Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

Are you generally in favour of banning the disabled from shops or just certain groups of them?

Laughable comment.

If you find a mask triggering, surely the idea of not getting enough oxygen and being unable to breath without help will not be that appealing?

I've had suicidal thoughts every day for the past 20 odd years (since I was raped). Dying of covid or anything else doesn't bother me in the slightest. I would refuse a ventilator just as I refuse to accept blood transfusions. I don't want to live and I certainly don't want the NHS to waste precious resources saving my worthless life.

I've managed to desensentise enough to run around a supermarket (at great personal cost to myself) but everyone who can't wear a mask has my utmost sympathy.

It doesn't seem to matter what details are posted here by people who are unable to wear masks (and some of their stories are so sad) because the regular spiteful and stupid individuals will still look for ways to blame and shame them. Disgusting.

AIBU attracts a great deal of posters who have zero empathy or emotional intelligence, but shed loads of vitriol. It's getting quite depressing.

@stretchedmarks

9pentangles, it's ultimately up to your chain to implement measures that keep staff safe. In ours we have reinstated queuing and other than those coming in without masks, which staff find particularly upsetting, to be frank, they're happy with the rest of the measures.

Their main worries are having to isolate. Some of them are having to isolate for the third time in as many months. It's absolutely decimating their income and they have genuine worries on how they can afford Christmas. Some of them are having to seek other employment alongside their job because they simply cannot make ends meet, due to this.

People don't seem to much care for that, though.

Yes that's the thing. None of the traumatised give a fuck about the staff in the shops they apparently have to go to every fucking day. I was at my local Tesco and overheard the till staff talking about someone that had not worn a mask.

Ironic isn't it? Especially because they are particularly sensitive when it comes to their own feelings.

But hey people that work in shops don't matter do they?

@Dinosauratemydaffodils - I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and what you are going through to this day. I hope you are able to find the support you need, nobody should have to feel like this.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils this is more than just masks - no one should have to feel like that.

Not sure if you subscribe to the Times but dr Tanya Byron replied to a letter from a woman who was raped and too traumatised to wear a mask. She had tried loads of different therapy but it hadn't helped much.

Dr Byrons reply was to re try EMDR and to ensure whoever did it was well qualified as it needs to be properly set up and done, and you need to commit to the sessions (make sure you do enough).

I think many of us are guilty of this too - trying something snd it doesn't work fast enough or we don't really do it properly and so decide it doesn't work.

It's not about the masks but about living with this level of trauma when it can be alleviated. If I couldn't wear one if he worried too about the extra risk for myself.

If anyone wants the exact text from the times pm me and I'll send it. Or I can paste her whole reply on here if you like. She's extremely experienced so I'm inclined to take what she says seriously.

@ArcheryAnnie

Are you generally in favour of banning the disabled from shops or just certain groups of them?

BamboozledandBefuddled, i could ask the same question of you. As I have said all the way through this thread, when there are too many people not wearing masks in a shop (or other venue), other disabled people ARE effectively banned from those shops, because the risk is too great.

I am getting very tired of the grandstanding about abelism on this thread. Disabled people lose out either way. I wish some of you would bloody acknowledge that.

Then perhaps both groups should just remain in their homes as far as is humanly possible? The main issue always seems to be about shops - if the mask exempt are repeatedly told to stay at home and find other ways to shop, why shouldn't those at risk do the same? That would also have a knock-on effect of reducing numbers in shops and give increased protection to staff. I would see that as a more equal solution than the very one-sided suggestions that are constantly made.

The problem would be solved if people just mind their own business and get on with life. Obey the law, don’t concern yourself with other people.

WouldBeGood it is everybody's business, though. I would love to be able to just get on with my life and not bother about other people, but when other people take actions that put the health of me and mine at serious risk, then I am forced to notice.

@ArcheryAnnie your behaviour is your business. The behaviour of shoppers while in the shops is not your responsibility.

Why engage in discussion with the other person?

Trying to explain yourself in these circumstances only leads, as you found, to tears.

I'd agree with that. People like this are rarely reasonable

[quote PurpleDaisies]@ArcheryAnnie your behaviour is your business. The behaviour of shoppers while in the shops is not your responsibility.[/quote]
Well it kind of is. Because their masks protect me from diseases. So yeah it's not like giving someone a hard time because you don't like their crop top/muffin top combo. Or their tattoos. Or you think they look funny. This one always gets trotted out and it reeks of selfish arsehole.

And if enough selfish arseholes get their way we will end up locked down again. Oh wait - it's already happened in some places. And when there is NO money for NHS treatment of anything except the bare essentials maybe you'll get how serious this is.

Can't wear a mask? Fine. I get it. Don't like wearing a mask so don't? Just fuck off - and don't you dare encourage this bullshit that no one should have to and it should all just be the persons individual choice. If you can't wear a mask you should be equally pissed off at atseholes who csn choosing not to. Because you are not immune to this thing either.

[quote PurpleDaisies]@ArcheryAnnie your behaviour is your business. The behaviour of shoppers while in the shops is not your responsibility.[/quote]
If someone runs towards you, brandishing a knife, would you say, eh, not my business?

None of us is an island. The decisions each of us makes, on almost everything, affects other people around us.

So someone unable to wear a mask is the same as threatening someone with a knife? Ive heard it all now.

@Helena

It might as well be if you are particularly vulnerable to the virus. You just don't know if someone is a carrier or not. At least if everyone wears a covering, there's some sort of barrier there. Coverings are to protect others, not yourself. So if one person doesn't wear one, and they have it... the other 300 people they passed in the shop are at a higher risk. And out of those 300... how many will be seriously ill or die? It might "only" end up being one person but I personally couldn't have that on my conscience. Even best case scenario, no one gets seriously ill or dies, think of the people who now need to self isolate. People who have families to feed, Christmas to pay for, people who might be shopping for vulnerable friends/family who are staying home, etc.

