to not want to get dd from uni?

[Noideawottodo]

She's been isolating at her bfs house for 14 days. He and all his flatmates tested positive for covid. She developed symptoms, fever, cough, sore throat. Didn't get tested just assumed she had it. That was 10 days ago.

She wants to go back to her own house in a couple of days when she's done 14 days. But a flatmate in that house has just tested positive, if she goes there she will have to isolate again for 14 days.

She's really struggling. She's had a row with her boyf and can't bear to stay there for much longer. Her proper house mates didn't want her there as one is vulnerable.

Anyway she wants to come home. I don't want her home as I can't risk my other dcs getting it before they are due to go back to school in 10 days (they are having a 2 week half term). She says she'll self isolate in her bedroom, but i will have to collect her in the car and drive her home for 2 hours so if she still has it I will catch it?

I'm very confused and don't know what to do for the best.

[CremeEggThief]

JoeCal, I've felt suicidal at times, but I certainly didn't worry my parents with it.

[BabyLlamaZen]

Can she get public transport and self isolate in your house? Be very very hot on hygiene. Or the same in the car but in thr back with the windows open.

Really feel.fpr.both of you.

[Aragog]

That's your choice CremeEggThief.

As my DD is not in a position to fund herself through university, without her parents support, then we will continue to help her and support her.
And I personally don't think its wrong to look out for your children, regardless of their age.

Heck, I'm 47y and whilst Ive been feeling ill with Covid I called my mum and dad for a chat and a bit of a morale boost!

She has texted me to say she'll let me know tomorrow! So maybe she's deciding to stay after all...

I can't imagine why she might have changed her mind, if you have expressed your thoughts to her. I think I'd have changed my mind too to be fair - I wouldn't want to be somewhere I wasn't particularly welcome.

[Aragog]

BabyLlamaZen - if she is safe enough to be on public transport, why would she need to SI at home? She is either safe or not.

[CremeEggThief]

At the end of the day, you enter this world alone and you die alone. So you might as well get used to enjoying your own company most of the time. The main message I have got from the whole Covid situation is that if you live on your own or as a single parent, you really are all alone. I always worried and suspected that it was so, but now I know it's true. Guess what? It's not as bad as I feared. The only person you can really rely on is yourself and anyone who thinks otherwise is just fooling themselves.

[Womencanlift]

@CremeEggThief

No it isn't batshit, it's common sense. Adults stand on their own two feet and don't go running to their parents for help.

What a sad attitude to have. Your family doesn’t stop being your family the day of your 18th birthday. Your family should be your protectors and for your DS to be brought up in a way that he can’t come to you with a problem is desperately sad.

[StarCat2020]

Come on people, please. Don't lose sight of the important things in life. These are your CHILDREN. Treat them with love. For most people covid has minimal impact - please, just bring her home"
I wish you were my Mum

[Aragog]

At the end of the day, you enter this world alone and you die alone.

I entered this world surrounded by my mum and dad.
Hopefully I will leave this world with loved ones near by.

Your last post is so sad CremeEggThief - I am sorry to hear that you have found yourself alone and have no one to turn to. I hope things get happier, and less lovely, for you.

[Noideawottodo]

I can't imagine why she might have changed her mind, if you have expressed your thoughts to her. I think I'd have changed my mind too to be fair - I wouldn't want to be somewhere I wasn't particularly welcome

She knows she'll be welcome! I think it's more to do with making up with her boyfriend 🤔

[SirVixofVixHall]

It would need to be early tomorrow, lockdown starts at 6pm.
If she is feeling fine tomorrow then masks, windows open, straight into her room with all the windows open at home for a bit.
Fingers crossed you won’t then catch it OP, I am your age and a bit tubbier than I should be after seven months indoors gloomily eating biscuits, so the long covid is worrying me, now that I know increasing numbers of people affected.
Best of luck !

