringinmyhead · 22/10/2020 19:49

Christ. I'd do a 2 hour trip for a friend in need, let alone my own son. I can't think of anyone in my life who rang in distress who would merit a "Tough shit, you're an ADULT" followed by a dial tone.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 22/10/2020 19:51

Is there a history that we're not being told? You seem a little resentful towards her. I think this is just a symptom of that resentment and you should really get down to the root cause before more situations like this arrives and she becomes aware of there being an issue.

Bid876 · 22/10/2020 19:55

If your worried about her passing it on in the car it’s definitely not fair for her to go on public transport and infect so many more people.

1 she needs to get tested to be sure she actually has it. Just because she assumes she has dosnt mean she has, plus the positive test needs to be recorded. If people assume they have it and don’t get tested we won’t have accurate numbers of who’s git it, had it, ages etc...

2 She’s your DD, get her. There are lots of ways to manage it.

You can put precautions in place. Don’t touch her or her things, get her to wear a mask and or visor. If you want to be extra cautions, put one of those csi type boiler suites on her. You can buy them in b&q for a few pounds. I’ve used them in the past when doing disgusting cleaning jobs😖

If you get her room ready and she dosnt touch anything else in the house she can isolate in their, surely... obviously bathrooms could be an issue depending on your house, but anything is manageable.

Alternatively is there a cheap hotel, a premier inn or something close to you that you can book her into, obviously COVID friendly, to get her out of the house but not expose the rest of your family? You can leave packages for her out her door. Or, Can she drive? Drive 2 cars down and let her take the 2nd one back so your not sharing a car...

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 19:55

Well, how lovely that you're such a kind friend, @hammeringinmyhead, as nobody has ever done that for me and I've never expected it either. And I'm not sure you are as nice as you think you are, as your last comment about hanging up is rather... spiteful.

hammeringinmyhead · 22/10/2020 19:58

@CremeEggThief

Well, how lovely that you're such a kind friend, *@hammeringinmyhead*, as nobody has ever done that for me and I've never expected it either. And I'm not sure you are as nice as you think you are, as your last comment about hanging up is rather... spiteful.
Thank you, I am a very kind friend.

It's incredulous, rather than spiteful. Perhaps projecting your own tone onto mine? Giggling at snowflake parents, etc.

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toptotoeunicolour · 22/10/2020 20:01

I have a ds coming out of quarantine in halls tonight so your post resonates. I expect him to be back in quarantine in a matter of days, and so it will continue up to Christmas. In your place, she's done her time, get her away before she comes into contact with another infected person. I don't know how students in halls are going to be out of quarantine for more than a few days at a time all the way through winter.

sammyjoanne · 22/10/2020 20:03

My dd is isolating too on day 11. let her do the last 3 days so its official and above board, and pick her up on the Sunday. If your worried about ur kids and school and that, your dd can wear a mask in the car, and she can come home and keep her distance there if ur worried about your kids.

nosswith · 22/10/2020 20:06

If it is classed as moving home, you are probably OK. My interpretation as I am not a lawyer. Or it could be said to be for education.

gov.wales/coronavirus-regulations-guidance#section-39255

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 20:08

Oh don't I know it, @PatriciaPerch. Even if I didn't from personal experience, some of the comments on this thread personally attacking me show you just what they're really like.

I am sorry if I derailed your thread, OP, but I will defend myself against some of the personal attacks.

JenniferSantoro · 22/10/2020 20:09

This is your child who needs you. I wouldn’t hesitate to go and get her. Re. the covid,, I’m currently very unwell with it. I’ve been like this for three weeks (tested positive). My husband and two daughter have isolated for 14 days In the same house as me. I’ve just stayed away from them, used separate utensils, mugs, towels etc. None of them have been unwell. I know obviously they could have been asymptotic, they made sure they followed the rules and isolated. If this were my daughter I wouldn’t hesitate to bring her home.

Abouttimemum · 22/10/2020 20:09

She’s out of the quarantine period whether she did or didn’t have it, provided no one in the flat further developed symptoms after 12 October.

I don’t know why she didn’t get tested when she developed symptoms, that way you’d know for sure. People like making things so difficult for themselves.

I’d go and get her. Wear masks and ask for her to stay in her room for a couple of days to be sure. But it sounds to me like she’s through it.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 22/10/2020 20:13

CremeEggThief

I was raised in a family like yours. I could never ask for a lift home if I was in trouble (even after being mugged and left with broken bones) etc. I grew into an adult who felt very alone and angry, much like you seem to be.
I met my husband and couldn't believe it when we had a tyre blow out and his dad drove (on New Year's Day) to change it for us because our car jack was broken.
My husband and his family's kindness still shocks me every once in a while. There's nothing my ILs wouldn't do for their children and by extension me and their grandchildren. It hasn't made my husband a spoilt brat. It's made him a happier, secure and more accepting person. He has emulated this kind behaviour. For example, my husband always offers to pick up and drop off all our family members at the airport, He helps friends move house etc.
After 10 years, I've started feeling comfortable asking for his help in situations instead of trying to slog through it alone. I also offer my help to others whenever I can. It's made me realise that you don't have to go through tough times alone. It's shown me that you should be there for other people in their tough times.
I'm so much happier and less bitter. There's no shame in being a support to others.