This is the issue with the virus. You aren't "just" risking your own health. If you were, people would be happy enough to let you crack on. But, you're risking everyone else's. So, no, I don't think the knife analogy is as mad as you think it sounds.

So if one person doesn't wear one, and they have it... the other 300 people they passed in the shop are at a higher risk. And out of those 300... how many will be seriously ill or die? It might "only" end up being one person but I personally couldn't have that on my conscience. Even best case scenario, no one gets seriously ill or dies, think of the people who now need to self isolate. People who have families to feed, Christmas to pay for, people who might be shopping for vulnerable friends/family who are staying home, etc.

For a start, transmission is highly unlikely when 'passing' someone in a shop. At 1m or less, face to face contact is needed. Maybe people should really be making sure they don't get that close to someone who isn't wearing a mask. I don't hesitate to tell people to get the hell away from me but appreciate that not everyone can do that.

Secondly, if you're routinely passing 300 people in one shop, I'd suggest that even with a mask, you're more likely to infect people than I am without one. I doubt that I've encountered 300 people across all my shopping trips in the last month, never mind in one shop at the same time!

@BamboozledandBefuddled

Why are you still continuing to make excuses? The harsh reality is if you don't wear a mask, you're putting others at risk and out of pocket. It's not something I could have on my conscience, but if you're okay with it then that's for you to deal with.

Out of curiosity, though, what will you do if you do catch Covid? Seeing as you can't get someone to shop for you, get a delivery, click and collect slot, etc? You don't have any options other than you shopping for yourself? Just unsure how that would work if you had to isolate yourself.

@HeIenaDove

So someone unable to wear a mask is the same as threatening someone with a knife? Ive heard it all now.

Er, no, you clearly haven't read the thread. (Or if you have read it, you haven't understood it.)

I understand the need for exemptions for those who cannot wear masks. I have said this repeatedly. I also think, since many, many people without exemptions are also not wearing masks, it is reasonable to ask people to put on a mask if they can, if you encounter someone not wearing a mask, or wearing it incorrectly. I have also said this repeatedly.

And you seem startled by the comparison to a knife. There have now been more than 44 thousand deaths from covid this year. Last year, to compare, there were 259 deaths due to stabbings. Many more have been ill with covid, and a significant number of those don't yet know if they will remain disabled as a result for the rest of their lives. (I am one of this latter group.) I think if you aren't thinking of potential covid infection as a significant threat, then you aren't looking at the facts.

It's not something I could have on my conscience, but if you're okay with it then that's for you to deal with

Some of us have to have it on our consciences though. Yes, it does make me feel even more crap about myself, yes it does increase my self disgust, and yes it does make me feel even more worthless, more broken and even more of a burden.

Just because I cannot wear a mask, and I would not challenge anyone, that does not mean that I am not furious with the anti mask scumbags making it even more unsafe and difficult for everyone, and it does not mean that I am not worried about catching Covid. I am terrified of catching it.

I personally have four weeks of emergency goods in the cupboards, so that if I had to I could isolate and not starve. I only go out once per month anyway (to one supermarket, then pay at pump for petrol wearing disposable gloves and then straight home), so in effect I am self isolating in a bubble with my housebound elderly neighbour who I shop for.

[quote stretchedmarks]@BamboozledandBefuddled

Why are you still continuing to make excuses? The harsh reality is if you don't wear a mask, you're putting others at risk and out of pocket. It's not something I could have on my conscience, but if you're okay with it then that's for you to deal with.

Out of curiosity, though, what will you do if you do catch Covid? Seeing as you can't get someone to shop for you, get a delivery, click and collect slot, etc? You don't have any options other than you shopping for yourself? Just unsure how that would work if you had to isolate yourself.[/quote]
I've never said I can't get delivery, etc - I think you're confusing me with another poster. And I've had Covid in March, at which point I (and my household) isolated for the required time. I won't deny that meals became boring and repetitive but for years I've kept enough food and other essentials in to see us through 3-4 weeks if needed. Some call it hoarding, I call it being sensible. (Obviously, if people are fortunate enough to be able to do this.)

"it is reasonable to ask people to put on a mask if they can, if you encounter someone not wearing a mask, or wearing it incorrectly."

Not if it means coming closer to people than you need to be, to say it.

If someone runs towards you, brandishing a knife, would you say, eh, not my business?

Prize for most ridiculous comment of the thread goes to this one

@PurpleDaisies

If someone runs towards you, brandishing a knife, would you say, eh, not my business?

Prize for most ridiculous comment of the thread goes to this one

Yes. Just stupid

@SecretSpAD

To all the people who “can’t” wear masks, what would happen if you were on a plane and the oxygen system failed and the masks dropped to keep you alive?

I would die. I can't wear a mask. Even when I was in hospital following the massive asthma attack that was triggered by wearing a mask many years ago - I couldn't wear an oxygen mask and had to have it delivered to me through tubes up my nose.

So for all those saying that I, and many others like me, can wear a mask if we "chose" to....well, no. I, we, would die.

I also have tubes out of my nose. Which hook around my ears. I have them 24/7. I can't physically get a mask over them. Also they don't hook behind my ears. Because of the tubes

I find that those who really cannot physically. Whatever. Don't mind being asked why. We don't mind people saying. However I have a very visible disability though and I've not been questioned. In fact people have asked me if I needed help! Very lovely about it.