[MissEliza]

@CremeEggThief

Good for all of you people who have nothing better to do than run around collecting adults here, there and everywhere.
I never had it done for me and wouldn't expect to do it for DS, but maybe that's because I grew up without a car too, so knew how to get myself all over the place and back home from an early age. In fact, I have often been pleased I have missed out on all the ferrying around other parents seem to do, since DS started going out at night. For example, he rang me at 17 in a state, 'cos he fell asleep drunk on the last bus of the night and didn't know where he was. Guess what? With just a little bit of guidance from me, he was able to walk back to the nearest town centre and get a taxi home. I bet some of you on here would have had to go into counselling for the trauma.🙄

I've been independent and not asked my parents for a thing since I turned 18 and I am proud that I have brought DS up exactly the same. Any of you who don't feel the same, you're really not doing yourselves or your children any favours.

Well I think that's very sad. I was a very independent person. I traveled a lot and was very self sufficient. However I always knew my parents were there if I needed them. I've brought my dcs up in the same way.
Ds1 is at uni and if he was in this situation, I wouldn't think twice about collecting him. I'd wear a mask in the car and have him distance himself from the rest of the family.

[MJMG2015]

@BlueJava

If that was one of my sons I'd get them immediately. You can't leave your child stranded!

She's not stranded. She could stay in the boyfriends room or she could go back to her own flat.

[pussycatinboots]

Well hopefully you don't have anyone vulnerable in your family!

OP, she is vulnerable.
YOU said She's really struggling. She's had a row with her boyf and can't bear to stay there for much longer.

[Noideawottodo]

@CremeEggThief

No it isn't batshit, it's common sense. Adults stand on their own two feet and don't go running to their parents for help.

My parents were alcoholics and chaotic. They hated responsibility. I left home at 18 and they made it quite clear I was on my own. They never gave me a penny. I had to work 2 jobs through uni and they never once contacted me apart from when they were drunk to shout at me down the phone. I vowed then I'd be a nice mum who listened to my kids and helped them if they wanted it. So please don't judge me.

[CremeEggThief]

Womencanlift, where did I ever say he couldn't come to me with a problem? I listen, and offer solutions if I can, but if I can't solve it, then I don't beat myself up about it, as I know it's not my fault. DS has had anger management and anxiety issues in the past (for example, kicking holes in walls if I took his phone away for being on it on the middle of the night at 14) and I have asked for professional help every time we have faced something I need more support with, but nobody has ever helped us.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

Once they're 18 and finished second level education , your main job as a parent is done. And if you don't think otherwise, well that's up to you, but I think you and anyone who carries on treating adult children as children, are wrong.

Tell that to the government, who expect parents to support them up to the age of 25 if they go to university.

[Lovemusic33]

If it was my daughter I would be going to get her, I wouldn’t consider not getting her. Chances are she has had it and is now clear.

[MiddleClassMother]

How big is your car OP. If it's a larger car you can certainly keep a good distance. Keep her in the back with masks on, fresh clothes and sanitised hands etc.

[Slightlybrwnbanana]

Loads of loads of students - some their first time away from home - have had to isolate in less than ideal accommodation and not been allowed to return home. I would want to bring my dc home but I would also want to protect my other dc and myself if I thought she was still an infection risk. (And my dc would feel awful to think they had made their sibling and parents sick). If she is an infection risk she should not be travelling at all; if she isn't she should be brought home.

[CremeEggThief]

So did none of you on here ever have your mum or dad tell you after you left for uni/moved out, "I love you, but I'm so, so glad you don't live here all the time"?! Because that's what my mum said to me once I was 19 and I could see her point.

It's not about turning your back on your children at all, but once they are adults they shouldn't expect the same treatment and mollycoddling as children. They might still be YOUR children, but they are now ADULT children.

[Runnerduck34]

Go and get her, she's your daughter, shes young and struggling, bring her home fgs.
I would be prepared to take the risk of us having to self isolate as a family.

[Noideawottodo]

@PatriciaPerch

I'd encourage her to move back into the room/house she is paying for and isolate for 5 days or whatever it is they recommend.

It's 14 days as one of her house mates has just tested positive.

This was my first reaction but she was really upset.

She's now gone out with her boyfriend for a meal