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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to get dd from uni?

377 replies

Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 17:12

She's been isolating at her bfs house for 14 days. He and all his flatmates tested positive for covid. She developed symptoms, fever, cough, sore throat. Didn't get tested just assumed she had it. That was 10 days ago.

She wants to go back to her own house in a couple of days when she's done 14 days. But a flatmate in that house has just tested positive, if she goes there she will have to isolate again for 14 days.

She's really struggling. She's had a row with her boyf and can't bear to stay there for much longer. Her proper house mates didn't want her there as one is vulnerable.

Anyway she wants to come home. I don't want her home as I can't risk my other dcs getting it before they are due to go back to school in 10 days (they are having a 2 week half term). She says she'll self isolate in her bedroom, but i will have to collect her in the car and drive her home for 2 hours so if she still has it I will catch it?

I'm very confused and don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 22/10/2020 19:11

@Noideawottodo

Can't get over you don't want to be in the car with her, but think its ok to put her on public transport!!!!

Where did I say I thought it was ok to put her on public transport?

17.19 I suppose it's not fair to make her get public transport

I can't belief you were even considering it , if you didn't want her in the car!

MJMG2015 · 22/10/2020 19:11

@Noideawottodo

and because her bf and housemates sound very annoying

She isolated at her boyfriends because one of her proper flatmates MUM texted her to say she couldn't stay int he house with her precious ds with suspected CV Angry..ironically he is the one who now has it anyway

She should have said 'it's MY house,you don't get to decide if I live there or not' & gone home. Obviously then stayed in her room & cleaned any communal rooms she used.

DD could text the mother and tell her that her DS cannot isolate there.

Goose. Gander.

Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:11

@PatriciaPerch

it's not really just to do with covid is it? dhe needs to be there to do her studies until they break up at christmas on th 19th dec, you are talking to her on the phone arent you op?
All her studies are online, she can do them anywhere
OP posts:
lyralalala · 22/10/2020 19:12

I'd feel like I'd failed as a parent if my children felt they couldn't turn to me when they were in need.

I've three at uni atm and they are all mature and responsible, but they absolutely know if they're in trouble they can pick up the phone anytime.

PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:12

DD could text the mother and tell her that her DS cannot isolate there That's ehat dh said Grin

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 19:12

Well, Artie, not in my life, as I earn minimum wage, so have told DS to get everything he can finance wise out of the government.

If he were to become homeless under 25 and couldn't make do on the pitiful level of housing benefit for that age, then he could move home. But he would definitely have to pull his weight a lot more than he does now. But that's a hypothetical situation anyway.

Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:13

@PatriciaPerch

if she has gone out with her boyfriend, I suspect everything will be fine and you wont hear from her for a few days :o oh god, what are they like
Exactly!!!!
OP posts:
Billben · 22/10/2020 19:14

At the end of the day, you enter this world alone and you die alone.

Have you really thought this sentence through? 🙄

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 19:15

Would you like to rephrase it for me, Billben? 🙄

NameChange215 · 22/10/2020 19:16

Sorry... Can someone explain why she'd have to isolate in her room if OP went to collect her on Saturday?! Boyfriend tested positive on 8th October, DD had symptoms on the 12th. Whichever timeline you go by, DD no longer needs to isolate. Why is she being locked in her room?

Aragog · 22/10/2020 19:16

So did none of you on here ever have your mum or dad tell you after you left for uni/moved out, "I love you, but I'm so, so glad you don't live here all the time"?! Because that's what my mum said to me once I was 19 and I could see her point.

Gosh, no of course she didn't. I was always welcome back if I needed to. I went back every holiday during university and was welcomed back. Even at this age I know that if I ever needed to I would be welcomed home by my parents.

Ignoringequally · 22/10/2020 19:17

@CremeEggThief

So did none of you on here ever have your mum or dad tell you after you left for uni/moved out, "I love you, but I'm so, so glad you don't live here all the time"?! Because that's what my mum said to me once I was 19 and I could see her point.

It's not about turning your back on your children at all, but once they are adults they shouldn't expect the same treatment and mollycoddling as children. They might still be YOUR children, but they are now ADULT children.

No mine never said that, thankfully. I’m 36... we had a bit of an emergency a few days ago. I phoned my dad and he came straight over to help/support.
PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Storyoftonight · 22/10/2020 19:17

@CremeEggThief

JoeCal, I've felt suicidal at times, but I certainly didn't worry my parents with it.
Sorry to hear that but your attitude is bizarre.

Are you telling me you wouldn't want your children to tell you they were suicidal?!

Original poster
Noideawottodo · 22/10/2020 19:18

@PatriciaPerch

Honestly, they are such a worry, I completely understand! It is all or nothing with mine aswell. I suppose I was quite dramatic too, all those hormones. She'll be fine, sit tight xx

She'll be drinking wine and having a nandos whilst you sit and fret :o

She's having a beer and a really nice looking Chinese 🙄
OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 22/10/2020 19:18

Anyway, toodle pip everyone. DS and I are going to get stoned together and have a giggle at some of you helicopter parent, snowflake types.

Good luck with whatever you decide, OP!

KitchenConfidential · 22/10/2020 19:18

I vowed then I'd be a nice mum who listened to my kids and helped them if they wanted it. So please don't judge me

And yet?!!

Storyoftonight · 22/10/2020 19:19

@CremeEggThief

So did none of you on here ever have your mum or dad tell you after you left for uni/moved out, "I love you, but I'm so, so glad you don't live here all the time"?! Because that's what my mum said to me once I was 19 and I could see her point.

It's not about turning your back on your children at all, but once they are adults they shouldn't expect the same treatment and mollycoddling as children. They might still be YOUR children, but they are now ADULT children.

Yes. But these are not normal times.
PatriciaPerch · 22/10/2020 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TabbyStar · 22/10/2020 19:21

This says that you don't have to start the isolation period again if someone new in your house gets symptoms, but the situation of moving houses isn't covered. It's all v confusing.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-54239922

Chloemol · 22/10/2020 19:21

So she goes and has a test now. If it’s negative fine, if she thinks she had it times up anyway

Sits in back, isolates at home if you are concerned

She’s your child she’s in a bad place and you don’t want to get her? Tell you what if my mother did that to me I would never speak to her again, abandoning her at her time of need

Chattycatty · 22/10/2020 19:22

You can't come into Wales on Saturday go tomorrow, wales is in lockdown from 6pm tomorrow.

UpHereforDancng · 22/10/2020 19:22

Jeeez...be a proper mum to your daughter!!

Teirsforfears · 22/10/2020 19:25

If she’s done her 14 days why is this even a question? We are told to isolate for 14 days not for the rest of your life! YABVVVU and a bit mean.

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